I'm back! Being on vacation is great, but coming home is even better. :) I'm also working on another fic, which I'll post as soon as it's finished. It's kind of taken my focus away from this fic for a little while, as it was a story that just had to be told. Well, it's not as if the story is new, it's another Katniss/Peeta first time fic, but this time it's canon. I'm not abandoning this fic, though! Thank you so much to everyone who's reviewed, favorited and followed my story, I really appreciate it! 3

My mother goes back to District Four. It's a relief, even though having her around was less terrible than I thought it would be. Although we have come a long way towards having a civil relationship now compared to the situation before and right after the Hunger Games, we definitely don't have a closer mother-daughter relationship.

It would seem that Haymitch is taking over her job as a parent. Or I guess he did years ago. Drunken and dysfunctional as he is.

It feels like I'm being left out. Haymitch won't answer most of my questions about Peeta, and after a while, I stop asking. I'm not allowed to see him. They won't answer my questions when I ask why. Haymitch and I have dinner together almost every day. I spend most of the day at his house, and he's more often than not at the psychiatry ward, where they still have Peeta. That much I know. It's weird having dinner with Haymitch every night, alone. It feels like we're an old, married couple. He even tries pretty hard not to drink too much. He is by no means sober, but he's not passing-out-drunk, either. I don't tell him, but I do appreciate his efforts.

Three months after I came home from the hospital, I go hunting for the first time. Successfully. It's October, and the days are growing shorter. I come home with a single squirrel – which would've been an abysmal day back before the first Hunger Games. I even shot it through the stomach, so the meat is pretty much ruined. Still, it feels like a victory, and Haymitch is close to tears when he sees it.

I find that as the days pass, I'm able to enjoy being back in the woods again, alone. The voices saying my name have faded. My body is strong and healthy, my bow means death to quite a few turkeys and squirrels and even the odd deer. I can wander the woods, almost without making a sound, as if I don't exist. I blend in with the autumnal colors with my brown hunter's jacket and black jeans. Hunting helps me concentrate. I can lose myself, without worrying about whether I'll get lost, or what will happen in the future. Coming home with dinner is intensely satisfying.

I find that sometimes, I can even smile or laugh again. Johanna comes to visit, and we get drunk together. Three victors, all intoxicated around one table, playing poker. Not strip poker, even though Johanna wanted to. Well, she's playing strip poker, and losing at it, too, but Haymitch and I keep our clothes on, keeping our stakes to matches. I don't think I've laughed so hard in years. When I go to bed that night, the muscles of face actually ache because I've been laughing so much.

Johanna doesn't talk about Peeta, or (for once) sex, and I know that's not a coincidence. She must've talked to Haymitch. Her brief visit really lightens up fall.

Winter is coming.

I've stopped asking about Peeta. I don't go to the psych ward begging to be let in anymore. I know they won't let me, anyway. I know he won't see me.

One night, Haymitch comes home from the hospital particularly late. I'm almost starting to worry when I finally hear his heavy steps in the hallway. I know he'll be dragging in snow all over the hallway. It's the first snowfall of the winter. I try not to think about another first snowfall, years ago.

It hurts too much.

I know something is up. Haymitch doesn't talk at all during the meal. As I start doing the dishes, he says: "I talked to Dr Aurelius today."

So Dr Aurelius is still in District 12. That's pretty impressive for a Capitol doctor, showing such a level of commitment to your patient. Perhaps Dr Aurelius is as crazy as his patients are. "Oh." I try not to sound too interested.

"He wants to set up a meeting."

I drop a spoon on the floor. "Is Peeta going to be there?"

"Yes," Haymitch answers, observing my face for any kind of emotion. "Peeta, you, me, Dr Aurelius and the rest of the team. They… are thinking about discharging him."

I think about the divorce papers I returned without a signature. Four times.

"Why do you need me there? You haven't allowed me to play a part in his recovery at all. Because I guess he has recovered, hasn't he? I mean, if they are planning on discharging him?"

"Well, I wouldn't say recovered…" Haymitch hesitates. "I guess it's more appropriate to say that… there's not much more they can do for him. And he's not a danger to anyone. Or suicidal. Not anymore, anyway."

"And you need me to… what exactly?"

"To tell us what you want."

What do I want?