Steven stared at his reflection, face covered in shaving cream since his facial hair was now coming in full swing. He had another dream about Pearl last night. In the past year and a half he had a lot of these dreams. Corruption prevented him from fully getting into Tiger's Eye's mind, but he could still weakly connect with Pearl. They couldn't speak since Pearl was gagged, and Steven found Pearl couldn't really see him and he couldn't really interact with things, but the way she turned into him or smiled sometimes when he did his best to comfort her with words of encouragement or a hug he thought she could at least hear him and vaguely sense his presence.

Steven remembered the months where his voice was changing and it kept cracking. She smiled a little and then teared up, but she also even managed a choked laugh through the gag when he made a joke about it. Most of the time, he could only reach her when Jasper wasn't focused on her and had left her in isolation. Peridot suggested as the source of the Corruption, Jasper would cause the most interference with Steven's abilities. Steven didn't mind keeping Pearl company though, but he did wish he could undo the chains and get rid of

the gag.

Ever so often, he would be able to connect when Jasper was still there, usually right before she would leave. Steven could never reach Jasper though, so he would just focus on Pearl, often times they would end up crying together as he floated so he could wrap his arms around her and rest his chin on her shoulder and she would lean her face into his. Through these moments he realized Pearl also actively tried to keep him out when Jasper was there, but was too exhausted to be successful all the time.

When he talked to the other Gems about how Jasper had Pearl bound and was beating her and saying horrible things they told him about reconditioning on Homeworld. Pain and structure to force a Gem back into the facet cut for her. The way Bismuth seemed harrowed by her own reconditioning experience and how uncomfortable Garnet was when she talked about a fellow ruby that had been through the process Steven could understand why Pearl wanted to protect him from that.

Then one time Jasper was doing something else to Pearl. Steven had frozen in shock and then woken up. Steven immediately ran to his dad's van even though it was almost two in the morning. He had been so upset it took fifteen minutes for him to calm down enough to tell his dad what he saw. Greg had been so horrified he had to get out of the van and empty his stomach in the bushes, then he was able to compose himself enough to console his son.

Steven was able to reconnect with Pearl a few hours later, and she was thankfully alone. He couldn't think of what to say, but he saw her hand reach out to roughly where she felt his presence, so he hugged her like he usually did. She had sobbed and kept her face buried in his hair for a long time. That was all Steven had been able to do though, comfort Pearl from afar.

They had all dedicated their energy to trying to find her the first few months after Jasper took her the second time. Then they had to start focusing on other things, Corruptions, Gem Mutants, and magic artifacts. Bismuth refused any other mission. She would be gone for weeks at a time, scouring as much of the world as she could. Peridot successfully located all of the Diamond's prisons and the team cleared them all of the Corruptions trapped there since the war and destroyed the structures to piles of rubble. Since then, Peridot had been trying to develop a scanner to detect a Gem anywhere on Earth, but with human tech and old Gem tech she'd only been able to accomplish a range of two hundred feet.

Steven finished shaving and packed a bag. Bismuth had been there a few days to rest and check on the status of Peridot's invention, but she was heading back that day. Steven was

determined to go with her this time. When he connected with Pearl last night things had changed drastically. He found her lying on the floor with her arms chained behind her back and she no longer had a gag.

Steven wasn't entirely sure if that meant Jasper had given up on reconditioning, or if she

had broken Pearl. Pearl was out of it, she didn't even react when Steven kneeled down next to her and placed his hand on her shoulder.

"Hey Pearl, good to see you aren't as chained up and you're free to talk again."

Pearl teared up, "Steven, have to protect, oh, he's seen more than I wanted and I haven't been there for him. He's growing up without me, missing so much, stuck, can't…"

Steven squeezed her shoulder gently, "Hey, it's okay Pearl, it's not your fault."

"I'm never going to be free, no, I won't give up, can't give up. I am my own Gem. I have a will of my own, I belong to no one."

"R-right, don't give up Pearl, we're still looking for you, we will find you, do you know where you are on Earth Pearl?"

"No light, nothing. The depths, crushed by the deep, a dark abyss. Trapped, crushed," she pulled her knees up to her chest and sobbed. Pearl didn't respond to any other question so Steven just laid next to her, hugging her; he filled her in on his life since the last time he saw her and told her how strong and amazing she is and that they would come for her and she wouldn't be trapped forever.

"She's still in the ocean," Steven announced as he stood next to Bismuth, level with her gem now since his recent growth spurt,"Really far down though. Probably farther than I can go because of the pressure, and it's completely dark. Jasper doesn't have her chained up as much and has taken the gag off, but Pearl's...not fully conscious. I was able to get her to respond to a few things though, and maybe I can learn more next time I connect, so I'm going with you."

Bismuth took a silent moment to process all the information Steven had just relayed and then nodded. They were on the ocean for two weeks before Steven had to give up and go home.

/

The last time Jasper had visited she removed the gag and Pearl remained silent. Pearl hadn't meant to do this, she was just so withdrawn into herself she hadn't even realized Jasper was there. It wasn't until she felt Steven, a welcomed presence that fueled her continued rebellion, that she realized she was on the ground instead of suspended in the air. She hated that instead of protecting him, he was protecting her, but he had also been her only source of kindness through everything, and it was the last string to her sanity she had been able to cling to.

Everything was a haze, the distant distortion of Corruption from Jasper was becoming louder, a whisper that was now a swarm of voices, every single memory Jasper had played out in a few seconds on repeat, drowning Pearl's senses. A clarity washed over Pearl suddenly. She was sitting up now, her back pressed against Jasper's back. Her hands were still bound behind her, and chains were also wrapped around both her torso and Jasper, pressing them as close together as possible.

"You've released that which bound me previously," Pearl stated.

"It wasn't working," Jasper replied after a beat, "you didn't fear me like you were supposed to, no matter how I escalated."

"You escalated and escalated and now the only thing is death, there is nothing left you can do to make me fear you, and there is nothing you haven't done."

"Am I a monster?"

"You are the product of a cycle of violence you have refused to break."

"So what I have done is excusable?"

"No. What you have done has reasons, but there is no excuse. You have wronged me, violated me, tortured me, you are not in the right."

Silence.

"There is one more thing than death," Jasper whispered.

Pearl snorted, anger boiling in her stomach like bile looking to erupt out of her, "did you even listen to a word I said?"

"I did," Jasper smiled and closed her eyes, "you're right, there is a cycle. It can't be broken though, and you aren't as above it as you think you sanctimonious little bitch."

Before Pearl could respond, Jasper was gone. There was a moment where Pearl felt absolutely nothing, and then the pebble in her chest since she had first been trapped in Tiger's Eye this time exploded. Jasper had let Corruption consume Tiger's Eye, and it was infecting Pearl.

Steven had healed Corruption considerably, and the Corruption was weaker than normal anyway since it had been passed from takeover to takeover. To Jasper, there was nothing, just instinct and rage. To Pearl it was different though. Now every second of Jasper's life, and her own, were screaming as loud as possible all at once. It was overwhelming, and she was already exhausted. Her body had been beaten, her sense of pride destroyed, her sense of security fucked to oblivion, and now, the last bit of her sanity had to withstand the jackhammer of chaos from Jasper's desperate decision.

She struggled to stay afloat of the screaming desperation of their lives. She heard new screams, unfamiliar to both of them, and felt air whipping around their wet skin.

"I just want to go home," she thought, "please, let's go home."

To her, home was the Temple on the beach of Beach City, to Jasper, it was the depths of the oceans. Their desire pooled, and they returned to the sea, not as far down as they had been, but still surrounded by salt water and despair.