A/N: Thank you for reading, and thank you for waiting so patiently for this chapter! Your reviews give me lots of confidence and motivation, and I am grateful for every single one. :) Thank you.
This chapter has very minor spoilers for events that have happened in later chapters of the manga, but they're literally like 1-2 frames of the manga that I will be running wild with in terms of headcanons, so it shouldn't spoil much of anything.
-10-
History
Levi awoke next morning to a cacophony of city sounds: merchants yelling, the murmur of a crowd, the clattering wheels of nearby carriages. The curtains glowed with daylight, and the air inside the carriage was warm and stuffy.
He had fallen asleep sitting up, slumped against Erwin. He pulled away and saw he had left a little splotch of drool on the man's shirt. Disgusting, he thought, wiping his damp cheek.
Erwin was still asleep, his head angled back against the wall. He's going to have one hell of a neck-ache if he's been like that all night. Carefully, Levi pushed the sleeping man sideways until his ear rested against the wall, aiming to give his poor neck a rest. The man stirred, but didn't awaken. Levi draped the blanked over him. He lingered for a moment, ashamed that he had attacked the only man he had ever truly trusted. Erwin deserved to get a bit more rest after being so rudely awakened in the night.
Levi lifted the corner of a curtain and peered out the window. The Capital. His eyes traced the familiar landmarks as they passed, his stomach hollow. This city was the unattainable ideal he had loathed and aspired to all at once for most of his life. He hadn't been back since he had joined the Corps, and he hoped that didn't mean more memories, more nightmares.
The carriage approached the hotel, a building five stories tall, with ornate pillars lining its front and colourful flower gardens along its borders. Levi's eyes trailed up its floors, wondering how many people from the Underground had ever stayed in accommodations this fancy.
The carriage stopped. Levi reached for his boots to pull them on, and his hand froze when he felt the knife in the hidden pocket. He put it away for me after I tried to hurt him? Swallowing hard, he pulled the boots on, covering the mud stains on his white pants and socks. As he put on his jacket, he used his toe to gently tap the underside of Erwin's foot. "Hey."
The Commander's eyelids parted. "Good morning" He seemed so calm and alert that Levi wondered if he had been faking sleep. Was he studying me, or avoiding me?
"We're here." Locking the padded bed flap back into place, Levi opened the carriage door. The city sounds instantly amplified, and the stench of garbage, mud, perfumes and sweat slammed his nostrils. Had the city always been this disgusting? The Underground, his true home, had to be even worse. If not for Erwin, he would still be there, completely ignorant of the clean scent of forests and open skies.
The driver greeted Levi, then began to lift the baggage out of the back compartment. He strained with the trunk for a moment before Levi brushed him aside and lifted it out himself.
"Need help with that?" asked Erwin, stepping out of the carriage. His hair was fluffier than usual, but other than that, he looked chipper and smart in his uniform, as if nothing either violent or sexual had happened during the night.
"Sirs, I can take your things," said a voice behind them. They turned to see a hotel employee wheeling in a cart for the baggage. It was the first time any member of the public had ever called Levi 'sir'. It sounded wrong. Phony.
While Erwin checked in with the front desk, Levi glanced around the lobby. The floor was tile, most of it covered by ornate carpets. Planters around the room overflowed with lush ferns, backed by drapery, and an enormous, tacky chandelier hung over the lobby. Even the people around them were gaudily over-decorated, with thick necklaces and clothing made from rich fabrics. He hadn't realized anyone could afford to dress in such ludicrous ways for something as simple as walking through a hotel lobby.
One woman, however, stood out from the crowd. She leaned against a corner of the room, by one of the ferns, and instead of the fashionable clothing, she wore a simple grey cloak with a hood over a dark grey smock. He couldn't see her face, but she was looking fixedly at the counter, her stance rigid. Was it his imagination, or was she watching Erwin?
As if she had somehow overheard his suspicions, she glanced in Levi's direction. Turning away, she strolled to the exit. He watched her leave, trying to decide if he was just being paranoid. She didn't seem to be in any particular rush.
Erwin approached him, holding out a key. "This one's yours, Levi. Our bags are waiting for us upstairs. Follow me."
As they began to climb the stairs together, he added quietly, "How are you?"
Levi shrugged, unable to look him in the eye.
"We have a few hours before we have to be anywhere." Erwin glanced at him. "We have time to try to take your mind off everything that happened last night, if you're interested."
"What did you have in mind?"
"Our room has a heated bath. Maybe a soak and a massage?"
The idea of Erwin's soapy hands all over his body did sound appealing. "Couldn't hurt." His stomach sank, heavy with guilt. Why is he being so nice to me? Given their history, shouldn't Levi's attack have shaken his trust?
The turned down a hallway on the top floor, then stopped in front of their room. As Erwin put they key into the lock, he looked down at Levi, and his face softened. "It's okay, Levi."
"What?"
"Here." Erwin opened the door, pulled him inside, then closed it behind him.
Before Levi could react, he found himself in a tight hug. His first instinct was to push away, but Erwin was holding him with just the right amount of tension - firmly enough to be secure, but not suffocating.
"Does this help a bit?" Erwin was looking down at him with kindness in his eyes, a look Levi rarely saw on that face in public, but was beginning to become accustomed to in private.
"Hm." His eyes slipped closed as he pressed his cheek into Erwin's chest. "How the hell do you smell so good after travelling all night?"
"Do I? I feel like I'm drenched with sweat."
Levi breathed in, savouring the faint spice of cologne. Below it was a musky smell that he recognized as sweat, but it smelled good to him, almost like the scent of baking onion bread or pretzels. The scent stirred his feral side, and he had a sudden longing to bury his face in the man's armpit, between his legs, and inhale. Disgusted by his own urges, he stepped back.
"Maybe we should have that bath," he said.
They lit the fire beneath the water tank. While they waited for it to warm, Levi unpacked his belongings, arranging them neatly in the hotel drawers.
Erwin, meanwhile, pulled out a file and sat on one of the two beds. He began to spread the papers on the bed's surface, setting them at random angles and intervals.
Levi stood over him, folding his arms tightly to stop himself from reaching out and straightening the papers. "There's a desk in the other room."
"I'm more comfortable here." Erwin looked up, brows raised. "Is this bothering you?"
"You should unpack first. Your drawers are on the right, and the top half of the middle row is yours as well."
Erwin's brows pinched with confusion. "We're only here for two nights. Besides, I wanted to go over the attendee list for the gala one last time."
Levi sighed. "Fine. I'll unpack for you." He popped open the trunk and, ignoring the tax chest, which took up most of the space, began to pull out his Commander's clothes, placing them neatly in drawers. After a few minutes, he realized he was being watched.
"What?" he muttered, looking over his shoulder.
Erwin sat with his head cocked back a little, as if studying him. "Do you enjoy cleaning?"
"I enjoy tidiness." Levi tucked the man's underwear into the bottom drawer and slid it shut.
"I think I understand. It gives you control. Makes you feel like you can bring some order to this chaotic world. You clean because you have to, not because you enjoy it."
"Remember when we had that drink together, and I told you not to start analyzing me?" Levi rifled through the trunk. "You brought seven non-matching socks. How did you even get non-matching socks? Aren't they standard issue?"
"I'll be wearing boots most of the time. No one will know."
"I'll know, and I'm the one you have to worry about impressing."
"Good thing I have other means of impressing you." Erwin slid off the end of the bed and strode towards him.
Levi turned away, cranky. He felt hands moving up and down his biceps. "Don't tell me," he muttered. "Me getting pissed off turns you on."
He felt lips on his neck, then teeth gently closing over his earlobe. "I'm afraid everything you do turns me on."
A little spark of excitement rocketed up Levi's spine, but he continued unpacking. "Everything? What if I pulled down my pants and took a giant dump right here on the floor?"
There was a pause. "Almost everything you do turns me on. You're a difficult man to compliment, Levi."
"Just when I'm busy." He jerked away from the man's grasp and rifled through the trunk, pulling out a dress shirt. "This will need to be hung up in the closet."
"Why don't you take a break? The water is probably ready by now. There's a bottle of soap in the trunk that should foam up nicely."
"Okay," said Levi, hoping the looming threat of unpacked clothes wouldn't keep him from relaxing.
Erwin pulled off his jacket and threw it on the bed, but then seemed to think better of it; he retrieved the jacket and hung it neatly in the closet instead. He loosened and removed the bolo tie, hanging it with the jacket, then his hands began to work at the buckles of his gear straps.
Not bothering to hide the fact that he was watching him, Levi began to undress. He had spent so long trying to pretend he wasn't looking at Erwin that it felt strange to openly study him. Now he could finally begin to memorize the small details: the constellation of tiny moles across his skin, the blond fuzz on his lower back and ass, the bulging leg muscles that were almost disproportionate to his sleek upper body.
Erwin finished hanging his clothes in the closet, then, fully nude, turned to Levi. He cocked a brow. "Were you watching me?"
Levi had been so distracted that he hadn't even finished unbuckling his straps. His cheeks burned, and he searched for an excuse. His eyes fixed on the mottled bruises across the man's hips. "Does that still hurt?"
"A bit."
All that talk about sending me to my death, but he was still willing to throw everything away to save my life. Levi was beginning to think Commander Erwin Smith, the ruthless, driven man who would stop at nothing to stop the titans, was a persona, a stone mask, one he wore because humanity required it.
The mask was off now, the face relaxed and soft. Erwin stepped forward to help him undress. Once they were both naked, he took Levi's hand and wordlessly led him to the bath.
They worked together to pour the hot water into the basin, balancing it with cold water until it was tolerable. The soap was so foamy that once they were both in the water, the bubbles rose above the ledge of the tub. Levi sat with his back against Erwin's chest, enveloped by his arms. He heard a low sigh of contentment leave his own lips.
"I thought it might be nice to have a calm moment before the day's activities begin," said Erwin. "Would you care for a massage?"
"Sure," said Levi, using a casual tone to cover his sudden awkwardness. He was beginning to realize this bath wasn't just intimate, it was downright romantic. Romance required acting a little flirty, a little cute, and he had never been interested in dropping his guard to let that side of himself show. After the aggression of the night before, however, he probably owed Erwin a bit of romance, so he'd give it a try.
"You're tense," said Erwin, working Levi's upper back. His pressure was strong, but controlled. "Take slow breaths."
"Mm." Levi bowed his head, closing his eyes.
"How's the pressure?"
"It's all right." He felt his body begin to relax without his permission, and he tensed again.
"Everything okay?"
He needed a response other than 'I'm too uptight to let myself relax,' so he reached for his most recent source of tension: "I thought I saw someone watching you in the lobby. A woman."
The hands paused for a moment, then drifted lower, working knots out of his shoulder blades. "Was she dressed in colourless robes?"
"Yes," said Levi, surprised at the accurate guess.
"What did she look like?"
"I couldn't tell. She had a hood." Levi turned to look back at him, hoping to catch a hint of what he was thinking, but even in private, Erwin's face defaulted to neutral. "Friend of yours?"
"My sister."
Levi studied him for a moment longer and, finding nothing on his face, settled back into position again. "I didn't know you had any living family."
"I have a mother, a stepfather, and a sister. Possibly two older brothers, too, though they left the family when I was small and didn't keep contact, so I'm not sure they're still alive."
"You don't talk about any of them."
"No, I don't." Erwin cupped warm water in his hands and drizzled it down Levi's back in a warm cascade. "As callous as it may sound, I would rather forget they exist."
"I can understand that." Levi's eyes closed as he let the warmth soak into his skin.
There was a long pause, and he realized he had said the words aloud, but thankfully, Erwin didn't press him. The heels of his hands began to work Levi's mid-back.
"At any rate," continued Erwin, "my sister has been trying to contact me for several years, and I've been returning her letters and asking her to stop, but persistence is a trait we share."
"What does she want?"
There was another long pause, and Levi finally worked up the courage to ask about the letter he had found in the garbage can.
"Erwin, are you a Wallist?"
His Commander gave a low sigh. "You read the letter."
There was no point hiding the truth from a man who would see right through him. "Yeah. I could tell you were lying about what it was." He probably owed him an apology, but he was still a bit shaken by the lie.
Erwin's hands moved up to his neck, and Levi's head lolled forward. Not like I can be angry with this asshole when he's touching me like this.
When Erwin finally spoke, his voice was low. "It's difficult to know how much of my past is safe to share with you."
"You can trust me," said Levi, not letting his voice betray how wounded he was.
"Absolutely, yes, and if there were no external factors, I would be happy to share all of myself with you, the good and the bad. The problem, in our times, is that some knowledge is dangerous to possess." He was quiet for a moment. "I will say this: my father died when I was young, and that was when everything changed. My brothers left, my sister and I were confused and heartbroken, and my mother became paranoid. She moved us to the city and changed our family name. Your observation that 'Smith' was a pseudonym was an astute one." There was a hint of admiration in his voice, and Levi shrugged it off.
"Every Smith I ever knew lives in the Underground." He paused, all too aware that the next question was a sensitive one: "So what is your real name?"
"I'll keep that to myself, if you don't mind," said Erwin quietly. "I would be proud to bear my father's name and carry on his legacy, but I've been Smith for so long that I didn't remember what preceded it, not at first. By the time I found it again, it no longer felt like my name - and more than that, if my mother went to such lengths to hide it, she must have had a reason."
Levi could tell the subject troubled him. "You can still carry on your father's legacy as Erwin Smith. Having a different family name doesn't change who you are."
"Or having none at all?"
Levi bit the inside of his cheek, not ready to discuss that yet. "So what does your family have to do with the Wall cult?"
"My mother was increasingly protective as I grew up," said Erwin. "She worked hard to put us through school and provide a secure environment for us. By the time I reached my teens, I wasn't allowed outside without her supervision except to go to school. I spent a lot of time reading, playing chess with my sister, and thinking about the titans, about how humanity could defeat them. My mother always grew agitated if I mentioned them, however, so I learned to keep my thoughts to myself.
"Regardless, for the most part, it was a comfortable childhood - until my mother got it into her head that we needed to join the Wall Cult. I still don't know where the idea came from, or why she clung to it so desperately, but she turned to it with an almost fanatical devotion. First it was weekly services, then twice a week, then she began to bring us to the church every other day. Her fanaticism only worsened when she fell in love with a fellow Wallist. The day she announced their engagement, she told us we were going to move into one of the Wall Cult devotion facilities as full-time members."
He was so wrapped up in his memories that his hands had stopped moving, but Levi decided the end of the story was more important than the end of the massage. "So did you go?"
"No. I had an argument with my mother, the first we'd ever had, and it was..." He paused. "We said horrible things to each other, but it doesn't matter. Even if we had tempered our words, the end result would have been the same: I wanted to free humanity from the walls, and she thought that was sacrilege. There was no way for us to reconcile those differences. I was nearly fifteen by that point, more than old enough to sign up for military training, so I left a note saying I was joining up, took my share of my father's inheritance and departed that night."
Levi tried to picture a young Erwin leaving home without saying goodbye. It was surprisingly easy to imagine. Even back then, he would have sacrificed absolutely anything to attain his goals.
Erwin's arms settled around him, hugging him close. "I loved my mother and my sister, and I was so naive and sheltered that I didn't fit in with the other soldiers at first. If it wasn't for Nile's friendship, I might have given up. Who knows where I would have ended up? Maybe I would have been in the Underground myself."
Jealousy flickered in Levi's chest again at the mention of Nile, and he tried to smother it. When he was fourteen, you were still a kid, he reminded himself, although he wasn't too sure about that. His exact age was a bit of a mystery to him; too many difficult years had blended together in his mind.
"So why's your sister trying to contact you now?" he asked.
"She'll claim it's to save me," said Erwin, "but I suspect it's because I'm gaining influence. She always thought highly of my intelligence, so she's probably afraid I'll succeed in my evil plots to free humanity from this sacred prison." He rested his chin on top of Levi's head, and his voice faded: "And yet, if I'm perfectly honest, a part of me wants to see her. We were so close, once."
Levi reached up to grip the forearms that were crossed over his chest, showing his support.
"It's almost a shame I didn't weather it for a year or two," said Erwin after a few minutes. "We know almost nothing of the Wall Cult faith, and they're gaining influence. If I had more than a cursory knowledge of the faith, I might be able to use that to our advantage, but I never penetrated deeply enough into the organization to gather any useful information."
"Would your sister give you information?"
"Given the tone of her letters, I doubt it. Besides, I don't want her to get involved, for her own safety. If there's one thing I learned about the Wall Cult during my brief interactions with them, it's that they'll put their beliefs ahead of anything, even the well-being of their members. They're willing to sacrifice everything."
His voice sounded like he was smiling, and, disturbed, Levi craned his neck to see a full grin on Erwin's face. The expression made his skin crawl.
"That's funny to you?"
"No, it's something I respect." Cold blue eyes fixed on him. "If we ever have to face the Wall Cult head-on, Levi, they will make for formidable opponents. I haven't yet learned their weak points, but with my mother and sister among their ranks, they may know mine. It would be interesting to see if they could break me before I broke them."
Levi's stomach dropped. The mask of stone isn't a mask at all, he realized. How was it that the warm, caring man he loved was also so cold and pragmatic?
"You're not just morbid," he said aloud, "you're fucking creepy."
"Ah, my apologies." Erwin's smile warmed. "I should be enjoying your company in this warm bath, not getting carried away by the past or the future."
"Not such a warm bath any more. The water's getting cold." Levi stood, careful to keep his balance in the slippery tub, and reached for the bucket. He bent forward to fetch a bucketful of hot water from the tank, then froze as he felt a hand sliding up the back of his thigh, then his ass, then closer to the centre. He turned to face Erwin, who was staring fixedly at his rear. "Don't get any ideas."
"The view was too pleasant to ignore."
"Fine, grab my ass if you want. Just don't touch my asshole." Levi poured hot water into the bath and then filled the bucket again to repeat the process.
"No?"
His heart sank at the disappointment in Erwin's voice. "I shit from there," he said as an explanation.
"I see," said Erwin quietly.
Levi gave a low sigh. This was his only hang-up in the bedroom, and it had never been a problem before. His past partners had all been happy to receive without giving, and there were plenty of other parts of the body for them to touch and kiss if they wanted to explore. Erwin was different. Already, it was becoming obvious that he took great satisfaction in giving, in exploring.
It all came back to one bad experience he had when he had first started having sex, when he and his partner had pushed forward with too much zeal, not understanding the potentially painful consequences. He knew he had let the incident cloud his judgement, had conflated it with other obsessions and blown it out of proportion. Maybe it was time to try to let go, see if old truths still held true. Hadn't he been the one saying a person shouldn't let the past interfere with his present?
He sat down facing Erwin. "It's been a long time since I experimented a bit," he said awkwardly. "I might be willing to give some things another try."
"There's no pressure." Maybe it was Levi's imagination, but he thought he heard a note of hope in the deep voice. "And no rush. We're taking things slowly, after all."
Levi hesitated.
Erwin must have read his hesitation as annoyance, because he said, "I know I'm asking a lot in terms of patience-"
"No, it isn't that," said Levi. "I don't mind waiting, but come on, this isn't slow. You first kissed me what, four or five days ago? Then suddenly we're sucking each other off on our way to share a hotel room together. Sure, we didn't fuck on the first date, but when you said slow, I thought we'd be giving each other hand jobs for a month, not...this." He stared at the foamy surface of the water, not wanting to look up at Erwin in case he saw regret or fear in his eyes.
Finally, Erwin spoke: "I suppose we haven't been taking it slowly at all, have we?"
"If you want to slow things right down again," began Levi, but he couldn't finish the sentence. The idea of taking a few steps back was physically painful, twisting in his chest like a knife. Sex between them wasn't just sex; it was opening up their vulnerabilities to each other: panic attacks, neurotic tics, masks falling away, old hangups tossed aside. Already, Levi was pushing his own boundaries - hell, he had even swallowed for the first time, something he never imagined would interest him. Now that I've opened myself up to him, I don't want to close that door again.
"I don't want to slow things down," said Erwin, unknowingly echoing his thoughts. "It's like I said before, Levi: I don't know how to proceed with you. I'm trying to balance this affair with whatever is best for my mind, for our careers, for humanity, and it feels like every time we touch, the balance tips further away from logic." He found Levi's hand and lifted it, wiping the suds off, then kissing a knuckle. "I wonder if I really need as much time as I think."
As his lips found the knuckles a second time, Levi felt his eyelids begin to droop. "Are you treating this like a chess game you can win if you position us in the right places, then move us forward at the right times?"
"Maybe. Maybe I'm trying to apply logic to something completely illogical." Erwin pulled the hand forward, gripping Levi's elbow with his other hand, drawing him closer.
Following his lead, Levi settled on his lap. They saw eye-to-eye in this position, and even though the context was innocent enough, Levi's mind drifted back to sex. Our bodies align so perfectly when I'm on his lap, or when he spoons behind me. If he started riding my lap like this, he'd tower over me..
His heart sank. What if sex between them just wasn't going to work? They connected so well on every other level; it would be a shame if this was what drove a wedge between them. If Levi was unwilling to compromise, and Erwin ended up trapped in one role where he was accustomed to having a choice, eventually the resentment would build.
Erwin bent forward and kissed the tip of his nose; his hands slid down Levi's back. "I'm sorry, this was supposed to be a romantic bath, and I spent the whole time in a monologue about my life, then analysing the pace of our sex life." He gently nipped at the nose this time, and Levi's eyelids fluttered closed. He could feel their slick skin pressed together, and even with all the hot water sapping his libido, his body began to stir.
In a hormone-fuelled moment of bravery, he blurted, "Touch my asshole."
Erwin pulled back to look at him, brows raised, and Levi felt his cheeks warm.
"Levi?"
"Just...touch it. There's no cleaner place than a bath, right? So if there's a time to try it..." He shrugged and looked down, ears burning.
"You don't have to do anything you aren't comfortable with," said Erwin.
"Yes I do, because I told you I would never let my past interfere with my present, and I'm not a fucking hypocrite. So do it before I change my mind."
A pause. "Very well."
Erwin gently tilted Levi's pelvis back, pulling the cheeks apart underwater; their foreheads rested against each other, breath mingling between their lips. Unsure of what to expect, Levi closed his eyes, bracing himself.
Then he felt Erwin's finger lightly graze him, and he was almost disappointed at how innocent it felt, the same as any touch anywhere else on his body. Shouldn't an area so taboo feel either amazing or horrible?
"How's that?" asked Erwin softly.
"It's all right."
The finger began to trace a gentle circular motion, and Levi's breath caught. "Fuck."
"Want me to stop?"
"No." He swallowed hard. The entire surface of his skin was becoming sensitized, something between an itch and a tickle, and his groin was beginning to throb. His eyes fluttered closed as he felt a tiny increase of pressure, the finger pressing just a millimetre deeper.
"Still okay?" asked Erwin, kissing the top of his hair.
Levi opened his mouth to reply, but a small moan slipped out instead. I've lost control. Panic rippled through him, and he pushed away.
Erwin released him. For a moment, they stared at each other, Levi breathing hard.
"Are you all right?" asked Erwin gently.
Levi wasn't sure how to articulate his panic. Letting go of control during sex wasn't usually something that bothered him, but this... This was an unknown. He felt as if his body had betrayed him, giving in so thoroughly to such a tiny, unfamiliar gesture, especially one he had resisted for so many years.
"It's just new," he said aloud. "I'm fine."
"Okay." Erwin planted a gentle kiss on his forehead. "Then let's give you time to decide if you want try it again sometime or not. We should get washed up and get out of the tub, anyway. We need to head out for lunch."
They soaped down and washed their hair - a bit awkwardly, sharing such a small space - and then towelled off.
Levi wrapped his towel around his waist and stepped into the main room to change, but his eyes were drawn to an envelope on the floor. His brow furrowed. Someone must have slid it under the door while they were bathing. "E.S." was written on its surface, and he recognized the distinctively styled "E" from the letter he had seen a couple days ago – an extra loop on the first stroke, identical to the way Erwin wrote it.
"I think your sister left you another letter," he called.
Erwin strode into the room, his wet hair spiked out from his head at odd angles. He accepted the envelope and opened it, and as his eyes scanned the letter, his mouth fell into a frown. "She wants to meet with me tomorrow."
"Maybe I should do it for you," said Levi. "Tell her I'm there on your behalf. Maybe I can intimidate her, get her to back off."
Erwin looked thoughtful. "Let me think about it a bit more. There may be a better way to approach it." Stuffing the letter back into the envelope, he set it in his trunk. "Dress casually. We don't want to attract attention."
Levi pulled on an old green long-sleeved shirt, black dress pants and the black dress shoes he had planned to wear with his suit. They were uncomfortable, and he winced, hoping the walk would break them in a bit.
Erwin, meanwhile, wore a pale brown collared shirt. He stood in front of the mirror with a comb, carefully parting his hair.
"Do you own any shirts that aren't collared?" asked Levi.
"I didn't think to bring any. Does it look too formal?"
"No, it's fine." He reached up and straightened one end of the man's collar. "There."
Erwin looked down at him for a moment, then caught his jaw and bent down to give him a kiss. Not ready for the force of it, Levi took a half-step back to maintain his balance. He tasted mint; it mingled with the fresh scents of shampoo and cologne to form a dizzying scent that was distinctly Erwin. By the time the kiss broke, he was light-headed.
"Ready?" asked Erwin.
Too flustered to speak, Levi gave him a brief nod.
They made their way downstairs, then onto the street. The city was bustling with morning traffic, people wearing fashionable clothes as they meandered down the cobblestone sidewalks. Levi remembered the Capital being pristine and tidy, so he was surprised to notice signs of wear: the buildings were dirty, the flowerpots empty. Several stores were shut down, their windows boarded up. Even the people looked worn - the padded stomachs of the rich were rare now, and the well-dressed had gaunt cheeks. The fall of Wall Maria had put pressure on everyone, even this far in. Levi wasn't sure how that made him feel. Everyone suffering together should, theoretically, encourage them to band together in the same fight, but he had a feeling the old class struggles he remembered were still in play.
As they walked, he found himself glancing down alleyways, remembering forgotten moments that had seemed so important once upon a time.
"Everything okay?" asked Erwin.
Levi shrugged and glanced up at him. "Lots of memories."
"I would have expected your memories to be confined to the Underground."
"Between you and me, I spent time above ground whenever I could." He cocked his head at one street lined with small, trendy shops. "You see that street there? I pretended to be a lost child – I'd wear my one good set of clothes and cry for taxi fare. And over there." He nodded at a clock tower rising above a post office. "I sometimes scaled that tower during the night to look at the stars."
"I wonder if we ever crossed paths without realizing it," said Erwin thoughtfully, studying the tower.
"Maybe. It doesn't matter." Levi glanced up at him. "You would have dismissed me as street trash, and I would have dismissed you as a spoiled rich kid."
"Perhaps," said Erwin quietly.
Their destination was a large cafe across the street from the main Military Police branch, a bustling shop with a fenced-in area that contained several outdoor tables. They ordered their lunch and a pot of tea and sat at a table in an isolated corner. Levi sat with his back against the stone fence, staring across the street. The majority of the Military Police headquarters consisted of the barracks, two enormous stone wings that housed nearly a thousand soldiers. Directly across from them was the square building that held the offices and records.
"Do you have a good view?" asked Erwin.
"Yeah." Levi took a sip of tea and subtly glanced around them, ensuring they were out of earshot from the other patrons. "Which office is Captain Dok's? Probably on the fourth floor, right? And it must be on this side, or you would have sat us at a restaurant on the other side of the building."
Erwin leaned back in his chair and folded his arms over his chest, looking at him as if sizing him up. "I know I said I wouldn't pry, Levi, but you seem familiar with this building. It can't be from legal encounters, because criminal processing is done at the north-west branch."
"I wouldn't know. They never managed to catch me." Levi swirled his tea, then watched the leaves settle into the bottom of the mug. "You've shared a lot of your past with me today, so I guess I owe you a bit, huh?"
"You don't owe me a thing, but if you have some sort of history with this building, and if you're comfortable sharing it, it could be useful for strategic purposes."
Levi shifted, getting more comfortable, and took a sip of tea. It would be nice to get these particular memories off his chest; he had been carrying them for too many years.
"So, I told you my first boyfriend was killed in a fight with the Military Police, right?" he said. "Matthias. He wasn't even supposed to be there. It was a dumb scuffle in the Underground, a dispute between rival gangs. I left him sleeping and didn't tell him where I was going, because he was sort of our moral compass, and I knew he wouldn't approve. But things got out of hand. We fucked up. The Military Police got involved, and we ended up in a 3-way standoff.
"Matthias came running in - I still have no idea how he figured out where we were, but he was a smart kid, a thinker like you, Erwin. He gave some heartfelt speech and managed to talk sense into us. We were all standing down, stepping back, and it should have been fine, but some prick in the Police decided to order his squad to fire. Fucking asshole." His fists tightened at the memory. "Matthias was in the middle, so he was the first to drop."
"I'm sorry," said Erwin quietly.
"It's fine. I've had a long time to come to terms with it, but at the time, I was hell-bent on revenge." His eyes flicked up to the Military Police building. "I broke into that records building. I wanted to find the name of the Squad Leader so I could personally execute him. I spent a lot of time planning it all, getting all the information I could in preparation."
He paused for another long sip of tea. Erwin was watching him attentively, a forkful of food resting, forgotten, against his plate.
"I made it to the records room and was rifling through the files, trying to figure out their filing system - I wasn't very good at reading back then, and the room was a mess. The door opened and a recruit stepped into the room. His name was Niklaus - he was a couple years younger than me, and he had been assigned to maintain the records room. He was keen to prove himself useful so that he could climb the ranks, and he thought I'd be his prize. We fought, and I was a better fighter, but my knife was no match for his swords. We ended up in a draw. So we made a deal: he'd let me go in exchange for information from me."
"About rival gangs?" asked Erwin, and Levi's lip curled.
"Fuck no. Would have loved to get those assholes taken out, but I'm not a snitch. No, we're talking about the really evil folks who hide in the Underground. People who do vile things to innocent people and try to hide from punishment. Monsters. I traded him the rumoured location of one of them for my freedom.
"But I still needed to find out who killed Matthias. So I came back for another information trade. That began a working relationship, where he fed me information about rival gangs and police movements, and I gave him rumours about monsters who would help him build his reputation. He began to climb the ranks of his organization, and I climbed the ranks of mine."
Erwin was studying him, gaze intense. "It wasn't just a business relationship, was it?"
Levi's cheeks darkened and he busied his hands with pouring another cup of tea. "Why the hell would you think that?"
"Because you wouldn't trust anyone that quickly, especially a member of the same group who had killed someone you loved. The information exchange was just an excuse."
With a shrug, Levi said, "There is a certain type of officer of the law who gets turned on by the thought of being fucked by a dirty criminal, and if that officer is a handsome blond with broad shoulders, the criminal might be happy to oblige." He was certain his entire face must be glowing red.
"I imagine that comes with all sorts of built-in perks," said Erwin, a twinkle in his eye. "The taboo nature of it, for one. Handcuffs, for another."
"Shut up. The point I'm making is that I got to know the building well."
"Did you ever find the Squad Leader you were looking for?"
"Yeah." Levi's jaw tensed. "Yeah, I did." He couldn't look him in the eye, because he was sure his inner monster was showing, and he didn't want to see disapproval on his Commander's face - or, even worse, understanding.
After a long silence, Erwin said, "Is Niklaus still stationed in the building?"
"I don't think so," said Levi. "One day, he disappeared, and I never did figure out where he went. I assumed he got promoted and didn't bother to tell me, and I went through a bit of a crisis thinking he had abandoned me. Now I wonder if someone found out about our arrangement and something more sinister happened."
He glanced at the building again, his eyes fixing on the windows of the records room. While I'm in the building, maybe I can drop into the records room and find out what happened to Niklaus. It's only a few rooms down from Dok's office. He frowned, considering. Did he want to know? He had already accepted a scenario and mourned it, had already recovered. Would re-opening that wound be worth the potential closure?
"Levi," said Erwin, "is your history going to cause any problems during your mission?"
"No," said Levi, shifting his gaze back to his Commander. "It'll give me an advantage. I know how to move easily between rooms, and how to scale the side of the building without gear. I know the flow of the rooms and the best places to station guards. I'll be in and out like a ghost."
He felt a booted foot press against his under the table, a private offering of support. "For what it's worth, I'm sorry to hear about the heartbreak you had to go through, twice in a row."
"It's okay. It was a long time ago. I don't regret how anything played out - it all brought me here."
A corner of Erwin's lips lifted into a small smile. "I admire your resilience, Levi. I'm not sure most people would have come out the other side of everything you've been through."
"I'm not special. People are stronger than they think." Levi drummed his fingernails against his mug. "Can we drop this for a bit?" All the focus on his past was making him uncomfortable. He didn't want to accidentally tap into the wrong memory.
"Of course. I need to start briefing you on all the people I'll be introducing you to at the gala, anyway." Erwin leaned forward, folding his hands on the table. "There are a few people in particular I want you to watch out for - I'd like to hear how you read them, see if your instincts tell you anything I might have missed."
Levi gave a long, drawn-out sigh. "My instincts are telling me that's going to be boring as shit."
"Your instincts are reliable," said Erwin with a smile, "but it's necessary."
"Okay, then let's get this over with." He sat tall, trying to push his memories out of his mind.
.*.*.*.
Even though Erwin could tell the debrief was making Levi's eyes glaze over, it had to be done. He kept it as brief as he could, naming key players and their relationships. Once they finished their lunches, they began to make their way back to the hotel. Erwin continued going through names in his head, visualizing the complex web of relationships. He needed to play the room tonight if he wanted to make a strong first impression as Commander, and he wanted to start getting a feel for potential allies and opponents. While he was familiar with many of the nobles thanks to trips to the Capital with Shadis over the years, he hadn't had the occasion to put most of them into play. Some of them might be useful one day.
They made it back to the hotel room with just enough time to change before they headed across the street for the ceremony. Erwin pulled on his uniform. As he tightened the Commander's pendant around his neck, he studied himself in the mirror. That black eye was going to put a damper on his charisma, making him memorable for all the wrong reasons. He leaned closer and tilted his head to examine his split lip, and noticed a love bite on his neck, right below his ear. "Levi."
"Yeah?" The man stood beside him, sharing the mirror so that he could part his hair.
"Can I see your neck?" He hunched to Levi's level, pulling down the man's collar.
Levi swatted at him. "What the hell are you doing?"
"Looking for something." There was a large love bite at the base of his throat. Erwin didn't even remember when he had kissed him there, at least not hard enough to leave a mark. I lose so much control around him.
"My cravat will cover that," said Levi, pulling away.
"I'm afraid there's no covering mine." Erwin frowned, leaned toward the mirror again, and touched the mark with two fingertips.
"No one will notice. It just looks like another bruise."
"I hope you're right." The last thing he needed were rumours of some sort of affair. Though, given the propensity for the noble class to gossip, maybe salacious rumours would help him more than hurt him. His head spun. He was already fatigued from trying to step into different thought processes, and the ceremonies hadn't even begun. After this trip was complete, he was going to need a day or two off to rest his mind.
A few minutes later, they made their way to the courthouse across the street. The main courtroom was already packed, the audience arranged along three borders of the room. The central rows held the the Military Police, Captain Nile Dok standing at their helm. The rows along the left wall held the Garrison, headed by a bald man with a moustache: Commander Dot Pixis. The right wall seating had been opened to members of the public, and Erwin scanned their faces, looking for his sister. She wasn't present, and he felt conflicting waves of relief and disappointment.
At the far end of the room, seated at a table overlooking the crowd, were three of the King's representatives, but, as Erwin has expected, the King himself was absent. He didn't expect him to show up at the gala, either. In all his years in the military, he had never once laid eyes on the King. He was beginning to wonder if the figurehead was not actually a man, but merely a concept.
As they stepped into the room, he glanced down at Levi. The Squad Leader's eyes scanned the room, and his stance was a little too upright, a little too tense. This was his first time in a formal military setting outside the Survey Corps, and Erwin wondered what thoughts were running through his mind, especially given his history with the Military Police. He gave the man's shoulder a quick, friendly squeeze, wishing he could give him a long hug instead, but that would have to wait.
The centre of the courtroom was empty, save for a desk that would be the Supreme Commander's seat. Erwin led Levi onto the floor. They came to a stop at the back, directly in front of Nile. Erwin glanced behind them and gave him a nod, and Nile returned it, but there was no time to exchange greetings. At the head of the room, a guard stepped forward:
"Announcing Supreme Commander Darius Zackly."
The military members of the audience saluted, even Levi, who was evidently on his best behaviour. The Supreme Commander took a seat at a table at the head of the room. He looked older than Erwin remembered, his skin wizened, his hair white. Who will take over when he retires? he wondered. Pixis seemed a likely bet, but the chain of command wasn't always clear when it came to promotions at a high level.
The room fell silent.
"Captain Erwin Smith," announced Zackly, "please step forward."
"Sir." Erwin approached the table and stopped a few paces in front of it, pulling into a salute.
The Supreme Commander opened a file and pulled out some papers, perching reading glasses on the end of his nose. "I'm sorry to be doing this so soon. Commander Anke Roth was full of promise, and we didn't even have a chance to see what she was capable of."
"We didn't, sir."
Zackly looked up at him over his glasses. "I've been following your career for a long time, Erwin, and you've continually impressed me with your strategic advances for the Survey Corps. You have the rare ability to approach familiar problems in unconventional ways. I foresee great things for you - I hope this appointment won't be such a short one."
"I will do my best to carry on Commander Shadis and Roth's legacy, sir."
"I'm sure you will. Shall we get started?" The man adjusted his glasses, then began to read through the Commander's creed. Erwin had studied it inside and out so often that he could recite every word of it. He stood tall, following along in his mind.
"-in service to humanity, and in service to the King," finished Zackly. "Do you, in front of this crowd of superiors, colleagues, subordinates, and the general public, accept this responsibility and all it shall entail?"
"Yes, sir, I do." Erwin's shoulders were starting to ache from holding such a tight salute.
"Then by the authority granted to me by His Majesty the King, I declare you Commander of the Survey Corps." He scrawled his signature on a scroll, then rolled it and stood. "Congratulations, Commander Smith."
Erwin accepted the scroll, the audience applauded, and then it was over: the moment Erwin had been aiming for every day for fifteen years had come and gone. He had always looked forward to this promotion with anticipation, imagining a wave of satisfaction and pride, but this felt like any other day, any other meeting.
Dazed, he moved to stand by Levi as Zackly dismissed the court.
Levi cocked a brow at him. "Congratulations."
"Thanks."
"You okay?"
"It was over so fast." Erwin pasted on a polite smile, nodding at the sea of people who streamed past him with hollow congratulations, accepting the occasional handshake.
"Zackly had some high praise for you," said Levi.
"Let's hope I'll live up to his expectations."
"You will."
As he looked down at the Squad Leader, Erwin's natural smile overcame the fake one. "Thank you, Levi."
The stream of well-wishers began to dwindle, and at the very end of the line was Captain Nile Dok. As the man stepped forward, he grinned and shook his head. "I can't believe you beat me to Commander, you bastard." He held out his hand.
Erwin pushed aside the hand and went for a hug instead, clapping the man's back a couple times before releasing him. "Good to see you, Nile."
"You, too. What the hell happened to your eye?"
"Mike."
Nile's brows rose. "Fighting over girls like old times?"
"Not exactly," said Erwin, but he didn't offer an alternate explanation. Instead, he turned to Levi, who was staring at the Captain with a curled upper lip. "Nile, I'd like you to meet my next in command, Squad Leader Levi."
"The man from the Underground, right?" Nile held out a hand. "I've heard a lot about you. You're getting quite the reputation around these parts."
"Yeah." Levi shook his hand, the expression of disgust still on his face.
"Well," said Nile, obviously uncomfortable. He turned back to Erwin. "Marie would have sent her congratulations, but she'll see you tonight, so she can pass them along herself."
Surprise turned Erwin's blood to ice, squeezed the air from his lungs. He took a careful breath and defaulted to his polite smile. "Is that so?"
"We hired a sitter for Jasper. It's been awhile since I took her out on the town, so she's excited. Won't stop talking about it." Nile studied him, his grin fading. "It's been a long time. You haven't been by since before Jasper was born."
"I suppose I haven't."
"He's almost five years old."
"Social pleasantries are a luxury those of us on the battlefront cannot afford." Erwin glanced down at Levi, who was caving in on himself, arms folded tightly around his chest. "Please excuse us, Nile. We have a few preparations to make before the gala begins, so we'll have to catch up with you at the gala."
"Of course." Nile bobbed his head at each of them, then departed.
Once they were alone in the hall, Levi glanced up at Erwin. "What the fuck was all that?"
"All what?" asked Erwin, still staring after Nile.
"The way you went from hugs to posturing within about three sentences."
"We have a complicated history."
Levi scowled. "His facial hair is disgusting. It looks like pubic hair."
"His wife likes facial hair, so I suppose he does the best he can with what he has," said Erwin, secretly amused by the comparison. "We should go back to the hotel and get changed into our suits. I'm thinking I might like to stop at the hotel bar before the gala begins." Between the anticlimactic promotion ceremony and the idea of seeing Marie again, he needed a drink.
Levi eyed him warily. "You okay?"
"I'm fine," said Erwin, but his heart was still pounding.