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Skirting the Issue

CHAPTER TEN

Day 15: 251 days to go.

It is now possible to identify the head and tail sections of the baby's body.

Mood: irritable

Energy:

Appetite:

Morning Sickness: feel nauseous at the smell of coffee and scented candles

Cravings: Caffeine!

Harris, A. Christine Ph.D., 1996, The Pregnancy Journal: A Day-to-Day Guide to a Healthy and Happy Pregnancy, p15

Richard Castle had been many things to a lot of women, most often lover, occasionally friend or otherwise playmate. Most recently, he dared to add partner to his repertoire but there was no label he loved half so well as son and most especially, father.

It was this last he brooded over as he waited in line at Starbucks, watching business men in power ties and women in power suits mingle amongst the grungier artist and student types; each seeking their morning's dose of legal, addictive stimulants.

"Two veinte green teas," he murmured to the cashier when his turn came.

Father. All those years ago, the title had seemed the equal of a ball and chain, a disaster of epic proportions. But the first time the tiny pink fingers curled around his, and the wobbly head turned toward his voice, he knew parenthood would be the greatest adventure life brought him.

All these years later, his lips curved in a smile of wonder as he considered his daughter. Alexis was the light of his life. Hmmm, cliché. The sauce on his enchilada, the hot fudge on his ice cream… Smiling faintly, he collected the steaming teas from the attendant and dropped some sugar packets in his pocket, strolling out the door. Pages in his book… nice!

Kate. It was her first time through the roller coaster of parenthood. Naturally, she might be looking for an undo button. Waiting at the crosswalk, he pursed his lips. But once she got passed the initial shock, he smiled to himself, Kate would be a great mom. Firm when necessary, but she knew how to have fun too, and based on the compassion she routinely showed the victim's family? She'd be loving as well.

"Morning, Castle." the uniform on duty in the foyer of the 12th precinct greeted him with a smile.

"Hey, Rodriguez."

"When's the next Nikki Heat due out?"

Castle smiled wryly at the man's persistence but didn't stop to chat. "Same answer as last week. I wish I knew." He turned and walked backward for a few paces, still heading to the elevator. "How was Jorge's game?"

"He won 7-3. He says you owe him an ice cream for not showing."

"Tell him if he wins again Tuesday, he's on." Castle turned in time to glimpse the elevator opening. A mish-mash of uniforms and plain clothes detective got off and Castle joined the queue of people trying to squeeze in.

The trick was, he reflected, to help Kate see the benefits of the situation—and to keep her from panicking.

"Good morning, Detective Ryan." Castle breezed into the bullpen moments later, setting one of the teas on Beckett's desk. He glanced around for her, noticing Esposito in Montgomery's office.

"Hey Castle." Ryan stood up to greet him, pulling his jacket off the back of his chair as he did so. "Didn't expect to see you here. Beckett didn't call you?"

"No," Castle straightened and gave Ryan his full attention, his eyes wide with surprise. "Why? What's going on?"

"Nothing major." Ryan shrugged. "Called in sick."

"Sick?" Castle repeated, his brow furrowed, "She never calls in sick."

"Yeah, I know. Last year she—"

"Did you talk to her?"

"No, Montgomery did." Ryan shrugged. "He told her not to come in till she got rid of it." He began pulling his jacket on, "Got a tip off the—" His voice trailed off as Castle choked on a mouthful of tea, somehow managing to swallow most of it rather than spew all of it on Ryan's shoes.

"Get rid of it?" He was not able to completely hide his horror at Ryan's choice of words.

Ryan, who'd stepped back at the first sign of choking, looked from the splatter on the floor to Castle with a complicated look, "Yeah, you know, feeling better, not contagious… Otherwise, she'd be back here in—" He shrugged again.

"Oh, right." Castle forced a weak smile and nodded vaguely. He glanced around the bullpen. Suddenly, it was not the place he wanted to be. "Listen, uh, I'm going to check on Beckett, see if she needs any, uh, soup or anything." He was already backing toward the door. "I'll catch up with you this afternoon."

"Sure. See y—" But Castle was through the door and at the elevator. Ryan frowned, watching him disappear inside the doors as Esposito left Montgomery's office.

"Montgomery's gonna send CSU to check out that rental van." Esposito frowned at his partner. "What's with you?"

"Oh, nothing. Castle was just leaving."

"Castle was here?" He looked around for him, belatedly noting the identical Starbuck's cups on Beckett's desk.

"Yeah." Ryan surveyed the spatter and headed to the break room for paper towels. "He was acting kind of strange."

Esposito grinned as he proceeded back to his desk. "You just now noticing that, Bro?"

Katherine Beckett's lips were compressed in a tight line as she flashed her badge at the uniform on duty. Normally, she'd be good for a smile and a greeting. But today, there were tight lines drawn around her eyes and the usually brisk pace was a little more sedate. She nodded at Rodriguez, wincing slightly as she turned toward the elevator.

Easing into an advantageous position near the doors, she closed her eyes as she waited, rubbing her temples. The elevator chimed and she opened her eyes to see Castle, his attention and both hands fixed on his phone as he stepped off the lift, making a sharp turn and jostling her as he went by.

"Sorry," he muttered over his shoulder, not even seeing her.

Beckett was unable to move for a moment, she just stood there, both hands pressing against her forehead, grimacing in pain. A moment later, she dropped her hands and stared after him.

"Castle!" she snapped, her voice carrying clearly through the marbled interior.

He spun on his heel, staring at her in stunned surprise. She glared back at him, clearly irritable. "What the hell—" But he was already striding toward her, phone forgotten in his hand. It took him but a second to reach her, and when he did, he pulled her into a rough hug.

Beckett gasped into his cashmere jacket, overwhelmed by pain and the spicy scent of his aftershave. The sudden movement was too much for her and her forehead dropped to his shoulder for an instant, while she bit her lip, hard. Her eyes were clenched shut. When she pushed him away a second later, he was startled to see her face was white and taut and both palms pressed to her forehead.

"What's wrong?"

"What's wrong?" She cracked one eye to glare at him. "I have a caffeine headache. What the hell do you think is wrong?"

Castle's lips formed a silent "O" in understanding. "Damn, I brought you a…"

"What's with you?"

"Me?"

"First you run me over, then you hug me. What's gotten into you?" She punched the elevator "up" button, fingertips kneading her forehead.

Castle jammed both hands into his pants pockets, staring at a fixed point somewhere over her shoulder. The line between his brow deepened, and others formed as he turned his back on the people gathering around the elevator. "You called in sick." He frowned at the seam of the elevator doors.

"So?" Her hands fell away and she leveled a penetrating stare at him.

He swallowed, his voice growing fainter. "Ryan said…." He hesitated, the furrows deepening as he stared resolutely at the emergency exit diagram hanging above the elevator buttons. He soldiered on, "Ryan said you were getting rid of it." His voice trailed off, and he rubbed his chin, still not daring to look at her.

Beckett's eyes widened as she took his meaning. "Oh." She bit her lip, and looked around the room, blinking rapidly. She peeked at him. His face was set in an unnaturally grim expression, an unusual flush darkened his face, and his eyes… She suddenly didn't know what to say or where to look. The doors opened again but neither one moved. "Let's take a walk."

He nodded without speaking.

They hesitated on the sidewalk in front of the precinct, uncertain which way to go when no particular destination was required.

"There's a drugstore this way. Let's do something about that headache." She fell into step beside Castle.

"Can I even take anything for it? I mean, with the…" her voice trailed off and she bit her lip.

"Tylenol should be safe."

Ten minutes later, with a SOBE green tea apiece and a marginally more cheerful Beckett, they once again wandered the street. They walked in silence for a time, meandering passed street vendors and restaurants opening for the early lunch crowd. Each were lost in their own thoughts; pondering this uncertain new phase of their relationship.

"So you called in sick because of the headache?"

Beckett shook her head. "No, I was at my doctor's." Castle gave her a sharp look and she sighed. "I was getting a blood test."

"Ah." He nodded. Of course she would want to confirm her pregnancy. "And?"

"And… there's nothing to tell." She shrugged, staring down the street. "They'll call me with the results in a day or two." She frowned. I won't know for sure until Monday."

He nodded again, strangely quiet. They walked on, the trendy shops and cafes giving way to night clubs and cheap hotels. An awkward silence stretched between them which neither wanted to break. Beckett sneaked a questioning look at his profile when she thought he wasn't looking. As she scanned the street ahead, his eyes watched her; observing how the lines of her face were easing now that the Tylenol had time to work.

She was scanning a clump of pedestrians waiting at a corner when he finally managed to ask the question that had eaten away at his sense of peace since his conversation with Detective Ryan—no, since his mother laid out the full scope of options available the night before.

"Are you thinking of… I mean," Castle swallowed, struggling to find the right words, his voice faltering, "Are you going to have the baby?"

Beckett didn't answer immediately, but drank from her tea, and screwed the cap on. "I would have thought you'd want to avoid more children." Her voice was quiet. She didn't look at him.

"I do, but…" He stopped in the middle of the sidewalk and faced her. "Look, I'm careful, but—" he spread his hands helplessly, his brow furrowed and there was no artifice or persuasion in his voice; only honesty. "In my life, there is no one I treasure more than Alexis. She changed me…, and I—" He licked his lips. "I just don't want to see you end something without thinking it through." His voice was low and hesitant. His hands dropped to his sides.

They stared at each other for a moment. The light at the nearby intersection turned green and suddenly a horde of people were surrounding them. Beckett bit her lip, then spoke, her voice low, vulnerable. "I always wanted to be a mom." She turned away, swiping at her cheek. He fell in step beside her, pretending not to see. He gave her a sideways glance as she continued a moment later, her voice stronger. "I just never thought it'd be like this! Unplanned. Awkward—"

"—and with a World Famous Mystery Novelist." Castle gave a mock shudder and Beckett couldn't help a chuckle.

"Never that!" she agreed.

Castle was smiling at his small success when his phone rang. "It's Esposito." He told her, putting the phone to his ear. "Castle." He listened intently. Beckett leaned in trying to hear and he angled the phone to share the call. "Really? Yeah, I want in. Be right there." He clicked his phone off, his eyes alight with excitement. "The boys caught a break. You coming?"

"Duh." They turned as one and headed toward the precinct. "Why did Esposito call you?"

He added a bit of a macho drawl to his voice, "It's a man thing." He could almost feel her eyes roll. "Anyway, you're supposed to be on sick leave."

She made a face, "I'm sure I'm going to get all sorts of grief for coming in.

"You could tell them it was the miraculous healing properties of my presence…" he grinned at her, dropping his empty tea bottle in a convenient recycle bin.

Her lips twitched but she pretended to be unaffected by his charm. "Or more likely, my sheer desperation to escape."

"Maybe it was the magic of Campbell's Chicken Noodle Soup." His eyes twinkled at her, lowering his voice suggestively, "No one heats it up like I do…"

They were nearly to the precinct when she caught at his sleeve. "Castle, wait." His eyes widened as he faced her. They were jostled on either side by the passing crowd but he gave her his complete attention. She had trouble meeting his gaze, but kept darting little peeks at his face between staring at the open collar of his shirt and biting her lip. "Look, if I don't say this now, I probably won't."

He was blessedly silent, for once, waiting with surprise still faintly etched in the lines of his face.

She cleared her throat and took a deep breath. "I want to apologize for the way I behaved yesterday." Her brow puckered and she stared at his Adams apple. "You were right to be concerned. It was—I was out of line." She looked him directly in the face at last. "I owe you an apology." Her green eyes were hesitant, more vulnerable than he'd ever seen them.

He didn't move for a moment, staring at her in growing amazement. His eyes widened and his brow lifted. He blinked, but didn't take his eyes off her.

She glanced away, her cheeks pink, and her eyes cast down. She pursed her lips, before taking one more peek at his face as he reached for his phone and fiddled with it without speaking.

He held it up to her. "Can you say that again, one more time?" The lines around his eyes crinkled merrily, "Just for posterity's sake—and because Ryan and Esposito will never believe me when I tell them."

This time he saw her roll her eyes as she walked away.

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