When Erin woke up in the morning, she immediately noticed the lack of heat emanating from Jay's body next to her. A feeling of panic shot through her as she recalled the events of the previous night. Jumping out of bed, she raced through the apartment in search of her man. She checked both bathrooms and the spare bedroom, eventually finding him in the kitchen leaning against the counter. As he nursed a cup of coffee, Erin noticed how exhausted he looked. His hair was ruffled, his eyes were devoid of emotion and the way his body slumped slightly, it was obvious he didn't get much of a restful sleep after his shower.

"Hey," he said quietly with a scratchy voice before looking over at her.

"Hi," she responded almost cautiously as she located a mug and poured herself a cup of the steaming liquid. When she looked back at him, she noticed the red rims around his eyes and a handful of teardrops still drying on his shirt.

"Erin, I'm so sorry," he said, looking down at his drink. He couldn't bear to look at her; he was ashamed of what happened the night before, almost to the point of being embarrassed. That dream hadn't occurred for years.

Instead of saying useless words that she knew wouldn't bring him any comfort, she set down her mug and crossed the kitchen, wrapping Jay up in her arms. She let him bury his face in her shoulder and let out the remaining tears that he had been holding back.

She stroked his back soothingly as his body racked with sobs and his lungs gasped for air, knowing that her touch was something that grounded him. It scared her how vulnerable he was at the moment. It was as if the cocky and confident man she once knew was a completely different person; a completely different person that she fell in love with. But no, it wasn't his assertiveness or his sassy remarks that she fell for. It was the longing looks he gave her from his desk at work. It was letting her sleep in an extra fifteen minutes in the morning and showering first. It was getting her food when she would forget to eat during a case so she would be able to keep up her energy. It was lying in an uncomfortable position on the couch because she fell asleep against him again and he didn't want to disturb her so he stayed still. It was the way he wrapped his arms around her when she was falling apart, as if he was the only thing that kept her together.

And he was still all of that.

After a few minutes, Jay pulled back and wiped his face quickly. He took a deep breath and finally made eye contact with her. "I called Dr. Charles. He, uh, has an opening in his schedule for me today. I'm going to head over there in a few minutes." His voice was deep and raw from a combination of his lack of sleep and crying.

"That's great, Jay. I'm really glad you're taking this step," Erin said, pressing a kiss to his cheek.

"I really am sorry for last night. I thought I was getting better. The PTSD group was really helping." His voice was almost to the point where he was pleading with her. She understood, and she didn't care. Because all she has to do is look into his eyes, and she sees everything that she needs.

"Jay, we can talk about it later. Go meet with Dr. Charles. I'll be here when you get back."

Jay nodded at her and pressed a kiss to the top of her head before grabbing his keys and wallet and leaving her standing alone in the kitchen. Erin let out a deep breath she didn't even know she had been holding. It killed her to see Jay in pain and she knew that there would be many more nights like the one before. She had experienced so many of his nightmares where he would wake up sweaty and desperate for air, but last night, she had never seen him so broken and vulnerable. And that scared her. As desperate as she was for him to get better, she knew deep down that it would take much more than her wiping away his tears and combing her fingers through his hair. It would take more than a few sessions with a therapist or a few weeks of happiness. But this was just something she would learn to deal with, because in the long run, she knew marrying Jay Halstead was worth the challenges and struggles.

"Knock knock," a voice said as the front door was pushed open, pulling her out of her thoughts.

Erin immediately reached to her hip for her gun, panicking when she realized she was still in her pajamas.

"It's just me, Lindsay. Please don't shoot," Adam Ruzek said, coming into the kitchen, his hands in the air.

"I hate you," Erin mumbled, going to the bedroom to change into actual clothes. She pulled on a pair of jeans and a dark green shirt before heading back out to the kitchen. Ruzek was sitting on the counter, drinking a cup of coffee that he had poured for himself. "Help yourself," she said, rolling her eyes. He made a face at her before taking another sip of his coffee. "Why are you here, Ruzek?" she asked, leaning against the counter.

"Intelligence has been working on a plan to get you back in the unit," he explained cheerfully, pointing to a file he had dropped on the kitchen table. Erin sat down in one of the chairs and opened the file. Inside were a handful of surveillance photos and a police report from nearly 10 years ago.

"Ruzek, I don't know if you remember but I don't have a badge anymore." Erin replied sarcastically. "I don't have access to any CPD resources, I can't work this case. Besides, this case was dubbed unsolvable by half of the department."

"Exactly. That's why you're going to solve it. Then the board will have no choice but to reinstate you."

"Did you not hear the part about me not having a badge or anything relating to the CPD anymore?" Erin asked, exasperated. Leave it to Voight to send Adam out of all people to try and get her career back.

"You're wrong, though. You still have everyone in Intelligence. Need a name run? We can do that. Need a warrant? We can get that. This case has been officially re-opened due to new evidence, so it's all on the books. There's no way we can get in trouble for this. We're going to do it the most textbook way possible," Ruzek said, smiling proudly.

"I feel like this is all going to come back and bite me in the ass," Erin said.

"Potentially. But I think it's a risk that you should definitely take. Voight will call you in a bit to discuss the case."

Erin nodded and closed the file. "I'll think about it. Thanks for stopping by, Adam. I really appreciate it," she said, standing.

Ruzek rinsed his mug and set it in the sink before coming over and hugging Erin tightly.

"We've got your back. Always."

"Do you have any idea what triggered this episode?" Dr. Charles asked as he looked at the younger man sitting across from him. Jay took a deep breath, this was not something he liked to do. Erin witnessing him in his catatonic state already had him feeling horrible and disgusted, now he had to talk about it again with a stranger.

"No… everything was fine. Better than fine actually."

"And what terms do you label fine?"

Finally moving back in with the love of my life. "I don't know, it just felt… good. I was happy for once."

"Is there anything in your life that leaves you in a state of unhappiness?"

Nightmares. Support group. Afghanistan, oh God that fucking place. Hollingsworth. Mouse, where's Mouse?! Focus Jay. "Sometimes cases at work are a bit difficult. Other than that I don't know."

"How are your support group meetings? Do you feel lighter when you leave? Burdened?"

Sick. I feel sick. "I don't really get any kind of feeling. I just go because it makes me feel like I'm not the only one. I feel… I don't know how I feel."

"Included? Nervous? Awkward? Welcomed? Extenuated? Any of those?"

I feel like a dick. I murdered people why don't you understand that! Jay just shrugged his shoulders.

"Hey, that's alright. That's…"

That's what you're here to help me figure out. A statement Jay had heard from his last therapist.

"In all of this, is there anything that brings you out of this state? Maybe listening to music? Going to the gym? A girlfriend?" Jay's face erupted into a smile at the last idea.

Her.

"Yeah, a girlfriend. Erin." His voice caught in his throat as he said her name, like it was his only lifeline. Erin.

"Well maybe we could do a couple of sessions with her? When you're comfortable. Totally your choice."

"Maybe one day."

"I'm home," Jay called as he walked into his and Erin's apartment. Their apartment. Not hers, not his, theirs. Fatigue had begun to settle in both physically and mentally and all he wanted to do was smash his face into his pillow for a few hours. It was almost lunch time, so he was hoping that Erin ordered take out or cooked something. Instead, he found her in the living room, surveillance photos and papers spread across the floor. She was sitting in front of it all, scribbling furiously on a notepad. "Hey, babe. Whatcha doing?" he asked cautiously, not wanting to catch her off guard.

Erin held up a finger, indicating for him to give her a minute. He waited while she finished writing something down, scanning the case in front of the woman. "Okay, sorry. I had to finish my thought," she said, looking up at him.

He walked over and sat next to her, kissing her temple before looking down at her notepad. "What is all of this?" he asked.

"It's a cold case that just got reopened. Ruzek brought it over while you were gone," she said.

"Why would he do that?" Jay asked, confused.

Erin explained to Jay what Ruzek had told her. When she was finished, she looked at her man expectantly. She could tell he wasn't sure how to react, but he smiled at her and pulled her in for a kiss. Comfort and support radiated between them as they kissed.

"I'm really happy you guys have figured out a way to get things back on track," Jay said, breaking the kiss.

"It's a long shot, but I'm just happy to be working again for right now. I need to keep my hands busy." Erin said with a smile.

Jay's heart swelled when he saw the excitement in her eyes. It made him so happy to see his girl in good spirits after everything that had happened over the past few weeks. "What can I do to help?" he asked, picking up a handful of photos.

"I could use a fresh pair of eyes on those photos to see if there's anything useful in them," Erin said, indicating the array of photographs in front of them.

"Alright. Let's crack this case and get you back on the team."

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