Beta: The incredible and amazing kiwihipp

(Updated 29 Nov)

Epilogue

Due to my telling of what I had imagined and then the snowball fight, we each took our spots at the table for our annual first of the year table conference on the third of January.

Alice started us off covering all the details regarding our money management, investments, charity accounts, foundations, and other aspects of where the Cullen money had gone in the past year. It was hard to not have Edward there to add to that part of the discussion as usually they worked in concert. A few times Alice had paused, which was unlike her. I suspected that in those moments she had spoken what Edward would have otherwise said. It made me miss him in a way that I hadn't since arriving in Newfoundland.

Then Jasper informed us about our digital identities and where we stood with that as well as our paper trail identities.

Rosalie talked about the cars, their present condition, and any recommendations she had for the next year.

Emmett passed, as did I.

Carlisle mentioned Alice's request.

She talked about the relatives that she had found along with her desire to help them with their housing and educational needs. She described in detail her ideas of how to set up a foundation for schooling on their behalves. For a few hours we talked about what her relatives might need and how to give them the money without them knowing it was from us or raising suspicion generally, since it would be the first time that we helped people related to us in a manner like she was requesting. My favourite option was to have them win a prize so they could get a newer home or fix the one they live in. Emmett, as always, had some pretty wild ideas. One thing you can say about him is that he thinks outside the box.

Her request then raised a lengthily discussion about whether or not agreeing to do this meant that anyone could request something similar for their living family members, and how we might wish to do such a thing. Although some details of how to go about it were contentious, it seemed to be our overall belief that we should assist our family members if we wanted to, assuming that it was untraceable to us.

Things were winding down when Emmett piped up, his desire to have things resolved apparent, "Enough of the boring stuff, what are we going to do about Bella?"

Carlisle smiled indulgently at him, "We're getting there. Anyone have anything else?"

We all responded in the negative in one way or another.

"We would all pay a heavy price for going back in multiple ways, and it would be by far the riskiest move we would have ever made, so I refuse for us to make any decision unless we all agree," Carlisle stated without room for argument.

"Agree?" Emmett asked shocked. "No offense, Pop, we haven't all agreed on anything since …" the minutes went by while Emmett sat lost in thought, finally he finished, "before I joined the family, so a long time ago if ever." He looked up at the ceiling as if it held the answers speaking slowly. "I mean, maybe one or two consent or someone doesn't really care to hold a strong opinion, but agree. You're asking the impossible. Especially since the last conversation about Bella nearly broke our family." He frowned and his whole countenance looked forlorn. Then he smiled slyly and turned to Carlisle, "But hey if you can get shapeshifters to agree to a treaty, maybe you can pull this off too. You are a miracle worker after all." Then he chuckled at his own joke.

Carlisle smiled knowingly. "I am aware of the challenges that condition might bring. Thank you for bringing it to our attention. You are correct that it has been a while, but I think this is too important to be done any other way. Any objections?"

"Nope, old man, none, and honestly I think you stand half a chance without Eddie-boy here. But better you than me. Good luck," Emmett joshed.

Everyone smiled slightly at Emmett's light banter, but underneath looked hesitant and uncertain. However, no one voiced a difference of opinion.

"I want to move back," Alice stated firmly before Carlisle could indicate who he wanted to go first. Putting her hands up defensively, she spoke rushed, "I know, I know, there's added risk in Forks due to the Quileutes, Edward will be furious, it will be a convoluted cover story, we'll have to move away again within the original timeframe, and we have no way to know how Bella will respond to us coming back without Edward." She slowed down looking dejected. "But I love her. She was my best friend. The only best friend I've ever had. I miss her. I vote to move back."

Jasper wrapped Alice in his arms and kissed her head.

"I go where Alice goes," was Jasper's input.

Carlisle gave him a look to suggest that wasn't going to cut it this time.

He looked back at Alice and appeared contemplative. Then he added, "Alice's assessment that there are added risks to moving back is true. However, the truth is that the climate of our home was better with Bella. I can't tell you if that was because she changed Edward and they together made it different or if was Bella herself. I can never apologise deeply enough for the disgrace I caused our family that night. I owe her an even greater apology. Nevertheless, I can see no strategic benefit in staying away. We have already ruled out that the shapeshifting gene is active in the area, Edward will get over his anger eventually, and we can manage the cover story. In part, I argued that night for us to stay, because, just as in Esme's story, now that Bella knows, even though we were not the ones to tell her, I believe us to be legally responsible for her."

Carlisle frowned ever so slightly.

He looked directly at Carlisle. "I understand the position that since the Quileutes told her, we were not legally accountable for her knowledge. Edward argued with me about that point since James' coven and he never changed my opinion. No matter who told her, she knows that we are vampires. In my opinion, that makes her our responsibility. I told Eddie," he sneered glaring at Carlisle for a moment before calming himself and returning to his clipped tone, "that numerous times mentally when he came in and asked us to move, but he didn't want to hear it.

"I have heard of the Volturi wiping out covens for less. I don't see them caring about some shapeshifters or that we have a treaty. A human has sufficient information to expose us and we have left her. That would be enough for them to decide against us. Not to mention that I believe leaving her went against what I have been led to believe it means to be a Cullen–to be meticulously responsible. I vote to move back."

His words were inspiring and moving,while also slightly intimidating. They caused me to be so proud of him. I also knew those same words would deeply touch and shame my husband. That would not be Jasper's intention, certainly, but without a doubt he would be aware of the emotions he ignited within Carlisle by his speech. I wrapped my hand around Carlisle's and held it tight trying to remind him through touch that there was nothing to forgive, thus he did not need carry any guilt for his decision to leave Forks. He made what he thought was the right decision at the time. It took him a few minutes, but I felt him relaxing again leaning over and kissing the crown of my head.

"After listening to Esme's story I have to agree with you Jasper that we are accountable for Bella," Carlisle said evenly. "Perhaps Edward was correct and we are not legally responsible. I am not Aro and do not decide those nuances."

Emmett and Rosalie glared at him, Jasper looked like he was trying to reconcile Carlisle's words with what his gift was picking up, and Alice checked the future for a second and then smiled sadly. I caught her eye and shook my head no. She lowered her gaze and frowned.

Carlisle continued as if their reactions were neutral, "What I can say, however, was that I was wrong to agree to the move solely due to Edward's convictions. I took his word that us moving was what was best for Bella. After Esme's story I have begun to wonder if perhaps he was blind to how connected Bella might have been to him, and thus, although speaking truth from his point of view, was not accurately conveying Bella's. I believed Edward to be conveying to us that Bella understood our wish for her to remain human, and that she recognised the risk our presence brought her. I wished to respect her capacity to continue her human life unaffected by our proximity. I have reviewed that conversation many times since Esme told me her story and with new eyes I am no longer certain that Edward actually said that Bella agreed with us leaving. No matter what is the truth, the bottom line is that I can now see that my past experience regarding Esme coloured what I heard during that conversation and thus my decision in a way that was not helpful. I can only ask for you all to forgive me for my failings. They have cost us a lot," Carlisle apologised humbly.

"You're not God, Carlisle," Rosalie stated tersely. "You're bound to make a mistake every century or so."

We all laughed lightly the tension that his words had brought dissipating.

"Thank you, Rosalie," Carlisle replied with a smile ghosting his features. "That's very compassionate of you."

"Yeah, well, don't count on a repeat performance for at least a hundred years or so," she griped. "You used your one."

"I'll bear that in mind," Carlisle teased back gently.

She nodded curtly and crossed her arms over her chest.

Carlisle sat in silence looking at Emmett, Rosalie, Jasper, and Alice waiting to see if they had something to say in response to his apology. Emmett gently smiled at Carlisle giving him his forgiveness and understanding in the understated way that was Emmett. Jasper looked contemplative and calculating as if trying to determine what Carlisle's words might mean for our future. Alice looked at her hands fidgeting obviously uncomfortable.

When Rosalie spoke it was clear that no one wanted to address Carlisle's apology any more. "No offense, Alice," she stated as if she could no longer contain herself, "but do we even know if Bella wants us back in her life?"

"Of course she does! We are best friends!" Alice wailed looking at Rosalie like she might launch herself at Rosalie for even suggestion such a thing.

"You left," Rosalie hissed at her not at all intimidated. "Whether she agreed with us leaving or not, she might not want to be your friend anymore," she stated coarsely.

If I didn't know Rosalie so well I would almost say that she was taunting Alice, but I knew that wasn't the case. As much as Alice might not want to hear it, unfortunately, Rosalie was speaking truth. We really didn't know if Bella had any interest in our family anymore. The thought was gripping. I might have lost her before I really had her.

For reasons unknown the weight of the sorrow felt slightly lighter and I looked towards Jasper.

He appeared bashful like he wasn't sure if he had done the right thing.

I nodded my head in thanks and smiled slightly.

In the meant time Alice had balked, her anger disappearing instantly. She put her hands to her eyes and started shaking.

"Shush, now, June bug," I could hear Jasper mutter to Alice before his words grew too quiet as he wrapped his arm around her shoulder and nuzzled her.

"We all left and she stayed," Rosalie continued her tone softer and gentler. "I tried to warn you Alice and Edward too. But neither of you would listen. No one deserves to be played with. First she's invited into our home, then she's there a lot, then we leave, and now what? Just because we decide that we might have made a mistake she'll rush towards us with open arms? She might be human, but she's not some toy or pet." Rosalie's voice cracked.

Emmett moved his hand to her thigh.

"Human or not, she's a sentient being who deserved to be treated as something other than an object. Edward worshipped her like she was an idol, or overrode her as if she was the entombment of the fragile delicate prone-to-hysteria bushwa that men believed back when he was turned. I've never hidden the fact that I thought allowing Edward to spend time with her was by far the most ridiculous dangerous horsefeathers," she paused, took at deep breath, and smiled grimly at Jasper. "I didn't like how he treated her and I thought she could do better."

Looking at her compassionately, she caught my eye and then sagged. Our nature was so hard on her.

After a few seconds she seemed to collect herself. "Whether I agreed or not, what is done is done. She has been exposed to our world. Then we left. Maybe our dear Eddie-boy told the truth that she believed our leaving to be the best, but maybe not. She might be glad to see the backside of us or she might believe that we abandoned her. I certainly don't know what goes in on that girl's head.

"Even though I do agree with Eddie-boy that the Quiluetes are legally responsible, not us, after listening to Esme's story, I grudgingly admit I might have voted in haste. I might believe that she could do better to stay human, but if I try to force her to do what I think is best for her life, then I am no better. If she truly wanted him so badly that she was willing to become like us, then I can't imagine how upset she would be. And not everyone forgives easily or quickly, Alice. Or perhaps their bond was fickle, nothing more than infatuation and she quickly moved on like Edward said she would. In reality that is the most we can hope on her behalf. Either way, though, she has the right to her own mind, opinions, and feelings, something you and Eddie seemed to forget."

A heavy silence hung between us all.

"I can tell you that Edward believed the words he spoke," Jasper told us. "I've gone over that conversation thousands of times and there was no malice on his part or dishonesty. Nonetheless, that doesn't mean he spoke Bella's true opinion. I wasn't close enough to her after her birthday party to say if what happened caused her sentiments to change, but even as I lunged at her, underneath her fear and worry was compassion, acceptance, and genuine concern for me. Her familial affection for us was no weaker in that moment than when she came in."

Carlisle held Jasper's eyes for a few seconds and some understanding passed between them.

"Humans are not as constant as our kind, generally, that is true," I offered in agreement after a few moments of silence. "However, I was extremely constant over the years. So much so that I waited and hoped, since meeting him at sixteen, that Carlisle would come back for me. I waited too many years, in fact. Even when I was married, I hoped that I would see Carlisle again. That was after only a few hours. Bella spent months around Edward and with our family. Us leaving might cause her to be even that more raw for it, she might miss us all that greater because of it, or Edward might be right and she has moved on. I honestly don't have the answers, but I'll tell you the same thing I told Carlisle.

"The thing that made the difference for me as I reflected over my tale was having him stay in my life, even at the fringes, and him being someone I believed I could depend upon if I needed. Even though I never saw him in all the years in between that information helped me weather what life threw at me. It is that and nothing more that leads me to believe that we should not cut off all communication with her. I feel as if we owe her at least that much. But again, these impressions are based on assumptions that might be incorrect. I might be placing similarities that simply are not there. I am often wrong."

"Not about things like this," Jasper whispered.

I looked at him surprised.

"With my gift I can tell you that Esme is never wrong about the heart of a matter. She has been absolutely dead on every time for the last over 55 years now." Then Jasper looked at me strongly. I would have dared to say he was impressed by me and a little concerned that he had revealed too much. It was sweet.

"Alice," Carlisle spoke gentle and soothing, "if we decided to move back and I asked for you to look for Bella's reaction, would you be willing?"

Her shaking calmed shortly after looking at Carlisle.

Emmett eyes flashed in awe between Carlisle and Alice. "Are we really going to go back on what we promised Edward?" Emmett whispered softly to Rosalie.

She shrugged trying to look as if the discussion wasn't impacting her.

"Any objections?" Carlisle asked the room.

There was heavy tension and then Rosalie spoke quicker than she usually did as if the words were pushing past her lips before she was able to retract them. "Is that really who we have become? We're going to go back on our word? Considering the possibility that we made a mistake and making a collective choice to reexamine that decision is one thing, especially since Eddie opted out, but to go against what had been agreed simply because doing so would make things more convenient for us? Since when did making our life easier, especially if it broke our word, become what we did? What happened to that speech you gave Edward in Esme's story about not doing what we wanted just because we could?"

We each looked slightly stunned, but Carlisle looked shell-shocked. He was completely still his lips tight and his eyes appearing to be reviewing the past, perhaps to find a truthful answer to her questions.

Squeezing his hand I offered gently, "Perhaps, Carlisle, we could continue the conversation about what we want to do next without the use of Alice's gift and if we can agree on a decision, then that decision could include whether or not Alice can go back to searching out Bella's future."

He blinked repeatedly, moved his head to my eyes, and told me, "Yes, Esme, that's a good plan. Thank you for your suggestion."

I nodded in appreciation of his compliment and squeezed his hand briefly.

Everyone but Alice looked relieved. "Um …," she began.

We all turned to her.

She caught my gaze and looked at me questioning.

I nodded to her in encouragement.

She looked up at Jasper, took in a lung-full of his scent, and stated, "Well, you see, it's been hard to stop seeing Bella."

Emmett's and Rosalie's jaw dropped and Carlisle looked disappointed.

She put her hands up in surrender. "I tried to warn Edward. I can't just switch it off. It would be like trying to not see any of you. I can stop actively looking and can try to tune the mundane decisions out, so that I don't see most things, but if someone in the family makes a significant decision it shows up. I can't help it."

There were general nods to continue, even if Rosalie was irritated by Alice's news.

"So, the same is true with Bella. She decided to stay in Forks rather than move back to her mom's, for instance."

"We understand that you've done your best," Carlisle soothed.

"Yeah, well that's not the problem, actually," she admitted irritated with a hint of embarrassment in her tone.

Rosalie and Emmett looked at her cross.

Carlisle looked concerned.

"See, like when she decided to stay in Fork she didn't come in clear like she used to as if something was interfering with the connection. It's like she's staticy for some odd reason."

"Have your visions ever been like this before?" Carlisle asked.

"Honestly, she's kind of like Edward. He's difficult to search. It was why it was hard to find him the first time. He wasn't making decisions. Like when he was in a comatose state. The few small things I have gotten from her recently seem worse in a way that I can't explain or even really articulate well. I have tried to tune into her in order to solve this interference issue, but my attempts have gotten nowhere. My point is that, even if we do vote for me to watch her once more, I cannot guarantee that I will be able to see her."

Carlisle nodded. "Thank you for informing us Alice."

"You're welcome," she acknowledged.

He looked at Emmett and Rosalie.

"I already said my bit. I vote for us to move back." Then Emmett looked at Rosalie.

Rosalie looked at Alice. "I get your point, Alice, I do, and I wasn't trying to upset you on purpose. I just think that you and Edward sometimes think you know what's best of others and how they're going to respond before they get a chance to, and I want you to be prepared if she's changed. Humans change after all. Not to mention, that in truth, we don't know what Edward told her. He could have relayed your message to her exactly as you asked him to or he could have told her lies in order to turn her against us. He can be a manipulative little prick when he wants to be."

Stunned taking a quick intake of breath I didn't want to imagine Edward doing such a thing, but then he had often acted out of character when it came to Bella. If we couldn't be certain that what he said was a true reflection of her wishes, then could I really say anything for sure? I didn't know anymore. Unfortunately Rosalie had more of a valid point than I wanted to admit, and by Alice's expression she was also considering the possibility.

"I'm not objecting to moving back outright, but I'm unwilling to agree carte blanche, especially since we don't know the reception we would get."

There was a silence filled with the weight of everyone's thoughts.

Myself, I was surprised at Rosalie, since I would have never contemplated the possibility that she would have considered moving back. It was a huge concession on her part.

"I have been pondering an idea, but I didn't mention it because I thought it might be silly," I said quietly.

"Let us hear it," Carlisle encouraged.

I looked around the room.

No one looked like they objected.

"Well, I thought we could write her a letter with our contacts and then leave it up to her."

"Kind of like Carlisle did in your story, Esme?"

"Yes, Jasper, like that," I answered.

"I agree with that idea," Jasper stated emphatically.

Alice looked at Jasper for a long time, them both saying nothing. "Yes, Esme," Alice stated despondently. "It's not my first choice, but it might be what's best for Bella. I would agree to that idea."

"I'm down," Emmett added.

"I could agree to that in principle," Rosalie stated reluctantly. "However, I would only do so if Esme writes it on our behalves," she added as she looked at Alice.

"But, but, but," Alice sputtered.

Rosalie put her hands flat on the table, "Look, Alice, it's nothing personal. I just think if Bella is upset, then Esme would have the best chance. If that doesn't work, then we have our answer. Honestly, if it was a letter from you, we wouldn't be sure she didn't respond simply out of spite."

Jasper unsuccessfully tried to hide his mirth.

Alice looked at him wounded.

"June bug, you can come off strong sometimes and Bella can be stubborn as a mule."

Alice looked at him dejected.

"Just saying, I think our Rose here has a valid point," Jasper continued.

Alice sighed defeated. "If that's our best shot, then fine, I will agree," she relented.

"I will agree to do so as long as everyone looks at the letter and agrees to it," I added.

"I agree with the Esme writing the letter and her stipulation," Jasper stated.

"Me too," Emmett added.

"Yes, I agree," Rosalie said after some thought.

Alice smiled at me, "Thank you, Esme. Yes, I will agree."

We all turned to Carlisle.

"See, it is possible for us to reach an agreed consensus." He grinned like he had one a noble peace prize. "I agree. Esme will write a letter and include our contact details, each and everyone's, except Edward's, and will explain that Edward isn't with us. We will all approve her letter. Then we will go from there. Consequently, we will table Edward's contingency that Alice not seek out Bella's future for now. Any objections?"

No one responded.

"Is there anything else?"

"Emmett and I were thinking of travelling Asia starting from Nepal and heading east through China."

"I start classes again soon," Jasper put in.

"I'm going to take a few courses," Alice added.

"We are staying here at least a few weeks, but it might be through the month before we return," I told them all.

"You'll have the satellite phone?"

"Yes, Rosalie," I answered assuring her.

After a few more details we finished our conference and then decided to play board games for a few hours. Soon after the games were being put away the kids decided to head back to their cabins where they would leave from when they were ready.

"Where were we before we were rudely interrupted?" my husband asked slyly once everyone else was out of hearing range.

"We were snowball fighting?" I said flirtatiously.

"Oh really?"

"Yes?" I asked uncertain.

"Come here you."

Carlisle's Bible had been right. The truth had set us free. Even more, though, the truth had healed us. The future was uncertain, but Carlisle and I were in a better space than when we had left Forks. My imagining and its telling had been difficult, but in the end it had been a gift and we had been changed for the better for it. Only the heavens knew what lay in store for our family next, but rise or fall Carlisle and I would get through it together, and together our family would find a way forward stronger than ever.

Author's Note

First and foremost I want to thank the incredible and amazing beta kiwihipp. This story would not look the same without her. I also wanted to thank Sara K M, EdwardsMate4ever, Goldielover, and IAMinquity for graciously sharing their thoughts and feedback throughout the story, along with Haemophilus Leona, Catspector, ForeverUnknownOooooh, and CarlisleandEsme. I am blessed to have such incredible writers read my utterings and share themselves with me. I am also so grateful for Jessica314, Miki In Blue Jeans, Staringatthesky, and Haemophilus Leona who have graciously permitted me to borrow part of their stories to incorporate into mine. I am beyond blessed with fellow writers who have encouraged and mentored me (not to mentioned put up with me) over the last year and whose patience and inspiration has given me great courage to even begin to consider writing a story like this.

I also wanted to offer my hopes that all the readers living in New Zealand and affected by the earthquakes there are well, with intact houses, clean water, safe roads, and all those things we take for granted when the earth does not move below our feet.

So, originally this was not the end of the story. Originally the story ended in Oct 2006, but as I worked on it I realised that really the story I was trying to tell about Esme and her growth as a wife and mother came full circle last chapter. This epilogue is really a teaser on what the sequel will be (I don't have a story title yet). The sequel will start where this ends and will go until Oct 2006. At the moment the sequel is 18 chapters long with each chapter about 6-8K, but as it's in a very rough draft form that most likely will change. I'm planing on working on it over winter break and having it presentable by February, but no promises. I have a tendency to work on something till I'm satisfied and right now I'm far from there.

To tied you over I wrote a very short (less than 6K) story that I will post later this month. It's darker than I usually write and rated M, so if that's not your thing, then I'd suggest avoiding it, and promise you won't hurt my feelings in the least. Jessica314 has challenged me to write a darker story than my usual fare (where Edward ends up in Volterra rather than with Carlisle) and this is my first attempt to put a toe into those darker waters.

Also, kiwihipp requested an AU about a story where Carlisle requested to court Miss Platt. The plot would be similar to how it was in ch2-3 here, but in chapter 4 where Carlisle decides not to court Esme, in kiwihipp's requested AU, he would instead write her father for permission to court her. I've started outlining it, and thus far it's a Carlisle and Esme only story. I won't start posting it until it's complete, so hopefully that will be after the sequel is done.

Thank you each and everyone of you for reading I hope you enjoyed!

As always share your thoughts and drop me a line.