Don't forget to check out the companion peice to this story, 'Harlequin Girls' by Mocha-Java Boost! It's still starting out, but my wifey is writing it and it included various peices from this story :)

Dedication: This is to Camilla! She gave me all of 23 to 31! Woot to you, m'dear for being so freaking awesome like that and helping me out of my slump::hugs::

Disclaimer: Not mine. Shame, and here I was thinking it was... Well, there's my hopes and dreams dashed.

70 Ways to annoy Remus Lupin:

1- At dinner, insinuate that his undying love for Hermione will prevail all evil. Do this with exaggerated limb movements and much flailing. Then calmly ask him to pass the peas.

2- Wink roguishly before glancing at Sirius, claim "Once you go Black, you can never go back."

3- Constantly ask him if the reason his nickname is 'Moony' is because he enjoys 'mooning' people. Wonder aloud if that's the real reason he was arrested by the Muggle Police last week.

4- Steal all the chocolate in the house. Eat it in front of him. If he asks for some, give him the "nutritious" bars and tell him you think he could stand to lose a few pounds.

5- Randomly decide to call him "Patrick".

6- Invite him to join the 'Werewolf Hunt'. With a sadistic smile, tell him he's to be the 'Guest of Honour'.

7- Try to cook his leg. Make it appear as though you're trying to do this without him noticing.

8- Constantly ask him, "Who wants to go potty? Does Remus need to go potty?" in a very condescending way, as though he were a dog.

9- In public, ask as to how his love affair with Sirius is going. Ask if you can be his Maid of Honour.

10- Wonder aloud what it'd be like to wax a werewolf – when he's around. Claim it sounds very endearing.

11- Howl at random moments. Insist you were only trying to initiate conversation!

12- Refer to him as "Reemypie" and "Wolfypoo". See if he'll answer.

13- Whenever he's getting ready to enter a room, announce it with (in a very grand voice): "Part Man, Part Wolf, Full Sex Beast!"

14- Ask him what kind of breed he is.

15- Buy him a doggie bowl for his birthday. (A/N submitted by lumpyking – thanks Kai)

16- Inform him that in Korea, they eat dogs. Wonder if it's any different for wolves.

17- Buy him a ticket for Korea. Tell him that if he doesn't come back, you all know what happened.

18- Invite him for a threesome including Snape and Sirius – tell him he's living every girl's dream!

19- Insinuate that he's female. Buy him female clothes, like, for instance, a black miniskirt complete with matching g-string.

20- When everything is quiet, look at Remus and say, "So Remus, I heard some questionable sounds coming from your room last night, and noticed that both Hermione and Ron weren't in their beds. Care to explain?" (A/N Submitted by my wife, Mocha-Java Boost. WOO Boosty WOO!)

21- Loudly inform him that his last name rhymes with "poopin'". Constantly question him as to why that is so.

22- Get into an argument with him about whether Vampires or Werewolves are better, the go and interrupt him and tell him that his time is up and he loses. (A/N Submitted by JusticeIsBlind13 – thank you! Tis awesome!)

23- Ask him who he thinks has the highest kill-rate; Vampires or Werewolves?

24- Or who has the sharpest teeth.

25- Constantly excuse his behavior by saying that it's 'That time of the month'.

26- Then offer him aspirins, and tampons.

27- After that; push him into the girls' bathroom and tell him he has to share with Moaning Myrtle.

28- Ask him who he wants Tonks to morph into.

29- When he answers wink at him to let him know you know he's lying and that he'll tell you who later.

30- Ask him, out of the blue, if his fame after his part as the 'Big, bad wolf' in Little Red Riding Hood is hard to handle.

31- Invite him to a really amazing, fantastic, exciting party you planned … the night it's a full moon.

32- Wonder aloud if the real reason he's with Tonks is because she can morph into Sirius. Wink suggestively at the pair.

33- Ask him if he's trying to dominate the world. When he asks why you think so, tell him it's because he's smart and always studying. Inform him that knowledge is power, and power corrupts. Since he's always studying so hard, he must be really, really evil. Act indignant when he scoffs at your logic. (Inspired by bookkbaby who has a shirt that reads that! I want that shirt… ::grumble::)

34- Randomly shriek and run into the wall. Claim you were trying to walk through it but the wall wasn't cooperating. Glare at said wall.

35- During his study time, see just how many giant marshmallows will fit into your mouth at one time. Challenge him to a championship.

36- Buy a whip. Whip him. Laugh… cruelly.

37- Attempt to sell him to the local pound.

38- Toilet paper his room for fun with heavy duty rolls. Claim it adds a nice touch.

39- Fill a small bag with sand and sprinkle it randomly around the room, encouraging him to 'think happy thoughts'. When he doesn't fly, get angry and smack him with your wand, informing him that he's 'doing it wrong'.

40- Wake him up to your very off-key version of the 'Annie' song, "Tomorrow! Tomorrow! I'll love ya, tomorrow! You're only a day awa-ay!"

41- Wear sandals and a robe and call him, "My Son." … All the time.

42- Stand on top of the roof of Grimmauld Place and say you won't come down until your demands are met. Threaten to jump.

43- Tell people you saw Remus pissing in that plant over in the corner. Smirk.

44- Take a towel, tie it around your shoulders and scream, "Wheee I'm batman!" while running around.

45- Ask small children if they've seen any suspicious-looking men around here. Hold up a flyer with his picture on it.

46- While shaking hands, get into a heated thumb wrestling match.

47- As you reach inside the pocket of your robes, pull out a sock puppet. Refer to him as 'Socko' and harass him with it.

48- Announce in a demonic voice, "I must find a new suitable host body." Look at him expectantly.

49- Bet everyone that you can fit a quarter in your nose.

50- Carry a blanket and clutch it protectively.

51- Give him a round of applause every time he passes you.

52- Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead and muttering, "Shut up! Dammit, shut up, all of you shut up!"

53- If he brushes past you, flinch away and scream, "Bad touch!"

54- Introduce yourself as Ochenga-Wangaa and start telling everyone stories of your native island.

55- Listen to walls with a stethoscope.

56- Make farm noises at really quiet intervals.

57- Offer everyone nametags. Wear yours upside down; get upset if anyone comments about it.

58- Mummify him with Police Tape (CRIME SCENE DO NOT CROSS).

59- Preach about the end of the world, emphasizing the fact that it'll be Werewolves who'll go first.

60- Stare at your thumb and say, "I think it's getting larger…"

61- Walk in circles. Change direction when you hit someone.

62- Carry a cooler with the label, 'human head' around every where. Refuse to let anyone look inside and shriek when people come too close. Act all shifty.

63- Wear a ski mask and carry an axe. Stand a little too close to him and grin manically.

64- Throw a D-cup bra at him and sing, "Born Free" whilst running around, flailing your arms dramatically.

65- Buy large quantities of mint dental floss just to lick the flavour off. Do this in front of him. Offer him some.

66- Determine how many cups of coffee is 'too many'.

67- Explain 'the little green men' to him and when he doesn't believe you, accuse him of being one in disguise.

68- Force him to remove his shoes every time he passes you to 'prevent contamination'.

69- Go to a gumball machine and insert coins until you have a matching pair of fake eyeballs. After attaining these, record the theme song of The Twilight Zone over and over again. Follow him around wearing the fake eyeballs and playing the theme song. Every time he begins to turn around, frantically take off the eyes and switch off the music. Claim, "He was here a minute ago!"

70- Look at your hand in amazement and say, "Woa, I never knew I had this!"

I'm not sure how funny mine are, but I want to thank everyone who helped me out with this. You guys are awesome. I'm not sure who to annoy next, so if you guys have any suggestions on who to do then leave them in a review or PM (also, if you have ideas on how to annoy anyone).

Please note that the last chapter will be "70 Ways to Annoy the Lesser-Known Teachers" so please don't suggest people like Professor Trelawny, or Professor Flitwick… etc… I think I'll put Hagrid into that chapter too. ::shrugs:: I'm not sure, but if you have any preferences, let me know and I'll be happy to oblige!

Reviews are appreciated like candy. :)

xox Caramel