CHAPTER TEN: THE JOYS OF LOCKHART

I had assumed that by the next morning everyone would have forgotten about Ron's and my flying car entrance, but I was wrong. In fact, word had spread to the other three Houses. The moment Ron and I entered the Great Hall for breakfast, many Hufflepuffs and Ravenclaws ambushed us wanting to know all about or entrance. Thankfully, I managed to slip away leaving Ron at the mercy of the Hufflepuffs and Ravenclaws. He didn't care. He was happy with all the attention.

I went and sat across from Hermione who had her copy of Voyages with Vampires by Gilderoy Lockhart propped open against a milk jug.

'And here I was think that last night's events had been forgotten,' I muttered to her.

'What do you expect?' Hermione replied stiffly. She still didn't approve of what Ron and I did. 'You're famous and you did something that no one has ever done before.'

I was saved from answering when Neville sat down next to me and said cheerfully, 'Morning.'

'Morning, Neville.' I smiled over at him.

'Post's did any minute – I think Gran's sending me a few things I forgot.'

He was right too. As I started to eat my porridge, a hundred or so owls swooped in, circling the hall and dropping parcels and letters into the chattering crowd. I didn't even bother looking up for I knew that I wouldn't be receiving any mail. Sure enough, Neville got a parcel of the belongings he had forgotten, which was shortly followed by something large and grey falling into Hermione's jug, spraying milk and feathers everywhere.

'What on earth -?' I carefully and gently helped the old owl onto the table. It was unconscious.

'Isn't that Ron's owl?' asked Hermione, looking at it closely.

'I have no idea,' I replied, taking a damp red envelope out of the owl's beak.

'Yes, I'm sure that's the Weasleys' owl, Errol.'

'Well, it's dressed to Ron… where is he anyway?' I looked around the Hall.

'He's still with his fan club,' Hermione said stiffly.

'Let's hope this letter's not important than,' I muttered putting It beside me and offering the now conscious Errol some toast. Out the corner of my eyes I could see Neville looking at the envelope as though it was going to explode.

'What's wrong with you, Neville?' I asked.

'Ron's been sent a Howler,' he replied nervously.

'What's a Howler?' I asked, but Neville didn't answer for Ron had just taken the other seat next to me.

'Ron, you have a letter,' I said, handing him the letter than watching as he paled dramatically.

I looked back at the envelope not understanding what the boys were so scared of.

'You'd better open it, Ron,' Neville said looking warily at the red envelope. 'I ignored one from my Gran once… it was horrible.'

'Ron nodded and with trembling fingers he pried open the wax seal, during which time Neville stuffed his fingers in his ears. If I didn't know any better, I would think that they were playing some sort of joke. However, I found out the reason to their strange behaviour the moment Ron opened the Howler. It was as though it had exploded. Mrs Wesley's voice echoed around the Hall. Everyone turned to look at Ron who was trying to disappear.

'RONALD WEASLEY! HOW DARE YOU STEAL THAT CAR! I AM ABSOLUTELY DISGUSTED! YOU WAIT UNTIL I GET HOLD OF YOU! I DON'T SUPPOSE YOU STOPPED TO THINK OF WHAT YOUR FATHER AND I WENT THROUGH WHEN WE SAW IT WAS GONE! AND AFTER THE LETTER FROM DUMBLEDORE LAST NIGHT, I THOUGHT YOUR FATHER WOULD DIE OF SHAME! WE DIDN'T BRING YOU UP TO BEHAVE LIKE THIS! YOU AND HARRY COULD HAVE DIED –'

I went red and suddenly felt terribly guilty. While I hadn't had much to do with Ron's parents, they were still kind to me. Didn't they give me Christmas presents last year? And how did I repay them? I make them worry.

'- YOUR FATHER'S NOW FACING AN INQUIRY AT WORK, AND IT'S ENTIRELY YOUR FAULT! IF YOU PUT ANOTHER TOE OUT OF LINE, WE'LL BRING YOU STRAIGHT HOME!'

The red envelope then burst into flames and became nothing more than a pile of ashes. The Hall was silent, everyone looking at Ron and me, though I tried to pretend as though nothing had happened, but I knew that my red face betrayed me.

Eventually, everyone went back to their breakfast and the Hall was its noisy self once more. It was then that Uncle Severus stopped behind us.

'Who would have thought that Weasley's Howler would kill two birds with one stone,' he said, before walking off.

'What does he mean by that?' asked Ron.

'He's saying that while it is punishing you, making you feel guilty for what you did, it has done the same thing to Harry,' Hermione explained, closing Voyage with Vampires. 'Though it's weird hearing him use a Muggle expression,' she added, thoughtfully. 'Most wizards don't.'

'Maybe he's a half-blood or Muggle-born,' said Ron, pushing away his breakfast. The letter had made him lose his appetite. 'I'm guessing half-blood seeing as there has never been a Muggle-born Slytherin.'

Grandmother then came around with our timetables. We had double Herbology with the Hufflepuff's first.

My friends and I left the castle together and headed for the greenhouses. As we approached the greenhouses, we saw that the rest of our class had already assembled outside waiting for Professor Sprout. We did not have to wait long. Moments later she came striding into view with her arms full of bandages, and a scowl on her face. Lockhart was accompanying her. I now understood the scowl.

'Why, hello there!' Lockhart greeted us cheerfully. Many students smiled and said hello back. 'I was just showing Professor Sprout the right way to tend to a Whomping Willow, but I don't want you running away with the idea that I'm better at Herbology than she is! I just happened to have met several of these exotic plants in my travels.'

'Isn't he the modest one?' I muttered sardonically.

'Pity those plants didn't do him any damage,' he muttered back.

'Ron!' said Hermione, shocked, as Sprout ushered them into Greenhouse Three, which housed many interesting, yet dangerous plants.

Just as I was about to enter the greenhouse behind Rona and Hermione, Lockhart's hand shot out and grabbed my shoulder.

'Harry! I've wanted a word – you don't mind if he's a couple of minutes late, do you, Pomona?'

Sprout did mind, but before she could object, Lockhart led me away.

'Harry, Harry, Harry!' he said, arm around my shoulders, pinning me to his side, making me extremely uncomfortable. I was hoping that, by some miracle, Uncle Severus would come along and get me away from the new professor.

'Harry, let me give you some friendly advice,' he said, coming to a halt. 'You have plenty of time to peruse fame.'

'Sorry?' I had no idea what he was on about.

'It's alright, Harry… I understand,' Lockhart said, smiling down at my bewildered face, 'but you can't start flying cars to try and get yourself noticed. You just calm down, alright? There's plenty of time for all that when you're older.'

I gave him a disbelieving look, which he misinterpreted.

'Yes, I know what you are thinking. "It's alright for him; he's an internationally famous wizard already!" –'

What do you think I am then? I thought bitterly.

'- but when I was twelve, I was just as much as a nobody as you are now,' he continued, making me raise my eyebrows. 'In fact, I'd say I was even more of a nobody.'

'You don't say,' I muttered bitterly. Uncle Severus had told me that Lockhart had been one of the most unpopular kids at school. He was worst at school than Neville. He wasn't as good-looking either.

'I mean, a few people have heard of you with all that business with He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named,' Lockhart continued, oblivious to my comment. 'I know it's not as good as winning Witch Weekly's Most Charming Smile Award five times in a row, as I have, but it's a start, Harry. It's a start.'

Lockhart winked at me and walked off, leaving me just standing there, staring after him disbelievingly. I now understood why Uncle Severus disliked him. When I remembered that I had to be Herbology, I headed back to Greenhouse Three and walked inside. The lesson was yet to begin. They were all waiting for me.

'Sorry,' I apologised to Sprout.

'I don't blame you, Potter,' replied Sprout. 'You're not the one that wanted to talk to him.'

'You got that right,' I muttered, taking my spot between a curious Ron and Hermione. I knew both of them were wondering why I was in a foul mood and why Lockhart wanted to see me.

'Right, today we will be re-potting Mandrake,' said Sprout, now that the entire class was accounted for. 'For here can tell me the properties of the Mandrake root?'

I didn't even blink when Hermione's hand went flying into the air. It didn't surprise me that Hermione's hand was the first and only hand to go into the air. In fact, nobody, including Sprout, looked surprised.

'Mandrake, or Mandragora, is a powerful restorative,' Hermione explained in a tone which made Uncle Severus wonder if she had in fact swallowed a textbook. 'It is used to return people who have been transfigured or cursed to their original state, but it's also quite dangerous. The cry of the Mandrake is fatal to anyone who hears it.'

'Excellent! Ten points to Gryffindor,' said Sprout, while I looked down at the plants in front of us. What did Hermione mean by "cry"?

'But seeing as out Mandrakes are only seedling their cries won't kill you yet,' Sprout continued, 'however, they can knock you out for several hours. It is for this reason that I have given you each a pair of earmuffs. So… how do we re-pot them? Well, you grasp them firmly, and then pull it straight up. You then put him in the new pot and put some fertilizer around him to keep him warm.'

She then got us all to put on our earmuffs and gave us a demonstration. With the demonstration over, she put us into group of four. Ron, Hermione and I were joined by a curly-haired Hufflepuff boy named Justin Finch-Fletchley, who briefly told us that he was a Muggle-born, before we were sent to work.

After Herbology the second year Gryffindor's had Transfiguration with Grandmother, which turned into a disaster for Ron. He had tried to fix his wand with some Spellotape he borrowed off Lee Jordan, but it didn't help. The wand was beyond replier. Throughout the lesson, it crackled and sparked, before issuing thick grey smoke, which smelt like rotten eggs. It was that bad, several people had to leave the room. Ron then ended up squashing his beetle and had to ask for another one. Grandmother wasn't pleased.

When the luck bell went, the class hurried left the smelly room, everyone except Ron and me.

'Stupid – useless – thing!' Ron growled, whacking his wand furiously on the desk.

'That's not going to help the situation,' I said as the wand started sounding like a firecracker. 'I don't understand why you don't write home and ask for a new one.'

'And get a Howler back?' Ron snapped. 'No thanks!'

'They're going to find out eventually,' I said patiently. 'I wouldn't be surprised if McGonagall writes to them.'

'I'll take my chances,' Ron grumbled as we headed for the Great Hall. 'I might tell them after Christmas or when I go home for the summer holidays. By then her anger should have subsided.'

'I just hope you know what you are doing.'

At lunch, Ron's mood didn't improve. It actually did the opposite, seeing as Hermione showed us all her perfect coat buttons she had produced in Transfiguration from the beetle.

'What have we got next?' I asked, quickly changing the subject before argument could occur.

'Defence Against the Dark Arts,' Hermione answered instantaneously.

'Why have you outlined our Defence lessons in little hearts?' Ron demanded, catching sight of Hermione's timetable.

Hermione didn't answer. Instead, she blushed furiously.

'Don't tell me you have a crush on Lockhart, Hermione!' I said, horrified.

She blushed even harder.

Shaking my head, I led the way outside into an overcast courtyard where Hermione sat there reading Voyages with Vampires again, while Ron and I sat talking about Quidditch. During our conversation, my Valkyrie instincts notified me that I was being closely watched. I looked up and my eyes fell upon a very small, mousy haired, first year boy. He was staring at me transfixed, clutching an ordinary Muggle camera. The moment I sat there looking at him, he went bright red and walked towards me.

'Alright, Harry?' he asked breathlessly.

'I'm fine, thanks,' I replied. Ron turned his attention to the boy, only just realising that I hadn't heard a word he had said.

'Who are you?' he asked rudely.

'I'm – I'm Colin Creevey,' the boy replied. 'I'm in Gryffindor too!'

'And what do you want?'

'I was wondering if I could get a photo of you, Harry,' Colin said hopefully.

'Why?' I asked suspiciously. Why on earth would the boy want a photo of me?

'So I can prove that I've met you. I know all about you!'

'Have you been spying on me?' I demanded.

'No. I've just been told by other students that you are famous for surviving the Killing Curse and being You-Know-Who's downfall.'

'Oh.' What else would I say? The boy was acting as though I was a movie star or something.

'So can I have a picture? And can you then sign it?'

'You're giving out signed photos, Potter?'

Colin just had to say that as Draco was walking past, didn't he? But that wasn't the worst part. No, the worst part was that Lockhart also was walking passed as Malfoy expressed "sighed photos". Before I knew it, I was once more, clasped to Lockhart's side; only this time, I was burning with humiliation.

'Come on then, Mr Creevey,' said Lockhart, beaming down at Colin, 'a double portrait. You can't do much better than that, and we'll both sign it for you.'

'Speak for yourself,' I grumbled as Colin took a photo. Moments later, the bell went telling them that it was time to go to afternoon classes.

I tried to follow my friends, and the crowd back inside, but Lockhart wouldn't let go off my shoulders.

'A word to the wise, Harry,' Lockhart said paternally as he led me to the Defence lesson. 'I covered up for you back there with young Creevey – if he was photographing me too, your schoolmates won't think you're setting yourself up so much. Let me just say that handing out signed pictures at his stage of your career isn't sensible. To be frank, it looks a tad bigheaded.'

'Then what's your excuse?' I asked rudely.

'Huh… you sounded just like Professor Snape then,' Lockhart said, not sounding too happy about my attitude. 'But you shouldn't view him as a role model, Harry. It won't get you far.'

Thankfully, we had arrived at the classroom and he let me go. I hurried inside and went and sat right at the back of the room, ignoring the empty seat next to Ron at the front of the room. Ron hurriedly joined me at the back, leaving Hermione up the front sitting next to Neville.

'You okay?' he asked.

'I'll be better when I'm far away from Lockhart!' I huffed. 'If he lectures me one more time about fame… I'll cure him!'

The class didn't improve my mood. Lockhart started the lesson with a test about him before letting some Cornish pixies free in the classroom, leaving Ron, Hermione and I to catch them, while he and the rest of the class fled.

'Can you believe him?' Ron said as we got the last pixie in the cage.

'He just wants to give us some hands on experience,' Hermione defeated instantly.

'Hands on?' I repeated, looking at her as though she was insane. 'Hermione, he didn't have a clue what he was doing!'

'Nonsense! You've read his books; look at all the amazing things he's done!'

'Amazing, but unbelievable and unrealistic,' I replied as we left the now Cornish pixie free classroom. 'It's impossible for him to have done all those things. You cannot defeat a banshee just by smiling at it. Then there is his pretty little face and perfect hair. There is no way he could have tackled a werewolf or any of those creatures can still have a flawless skin! Not even a Valkyrie could do that!'

'What's a Valkyrie?' Ron asked blankly while Hermione tried to rack her brains for the term.

'Never mind. My point is that Lockhart's a fraud and one day everyone will see it. I just hoped that I'm around when he falls.'

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Written: 24 September 2012
Updated: N/A
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DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT CLAIM OWNERSHIP OVER THE ORIGINAL COPYRIGHTED MATERIAL IN THIS STORY. THIS IS A NON-PROFIT FANDUB CREATED BY FANS, FOR FANS. NO COPYRIGHT INFRINGEMENT INTENDED. FAIR USE ONLY. I DO, HOWEVER, CLAIM SOME COPYRIGHT OVER HARRI SINCE SHE IS HALF BASED ON MY ORIGINAL VALKYRIE CHARACTER, PRINCESS HARRIETTA.