Hi guys! I'm so so so sorry I haven't updated in such a long time, but I have been crazy busy… So here is chapter 10 and I hope you enjoy it, and promise chapter 11 will come soon enough!
Narrow paths
"Good night, mommy." The little girl muttered already half asleep as her mother kissed her forehead, pushing her daughter's long, red mane away from her face and watched as she closed her dazed eyes, obviously exhausted from the long, exiting day.
"Night, sweetheart." Elaine said softly and turned off the lamp, smiling when the Mickey Mouse clock she had gotten for Jean today for her birthday glowed in the dark.
She stood up and walked out of the room, closing it and going towards the bathroom for a shower…
Jean opened her eyes slowly when she felt too cold, and she sat up in her small bed, noticing her pink Barbie covers half on the floor. She got scared a bit at the dark and quickly pulled the blankets over her body again, closing her eyes, about to fall back asleep, when she heard footsteps outside her door.
She opened her eyes again, looking at her nightstand. She could see the needles of the clock glowing in the dark, but she had a hard time reading what it meant. Maybe one? No, it looked like two, but what about the other needle, the thickest one?
She pouted and gave up, leaning back against her pillows, sleep once again coming to claim her, but she was startled fully awake by the horrible sound of a scream, and she shot up in bed, her eyes wide.
Jean woke up all of a sudden, her eyes wide as she stared into complete darkness now, and soon realized that she was in her bedroom, in her bed, with Scott by her side, and it had only been a dream.
She took a couple of deep breaths, fighting the urge to cry. It's ok, it was just a dream, and it's all in the past. Jean thought to herself, sighing and stands up, making Scott stir on his side but he was still sleeping.
She went to her purse on the armchair and looked for something inside, finally coming up with the bottle of pills. She knew she should know better than to be taking them again after what happened, but she couldn't help it. She needed it to get through the day, through the silences between her and Logan and the glares he short her way, and the obvious way he ignored her…
Jean felt a knot on her throat just thinking about it. She opened the almost transparent, orange bottle and swallowed a small blue tablet, then took a pack of cigarettes out along with a lighter and walked over to the balcony.
As she closed the door behind her and felt the chilly night air clench around her, she shivered and lit her cigarette, while thinking that she was going mad.
She hadn't had nightmares like that in almost 10 years, and if she did, they were very vague, but this one had been so… real. She shivered again and placed the cigarette between her lips again, enjoying the sharp feeling in her mouth as she inhaled.
She knew it had to do with the fact that she had practically relived her past when she spoke to Logan about it. She stopped having nightmares about two years after she came to the mansion, she started having them again when she first met Logan, but she couldn't understand why, and now, again… but they had never been so vivid, as if she was back there again, almost 30 years ago.
She took a deep breath and tried to think about other things. She thought about the talk she and Logan had the night before, and the fact that they hadn't spoken since. She had really hurt him… She recalled how angry he got when they talked about Scott.
A smirk curled her lips as she thought of Scott Summers. He was so blind; it was as if those ugly red glasses enabled him to see the truth standing right in front of him. She thought that even if he didn't know she was only using him to get back at Xavier, at least he would realize that his wife was cheating on him.
But no, the great leader of the X-men had no idea that she didn't think about him when they made love, he didn't know that she used to sneak out at night to be with someone else, and would still be doing so if things were right between her and Logan.
He was a clueless pawn in her game, a game she was very much proud of arranging. But then there were the side effects… she made it a little too complicated to have a real life, real love, real anything.
Jean sighed deeply and started to notice that she was almost done with her cigarette and inhaled again and throws the end away, startled when she heard the balcony doors open. She turned around surprised, blowing the smoke out of her mouth slowly when she saw Scott standing there and looking at her, shocked.
"What are you doing?" He asked astonished, his jaw on the floor.
Jean sighed annoyed and walked past him and into the room. "What does it look like I'm doing?" She gave back loudly, aware of his eyes following her as she opened her closet and randomly pulled a shirt and a pair of pants out.
"You were… smoking." He said barely above a whisper, his mouth still agape.
Jean snorted, pulling the blue-jeans over her long legs and fastening them. "Now you're catching up." She murmured irritably.
"What are you doing?" He asked again as he watched her finish dressing and now put on her boots.
"Would you stop asking that?!" She yelled at him, zipping her boots and standing back up.
"Where are you going?" Jean felt like strangling him when he questioned her again.
"None of your business." She gave back ruthlessly, throwing a couple more stuff in her bag. She quickly reached for the door but he grabbed her arm, stopping her.
"Jean, Stop!" He shouted, turning her to look at him. "Are you all right? You're not acting like yourself." He gave her a concerned look, one that Jean returned with a vicious smile, making him frown at her.
"Oh this is me." She said angrily, pulling her arm away from his grip roughly. "The problem is that you don't know who I am." She walked out of the room before he could reply, slamming the door closed, leaving him to stand there like a complete idiot.
She was grateful to hear tat he wasn't following her. She was angry beyond believe, and she clenched her fists tightly as she walked down the hall, a vase exploding into a million pieces as she passed it. She felt blood cursing through her veins like hot lava, burning her in the most satisfying of ways.
She slammed the door to the garage open and walked to her black SUV, her hand on the handle when she stopped, sensing someone watching her. She turned around slowly when her mind recognized the presence, and her eyes met his across the room.
He was leaning against the wall, wearing his leather jacket and keys in hand, meaning he was either coming back from somewhere or on his way to said place. He was watching her, his eyes piercing into her in the way that made her think that there was no way to hide from him, and there wasn't.
"Logan." She said his name, wanting to say something else, but no words came out of her open mouth. "I'm going home." Jean said quickly, opening the door to her car slowly, but still looking at him.
Logan still gave her that cold stare that made her want to bend down and cry, feeling his hatred for her pour off of him in dreadful waves. Logan snorted, pushing himself off the wall and opening the door to the jeep, about to step in when she called out to him. "Wait!"
He looked back at her, his eyes dark as he saw her step a little closer to him. Jean sighed as she made a decision, one that she hoped she would not regret later. "Come with me." Logan gave her a confused look, smelling her scent for any more of her tricks. Jean looked away and swallowed hard, her jaw tensing. "Please."
Logan stared at her for a long time, thinking about her, about everything that had happened in the past few weeks, and wished terribly that he could trust her like he used to, wished to know who she really was. He hesitated, shifting uncomfortably where he stood, but just when Jean thought he would walk away, he moved over to the passenger seat in her car. He saw the bright smile on her face and tried to ignore it, but couldn't help the warmth that spread through him.
Jean watched the reluctant look on his face as she got in the car and started it. She sighed deeply when the digital numbers on the clock marked 4:58am, and wondered how this was going to turn out.
As they drove off, Logan looked at the window, feeling his muscles tenser than ever having her so close to him, and managed to watch her without her noticing, by seeing her reflection on the window, and couldn't make out the look on her face. She was calm as she drove the car in the brightening roads, but he could see she had light black rings under her eyes and she looked slightly pale, tired and distant.
His eyes moved to her shoulder, since she had hurt it when she passed out from the drugs and alcohol last night, but her shoulder was covered by her jacket and he could see the hint of a white dressing pocking out of the sleeve of her low-neckline shirt.
He clenched his jaw tightly, his fists closing as he thought about how she got the wound. He didn't know what she would have done if Kitty hadn't stabbed her, he couldn't bring himself to believe that Jean would have killed Kitty without another thought; he didn't know what to think of her anymore.
Jean noticed him tense up even more and felt a rush of fear, sending shivers down her spine and she shuddered, her hands tightening on the wheel. She tried to relax, even just a little bit, but she had never felt so uncomfortable in her entire life. She shifted in her seat constantly and cleared her throat a couple of times, trying to break the silence in some way, but he wasn't even blinking it seamed.
He hadn't spoken a word to her since they talked about her past, nothing at all, not even a hello, or anything. At the moment, she was concentrating as much as she could on the road, trying to keep herself from giving in and taking another pill, right in front of him. She honestly didn't know if he would even care.
She bit her lip and took in a deep breath, before finally saying something "Do you plan to never talk to me again?" She blurted out bluntly, wanting to get a reaction from him, anything, even a harsh one, but he barely even turned to look at her. "Logan." She called his name, but he simply shifted in his seat and closed his eyes, leaning his head against the chair.
Jean snorted in disbelieve, trying to keep her eyes on the dark road. She felt her face blush as her eyes filled with tears and she bit her lip again, gripping the wheel even tighter, wanting to yell and scream, but she controlled herself and didn't let out any sound as a tear slid down her face.
Logan did his best to ignore the strong smell of her tears, trying to ignore the urge to pull her into his arms and hold her, maker her pain go away… he had no way of knowing if she was only doing it to trick him, and he was trying to prepare himself for when they got to wherever they were going. He deeply doubted that she was going to take him to the Brotherhood's HQ, he didn't know where she was taking him and what she was planning, but for the moment, he pretended to be asleep.
It had been chaos; it had been total chaos when Jean showed up with Logan. Erik wasn't in, that was the only good thing, so she only had to deal with Emma and Jason. Logan had stayed in the car with had half a mind to grab the jeep and turn around, but Jean finally convinced them, saying she wouldn't let him out of her sight…
"You can come out now." Jean said softly to him when she came back from the group of people, but her smile faded when he glared at her. "I'm sorry, but you're an X-man, and-" He ignored her and got out of the car, leaving her inside to shut it off and get her bag out.
"Night, sweetheart." Elaine said softly and turned off the lamp, smiling when the Mickey Mouse clock she had gotten for Jean today for her birthday glowed in the dark.
She stood up and walked out of the room, closing it and going towards the bathroom for a shower…
Jean opened her eyes slowly when she felt too cold, and she sat up in her small bed, noticing her pink Barbie covers half on the floor. She got scared a bit at the dark and quickly pulled the blankets over her body again, closing her eyes, about to fall back asleep, when she heard footsteps outside her door.
She opened her eyes again, looking at her nightstand. She could see the needles of the clock glowing in the dark, but she had a hard time reading what it meant. Maybe one? No, it looked like two, but what about the other needle, the thickest one?
She pouted and gave up, leaning back against her pillows, sleep once again coming to claim her, but she was startled fully awake by the horrible sound of a scream, and she shot up in bed, her eyes wide.
She held her breath, listening intently for any other sound, but the darkness was scaring her, so she grabbed her teddy bear slowly with a tight grip, her heart hammering against her chest.
She was still trying to hear any other sounds, but it was all dead quite. She pulled her legs against her chest, shivering all over, and tried to see in the darkness, her lower lip quivering as she tried to pull herself into a little ball.
She gasped when she heard footsteps again and in a fit of panic jumped off her bed and crawled under it, whimpering slightly as tears streamed down her face. She sobbed out when she saw the shadow of someone from under the frame of the door.
She pressed her teddy bear against her face when the door slowly creaked open. She tensed up completely, closing her eyes and curled up into a ball again after she saw a pair of feet covered by black boots slowly walk inside.
Little Jean screamed hysterically when the owner of the boots pulled her out by her hair, and she let go of her bear, struggling wildly with no vain, crying loudly and screaming. She had her eyes clenched shut, but tears still slid out of them as the man let go of her hair and wrapped his hands around her little throat.
Jean gasps loudly, shooting up in bed and wrapping her hand around her neck, trying to breathe, waking up. She panted and squint her eyes against the darkness around her and it took a little while to realize where the hell she was. She shivered and lay back down. She was in her cottage, on her little bed, with Logan sleeping on the floor besides her. Well, she knew he wasn't asleep; he was staring at her, obviously confused.
"Bad dream." Jean told him a little out of breath, but he didn't say anything, he simply stared at her. She felt her cheeks go red and turned away from him.
She closed her eyes for a second and memories came pouring down on her… Her attacker, she didn't understand why she saw him over and over again. The image was so blurry and distant, and she was so afraid to go back there… She was having the dream over and over again, every night a little more being revealed to her, but she didn't understand why it wouldn't just stop.
She turned back to Logan, but he had closed his eyes, pretending to be asleep.
She threw on a jacket and stepped out of the small shelter she was living in now. They were only three that were finished; the rest would be done soon. Jason and Emma lived in one up to a week now, the other one was Erik's and the last one was Jean's.
At the moment, the shelters were only small cubes of cement, the door was just a rectangle shaped whole on a wall covered by a curtain, and on the wall opposite to it, was a square shaped whole making a window, covered by a piece of wood. Inside each one, was a small bed that barely stood, and a table, a worn out sofa and a cabinet. The four pieces of furniture left no space left in the tiny cottages; only a small way to each corner and a carpet lay on the ground.
She tensed up when she felt a presence near her and turned around to see the newest addition to the Brotherhood, Remmy LeBeau.
She stared at him as he walked closer to her, flipping a poker card in his hand. "Bonjour." He said to her, and she frowned.
"Hello." She whispered, crossing her arms in front of her chest. "Why are you up so late?"
"Is it against the rules?" He asked in a very cliché accent that reminded Jean of movies from BC. She frowned at him again.
"N-no." Jean muttered, now remembering that he was supposed to be French.
He stepped closer to her. "It true you got the Wolverine in dere?" He motioned to her cottage, smirking at the glare she gave him.
"Do you know who I am?" She asked him dangerously, crossing her arms in front of her chest.
"Oui." He answered with a shrug. "The great Phoenix. The one Gambit is replacing in the X-mansion, non?"
Jean was surprised. "You're my replacement?"
"Oui." He said again, still flipping the godforsaken card in his hand.
"Who decided that?" She asked reluctantly, not liking the idea of having someone she knows nothing about to simply take the task. "And how do you plan to do my job even half as well?"
Remmy smirked. "Remmy dinks la Mable Jean does not know who he is."
Jean glared at him, trying to understand why he was talking to her in third person, but before she could fully comprehend anything about him, he said something in French she did not understand, then simply left.
She thought about calling him and asking for an explanation, but thought it better to take it up with Erik later.
"You said you were gonna keep an eye on him." Jean turned around at the source of the voice, seeing Emma standing there with a reluctant look on her face, wearing her long hair loose and sweats with a white sweater.
"What?" Jean asked, staring at Emma.
"Logan." Emma told her and motioned to Jean's cot. "You said you were gonna keep an eye on him, where is he?"
"Inside." Jean told her and moved closer to her.
"Doing what?"
"I don't know." Jean sighed.
"Jean-" Emma started but was cut off by Jean snapping at her.
"I know you're against what I did!" She yelled. "You've always been against everything single thing I do!"
"Because everything you do is despicable!" Emma yelled back. "And I try to do everything in my power to stop you from making mistake after mistake, but you are so fucking stubborn! Just like Sarah!"
Jean growled in anger and was about to hit Emma, but only turned around, trying to run off, but Emma stopped her, grabbing her arm. "You have no idea what you've gotten yourself into." Emma told her. "What you've gotten him into."
"I didn't know what else to do!" Jean cried loudly, tears now evident in her eyes. "He doesn't talk to me, he doesn't listen to me, and he hates me!" Jean's voice wavered and she pulled herself away from Emma, tears now flowing freely from her eyes. "I don't know what to do anymore!"
"Ask him." Emma told her in a softer tone.
Jean looked back at her confused. "What?"
"Ask him what he wants from you."
Logan pushed the sheets off of him and stood up, cracking his neck. He couldn't believe where he was, and while one part of him wanted to run the hell out and never look back, the other part wanted to stay… but the first one was winning. He felt an urge to pace around or something, but the cottage was so small that when they put the worn out mattress on the ground, there was no place left to even move.
He never expected the Brotherhood to live like this, he always thought they probably had a mansion as well, or at least a building, but not this. It looked like a homeless shelter, and by the look of it, it pretty much was.
He groaned and grabbed his jacket, prepared to leave, when he tripped over the small table and Jean's open bag fell to the ground, spilling everything inside to the ground. He growled, about to simply walk over the mess, when something that had fallen out caught his sight, and he bend down to take it, feeling more and more anger rise in him as the bottle of pills sounded like a rattle when he picked it up…
Emma placed her hand on Jean's shoulder, pushing her red hair back over her shoulder. "He loves you, I can see it, I can feel it, but he doesn't trust you anymore." Emma felt her heart clench when Jean looked away from her, trying to contain more tears. "Ask him what he wants from you; ask him how you can prove yourself to him."
"But he won't even talk to me." Jean sobbed, placing a hand over her face. "He hates me so much."
"You have to try, because I can't stand seeing you like this." Emma whispered and pulled Jean into a tight hug, feeling the redhead cling to her as she cried.
About half an hour later, Jean made her way back to the cottage, pushing the curtain gently aside as she went inside. She looked to the ground and frowned when she didn't see anything but wrinkled sheets there. "Logan?"
She tried to see in the darkness but there was nothing. She snapped her fingers and reached for Phoenix's powers and soon a flame light at her fingertips. She gasped when she saw Logan seating on the small sofa.
"Logan," Jean sighed after lighting a candle right besides her, feeling a rising uneasiness. "What are you doing?"
Logan didn't even look up at her, he only stared at something on the table. Jean followed his gaze, before stiffening when she saw the bottle of pills on the table. "Oh…" She sighed.
She waited for a couple of minutes, for him to say something, knowing how he felt about her taking pills, after what happened. But he didn't say a word, didn't even look up at her. She walked closer to him and crossed her arms in front of her.
She thought it better to give him an explanation. "I need them." She said softly, but knew he could hear her. "I've always taken them, every since I was 15, when Sarah died." She really didn't expect him to answer anymore, so she simply went on. "I stopped taking them when we were together, because I didn't feel like I needed them anymore." She clearly saw him stiffen in his seat when she said this, still standing over him. "But now I need them again."
Jean reached out and grabbed the bottle, opened it and tipped the bottle against the palm of her hand, shaking it slightly until two little tablets fell on her hand, then she almost pressed her hand against her mouth to eat them, but Logan shot up from the sofa and knocked the bottle out of her hands so fast, that she barely knew what had happened, and he was glaring at her angrily now as she looked back at him frightened at his outburst, and dropped the two tablets from her hand.
She waited for him to do something else, but he didn't, he only stood there and watched her. Jean set her jaw angrily and looked down at the ground to see all the pills spread on the floor. She looked up at him with tear stained eyes and yelled. "When were you gonna tell me that I didn't just pass out from the drugs and the alcohol?" She asked him but he simply watched her, still not saying anything. "Were you never gonna let me know that my heart stopped? That I was dead for at least three minutes?" She was trying to find something to do around the cot, anything that kept her shaking hands moving, but she felt trapped by his gaze. Frustrated, she started to yell. "Why did you bring me back?! So you could make me suffer like I did you?!"
Logan closed his eyes for a second and shook his head, walking away from her. "NO!" Jean yelled, feeing a tear slide down her cheek but didn't care for it. "You can't keep ignoring me! You can't keep avoiding me and torturing me that way!" She pulled at his arm and stopped him from walking out of the cottage, but he didn't turn around to look at her. Jean started to notice that he was panting, tenser than ever and on the edge of insanity, but she wanted to push him over, to get any reaction out of him, anything…
"You wanted to hurt me back?" Jean asked him. "Well you've done a pretty good job because I can't take this fucking silence anymore!" She cried and went around him on purpose so that he would follow her movements with his gaze as she opened a drawer and grabbed another bottle of pills. She turned back around and tried to ignore the murderous look he gave her as she waved the bottle in front of him.
"This... medication is the only thing that has kept me from a mental break down all this time!" She angrily threw the bottle back in the drawer and he could clearly hear that there was more than one bottle in there. She pushed the drawer shut with her mind and tried to calm herself, panting heavily, and pacing around, running her hands over her long, messy hair.
Logan gritted his teeth and closed his eyes, trying not to look at her anymore, the desperation in hi, starting to take over when she suddenly started to beg. "Logan, please! Talk to me!" He opened his eyes and looked back at her tear stained face. "Anything! Tell me anything!" He was clenching his fist now. "Tell me how much you hate me!"
"No Jean!" Logan slammed his fist against the wall so hard Jean swore she felt the room shake. She stopped her pacing immediately and stood perfectly still, almost holding her breath, fear evident in her eyes. He looked back at her and moved closer to her with so many emotions in his eyes, that Jean was compelled to step away, scared. "I don't fucking hate you! I don't wanna hurt you back and I don't wanna see you suffer!" His voice dropped down to a low growl, almost threatening as he moved closer to her and she was soon pressed against the wall.
"I wish desperately that I did hate you, 'cause it would make all this fucked up mess so much easier to handle." He said and Jean started to pant when he placed his arms against the wall, trapping her completely. "But I love you too fucking much." He moved his face closer to hers, wanting to kiss her so much but controlled himself.
Jean tried to say something, but he cut her off by pressing his finger against her lips. "Shut up." He whispered. "You wanted me to talk, I'm talking." Jean fell silent, pressing her lips into a tight line.
Logan paused for a second, his face still inches away from hers and he could see her eyes were dazed, and her breathing had picked up speed again. "I thought the worst thing that could have ever happened to me was loosing my memory, my past… But I was wrong." He spoke in a low tone again, his breath hot against her lips. "You're the worst thing that's ever happened to me." He gritted his teeth again, his look threatening and she was shaking slightly now, feeling somewhere between fear and passion. "But you're also the best thing that's ever happened to me…" He pressed his lips against hers for a brief second and Jean shuddered, her eyes closing as she tried to kiss him but he pulled away just enough to make her open her eyes again and stare at him confused and lightheaded. "I don't know what I'm gonna do with you anymore." He whispered.
Jean bit her lip, trying to compose herself, clearing her throat. "Neither do I." She said softly, her eyes on his as she slowly brought her hand to his face and stroked his jaw, missing the feeling of him terribly. "I've said I'm sorry and I meant it, I bring you here by breaking my family's trust so you could know more about me… and I've honestly run out of ideas." Logan set his jaw tight again and pulled away from her, leaving her to stand on shaky legs. "What do you want from me?" Jean asked in a broken voice, feeling very cold now that he pulled away.
"I want you to leave Scott." He answered her at once, his eyes set on hers, not wanting her to look away.
"What? Jean asked confused and clearly shocked. She was still leaning against the wall, while he was only a couple of feet away from her. "What do you mean?"
"I want you to tell him about us." He told her, clenching his fists again. trying t read the look on her face.
"But Logan, that doesn't make any sense." Jean said, passing a hand through her hair. "You know I don't really love him."
Logan scoffed. "Then it makes perfect sense, you would have no problem dumping him then."
"But I need him." Jean tried to sound rational, her voice trembling when Logan glared at her gain. "He's my source, I need him for information."
"Fuck that!" He yelled and Jean jumped. "Do you have any idea how much it kills me to see you with him?" He once aging moved closer to her. "Do you know how much I want to rip his guts out when I see him kiss you? Especially after I did?" jean hissed when he gripped her forearms with a maddening force. "Do you know how crazy it makes me when I touch you but I can smell him on you?"
"Logan, you're hurting me." Jean complained, trying to move away, and he let go of her roughly.
"I can't fucking take it anymore." He tells her and moves away from her, watching as she sat down on the bed, stroking her arms.
"Logan…" Jean started and trailed off, looking down at the ground. "Scott's my only solid source of information." She simply said.
They are silent for a very long time, until Logan says. "What's more important to you? Us or your… job?" He spat angrily, and could only stare at her in disbelieve as she stood up and walked out of the cottage, the wind blowing the candle off, leaving him in pure darkness.
Soon you will know more about Jean's past and the killer, and I swear to god you will be soooo shocked. Chapt11 already on the works, so please be patient and review lots and lots!!!!!