Author's Note: Okay, here's chapter 10. Sorry it's this late after being almost ready to go for a week now. On the plus side, it makes for a nice even number of chapters, which I like. It's a little disjointed structurally but hopefully still good. Here we go:
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Crossroads
Part II
Chuck was getting ready for his date with Sarah. The conversation with Casey had gone well and that was encouraging. Maybe things wouldn't be so bad tonight.
Ellie was fussing over him like she used to do. As soon as Sarah had called to give him her address, he rushed out the door and got in his car. He was almost thirty-five and still she treated him like a little kid.
He pulled up to find a modest two-story house instead of an apartment building. Given everything he knew about Sarah, it was surprising, he didn't think of her as the "house" type.
He walked up to the door and knocked. Sarah answered a few seconds later. She was wearing jeans and a t-shirt.
"Hi, Chuck." She smiled.
"Hi, Sarah," he took a look at her, "I guess it's a good thing I didn't listen to Ellie."
"How's that?" She asked, stepping aside.
"She wanted me to borrow one of Devon's suits and really dress up. That would've been awkward." He chuckled as he walked in.
She locked the door behind them. "Yeah..." Sarah didn't see the humor in that. "Come sit down," she pointed at the table in the kitchen to left of the front door. "Dinner's almost ready."
"Speaking of dinner, what am I being treated to tonight?" Chuck asked, smiling.
"Nothing too special, just something I threw together," she shrugged as she headed to check on it.
"I have to say, I'm a little surprised to see you living in a house. I remember you saying something about not setting down roots. This is a pretty big root if I ever saw one."
"I changed my mind, because of... well, you can figure it out." Chuck felt a pang of guilt. "Besides, after the thing with the Intersect, I wasn't going anywhere for a long time. I needed somewhere to stay during my physical therapy. This place was as good as any, and since the government was paying, why not a house? I didn't know whether I'd be able to work again, I figured a roof over my head without worrying about rent is a small reward after everything I did for the CIA."
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"Wow, Sarah," Chuck exclaimed as he looked at the pasta covered in tomato sauce with grilled chicken on top. "You shouldn't have gone through all the trouble. Pizza would've been fine."
"I told you, I wanted to cook and it was no trouble," she insisted.
Chuck took a bite of his food. "Oh my god," he mumbled.
"What?" She asked apprehensively.
"This is amazing, Sarah!" He proclaimed.
"I think you're exaggerating," she said, "but I'm glad you like it."
"I love it."
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"How bad was it?" He asked as he took another bite of his food.
"I was almost paralyzed," Sarah responded.
Chuck stopped chewing, his eyes wide. "Sarah—"
"There was nothing physically wrong with my body, but the Intersect had destroyed everything my mind knew about how to move. All those connections I made as child, I had to re-learn everything. It took me almost two years to be able to walk normally again, another year to be in any kind of fighting shape. Nothing like before though, the doctors told me some of the damage just couldn't be fixed." She kept eating nonchalantly.
"Sarah, I'm so sorry you had to go through all that." Chuck was now feeling fully guilty: if he hadn't run, she wouldn't have downloaded the Intersect.
"Don't be. It was my choice. Knowing what I know now, I'd do it all over again. There were things I needed to come to terms with; if it hadn't been for that, I don't think I ever would have."
"Speaking of coming to terms, you know we can't move forward until we put every one of our issues on the table," he looked to her for acknowledgement.
"I know," she sighed. "Can we just enjoy our dinner first?"
"Well, you did go through all the trouble, as much as you want to deny it." Chuck smiled.
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"In my room, Sarah! You kissed him in my room," he pounded the table with his fist. "How the hell do you think that made me feel?"
"He kissed me," Sarah argued.
"Yeah, and you kissed him back," Chuck spat out. "I saw it, so don't try to deny it."
"Excuse me for being taken by surprise and then getting caught up in the moment." She stopped for a moment and then spoke up with, "And that was your fault! You sent me in there!"
"I didn't tell you to kiss him, did I?" Chuck countered.
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"Jill? You're throwing that in my face?" Chuck exclaimed.
"She was Fulcrum!" Sarah replied. "And you broke up with me for her!"
"No I didn't! I broke up with you to keep you safe!"
"And how did that work out? She almost killed me!"
"Well, I didn't know she'd do that, did I? I thought Bryce knew what he was talking about!"
"Bryce? You listened to Bryce?" She questioned disbelievingly. "Dumbass!"
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"Because you lied to me!" Chuck exclaimed from across the table, arms flung in the air. "I defended you with my dad; I placed all my trust in you, and you had no problem using that against me!"
"Don't you dare!" Sarah spat. "I only ever lied to you for your own good!"
"You knew from the beginning they would kill me as soon as I became expendable, you knew they didn't want me to find Orion, you knew the only thing waiting for me in Castle was a ride to a bunker," he poked at the table at every sentence. "How is any of that for my good?"
"Maybe I struggled with my feelings for you and maybe I went about some things the wrong way, but I would never have let them kill you!" Sarah glared at him. "I helped you find your dad, I told you about the bunker plan, I was ready to commit treason for you!" Sarah reined in her volume, "It may not have been as quick as you wanted Chuck, but I chose you."
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"Well, that's because my dad had some business there," he said as he settled against the arm of the couch, looking at Sarah at the other end. "He told me to meet him in Moscow. It was a family reunion of sorts. We snuck back into the U.S. and went underground."
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"Hey, I didn't want to leave you behind. Everything I planned I did with both of us in mind," Chuck replied. "That is, until you came into the Buy More and told me you were going to throw me in a bunker."
"Screw you, Chuck!"
"Oh, that's real mature," he replied sarcastically.
"You mean like you bringing that up every five minutes? I've apologized enough!"
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"Would you like some dessert? I've got some cheesecake in the fridge."
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"This tastes incredible," Chuck excitedly mumbled as he ate his cheesecake.
"Really?" Sarah asked skeptically.
"Absolutely," Chuck nodded. "Where did you buy it?"
"Actually, I made it myself," she said as she took a bite of her own slice, she tried to hide the proud smile threatening to overtake her face.
Chuck's eyebrows shot up in surprise.
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"Hey, stupid! I agreed to the date didn't I? Shouldn't that have told you something?"
"Then why did you say what you said to Roan during that mission?"
"Because he was an agent, Chuck! He would've told Beckman and she would've reassigned me." Sarah said, exasperated.
"Roan wouldn't have done that. He's the one that encouraged me to go after you," Chuck replied.
"Well, I didn't know that. I had no reason to trust that boozehound. In my experience agents only look after themselves and they'll have no problem screwing someone over," she contended. "Remember Forrest? How about Bryce? You have plenty of personal experience with him."
"You had to bring him up..."
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"Oh, that," he looked at his wrist. "Well, my dad gave me upgrades bit by bit. I was actually in Bangkok when he gave me both this and the self-defense pack..."
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"Would you like some coffee?" Sarah asked from the counter where she was pouring herself a cup.
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"Sure, I'd like to start a family," she answered. "I think I'm ready for it now... or at least a lot more prepared than I was at any other point." Chuck nodded. "But that doesn't mean I'm going to start trying to get pregnant right this minute," she added.
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"We should stop here; I've got to go to work soon. I should at least try to get a couple hours of sleep."
"Okay," Chuck got up from the couch, stretched out, and yawned; he was tired, too, though sleep wasn't something he was looking forward to. Maybe tonight will be a no nightmare night, he thought.
"Maybe you should stay over, you seem too tired to drive," Sarah suggested. Chuck looked uncertain. "I'm not suggesting anything other than sleep, Chuck. You know what they say: Better safe than sorry. I don't want you to fall asleep behind the wheel."
He was really tired. "Okay, you're right. I'll stay."
"My room's the first door on the left," she gestured to the stairs. "I'll join you as soon as I get cleaned up."
"Uh..." Chuck was sure this would be an awkward exchange, "The couch is fine," he said as he patted the arm of the couch. "I'll be comfortable here."
Sarah was hurt by Chuck's rejection. "We're just sleeping in the same bed, Chuck. It's nothing we haven't done before," she said somewhat harshly.
He hadn't really felt like this much of a social reject in a long time. "I know." He sighed dejectedly. "Look, I just—it's just—" He stopped, and looking at the ground, let out a long breath. He looked back up at Sarah's expectant gaze and tried to explain as best he could. "Sarah, please understand it has nothing to do with you. For eight years there were government agents chasing me, eight years I actively stayed away from people as much as I could, eight years I looked behind my back for fear of someone sneaking up on me." He took in a steadying breath. "That took a toll on me. After avoiding it for so long, now I can barely handle physical contact with another person without freaking out."
"You didn't seem to have any problem yesterday when Ellie hugged you, or when you took my hand in your dad's basement," she said, clearly not buying Chuck's excuse.
"She's my sister, what was I supposed to do? Push her away? I couldn't do that to her, but that doesn't mean I wasn't itching to push her off," Sarah raised her eyebrows in surprise, Chuck quickly continued, "Please don't tell her about this. I don't want to hurt her feelings and she doesn't need to go around worrying about me but it is the truth, Sarah." He then went on to address her other point. "As to why I took your hand? That just kind of happened. It felt good to see you again, to be able to hold you again." A small smile appeared on Sarah's face. "If we're going to have a relationship, the one person I need to be able to touch is you, and I have to work on that because I really want to be able to hold you, Sarah."
"I do too, Chuck," she said as she took a step towards him.
"Wait. Let me finish," He held out a hand to stop her. "It's okay to touch me when I'm awake, but the reason I can't sleep in the same bed as you is because I'm not comfortable touching you yet," he said. "When I'm asleep I have no control over the Intersect. If I mistake you for a threat and the Intersect reacts— I don't want to hurt you, Sarah." No need to tell her about the nightmares just yet. "I'm sorry. I know hearing me say I'm not comfortable touching you can't be easy and it might hurt, but if there's one thing I can promise you, it's that I won't lie to you this time around." He looked at her for a moment. "Can you make me the same promise?"
"Okay, Chuck. No lies, about anything," she agreed. "And, you're right: it does hurt," Chuck frowned as she took a step back, "but I understand. Thank you for telling me."
Chuck made his way to her and enveloped her in a hug. "Thank you for understanding," he whispered in her ear. An odd mixture of comfort and discomfort passed through Chuck as he held her. "Seriously, though, my dad is the only other person that knows about this, please keep it to yourself."
"If that's what you want," she agreed. "I'll be back in a minute with some blankets and a pillow," she said as she made her way to the stairs.
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"Hmph...!' Chuck shot up with a start, breathing heavily. Sweat covered him yet again. It took a moment for him to remember where he was. He felt like someone was watching. He looked towards the kitchen, where Sarah had been looking on the whole time. From the look on her face he knew they were about to have another talk. Stupid nightmares, he sighed. He rubbed his palms over his face then got up and walked over to where she was seating at the table. "Good morning?" he offered as he took the seat next to her.
"You lied to me," she said, an upset look on her face.
"Okay, no. Not really. I told you the truth about not wanting to hurt you; you just saw what happens sometimes," he said pointing to the couch. "I just left out a small part of it."
"So, you have nightmares on top of everything else?" She didn't want to fight this early in the morning.
"Goes with the territory I guess." He shrugged. "They were becoming less frequent. I think being in a new place brought them back."
"What was this one about?"
"Remember I told you about my dad and Bangkok?" She nodded. "Well, instead of him pulling me into that alley, it was Casey, and he put a bullet in my head."
Sarah got up, went to dig into her purse and came back with a business card in hand. She handed it to Chuck. "Give him a call. He's the one that helped me deal with my issues, he's a good man."
Chuck looked at the card in front of him. "A shrink? Really?" He was surprised Sarah would even suggest it, let alone have done it herself.
"It took me a month to say anything, but once I started, he really helped," she said. "He knows what he's doing, Chuck. If you let him, he can help you, too. And, he's ex-CIA, so he knows the deal."
"I'll think about it," he conceded.
Sarah leaned over and kissed him. "I have to get to work. There's breakfast on the counter," she said, picking up her things.
Chuck was once again overcome by that mixture of feelings, but he decided not to say anything about the kiss. "You're leaving me alone in your house?"
"Chuck, I trust you here by yourself," she said confidently. "Just lock the door on your way out or..."
"Or?" Chuck enquired.
"Or you can wait for me to get back home and we can talk some more," she answered. "I should be back around six."
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Author's Note: This is the end of the first arc. Funnily enough, I've only covered three days so far: double the amount of chapters it took me in The First Seventy Two, kinda cool that it worked out that way. So, I'm going to work a little on the direction of the second arc because it's a little... nebulous... right now (I've always wanted to use that word in a sentence), then I will start updating again. For those of you waiting for a new chapter of Regenesis, it's coming. That's the hardest of the three stories I'm writing because there wasn't some crazy event that happened to force a change in the characters, so I can't just jump in with them having different attitudes. It takes a little longer some times to plan events out. In the meantime, thank you for sticking with me, and thank you for your reviews.
- Grey Alchemist.