Not a single one of the characters is mine, and their Lady Commander asked a quick riddle after a sunny day:
How Many Orcs Does It Take to Get Water From a Well?
Ammon: You have far worse things to contemplate and defeat, than a few of those barbarian morons. Even they, won't need the water or the well, if you don't stop pondering these silly issues and concentrate.
Fine, fine! One or two with weapons to make some villager get it for them. Now, if you're done...
Bishop: Now that's just a stupid question! If you're that bored, we can amuse ourselves some other way.
Casavir: One. They're not stupid.
Construct: Ping-ng-ng-ng!
Elanee: I am not sure that an uneducated orc would even recognize some forms of wells, such as a covered well house or some pumped kind. I believe they rely on open and running water, and not imposing their will on the land by building constructs for their convenience. A pity their other behaviors were not as sensible.
Grobnar: One, two, eleven, twenty? I can see so many different answers for this one. Maybe we need to put some orcs by a well, and see how many it really takes.
Khelgar: A whole mess of 'em, lass. Ye see, first they have to defeat the bucket, and it all goes downhill from there.
Neeshka: One orc Captain... one orc shaman... one orc Lieutenant... one orc scout... one orc fighter... and one orc mama with a thirsty child who gets tired of the rank and rules bullshit and operates the winch and bucket herself. That would make six, seven if you want to include the child, who may be elsewhere skewering a toad.
Qara: All of them if it's winter. Oh, the well's not frozen? One, if you let the thrall have a bucket or something.
Sand: Hmm, plumbing the depths of prejudices and intelligence this time? For all their brutishness, they are cunning, so it is a trivial problem even for them. They are not so barbarian to pollute a well that benefits them as well. I'll assume that getting water doesn't involve anything elaborate like for opening an artesian well or activating a wind pumped fountain? Nor assume the quantity of water the orcs need is beyond say a bucketful, perhaps for each orc? Is the well dry or slow to refresh? Is water brackish or clean? Is it winter? How deep is the well? Is there a bucket or some other tool handy to raise the water? Or is magic required to free the water somehow? Are there any extreme conditions, like rain or earthquakes, that beggar the question?
The orcs performing this task, are they all hale, without infirmities or allergies to the wood in the bucket? Do they all have the same skills, like all orcish bodyguards? They aren't sea orcs who may not understand the well's purpose. Is there any special skills needed, like picking a pair of locks at the same time on opposite sides of a cover?
(blinks) I see. A full voiced ambrozian chant performance is required?
One, of course. My dear girl, I am glad to see your patience is improving. It must be from refereeing, as that was much longer than when we spoke before the Ember trial.
Shandra: As long as none are spoiled, wealthy brats, I'd say one.
Zjhaeve: Do that have some kind of belief, curse, or ceremony that requires more than one? I know nothing of their beliefs that make them whole and guide their actions. One, then.