"More tea, Duchess Taika?"
"I would love some, Queen Tina of Blowupyourfaceheim."
Tiny poured more of the brown concoction into the huntress's cup, reaching straight across the campfire without the slightest worry about being burned.
"There you go" she said cheerfully.
"Thank you" said the huntress sipping it. "This is very good tea. Earl Grey?"
"I believe so yes."
Baldemar was calmly sipping his own cup, clearly relaxed. "May I have another crumpet, my Lady?"
"Why of course!" exclaimed Tina grabbing one from the tray. "Here you are."
The inventor nibbled on the treat and smiled. "Tastes as good as it looks."
Dion sighed. "I don't see why you guys are having so much fun."
"Oh come on Shorty!" yelled Tina wrapping an arm around his shoulder and throwing her teacup into the air, splashing some tea on the ground. "It's a tea party, and you should have fun at a tea party! CHANGE SPOTS!"
Suddenly they all sat up and randomly went to another seat, carrying their plates and cups as they moved.
"I swear I have no idea how I got myself into this" murmured the Titan.
Baldemar laughed. "Just go with it. She might invite you into her tent if you play along."
"I don't want that you perverted old fart!"
The inventor scoffed. "Old? I'm barely thirty."
"Yeah. Old. What part of that did you not get?"
"Oh you son of a bitch. I'm…"
"Boys!" yelled Tina from across the campfire. "We're not at the official dueling portion of our tea party. I am afraid you're going to have to settle with insults at the moment."
"Suits me fine" murmured Dion. "You're a greasy shitbag."
"You're a twat and a bloody wanker" spat Baldemar sipping his tea.
"I can't tell if I'm talking to your face or your asshole."
"I refuse to have a battle of wits with an unarmed man."
"I hope your asshole grows taste buds."
"The sound of your pissing hitting a urinal is feminine."
"You're the opposite of Batman."
Tina burst into laughter. "Shorty got that round!"
"I am NOT short, woman!" roared the Titan glowing slightly green.
"Oh I understand. Must've hated drinking your milk when you were younger, right?"
He gripped his fists tighter. "I do hate milk actually."
"How can you hate milk? That's the stuff all the good stuff in the universe is made of! Like cheese and milkshakes and butter and pudding and cakes and ice cream and…"
"Okay I get it!" yelled the Titan. "I eat…most of that stuff. I just don't like milk by itself."
Tina narrowed her eyes. "Switch spots!"
She glared at him. "Not you Shorty! You stay right where you freaking are!"
Taika chuckled. 'You're in trouble."
"Shut up" snapped Dion.
They switched places and Tina plopped down right next to the Titan.
She pulled out a small bottle filled with a white liquid.
"I want you to drink this" she said holding it out.
He scowled. "Not a chance."
"Please?" she begged patting her wide eyes.
"No."
Tina snarled. "Do I need to shank a bitch?"
"How can you shank yourself?" joked Dion.
She laughed. "Ha! That would be original, if I hadn't said THE EXACT SAME FREAKING THING!"
"It's called irony you stupid bitch!"
She growled and began drinking the bottle of milk.
"I'm going to get back at you" she threatened lowly.
Dion grinned. "Try it."
She kept drinking, then stopped and grabbed the Titan.
Pulling him close, she kissed him on the lips.
Dion's eyes widened and he stared at her shocked. Then he felt something cold slide down his throat and he tried to force her aside.
Tina was grinning into the kiss, a smug look on her face. She was forcing the milk she had stored in her mouth into his, practically breathing down his throat.
"Aaaaaaand I got you!" she yelled breaking the kiss. She wiped her mouth and grinned. "So how did it taste?"
"If you hadn't poured that white shit into my mouth it would've been nice" he murmured spitting out some of the milk.
"I don't kiss a lotta guys, so better be happy" she pouted.
"I would be happy. But…the milk…ugh."
The Titan shuddered. "I hate that shit."
Taika laughed. "You two are so cute together."
"We ain't together! Single ladies FOREVER!" yelled Tina.
"Amen to that" said the huntress raising her cup.
They clanked them together and kept drinking.
Tina glanced over at the fourth Vault Hunter. "Masky, you haven't had a drop. Something wrong?"
Saprus glanced at her. "I can't eat or drink. I gotta have my mask on."
"Damn" murmured the Queen.
"It's a shame. It looks really good" mused the infected glancing at the cup.
"Well there's no point in being polite at this point! If any of you want something off Masky's plate, just grab that suckadub and suck it up!"
"Gladly" stated Baldemar grabbing the untouched crumpet.
"You're eating those at an alarming rate" noted the infected calmly, not even bothered that he just had someone swipe some food away from him.
"Reminds me of myself a few years ago" muttered Tina. "All I ate, like ever. Crumpets are CRAAAACK!"
"Totally agree with you my Queen!"
They clacked cups together, spilling some tea on the fire.
"Goddarn it that was my third cup!" roared Tina aggravated. "I didn't make that much tea!"
"You can have mine" offered Saprus.
She laughed in joy and grabbed it.
"Thank you so much Brigadier General Masky!" she yelled sipping her now fourth cup of tea.
"No problem Queen Tina."
"Queen Tina of Blowupyourfaceheim" corrected Taika.
"Of course it is."
Dion smashed his head into his palm. "How can you all play along with this?"
"It's easy. Just let yourself get absorbed in it and have fun" said the huntress.
"Yeah, that's what I did" added Baldemar.
"Even I'm playing along" murmured Saprus, "and I'm not even eating."
The Titan rubbed his head. "Okay, whatever. I'll play along."
He sipped his tea. "Heh. Not bad."
He smiled softly. "So, what nickname did you all give me?"
"Count Shorty!" yelled Tina excitedly.
"Goddamn it woman!" roared the Titan crushing his cup.
You all have no idea how much fun it was writing that. Now PLEASE review on what you thought of it! I want to know what I'm doing right/wrong.