Eeeeh, I'm late with the update :(((

Hope that breaking my Wednesday update rhythm doesn't mean bad juju...

Well, now it's done and the next chapter waits for you! Enjoy!

God... damn...

Bracing on the sill, Roman bowed his head, his hair falling down to conceal his face from the world for a moment that gave him just enough safeness to let his mask drop momentarily while he breathed a sharp little hiss.

It didn't work, he realized. Him ordering his own body not to react to Dean. The reaction this man kicked off in him were so very different and complex… and difficult… that he had to find a way to handle the situation before he made a mistake that would ruin everything. Just… like right now…

Shifting his stance, he tried to get more comfortable as the jeans he'd thrown on got fucking uncomfortable tight because although he'd somehow managed not to sport a wood back at the bathroom while having a practically naked Dean in his arms, he now did. Very. And it was bad enough that it happened at all, because there had been nothing sexy about the situation. Seeing Dean staring at his own reflection with that expression and the kind of breakdown that had been absolutely essential for their relationship... friendship, he corrected, because the other word tasted like he could be with Dean that other way, too… seeing all the damage on full display again...

No. No, there had been nothing about the situation that would justify any kind of being aroused. Still he was. With delay, but there was no way to deny it.

Another sigh fell from his lips, this time a defeated one. It all didn't change the fact though that holding Dean in his arms felt so right and perfect. And Roman was only human, wasn't he? So please add the feeling of a nice body plastered all along him, a vivid warmth and the feeling of soft skin, just as the trust Dean had shown to his feelings for Dean. What came out? Yup, uncomfortable tight jeans.

Cursing under his breath, Roman tried to think of things which were total turn offs. He had to solve this problem before Dean came here.

And how it did not work. Again and again his mind latched on those few minutes because under all the layers of colorful bruises there was a maybe a bit too lean but otherwise well-toned body with a firm and round booty… gosh…

The worst thing was that he'd almost kissed Dean. He'd managed to make it an innocent forehead to forehead thing at the very last moment although every goddamn fiber in his body had screamed to just do it, just close that bit of distance and taste Dean. Those eyes… he knew that Dean's baby blues would be his death one day.

Well, but the last thing Dean needed right now was having to deal with finding out that his best friend harbored romantic feelings for him. Right? Dean was trusting him and that was much, much too precious to allow it to crack.

He heard the sound of steps coming closer... yet he heard it not... while he kept staring out of his window, his eyes fixed on a random spot in the yard. No, acutally... it wasn't that random at all, was it? Because it happened just to be that very spot on the lawn they had been sitting minutes ago.

"Uhm… Ro?" Quiet. Apologetic. Just like the hand that oh so gingerly settled on his back. "Something wrong?"

Funny, wasn't it? Because measured by the past two days, everything was pretty much alright right now. His own pubescent bodily reactions here were a joke compared to what had happened. Still no need that Dean noticed something. And maybe it was the fear that Dean could notice it as he stepped up at Roman's side, perching on the sill, which solved the problem at an impressive speed.

Closing his eyes for a second, he shook his head slightly no and exhaled a heavy breath, before meeting his friend's gaze with a tiny smile that grew a little at the nice lack of distance between them. Not long ago Dean had shied away from the tiniest of touches and now he was sitting here on that sill with his thigh touching Roman's hand. Dean had put on an old, worn pair of jeans that looked quite baggy on him and was torn open at the knees, showing a bit of skin there. The hoody jacket he was wearing wasn't fully zipped and showed more tempting skin and a shadow of chest hair. Funny, he'd never really acknowledged that Dean actually had chest hair but he did now and holy shit, did he want to lick it…

Idiot, he cursed himself silently.

Luckily his slipped thoughts had no further consequences and so he straightened up, stepped as close as the positions they were in allowed it and patted the thigh closest to him. And for the moment, his hand stayed right there, just above a partly bared knee.

"No, nothing's wrong. I'm just a bit tired I guess," he said, deciding that a white lie wouldn't hurt anyone. "How about you? Feeling okay?"

There was the tiniest of twitches around Dean's mouth and Roman could have sworn that those baby blues widened briefly, before their gaze dropped to the ground. What he was sure about was that there was a faint blush growing on the handsome face while Dean started to pluck at the sleeve of his hoody.

"Uhm… uh, yeah," Dean replied hushed and the soft smile that tugged at his lips, combined with the blush made him too cute for his own good.

Letting his gaze wander over his friend briefly, Roman thought that even if he wouldn't already have been head over heels in love with Dean, that this image now had done the job. The soft smile, the blush and the for whatever reason bashful way he was sitting here, gazing at him with an unfamiliar shy gleam lying in the blue eyes and those still slightly damp blond locks falling unruly… it all made Dean the most adorable being Roman ever had laid his eyes on. Maybe in the simple need to feel more of this man, his fingers splayed on Dean's thigh, sliding a little more to the inside as he leaned closer involuntary. His little finger slipped under the worn fabric in the process and it made the blue eyes seek his gaze again. And wasn't Dean's breath hitching a little?

Stop imagining things…

Dean opened his mouth a bit as if he wanted to say something but no word passed his lips. Kissable lips. Very. The plucking on the sleeve stopped… and his heart did a flip as Dean put a hand on his, hooking his index finger under Roman's ring finger and for a short moment of just gazing at each other Roman's poor little heart decided to run, run as fast as possible as if it wanted to reach Dean who was so close and at the same time so far away.

Then, with his hand being squeezed softly the moment was over and Dean slipped from the sill, not letting go of Roman's hand though.

"Breakfast's waiting, Superman," he heard him say and he was sure the regret that lay in the voice was only a projection of the one he himself felt.

For a few more steps Dean kept holding on to his hand before his touch vanished, leaving the feeling of a loss behind.

Dean's little breakdown had been essential for that thing between them, but more important it had been essential for Dean to let go like that. To let it out. A big step in his healing process.

They were on their way now to his father's car repair shop because his father had left a note this mornging, suggesting that they'd come over after breakfast so Dean could take a look at the Chevy. There glint of happiness in Dean's eyes when his mother had given them the note had been beautiful and something Roman wanted to see there every day from now on.

With a gentle smile on his lips Roman glanced over to Dean, who was sitting beside him on the co-drivers seat and maybe for the first time ever Dean seemed to be completely relaxed. This morning in the rain, he'd looked freed. Or so Roman had thought. But now... now his friend looked free. With his eyes closed and his features smooth, except for the tiniest of smiles ghosting there on these lips Roman so wanted to kiss, Dean was practically sprawling on the seat. His head was tilted to the side a little, his temple resting against the side window, almost as if je was asleep. But he was not. One of his thumbs was brushing slowly but unceasingly over a jeans-clad thigh in a somehow asentminded little motion. Nothing that was born out of stress or tension. All in all it was a beautiful sight and it could have been a perfect one if those bruises wouldn't have been there, marring the handsome face.

The smile on Roman's face dimmed, while his fingers gripped the steering wheel so hard that his knuckles went white at a sudden influx of a rage that somehow had never stopped simmering in him. A rage born out of what that bastard had done to Dean. The colorful evidence on Dean's face made Roman painfully aware that... that when the bruises and cuts were healed... it would be the first time he'd see Dean without any kind of damage. It would be the very first time he would be allowed to see, really see him, see the handsome face unscathed and his body unharmed.

Staring at the street ahead, he scowled at the outside world as he once more wished he'd held Dean back from going home that night. He could have spared him this now, if he'd just tried harder to talk him into staying, he...

Startled he jerked his head to the side at a sudden tapping against his temple and with a gasp he snapped back to the here and now.

"Jesus, Ro, chill!" was chuckled beside him. "Just wanted to check if you zoned out."

It was now that he realized that they were actually in front of his fathers store. The car was standing in the parking lot but the motor was still running while he still had his fingers closed around the steering wheel in a death grip. When the hell had they even arrived here? A little bewildered he gazed over to Dean, who quirked a brow at him.

"The car?" Dean asked, tilting his head to the side in question.

"What?" Roman mumbled.

A second later it sunk in. The motor was still running, yeah, right. The motor. Quickly shutting the car off, he shook his mind clear and focused back on Dean who now was looking at him in mild worry.

"What were you thinking about?" Dean wanted to know while sitting up straighter and turning towards Roman.

The slight flinch as he moved and the very quiet groan he tried to cover as a heavy breath didn't go unnoticed by Roman though, who immediately extended a hand to check on him.

"The kidney?" he asked concerned, putting a hand on his friend's sore left side.

"Don't change the subject, Ro." His hand was allowed to stay were it was obviously, because instead of peeling it off, the other man just pressed against it and trapped it between his body and the backrest of the seat, before putting his right hand on Roman's forearm, squeezing it gently as he added: "Spill it, dude. Where have you been?" He didn't say it. But now answer was an answer and Dean understood. Roman could hear it in the sigh his friend breathed. "Stop blaming yourself, will ya? It wasn't your fault. Okay?"

Roman nodded. Not he didn't know that Dean was right, it was just... it didn't make him feel better. Not the least bit. Breathing another sigh, Dean brought a hand up and with the tips of his thumb and index finger he pushed the corners of Roman's mouth upwards, smiling softly as he said: "A smile looks better on you, you know?" He took his hand away then and the Dean's smile grew as the one on Roman's lips stayed in place. "Good boy," Dean praised him, reaching out to pat Roman's head. "And now move your butt and show me around."

It was a car repair shop with two bigger garages, each with two auto hoists and a good handful of people being busy on the cars on them. Roman showed Dean around, watched as Dean walked up to one of the mechanics to look over the man's shoulder and ask him stuff and seeing Dean like that, relaxed, interested and open was good. It was perfect. And Dean was smiling, a free and sunny smile and Roman couldn't remember that he had ever seen him smile this much.

That thought made another one come to the fore.

Something had changed... ever since this morning. Actually... ever since those minutes in the bathroom. He couldn't quite put his finger on what it was though. Yeah, Dean smiling and the being relaxed was obvious but there was something else. Maybe the fact that the hesitation Dean had shown so often already with freely touching him wasn't as present anymore as it had been. Dean came back over to him eventually, toying with a wheel nut. He looked happy. He really did. His eyes were sparkling brightly and Dean... he was shining.

What a gorgeous creature...

"I hope this thing isn't needed anywhere? Like, on a car wheel?" Roman snorted, pointing at the wheel nut.

"Nope. Carl said I can take it," Dean grinned as they fell into step side by side.

There was still an achingly visible limp in the way Dean walked but for an aftermath of a beating like Dean had been going through it was acceptable. It could have been worse. Much worse.

"Carl?" Roman wondered.

"Yeah, the mechanic I've been talking with," Dean stated, throwing the wheel nut up into the air, catching it again. "This is your father's shop and you don't know the names of the people who're working here?"

Up into the air. Catching it. Again. And again. And then Roman snatched it away before it landed on Dean's palm again, earning himself an elbow in the ribs and a glare.

"Give it back," Dean grumbled, reaching around Roman as he held it out of Dean's reach.

"It's worn and dirty," Roman stated. "Wait a minute and you can have a brand-new one."

"But I want this one," he heard Dean mutter as he once again attempted get it back somehow, without success though. "Ro, come on. Give it back."

With an amused frown, Roman handed it back to his friend because he didn't want to spoil the mood because for some reason this little thingy seemed to be important to Dean. The wheel nut was taken from his hand and weighing it in his own hand, Dean gazed at it briefly before looking back to Roman.

"Thanks."

"No need to say thank you but why this thing to important to you?" Roman wanted to know as they continued their way.

"Just because," was the answer.

Glancing at Dean, he couldn't help but feel a tugging at his insides as he found his friend eyeing the small item with a weird kind of fondness lying in his gaze, before closing his fingers around it tightly, as if he wanted to make sure that it wouldn't get lost. Under no circumstances.

Not even a minute later they walked into a small garage and they had barely stepped in as he heard the voice of his father from somewhere behind them, calling a hello. Looking over his shoulder he saw his father walking towards them and he stepped out again to hold the door open for him while gazing over to Dean again. It was rather dark in the garage and the daylight which fell through the open door dyed the room in a dusty bluish grey, probably like one would imagine this kind of a garage. Just big enough for the car and some tools, the whole room somewhat dirty and seldom properly aired or exposed to sunlight. The smell of motor oil was lying in the air. Opening his mouth the wanted to tell Dean to come over and say hello to his dad, but the words never came out, stopped by the image his eyes fell on.

Dean was slowly walking along the Camaro towards the hood, running his fingers along the slender body of the car while his other hand toyed unceasingly and a bit absentmindedly with the wheel nut again. When he reached the hood, he let his hand rest on the hood while his eyes roamed over the car once more and Roman couldn't help but think that, yes, Dean belonged here, right here between the dusty locker and oil-stained cloth, slightly rusty tools and old tyres and a car that needed some attention.

"She's a beauty," Dean mumbled more to himself than actually to the world around him as he kept gazing at the car.

Roman side-glanced his father as he appeared at his side, crossing his arms over his chest as he leaned against the doorframe.

"Hey, dad," Roman greeted him, mirroring his father's pose.

"Hey, son," his father greeted back as he watched Dean walking along the car again. "How's he doing?"

"Quite good I'd say," he replied quietly. "He even survived mom's hug-attack."

Soft laughter beside him.

"She barely couldn't wait for the two of you to finally fall out of the bed," his father chuckled. "And he really looks better. Happy."

Roman's eyes dropped to the ground momentarily, before he sought his father's gaze, murmuring: "Happy, yeah... Uhm, thanks, dad. Thanks for allowing him so stay and, you know... for everything."

"He's a good boy. He deserves a chance." A pause. A sigh. Then: "I've been talking to the principal of your school and explained to him what has happened and I told him that Dean will stay at home a few more days until he feels good enough to get back to school. I also told him that if he doesn't want me to press charges against the school for ignoring how Dean has been looking all the time, that he should make sure that the negative entries in Dean's file won't influence his grades and that he'll be allowed to repeat the last tests if necessary."

"You did what?" Roman snorted at his fathers brazenness to actually threaten their principal like that. Another thing he had to thank him for though. "What did he say?"

"Let's say he was quick to agree," his father stated, pursing his lips yet it didn't stop a pretty satisfied expression to shine through. "And now excuse me while I'm gonna say hello to my car-loving new son."

"Why do I have the feeling that you'll be stealing him away from me?" Roman muttered, getting another chuckle and a pat on his shoulder as response, before his father made his way over to Dean.

Dean looked up as he was approached slowly. Sika held his hand out to him and for the briefest of moments Roman saw doubt flicker on Dean's face as if he wasn't sure if taking the hand was really safe. After a second he took it though. And then Roman watched as his father pulled Dean in for a hug, slowly and gently, giving the younger man the chance to back out if he wanted... or needed to... but Dean gave no resistance, instead allowed the older man to do this. It was a mix of dimmed sadness and hesitant happiness with just a trace of uneasiness that washed over Dean's face while being wrapped up in that kind of a fatherly embrace.

It was probably a new experience for him and that thought alone was so bitter that Roman had to swallow hard.

A hushed exchange of words followed after the two men stepped apart. There was a thanks and a son which reached his ears, not much but the fact that Dean smiled happily again was enough for Roman to know that the situation was more than okay.

It was almost ridiculous. Put two car freaks together and what you got yourself was being kicked out of that very special little world that immediately came to life and while his father and Dean began to walk around the car, chatting busily, Roman found himself waiting at the door, forgotten by both men. It was nice to watch, that easy talking between his dad and Dean, as if they had know each other forever. Roman didn't really listen to what they were talking about because the moment his ears caught carburetor and exhaust manifold gasket, his brain decided to tune the sound out and just watch, his thoughts wandering off to their breakfast...

"Dean..."

It was the light voice of his mother that greeted them as they entered the kitchen, following the lovely scent of pancakes and coffee that had greeted them on the stairs already. Maybe Roman should have known it would happen and intervene before his mother had the chance to do it, crowding a too overwhelmed to react Dean in her mother-hen-like way by embracing him. Tightly. Leaving Dean standing there frozen, obviously unable to even move a finger before he managed to shake himself out of it a few seconds later, bringing his arms up around her to hug her back. Hesitantly... but by the expression on his face... happily. After another moment she let go of him but not without kissing him on the forehead, just like she was always leaving a kiss on Roman's, and brushing a tender finger over the sore cheek.

"Are you feeling better, baby?" she asked and caused a funny derailment in Dean's features at being called baby.

He didn't seem to mind yet he was obviosuly taken by surprise.

"I, uhm, I..." he stuttered, glancing over to Roman with a most baffled expression on his face before looking back at Patricia. "I... yeah... I guess..."

Cute.

"Good," she smiled and took his hand, leading him to the dining room.

Sighing quietly because train mommy had overrun Dean with a load of affection again, Roman trailing behind them to the table, glad that Dean was coping much better with it today than he had been the day before. What followed was big eyes and hesitation on Dean's very quiet side of the table as a pile of pancakes was placed right in front of him, along with steaming coffee, orange juice and fruit slices and at Patricia's question if he wanted some scrambled eggs and bagels, too, all Dean did was nod silently while staring at the pancakes. Watching out for any kind of uneasiness on the other man's face, Roman found none. Only... confusion.

"Dean?" he asked lowly, reaching over the corner of the table to lay a hand on Dean's hand.

A twitch on Dean's face. And for a second or two... no other reaction.

Then: "How do you even manage to keep your shape with a mom who feeds you so much tasty stuff?"

Dean looked up then, shooting him a smile but Roman knew him well enough already to know that this was an attempt to overplay the situation.

Deciding to play along, he replied: "Well, was hard work, but I guess I'm out of the game now. Looks like she made it her mission to feed you round and happy."

Puffing a weak chuckle, Dean said: "Round and happy, huh? I'm afraid that'll happen if she keeps up putting things like that on my plate. Huh... can't remember the last time I had some pancakes, man."

"Then you should eat," Roman urged, giving Dean's hand free.

And said hand was used immediately to reach for the maple syrup. It was as cute as it was sad to watch Dean as he emptied his plate, not really hastily but definitely like someone who was used to eat quickly to make sure no one took his food away. Or maybe even like someone who hadn't been eating for days. Not the first time he was noticing it. And sure as hell something that had to stop soon.

A few minutes later his mom came back with the eggs and bagels and frowning Roman wondered if Dean had some additional stomachs where he did put all the food in while his mother was all smiles about having found someone who ate all she put on the table and here he wasn't referring to the quality but the quantity. The breakfast was rather quiet, silent actually from Dean's side who was too busy with chewing and nursing his coffe, Roman watched the spectacle with a tiny smile.

"Your dad left a note," Patricia said as she sat down at the table, too, after while, handing it over to Roman. "He asks if you two want to come over to the shop after the breakfast."

"You up for a little trip?" Roman asked, gazing from his mother over to Dean who looked at him with... with happily sparkling eyes...

Question answered.

A nod followed as Dean swallowed the bite he'd been busy with down. The smile that followed was different from all those Roman had been allowed to see on his friend's face before. Somehow brighter and... with a hint of dimples...

Roman's heart did a somersault. Dimples! Too. Damn. Cute.

"Fuc..." Dean began, snapping his mouth shut with an apologetic expression. "Yeah, that would be great," he said instead.

"Good," Roman smiled softly, leaning back in his chair while sipping his coffee and stretching his legs out, knowing already that Dean would fall in love with the Chevy the moment he would lay his eyes on the car.

It made him a bit jealous, he had to admit but that thought got lost as he felt a weight settling on his outstretched legs, realizing that it was one of Dean's, not accidentally bumping into him but carefully being lowered. Dropping his gaze to his plate again, Dean continued to eat. Under different circumstances Roman would have called it slightly possessive, the way he'd put his leg there. Right now though he wasn't sure how to name it. The circumstances were how they were and they were both constantnly overthinking things too much, so maybe he should for once not do that and so he took another sip from his coffee and settled for good and don't question it...

"He's looking better," a familiar voice said right beside him, startling him out of his thoughts. "And you do, too."

Seth. Right, they had agreed to meet here and over his musing he'd totally forgotten about Seth. Pushing away from the doorframe, he turned around to his friend who stepped closer, meeting him for a hug.

"It'll take a few days until he's recovered but yeah, he does look better," Roman replied as they parted. "And he's less tense already, like, you know, allowing hugs and stuff. Doesn't freak anymore when you touch him."

"Hey, that's great! You're working wonders on him, huh?" Seth smiled, fixing his eyes on Sika and Dean who hadn't even noticed that he was here.

"Let's say I can help him a little to let go of his past..." Roman said, softly nudging Seth to follow him outside.

Leaving the door open, Roman walked over to some old, stacked tyres and sat down, bracing his elbows on his knees and folding his hands while his eyes involuntay found back to that open door. Sitting down on the stack right next to him, Seth patted his thigh and mirrored his pose, only that he looked at Roman, not at the door. And the questions in his gaze where almost palpable.

"He's been sleeping in my bed last night," Roman murmured then, unable to hold back the silly but utterly happy grin that bloomed on his face.

Surprised silence for a moment.

Then: "Wait, he did what?"

And Roman began to tell Seth everything that had happened after he'd sent Seth home. Every little detail up to the moment when they had come here and while he replayed the events again, he became more and more aware of the fact that he had no fucking idea what he would do that day when Dean moved out and on, living his own life. It was a bit frightening, wasn't it? How attached he had become to Dean in such a short time and so many levels? And the day that Dean moved on would come, had to because that was life, right? And there was so much for Dean to catch up on, like living in the first place.

Only that Roman wished that Dean would be living this life together with him. In every meaning this wish implied...

Being done with his report, Roman sighed and shook his head softly. So much had happened in such a short time and it still felt like a bit surreal to him, this all. A hand was placed in the back of his neck and squeezed lightly in a gentle massage, causing him to bow his head forward to give better access because the touch was soothing. Seth worked on him like that, soothing, providing the feeling of not being alone with whatever was weighing down on him and the effect his li'l bro had on him was so very different to what Dean kicked off in him.

"I still can't get over the fact that he actually spent the night in your bed," Seth snorted unbelievingly.

"Huh, I wished he would sleep in my bed every night from now on, but I guess that was a one-time thing."

"Dunno, from what you said he rather wants you close, even if it doesn't look like that at the first moment. Wait and see, the guy has a clingy nature. He just needs some time to arrange himself with his new life." Roman looked over to his friend and was met by warm brown eyes. Pretty eyes. And once more he wondered what those eyes would have done to him if he hadn't fallen for Dean. A soft gleam shone up in them as Seth added quietly: "Think I gotta be careful or else he'll snatch you away from me, huh?"

"Not gonna happen, pretty boy. Never," he promised because just as he couldn't imagine his life without Dean anymore, he sure couldn't think of one without Seth.

Both had become inherent parts of his life.

"Told you not to call me that, didn't I?" Seth murmured, his fingers stilling on Roman's neck.

Giving his friend a crooked little smile, Roman replied hushed: "Just telling the truth."

Bringing his hand up to cover Seth's, he wondered if under circumstances and in that other world were it wouldn't have been baby blues which had stolen his heart but chocolate seas, if there would have been a chance that Seth might have been interested in him that way. Maybe? Sometimes, even in this world, it felt as if the bond they shared ran other ways than just the one of friendship... but it was only his imagination anyway that made it seem like that, caused by his sad little heart that was looking for some comfort. If possible, the gleam in Seth's eyes became even softer and his lips parted just a bit... lips which Roman knew were soft and tasting of cherry... He'd kissed him that one time. He shouldn't do it again. Really shouldn't. Really not. It was wrong, on so many levels not okay to even think about it let alone do it again... even if the hand on his neck gently pulled him in this very second...

And whatever had been lying in the air between them, it froze and dropped to the ground, breaking into a thousand pieces as a rough voice cut into the moment.

"Get yourselves a room."

Dean.

Shit...

- tbc -

We'll start the next chapter with being in Roman's head again :)

Got some words for me? :D