Who needs sleep? Not me apparently!

I suspect some of you will enjoy this chapter and although it was hell to write I kinda like it too

Jennifer's hand shook as she scribbled her signature to the bottom of another medical report before setting her tablet down with a thud. 'God, if this day isn't over soon I am going to scream!' Jennifer thought as she hunched forward and studiously ignored the faint sounds of a dog growling behind her. She rubbed her temples and then dragged her fingers through her hair "Not real. Not real. Not real" she chanted under her breath. Earlier that day as she had been talking to a nurse when she spied the shadow of The Crazy Girl behind a curtain and when she returned to her office the girl was seen again as she peered over the edge of her desk, staring at Jennifer with wide blue eyes. If Jennifer didn't know better she would say she felt as if she was being followed. But she did know better, none of it was real and all she had to do was ignore it until she got enough rest to chase away the ghosts.

Jennifer had been proud that she had made it to lunch, with the shadows, sounds and now all out hallucinations, she had begun to feel as if she was jumping out of her skin every other minute. The meal started well, she smiled when she was meant to, remembered to look at the person who was talking but when she finally went to eat her food all she could smell was the sickly copper tang of raw meat and unwashed dog. That episode upset her all the more because she had had to leave abruptly and knew her behaviour was being noticed, particularly by two meddlesome guys.

Jennifer tucked herself into the corner of a disused corridor and closed her eyes in exhaustion. The majority of her afternoon had been spent trying to avoid Crazy Girl without anyone else noticing. She knew it was pointless; she knew she couldn't escape what was ultimately a figment of her imagination but she was so tired of the constant state of exhausted panic that it was all she could come up with. Moments before Jennifer had been chased by giggles echoing off the walls of her office, med bay and main corridor.

Jennifer's eyes snapped open at a noise in front of her

"Doc" Ronon's voice called down the corridor and was quickly echoed by John's as they appeared to search for her.

Jennifer closed her eyes again, letting her head drift back against the wall and praying it would swallow her whole. No. On second thought don't think that, you never know with Atlantis. "Ronon, Sheppard" she stepped forward and greeted them calmly. Points for her. "Is there an emergency that you couldn't call me on the coms about?"

Both the guys gave her searching look "we know"

Jennifer's stomach dropped "you know what?" she said with a shaking voice.

"That something is going on with you" Sheppard said with a concerned frown.

Ronon stepped forward and took her elbow, drawing them further down the corridor and out of possible earshot from passers by. Jennifer had to fight the instinct to pull away and held her breath to try and hide her panicked response to the touch.

"Oh Doctor, you're going to have to tell them something now"

Jen's eyes widened fractionally when a shadowed figure appeared between Ronon and Sheppard. Jennifer balled her fists and glared "Go away" she said at the man who had been the ultimate cause of her troubles

Ronon and Sheppard shared a glance before Ronon said a firm "no"

The shadow solidified enough for an ill-defined mouth to curl up into a smile that did nothing to soften the darkened pits he had for eyes "now, now, Doctor, that's no way to treat a friend"

Jennifer took a breath to tell his exactly what she thought of him when John interrupted "we talked to Nicky". Jennifer's attention snapped to John "you've been acting weird for the last few days. You're distracted and the exhaustion is not getting better, in fact we're pretty sure its getting worse"

Jennifer tried to look offended while fighting down the rising panic "I'm fine"

"Bullshit" Ronon growled

"ooh look the ape man speaks"

"Stop it, you don't know what you're talking about" Jennifer shot a glare at Boss but directed her next statement to Ronon "I am fine, I promise. I'm a little tired is all. Nothing a good night's sleep wouldn't cure" She glared at Ronon "and wasn't it you who said to me just a few weeks ago that you couldn't see how forcing me to talk would be helpful? Really practicing what you preach here Ronon" She watched as his eyes flashed with guilt before hardening in resolve

"I also said I trusted you to talk to someone if you needed to"

Jennifer winced at the harsh truth thrown back at her

John ran his fingers through his hair and sighed with frustration "just stop hiding from us Doc. We're here to help"

"you don't even trust your own team; your own friends? Oh wildcat are you sure you made the right choice in holding out on me?"

"I do trust you!" she blurted out before composing herself "sorry, I know you're trying to help I just-"

"All that delicious torture could have been avoided if you had just told me the codes"Boss's grin spread wide and cruel"You are willing to die for these men but you can't talk to them about our time together. Sounds to me like maybe you enjoyed what I-"

"Shut up!" she shrieked and stabbed a finger at the shadowed figure of her dead torturer "You have no right to judge me! You let your bat-shit crazy girlfriend play with me like I was some toy she could doodle on with a knife" she watched him, panting, as the apparition looked smug and glanced at the two men watching her with growing concern

"Good luck wildcat, I expect you've got a lot of lying to do now"he moved forward and pressed himself against her at knees, hips and chest for a moment "see you around"and faded out of view

Jennifer staggered back, gulped and had to close her eyes against a wave of nausea. It had the added advantage of hiding the worried faces of the two most important men currently in her life. She managed to count to 4 before someone spoke up

"Jennifer" John said hesitantly "you do know there no-one there, right?"

"I am well aware" she sighed and looked at him "I have PTSD John, you know I've been having flashbacks?" the both nodded "well I've been having nightmares" She glanced at Ronon, remembering their time spent on the outdoor platform a few nights ago "and I think the exhaustion coupled with stress are the reason that I've been having hallucinations for the last few days"

"Hallucinating" Sheppard repeated flatly "you've been seeing the guy who hurt you around the city for the last few days and you didn't think to mention it?" Jennifer could tell he was trying to hide the hurt in his voice

"If I was able to sleep it would go away. A lack of sleep does a number on a person's mind" she tried not to cry when she saw doubt in Johns face "please, I haven't cracked, I'm just so tired. If you report this I will be pulled from this expedition and never allowed back, I can handle this, I just need to sleep"

John looked unsure but pulled her into a hug, sharing a determined look with Ronon who nodded "you need to talk to someone about all of this. If not officially then chose someone from my team, none of them will say anything" Jennifer nodded into his shoulder "and you're going to take the next 2 weeks off work" he held her tighter when she stiffened in his arms "you're going to make up any excuse you have to, I'll back up anything you say "Deal?". Jennifer hesitated before mumbling her agreement "Good" John said and pulled back, holding her at arm's length and searching her face "now you're going to go and-"

"Wait" Ronon said quickly "there's something else you said" John watched as the colour drain out of Jen's face "that hallucination you were talking to; you said he had a girlfriend" Jennifer bowed her head and gave an almost imperceptible nod "we didn't find any females" Ronon's voice deepened in anger "and you never mentioned her to any of us. You never mentioned her to-"

Sheppard's grip on her arms was tightened when he realised what was going on and he shook her slightly "why didn't you say anything?"

Tears were running down Jennifer's face now, shame burning away all other emotions "she was a broken little thing, dependent on the Boss for everything she did" her voice was soft and she couldn't meet their gazes "she asked him if she could doodle on me like I was nothing more than a canvas" she raised her head and they saw the contained fury she had "It was humiliating! My back is shredded not because I was being tortured but for entertainment"

"But you've been carrying this around for weeks"

"I was ashamed. You all thought I had suffered through some horrific drawn out sort of torture that was trying to get information out of me. The truth is that the worst of it was nothing to do with gaining info. I was asked no questions as she carved into my back. All I was expected to do was stand still and not scream least I ruin her picture" she looked at them both with a bitter smile "I still haven't seen her handiwork; Can't bring myself to look"

John let her go and turned from her, hiding his face as he battled to keep himself under control. Ronon didn't bother and spun her to face him squarely gave her a searching look "you should have told someone before now" he gave her a disapproving look "you're a doctor, you know better than this"

John took that moment to turn back "I'm going to organise a search party for her. Don't argue" he said when Jen opened her mouth "this is as much for us as it is for you". Sheppard and Ronon shared another meaningful look ending in a nod "make sure she understands" he said before leaving, clearly understand what was about to happen.

Ronon and Jen turn back to face each other "I'm a doctor, I know better than you" She said, trying to sound firm

"Well clearly you don't!" he yelled ignoring her attempt at calm as his anger frustration and fear took over "you lied to your superior officers, to your friends, to your family! You suffered through this alone, ignoring any offers of help that weren't forced upon you and driving yourself into the ground. Contrary to popular belief you are not without fault!"

"Don't tell me what I've done; I know what I've done; I've ruined everything! And you're not so faultless yourself!" Jennifer's eyes blazed and she took a step towards him.

Ronon had a mocking grin on his face "No but at least I know where my limits are!"

"Bullshit! How many times have I had to practically sit on you to make you stay in the infirmary huh?"

If you had tried that I would have happily stayed!" he barely even paused as he recognised the slip up at the admission "at least I haven't driven myself to such a state that I'm seeing things that aren't there" He said, frustration taking over as some of the anger faded

"I will admit that I've pushed myself too but really, what would you have thought of me if I had confessed at the beginning that not only was I struggling to cope but that I wasn't as heroic as you all seemed to think?! I couldn't face the pity, the doubt or the indifference of the people I love! I would have rather died!"

"Well you nearly did!" Ronon roared, his anger and frustration pouring back in full force "we all nearly lost you and then you come back and still it's as if you're never there!" he took a step forward, bringing him within an inch of her and lowering his voice until she could feel it thrum through her "it took me so long to trust people here, for so long I didn't understand what I could have. Don't make that mistake. Trust someone. Trust me"

Jennifer looked up at him, his eyes wide, pupils blown, and panting with residual anger. "I do" she said, paused for a moment her eyes drifting over his face and resting on his lips before she backed away, turned and left.

The anger dropped from Ronon as he watched her go; it had served its purpose in getting Jennifer to express her own anger and doubts. He hoped this was her turning point "come back to us Jennifer" he muttered, watching her walk away before heading off to find John; that search party was one thing he would not miss for all the universe.

There we go! I know a lot of you have been hoping for a scene like that for a while now, hope it hit the right notes

Just a couple of chapters to go.

Can't wait for you to read the next one!