Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto or any of its character as much as I would love to have a few of them hidden in my closet. They all belong to Mr. Kishimoto. Any of the characters you may not recognize of the canon story belong to me.

Don't Let Go

by Shihori

Chapter Nine: Denial

"Senpai." Tomoe could feel a headache coming just around the corner of her eye. She closed her eyes fighting the sudden tightness in her chest and labeling it apprehension. Lately she kept getting that annoying feeling that seemed only to serve one purpose –muddle her mind to the point of confusion that grew a little more with each step said headache took while dragging a chair closer to her before straddling it.

The lights were incredibly bright and from squinted eyes she could tell she was no longer in the small cell. She could smell the very noticeable lack of moldiness in the air. Her surroundings actually smelled cleaner.

Tomoe felt a wave of panic take over for what seemed forever. She could not remember the last time Sakura had given her a chakra boost. With how heavy her body felt despite the tremors running down her limbs she knew Sakura had not come by to give her another one. Something had gone wrong after Genta's visit –that was her guess –but Hatake-senpai –no, Rokudaime-sama would not be here just watching her discomfort with that self satisfied look on his eyes without calling for help. Or would he? And he was most certainly not calling for help. In fact he seemed to be quite calm.

"Who do I owe the honeymoon suite to?" She asked, sitting up slowly while ignoring the shakiness on her arms. Her bones felt as heavy as stone and the muscles as strong as porridge.

How long has it been? She wondered. A weakened body could go through a sort of withdrawal when not receiving the alien chakra, she knew this much so for now she set aside her self assessment hoping to get an answer soon enough.

She managed to sit up against the bed's headboard. That's when she noticed that above her head there was white cloth instead of hard stone. What had happened? She felt the panic wave rise again. Had they broken her out of jail?

"Funny choice of words." Kakashi said, his voice barely audible.

Tomoe felt like crap but at least her hearing was not messed up. "Why would that be funny?" Her throat was parched so her words came out more as a croak.

"No reason." Kakashi said. "How are you feeling Kurosagi-san?"

Like crap, was her first choice of words but she held herself in check. "I've been better. Where are we?"

"Campsite at the outskirts of the capital." He rested his forearms on the back of the chair and leaned in. "The tent is sealed so no one will hear a word of what we say here."

Just as she opened her mouth to question him a coughing fit racked her body. It took what little self control she could manage not to scream in pain. God…I'm really fucked up. She thought morosely as she tasted iron at the back of her tongue.

"What happened?" She finally managed in a whisper.

She had not noticed he had moved from the chair until her shoulders registered the extra weight on them. He had moved to her side. Squinting she managed a confused frown before he offered her a glass of murky water. She looked up at him wondering if the sudden flash of worry she had perceived on his eyes was a figment of her imagination when once again his eyes had reverted to the cat-that-got-the-milk look.

"Drink it." He said, "You were poisoned and this lovely concoction has been waiting patiently for you to wake up."

When her lips began forming a question he insisted once again and brought the glass closer to her face. In her mind, her inner Tomoe wrinkled her nose and glared at Kakashi since he seemed to be enjoying the whole prospect of her drinking whatever slug shake he was offering. And there was no doubt in her mind that it was a slug drink. If the nasty looking liquid had not given it away the note taped to the glass with the word enjoy and the exclamation marks that followed were a dead giveaway of who had prepared it for her.

"Do I have to make it an order Kurosagi-san?" Kakashi asked, "Tsunade-sama did instruct me in the proper ways of handling you."

The frown marring her pale face deepened as she looked even more suspicious of him and the drink.

"I know. That did not sound quite right to me either." He said with a chuckle. "But that's exactly what she did before giving in to my –hmm…let's say request, since no one can order that lady around."

"You said I was poisoned?" She asked, taking the glass from him. That's when she noticed that around her wrists instead of the manacles she had almost white bandages. On some areas they were slightly bloodied. Her body was so numb it had not registered the lack of weight around wrists and ankles.

"Yes. There was a lot going on in the council room so you were left alone. A mistake that almost cost your life."

Tomoe could hear in his tone that the situation had been quite serious. With one last look at the nasty drink she closed her eyes and exhaled slowly before bringing the rim to her lips. The smell was nauseating. The taste was vile. She had to press her lips firmly and concentrate in breathing in and out to keep the nasty slush to come back up.

"Tsunade-sama seemed to take some pleasure in mixing that thing up." Kakashi muttered, "Did you do something to get on her bad side?"

Tomoe took one more breath and when she trusted herself not to puke anymore she opened her eyes and said, "The list is rather long but I could start with the day I emptied out all the sake bottles in the house and refilled them with vinegar."

"That would do it." He said. "You're looking green there Rei."

"You-" She said only to be interrupted by the sudden need to vomit.

The darned man knew this was expected, Tomoe realized the moment he held her firmly by the neck and lowered her torso to her legs where a steel pan had magically appeared. I'll kill him, she thought angrily while another part of her moaned, Please make it stop.

It all passed in a haze. She could not tell how long she had been leaning down and keeping her head as close to the pan as possible, but when the vomiting gave way to dry heaving and finally just a terrible aftertaste, she turned her head slightly and promised murder with her eyes.

"A warning would have been good." She rasped.

"I'm sure you're right." He said smiling at her as he stood up. It was then that she realized her hair had been kept back by him and the back of her neck felt oddly chilled now. She felt a phantom memory of the last few minutes coming back –his hand on her neck and the thumb rubbing the spot right under her left ear.

He turned away from the bed taking the pan with him to a table where a chemistry set sat. She was no poison expert but she knew Tsunade would check the contents of her stomach to make sure everything was alright. It did not keep her from feeling embarrassed all the same.

Kakashi came back with what she hoped was a glass of water and a steel bowl. She took the glass from him, giving him a quick glare that said 'this better not be noxious too'. It truly was water and even though she was parched, she took it in small sips.

She could hear water dripping into the bowl and looked up. Time to face the music, she thought morosely. "Thank you Rokudaime-sama." She said, feeling less sluggish both in mind and body. "I'd ask to what do I owe your personal nursing to, but it's tiresome to act stupid, so please let's be done with this."

"Not sure we can be done with this fast enough Kurosagi-san." Kakashi said, straddling the chair before offering the wet cloth to her.

"Where would you like me to start?" She asked as she unrolled the thin towel and brought it to her face. A sigh escaped her lips when the coolness touched her overly warm face.

"Tsunade has briefed me about the Shadow Core's background and your leadership under her command." He shrugged, "That is not what I am interested in."

A chill ran down her spine. Slowly she leaned back on the headboard and returned the towel to the bowl. "Shall we cut to the chase Hokage-sama." She said schooling her face to keep her emotions buried underneath. "Have you told anyone else?"

"Not yet." Kakashi smiled, "That is why I am here playing nurse. I would like to hear the story first before taking any action."

Tomoe took a deep breath and released it slowly. "I was going to kill him." She said, "I truly intended to when I set out in search of him. When I heard he had come to the village after Sandaime's death and made contact with Naruto, I knew I could not stand around and wait for anyone else to do it. I had to kill Uchiha Itachi or die trying."

"And yet he's quite alive." Kakashi said, his eyes unreadable. "And he's got quite the attitude now. Quite different to the boy we both knew back in the day."

Tomoe could not help the slight quirk of lips but fixed it right away. "Yes well, that cannot be pinned on me."

"We did not know Akatsuki's plans back then. What made you deem him a priority suddenly?"

She took a sip of water and kept on talking. "I can write the details for you later so I will make this as short as possible."

"It took some time to find Itachi and when I did he separated from his partner to meet me." Tomoe's shoulders shrugged slightly. "We fought. We both had someone to look after. I would like to say neither held back but I know he did and I did not." A sigh escaped her lips as she pressed the cloth to her left eye, blocking her sight of Kakashi.

"When it seemed that neither of us was going to gain any ground on the other for a while, Itachi began coughing up blood. It would not stop and I still believed I knew Itachi. Part of me wanted to ask what was wrong while the other part of me considered the best way to finish him off while he was on his hands and knees."

"You let him live." Kakashi said in a tone devoid of inflection. It was probably worse to hear the lack of emotion in his voice than if he let his anger or disappointment color his tone. "Had he died then, by your hands, it might have made a difference at some point, maybe for good."

"He was Konoha's enemy and I let him live." Tomoe turned her face to him and stared right into his eyes, "I do not regret it. I will accept any punishment."

"Do keep those words in mind Kurosagi-san." He said, "How did you manage to pull all of it? As far as we know Itachi had died after fighting his brother. Madara had taken the body. How did they not suspect it was not Itachi?"

"By using one hell of a jutsu." Tomoe shrugged, "That's part of the details. In any case, I ended up helping him out. The idiot had not searched medical help, at least not shinobi medical. I grasped as much as I could of his problem. Not to burden you with medical terminology the Sharingan eyes were like a cancer to his body. The only way to keep it from eating away his organs was to remove his eyes."

"His eyes were taken by Madara and given to Sasuke." Kakashi pointed out. "Or is that a lie too?"

"No. Those are Itachi's eyes." Tomoe said, "I found someone close to Itachi's physique and bloodline."

"That is-" Kakashi began.

"The pure Uchiha line is dead." Tomoe gave him a deadpan look, "Does not mean there isn't many by-blows out there."

When he did not give a response to that she continued, " When I did, all I had to do was take Itachi's place with Kisame while he went to the underground doctor I had found willing to take on the surgery and had his eyes transplanted to the double while the double's eyes were given to Itachi. When they had healed, Itachi and his double found me and this time the double under a combined jutsu seal took Itachi's place with Kisame. The seal was placed in the sockets of the double's eyes and it allowed him to continue to look like Itachi even if the eyes were removed. Death included."

"That is one hell of a jutsu." Kakashi muttered, "Never heard of one that remains even after death, without chakra flowing into it."

"You may be the Copy Ninja sir," Tomoe said with a glint of anger at his suspicious tone. She knew she deserved it. But it didn't mean she'd take it gracefully. "But there is a lot more out there than what you know. This is a blood seal. As long as there is blood in the body, no matter how decayed and putrid, the jutsu seal will remain. We were counting on the body being put underground before it would decompose."

Kakashi's left eyebrow went up in an arch as he sighed. "That's going to be one hell of a mission report." He said. "I am guessing that he went into hiding while hell went down, you know with the Fourth Shinobi War. And come to think of it, so did you."

"I know how it seems to you. After all you were captain on the Fourth War and almost died from what I heard." Tomoe sighed, "We did not hide like cowards while everyone else was putting their life on the line Hokage-sama. Itachi joined in under Mist's banner having regained his health by then. I reported to Tsunade-shishou directly and was sent off to Shizune's division. By then I had already decided to make him my Ichi since the previous one had died while tracking Kabuto Yakushi, months before the war was declared."

Kakashi stood up and walked away while exhaling a deep breath. Tomoe stared at him while he paced at the opposite side of the tent. Once again she felt that bothersome tightness on her chest making her want to scream in exasperation at her uncharacteristic wishy washiness. When she had concocted this plan she had set aside her concerns believing it all to be for the greater good. She still believed so but for once she felt a need for someone else to believe her actions necessary.

Hell, Itachi had argued with her long and thoroughly, picking apart her logic by pointing out the inescapable consequences if they were found out. Without a second thought she had set aside those facts and trudged on with her plan. She had bought him more time but in exchange she had put an expiry stamp on her life as well. Back then her life had seemed secondary. Not too long ago it had still remained secondary to her plans. Now, watching one of the few people she held in high esteem analyze her actions made her second guess herself.

Gritting her teeth, she looked away from his lithe form and mentally smacked herself. I bought him more time, she thought gathering the disarray of feelings she had then and locking it up, I don't regret a minute of it.

All the same, Tomoe did not know what to make of the current situation. Something of this nature should have been brought to the attention not only of the other hokage but also the council and yet here was the newly appointed Rokudaime questioning her alone, right after playing nurse.

Maybe it was her simplistic way of seeing things that did not allow her to catch on to the logic behind his actions. Maybe she was too messed up to read through the layers of his actions. Maybe she simply was not good enough to decipher Hatake Kakashi's logic. After all, next to her he had more levels of experience. Whatever it was, it was making her head pound. She felt drained of everything but negative energy.

With a sigh, she reached out to the water pan on the table next to the bed and was glad to find her hand steady enough to grab it, even though it felt like it weighed a ton, and placed it on her lap. Dipping the face cloth in the iced water, she felt cramps crawling up her fingers but wrung the cloth all the same and placed the cloth on her neck.

A shiver ran down her spine and she took a quick look at her senpai. He had stopped pacing and opted to stare away from her with crossed arms over his chest. Tomoe could almost imagine a sand clock slowly trickling down next to him. It was only a matter of time. Everything was coming out to the light, but why do it bit by bit?

Annoyance took over her as she glared at his ANBU uniform clad back. She did not want to repeat the same story over and over again to all parties concerned, most certainly not to Naruto. She wanted everything to be done and over with but every second that went by with him standing there in silence seemed like an eternity to her.

She sighed as she turned her eyes to her feet, covered by the thick brown blanket and began wiggling her toes. It was probably better to concentrate on taking stock of her condition while her life remained in a precarious balance. Not that it mattered but if she was going to face a shinobi trial she would like to feel more like herself and less like a fragile doll about to break with a flick of a finger.

"If it were up to me," Kakashi said suddenly, breaking the long silence.

Tomoe looked up to face his back. He was still looking away from her.

"I could keep this a secret." He said, "I am sure that when you give me all those details you have omitted I will come to understand the reason why you took the decision to aide a missing-nin. So I am pretty certain I would be able to seal this away and let Itachi go on as he has so far."

Tomoe could feel her confusion escalating to higher levels hand in hand with her apprehension. "But it is not only up to you." Tomoe said carefully.

"Yes." He rubbed the back of his neck with his right hand. "Naruto. He will give me a hard time over this. There is no way it will remain a secret among us. Sasuke is still very important to him and to Sakura. They will never give up on him and knowing Itachi is alive may alleviate some of the weight on that boy's shoulders."

"Itachi and I are aware that we are living in borrowed time, Hokage-sama." Tomoe allowed herself to smile slightly while he was not looking. "We knew one day it would all come out and we would have to answer for all our deeds, good and bad."

Kakashi nodded and turned around. His face was relaxed, as if coming to this conclusion had lifted some tension from his shoulders. "How do you feel now?"

"Better." She said, suddenly self-aware of her state.

The clothes she wore felt three sizes bigger than her normal size. Her hair felt limp and sticky when she lifted it off her neck, which made her even more self conscious remembering how he pulled it back from her face earlier while she puked her guts out. A silent moan went through her head. She had very little concern for her appearance when she was not in a mission, but this time she had a terrible urge to hide under the blanket and not come out until she looked more like normal herself.

What the hell is wrong with me, she thought desperately as she turned her eyes away from him.

All the same she could feel his eyes fixed on her. Suddenly it clicked in her head that something was out of norm with his face. She had been too far gone earlier to notice, maybe even care, but now she realized he had been carefully watching her with both eyes.

"Sir," She began, hating the idea that had come up to her mind. "Did you use the Sharingan on me? Did you try compelling me to speak?"

Kakashi seemed to mull over that question for a second before saying, "I had considered doing so. So much has happened that I did not feel like playing cat and mouse with you."

He scratched under his eye where usually the leaf headband ended when hiding the Sharingan eye. "I asked Itachi if he had compelled you to keep him alive and he confessed that the Sharingan never worked with you. He doubted mine would either."

When only silence received that declaration Kakashi locked eyes on hers and added, "And no, I was not trying to intimidate you into telling me the truth either Kurosagi Tomoe. I'm pretty sure that's what is going through your head right now. I simply wanted to see you without any hindrances, hence the lack of company."

Tomoe felt like the world was tipping sideways while his eyes remained on hers. His words had an effect on her that she was unfamiliar with and did not care to examine too closely, so she gave him the simplest answer she could muster. "I see…"

With a sigh Kakashi reached behind him and pulled the hitai-ate from the weapons belt. He tied it up as he walked towards the tent door and said, "I'll let Tsunade-sama know you're awake. She'll be in right away."

Before she could say one more word he left. What had he expected for her to say? Maybe she was being too suspicious. Maybe she had been one of the liars for too long that she could not recognize an honest truth if it were to slap her on the face. Maybe she did not want to analyze that sensation deep in her chest that seemed to be slowly swallowing her whole. She lost even the slightest grip on her sense of self.

His words had befuddled her. Give her an infiltration mission and she could figure out a plan and carry it out successfully for months, no problem. Give her a code and she could break it, -most of the time. But the look he had given her just now was not something she had a codex for.

He said he had not wanted to play cat and mouse with her, but Tomoe felt all the same like a mouse hiding in the darkness from very watchful eyes, waiting -just waiting, for the right moment to take her whole.

Her cheeks flared with heat as she recalled those mismatched eyes on her. She shook her head and lowered her face to her bent knees. "What the hell is wrong with me!" She said in a tone akin to a wail and hugged her legs. "Please enough with all these emotions! They're useless!"

Her hands closed into fists making her awfully aware of how painful the movements were. The tightness in her chest increased and seemed to expand down her midriff. This enhanced state of weakness had made her too susceptible to bouts of sensitivity.

That's all it is, she thought stubbornly. Maybe I'm reading too much into everything. But no amount of reasoning seemed to ease her increasing worry. Maybe she simply was not good at not playing pretend if it did not have a mission seal next to it.

It seemed it had been forever since Rokudaime had left her but when the slight rustle of the tent's flap caught her attention she knew Tsunade-sama had arrived. Tomoe peeked from over her knees and felt some relief at the sight. It took the woman a few long steps to reach her bed where she plopped next to her before wrapping her arms around her without saying a word.

Tomoe gritted her teeth against the sudden urge to give in to tears but let go of her legs all the same and hugged Tsunade back. The old slug would berate her till kingdom come after the emotional display, there was no doubt about it, but for now Tomoe allowed herself to enjoy the familiar warmth.

When she knew her voice would not crack with tears, Tomoe whispered, "I'm home."

Tsunade's response was to tighten her arms around her and in a tone filled with emotion she said, '"Welcome home brat."

Final Check: 7/31/2014