A/N: Fire lighted, a cup of tea and now weaving another OG character into the story. Hope you enjoy!

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Chapter 10

Thursday, Dec 7

Christmas was supposed to be a time of harmony and peace. Rab Khalil did not feel very harmonious, though. This time of year, he always found himself feeling a bit torn between his two worlds and this year more than ever.

Born in UK as the child of first generation Pakistani immigrants, he both felt like a Brit and a Pakistani – but his parents kept insisting he was more Pakistani than he identified himself as being. He looked Pakistani but he spoke English without any foreign accent and most of the time felt very British on the inside, although proud of his origin. Yet, his parents expected him to walk in their footsteps when it came to culture, traditions, religion, profession – and love. Or rather marriage, as their expectation was that marriage was something arranged between two families rather than a consequence of anything as capricious as love between two individuals.

As a child, Rab had felt that having access to two cultures only had made him richer. When he grew older, he frequently experienced that his two worlds were colliding with him caught in the middle. He loved his parents and wanted to make them proud and happy, but it was hard to combine with staying happy himself. His family were quite secular Muslims and in many ways had assimilated to living in UK, yet many traditional expectations remained on him as the eldest son and he struggled with how to live up to them. When he could not, there were inevitably conflicts between him and his parents, and he hated it.

The greatest conflict up to now had started two years ago and was still ongoing, even if it was not as infected as when it first began and they did their best to sweep it under the carpet. The conflict had been sparked when Rab announced that, instead of joining the family business, he wanted to enlist in the army. This had been followed by many hard conversations, his father shifted between being disappointed and so angry his faced turned red, his mother sad and tearful. They could not understand how their beautiful, intelligent boy would want to become a soldier, killing people, rather than working with them, building on their legacy. Rab on the other hand, felt that he wanted to make a choice of his own rather than just walking in their footsteps, and that he would be proud to defend the country that had welcomed his family and which he considered his home.

After many lengthy discussions and outright fights, they had capitulated, realising they would not be able to change his mind, but they only accepted reluctantly and to Rab's disappointment they had refused to attend his passing out ceremony. He felt quite certain that his mother had wanted to attend, but that his father had forbid it and as the patriarch his word was the final one. It had saddened him, and it continued to be a thorn in his side, knowing that they kept hoping he would leave the army sometime soon, instead of feeling an ounce of pride over what he did. They had reconciled before he went on his first tour, because they loved their son and could not bear the thought of him leaving without making up, but they would never fully accept his choice.

Today, Rab had been able to get a day of compassionate leave approved. Not because anyone close to him was sick, but for the joyous occasion that it happened to be his father's sixtieth birthday and the extended family was gathered to celebrate him. The celebration took place at Rab's uncles restaurant, where an assortment of traditional dishes now was served accompanied by classical Pakistani music, which Rab thought was a welcome break to the Christmas songs played everywhere else. Food was great, company was great, everyone was happy - except Rab who lately found himself having a constant knot in the pit of his stomach because something did not feel right.

Rab was a handsome young man, although his Brit friends used to tease him that it would be possible to hide an elephant in his schnauz, which just made him confidently shrug his shoulders and say that it was a perfectly sized and chiselled nose. Large nose or not, he usually received his fair share of female attention and did not hesitate to flirt every now and then, but he had never let anything turn into something serious except with the girl that his parents had set him up with. There was no better description for it really. Years ago, his parents had agreed with Aisha's parents that it was a great idea if the two of them got married one day and they had grown up with that expectation.

Aisha was a nice, pretty, quite shy girl but with a lovely sense of humour once one knew her well, like Rab did. He liked to spend time with her, so he had never opposed to that, on the contrary. It was only lately that it had dawned on him that he would actually be expected to marry her soon, share her bed and have kids together. Preferably many of them. Problem was, that even if he liked her it was in a strictly platonic way and she did not evoke any feelings of passion or love in him except like for a friend or sister. This was bothering him increasingly. He had never been in love for real – and he very much wished to be, but he knew he would never feel that for his fiancée.

He could only imagine how his parents would react if he would tell them. It was expected that he would marry a nice Muslim girl. It did not matter that his family were all secularised Muslims, this was what they expected. If it had been difficult to tell them about and make them accept his career choice, that would be a breeze compared to the storm that would blow up if he said he wanted to marry a girl of his own choice. Maybe they would cut him off, he could not be sure. He did not know how he would be able to live with that, live without his family, but he did not know how he would be able to live in a loveless marriage either.

During the noisy lunch celebration, Rab was listening with half an ear to his family, relatives and friends chatting around him, while he gazed out through the large restaurant windows facing the street. It had started snowing outside, the first snow was finally here, adding a touch of magic to everything. He was hypnotised by the large snowflakes slowly falling and wondered if it was true that not a single one looked exactly the same as another if one looked at the crystals up close.

Suddenly something bright red caught his eye. It was a girl in a red coat, coming out from a doorway in the opposite building. He watched her as she brushed off snow from her bike and then struggled to unlock it. Seemingly the lock had frozen and he smiled when he even from a distance could see from her expression and lips moving that she was cursing it. Finally, she gave the lock a kick and that seemed to do the trick. He could not help being fascinated by her. The colourful coat, a beautiful face and black curly hair in a dark halo around her head as she was not wearing a hat, despite the snow. He wondered where she originated from, because just like himself she had another skin tone and features than the regular winter pale Brit, looking exotic. Not Pakistani for sure, maybe some African nationality mixed with something else. A very fortunate mix anyway. Now she agilely jumped up on the bike and was off and he thought she was either brave or stupid to bike, since the risk of slipping on ice seemed high today.

He returned his attention to the table company, as his aunt touched his elbow saying something. Aisha gave him a smile from across the table and he smiled back at her and again felt the knot in his stomach noticing the complete lack of excitement this generated on his part. How could he marry a girl when he did not feel for her? How would it be possible to undress Aisha and get it up when he was zero attraction to her? He tried eating a naan but the thoughts nagging him made him lose his appetite.

Outside, the girl in the red coat now returned, maybe she had forgotten something. She parked her bike and hurried inside again, her body language signalling frustration and anger. He was still looking for her when his mobile rang. The display told him it was his CO, which meant he had to take it even on a day like this, especially as the captain had been kind enough to grant him this leave. He signalled to his table neighbours that he would take it outside the noisy restaurant and went outdoors despite that his mum gave him a disappointed look as he left the table.

"Khalil", he answered.

"Captain Geddings here…"

The CO called to brief him in preparation for an exercise that was to start tomorrow, as he had missed the live version of the information this morning. Rab liked Matt Geddings. He was a fair CO who did not find it very important to separate himself, a commissioned officer, from the privates under his command as long as they respected him and followed his orders when it mattered. For that reason, they always did. Now Geddings had even invited the full section to his posh Christmas Eve wedding and as Rab's family did not celebrate Christmas anyway, he had accepted without hesitating. Then he had done something he was not proud of. He had told Aisha that girlfriends and wives had not been invited, only the section as a group. He felt such a strong need to get out and away without her, just have some fun with the lads. Even if he was not a practising Muslim, he rarely drank alcohol, did not see the point of it, but he was looking forward to having some unrestricted fun without having to take care of a shy girlfriend who did not know anyone else. He did not mean to do anything mean to her, but he desperately felt the need to breathe.

Just as captain Geddings gave him the final instructions, the girl in the red coat came out through the doorway again. She seemed to be in a hurry as she grabbed the bike again and headed off in the snow, which now was falling more intensively. She had only gone a short distance when the bike slid on some ice. Like in slow motion he saw her tumble and finally hit the ground.

"I'm sorry Sir, there's been an accident. I have to go help… I'll call you back, sorry."

He hung up on his CO, which was highly irregular, but this was an emergency, and then rushed to the girl. She was lying on the ground, but obviously had not hurt herself too badly because he heard her mutter profanities of the kind that would make his mother appalled.

"Fuck fuckety fuck, I hate this bloody shit day!"

"Are you okay?"

She looked up.

"Do I look okay?" she snapped.

She did actually, she looked absolutely amazing lying in the snow in her red coat and dark hair. Even though she was not seriously injured she seemed to feel pain where her bum had hit the ground and grimaced. Her handbag had flown away through the air, its contents now spread in the thin snow layer covering the ground. He reached to start collecting them for her.

"Don't touch my things!"

"What?"

"I know your type."

She brusquely took a lipstick and a pack of tampons from his hand and he backed off, now a bit annoyed.

"What type? The one that tries to help?"

She just gave him an angry stare and continued to collect her lost items.

"Sorry, I was just trying to be kind."

He watched as she got to her feet, got the bike up and lead it to the pavement.

"Don't stare at me! What are you, some voyeur taking pleasure in other's misery?"

Now he had had enough of this rude girl and just gave her a cold look expressing that, before he turned his back to her and started walking in the direction back to the restaurant. Then he heard a sigh behind his back and felt a hand touching his arm, and he turned around to face her again. Her face now looked softer, apologetic.

"I'm sorry… It's not your fault I'm having a bad day and I shouldn't take it out on you."

When he turned around she added.

"I mean it, I'm sorry. Thanks for the help."

"Are you hurt?"

"My bum and my pride, nothing I won't survive. It's just been a shitty day… I was waiting for news about something and it didn't come, and I think that means bad news and just because I waited for the mail to come I was late to work, and then the lock to the bike was frozen, and I forgot by handbag and then I slipped…"

She smiled faintly.

"…then this nice guy tried to help me, and I was being a total asshole."

"It wasn't that bad."

She raised an eyebrow.

"Okay, maybe it was, but you're forgiven now that I know your story."

"Thanks. I really should get going. I'm soooo late for work, I'm totally stressed out."

Despite her words, she made no sign of moving away, suddenly seemed reluctant to leave.

"Yeah, you seem very stressed", he smirked.

"Probably will have stress breakdown any minute", she smiled in return. "What are you doing here in this cold anyway, without a coat?"

He nodded towards the restaurant.

"I'm having lunch with fifty people of my closest family, to celebrate my dad's sixtieth birthday."

She looked at the sign above the restaurant door, Little Karachi – Pakistani restaurant.

"I've never been to a Pakistani restaurant. Is it any good?"

"I should hope so, my uncle owns it."

"Ah, nice. Maybe you could take me some time?"

He felt butterflies in his stomach at the thought of taking this girl anywhere, as his date, but that was obviously something that never was going to happen and the mischievous grin she gave him indicated she was only joking with him anyway.

"I hope you have a great lunch then, I need to go now."

"And you have a great life until next time we run into each other by coincidence."

"Why does next time have to be by coincidence?"

If the talk about the restaurant had not been an invitation, this clearly was, but he found himself unable to respond to it. How could he, when he was promised to another girl who was sitting just on the other side of the wall? He was not that type of guy. He was a good and decent guy who did the right thing. Something inside him told him he wanted to meet this girl again more than anything, but he just remained silent and looked at her like he did not notice the invitation. She shrugged her shoulders and nodded good bye again and turned to walk to her bike. He kept looking after her and she only had walked a few feet when she slipped and fell again, this time landed flat on her back staring up in the sky.

She started giggling.

"I give up, I'm apparently not supposed to get to work today. I'll just stay here."

He went over to give her a hand, but then slipped too on the ice that was hidden under the snow layer that was growing thicker by the minute. Both of them burst into fits of laughter and she said;

"Come on, let's do it. It's not that often you find yourself lying on your back in the snow."

He felt a surge go through his body.

"Do what?"

"Snow angels!"

She started moving her arms and legs, creating the silhouette of an angel around her in the snow. He had not done this since he was a kid and felt a bit silly, but he could not resist joining her and he felt an easy happiness he had not felt in a long time. Private Khalil making snow angels with an unknown girl - a swearing, definitely non-Muslim girl that his parents would never approve of. Yet this felt so good.

Finally, they got to their feet, carefully, not to slip again and not to destroy the angel patterns. One small angel next to a larger one, almost looking like they were holding hands.

"Thank you", she smiled. "You have made my day."

And she had made his, maybe his entire week. They said good bye again and she jumped up on the bike, started biking more careful this time, and he turned around to go inside but then came to think of something, turned and shouted after her.

"I'm Rab by the way. What's your name?"

"Maisie!"

She was gone, and he returned inside. Felt more like a stranger in his own life than ever, looked at Aisha and knew she would never make him feel a surge in his body like Maisie had.

When they all left the restaurant a few hours later, the intensive snow fall had erased his and Maisie's angels and his heart filled with sadness at the loss.