Chapter Ten

May 15th hit Joey like a tonne of bricks. Not so long ago, she had been desperately looking forward to this day – the anniversary of one month as the proud girlfriend of Charlie Buckton. She'd planned very early what they might do together to celebrate but now Joey felt nothing but emptiness. She'd booked the day off work and fully intended to wallow in her own misery. Aden had suggested they spend the day together but she'd told him she wanted to be alone. First, of course, he'd suggested that today might be a good day to try and make things right with Charlie but Joey had been quick to shut him down. A reconciliation was definitely not on the cards.

"Are you sure you'll be okay?" Ruby asked worriedly. "I could always take the day off school..."

"I'll be fine," Charlie assured her, although both girls knew she was lying. "I just want to wallow. And you have a Maths test this afternoon. I know I'm a mess at the moment but I do listen when you talk."

Ruby grinned and looked a little guilty. She moved closer to hug her big sister, making her promise to call if she needed anything.

"I love you, you know that, right?" she said.

"I know. And thank you. I don't think I really deserve it but..."

"You do deserve it," Ruby interrupted.

"Well, I love you too," Charlie said. "Whatever happens, I hope you'll always know that."

Ruby hugged her again and then, picking up her school bag, headed out of the house. Sighing heavily, Charlie sank back onto the couch. She closed her eyes and wished the day away.

It was the afternoon and Joey's unhappiness was only increasing. She'd eaten too much, exercised even more and paced the apartment in a state of stress. Part of her wondered if she really should go and see Charlie. But she didn't know what it would achieve. She wasn't ready to forgive her for what had happened with Hugo and at this point in time, she had no idea if she ever would be. She felt conflicted by two very strong desires at all time – one was to move on and forget she ever met the woman who had changed her whole life, and one was to rush back into her arms and try to find a way to make it work. Growling in frustration, she grabbed her keys and headed out of the house.

In the Surf Club, Joey found Alf behind the bar and asked if he would mind her taking the Blaxland out for the afternoon.

"I'm afraid not," Alf said.

"Because of the whole shark thing?" Joey asked. "I won't be going diving or anything like that."

"It's not that, although it is a concern," Alf explained. "But Charlie already came and got the keys."

"She did?"

Alf nodded, saying that she'd come in several hours ago.

"I um... well, to be honest, I assumed you'd patched things up and were going out together," he admitted. "Otherwise, I wouldn't have handed the keys over. She doesn't have a boat licence, does she?"

"No," Joey said, her voice a little hollow as worry began to take over. "She doesn't."

Alf also looked concerned.

"Do you think I should go and find her or...?"

"No," Joey said decisively. "I will. Leave it with me."

With that, she dashed back out of the building in the direction of the docks.

The world was spinning and Charlie felt decidedly unwell. Coming down to the boat where she had first realised the depth of her feelings for Joey had seemed a good idea when she'd left the house. She hadn't been sure what she wanted to achieve but now she was very, very drunk and her mood was plummeting even further. At the beginning of the day, she hadn't actually thought it possible. With an idea flashing into her head, Charlie leapt up and began stumbling around in order to set the boat free and out onto the ocean.

When Joey spotted Charlie and realised what she was doing, she broke into a run, yelling her name and wondering what the hell she was thinking. Skidding to a halt by the water's edge, she called her again. Charlie looked up, a little startled. She waved sadly and then stumbled towards the control room. Without thinking it through, Joey leapt onto the drifting boat, almost missing and, as she landed on deck, bashing her knee hard on the floor. She cried out in pain. Charlie turned back round and wobbled towards her, kneeling clumsily down and trying to reach out to her ex-girlfriend. Joey jerked out of the way.

"What the hell do you think you're doing?" she demanded.

"You're the one that leapt onto a boat like a crazy woman," Charlie said.

At least, that's what Joey thought she said. Her voice was slurred almost beyond comprehension and her breath stank of booze.

"I'm celebrating," Charlie said, looking offended.

Joey scanned the deck of the boat where far too many empty bottles of alcohol lay strewn about. Charlie looked somewhat green and was not so subtly holding onto the side of the boat in order to hold herself up.

"You're wasted and you're trying to drive a vehicle that you have no experience of," Joey pointed out angrily. "How is that ever going to be a good idea?"

"I do know!" Charlie insisted, waving her arms for emphasis.

She promptly stumbled forward. Joey pulled a face but caught her and held her up. Charlie stared, almost unseeingly at her.

"Are you trying to kill yourself or something?" Joey wondered.

She was struck by the look of guilt that washed over her ex-girlfriend's face. She pushed away from Joey and began to stumble towards the control room. Panicked, Joey lurched forward and spun her around. Charlie promptly fell over, crying out in surprise.

"Charlie?" Joey said urgently, crouching down in front of her. "Charlie, what the hell are you doing out here?"

"I just wanted to escape," Charlie slurred.

"This isn't the way to do that," Joey told her firmly.

"What else am I meant to do?" Charlie asked desperately. "It's not as easy for me as it is for you!"

"You think any of this is easy for me?" Joey snapped. "I gave you every damn thing I had and you just destroyed it, Charlie! You destroyed me!"

Tears began to inch down Charlie's face. She nodded.

"I know," she said sadly, still slurring. "And I can't live with that."

She stumbled to her feet again and began to dig around in her pocket, hoping that the keys hadn't fallen out somewhere between getting them and getting trashed. She pulled them triumphantly out of her pocket and made her way to the control room. Joey gave chase. She grabbed her again. Charlie pressed herself against the wall, to steady herself and a struggle for the keys began.

"Charlie, give them to me," Joey demanded.

"No!" Charlie argued, as if she were a petulant child.

"Charlie!"

"No!"

They squabbled some more. Joey was quick to used Charlie's clumsiness against her, managing to jerk her hand and caught the keys when she dropped them and putting them very carefully in her own pocket. Charlie made a grab for them but it only resulted in them both tumbling to the floor.

"Charlie!" Joey yelled, having already hurt herself when she landed on the boat in the first place.

Lying on top of her, Charlie didn't move. Instead, she lay her head on Joey's chest and cried. Resting her head back on the boat, Joey looked up at the sky as they drifted and sighed heavily. How did they ever get to a place like this? How could they have broken up so soon after getting together?

"Charlie, I need to get up," she said.

"No," Charlie said quietly. "No, you need to stay here."

Joey closed her eyes and forced herself to stay strong. Being so close to the woman she was painfully aware of still being in love with, was difficult to say the least. Taking a deep breath, she moved them into a sitting position.

"I'm taking us back to shore," she decided.

Charlie protested but Joey ignored her. Helplessly, Charlie watched her begin to take control of the boat. She didn't want to go home. She didn't want to have to face the world again. In a fit of desperation, she flung herself towards the side of the boat, loudly threatening to throw herself off.

"Shit!" Joey muttered, racing back out as Charlie wobbled on the edge of the boat. "Charlie, stop it!"

She reached for her. They struggled. Eventually, they fell back on board. Winded, Charlie lay flat on her back. Shock, pain and alcohol mingled to make her ever more confused. Joey leant over her, looking unimpressed.

"Don't you ever try that again," she warned.

"I wanted to see the sharks," Charlie slurred, closing her eyes against the sunshine.

Glaring, Joey warned her to stay exactly where she was. Charlie remained on the floor and watched her take control of the boat and guide it back to shore. She wept and fought the urge to vomit.

Fifteen minutes later, the Blaxland was safely secured to the wharf, Charlie was still crying on the floor and Joey had no idea what to do with her. It was the middle of the day and Ruby would be at school, plus the state Charlie was in was a heavy burden for anyone to bear, especially a teenager. And she didn't know who else she could call. Sighing heavily, Joey watched Charlie suffer, finding nothing but compassion in her heart. Gently, she approached, sitting down in front of her and holding her hands. Charlie gazed at her with eyes that were wide and wet.

"I'm sorry," she managed. "I'm so sorry for everything."

Her words continued to drag together, leaving Joey no option to have to interpret everything she said. Her eyes struggled to focus.

"I love you. I'm sorry."

Joey gritted her teeth, running her gaze from Charlie's face to her hands, wondering how, after being so close, they could now be worlds apart.

"I love you," Charlie repeated. "I'd do anything to get you to forgive me for what I did. I hate myself."

Joey wanted to tell her that she hated her too but she knew it wasn't the truth. And even if it was, it wouldn't help the broken shell in front of her.

"Let's get you home, okay?" the former deckhand suggested.

Charlie shook her head.

"I just want to stay here forever," she said.

This time, it was Joey turn to shake her head. Carefully, she pulled Charlie to her feet.

"We need to get some coffee in you," she decided. "And we need to clean this mess up."

"But..."

"No buts," Joey insisted.

Sitting Charlie on a school, she began to rummage around for a bag of some description to put the empties in. Then she knew she had to look after Charlie until someone else could. Turning around, she yelped in surprise to realise that Charlie had wobbled back to her feet and was standing right next to her. Their bodies pressed together, making Joey uncomfortable, as Charlie leant into her.

"Joey, please love me again," she begged. "I know I messed up. I messed everything up. But I love you. I can't believe that there isn't a second chance for us..."

"We had lots of chances," Joey pointed out as gently as she could. "And they've all gone now."

"But I need you!" Charlie slurred desperately. "I'd do anything... literally anything... anything you wanted... I do... I'd do it, Joey. Anything."

More tears fell. Joey held fast to her own, having made a very strict rule about never letting Charlie see her cry again.

"Then I want you to move on with your life, Charlie," Joey told her. "Doing stupid shit like this isn't good for you. And it's not good for me either."

"Sorry," Charlie mumbled. "I guess we should be used to it. I mess everything up."

Joey gazed into her eyes, feeling her heart contract. Charlie looked spaced out, lost in her own sadness. Tracing her fingertips down her cheek and refusing to consider the mistake she was making, Joey leant in a little closer. Before she could kiss her, Charlie threw up, violently, and all over Joey's left arm.

Next time... Charlie is taken to hospital, Joey damages the gym and when Charlie tries to thank Joey for her help, she doesn't get quite the reaction she expected...