I have, to be honest, and say, that I am very unsatisfied with this chapter. I didn't like the way I wrote it, for whatever reason but I am just way too critical of myself and my writing.I have to add that this takes places after Amanda's camping trip with Hayle. I hope you guys, at least enjoy it! And like always, I own no rights to the shows.

Olivia unwillingly spent her entire free weekend in her apartment thinking about the blonde's adventure up north with her girlfriend. Lounging on her cream comfy couch, wearing nothing but yoga capri pants and oversized t-shirts with her brown locks up on a messy bun. Her iPhone on her hand, contemplating rather or not to message Amanda, but in the end deciding not to, knowing that there would have been little to no service in her camp grounds. So here she was again, on her free Friday night off after a long and busy week, doing nothing but thinking about the blonde at home. Olivia spent the last hour debating within herself if she should go out to the bar, rather than staying at home and in the end decided to get out of the house for the evening. A different environment may help her get out of this lost funk she's been in for the past week. She took a quick look at herself in her full-length room in her bedroom, making sure she wasn't looking hideous in case she would bump into the blonde. Olivia wore dark blue skinny jeans and a tight white tank top, with a black leather jacket and matching black pumps to finish the look. Her hair was down and with soft curls on the ends. Happy with the way she looked, she grabbed her keys and clutch and headed to her front door.

She thanked her uber driver as she stepped out of the black SUV. Olivia stood in front of the bar for a moment, once again debating if she wanted to go in. The bar was packed, full of loud college kids and adults. Her body shook, nerves creeping up for no apparent reason but usually her 'spidey sense,' what Fin would call them, were never wrong. In the pit of the stomach, something felt wrong, well more like something was going to go wrong. The feeling has gotten worse, the sensation of was upsetting her, turning her stomach in knots. She stood there, staring at the bright neon sign in front of her, the laughter and drunken yelling from inside taunted her. Olivia shook off this weird vibe and decided to take the plunge and go in. Opening the door, she greeted with awful music and offensive body odor from the massive crowd. She shifted her body through the crowd as she tried to reach for the main bar, happy to find an empty seat at the very end by the graffiti written wall and a young twenty-something fit man quickly greeted Olivia.

"Hey there!" he exclaimed loudly in hopes his customer could hear him over the loud techno music.

"Hi, could I please get Johnnie Walker on the rocks?" she requested, hollering at her over the loud music.

The bartender nodded and headed to the top shelves to retrieve the bottom. While waiting, Olivia's eyes wandered around the bar, her eyes stopped at the much older couple dancing provocatively with each other in the most awkward way; chuckling to herself, hoping that she doesn't look like that when she dances. From the corner of her eyes, she saw her drink placed in front of her.

"That will be fifteen." The bartender informed her.

Olivia placed a twenty-dollar bill on the counter, letting the man know he can keep the change as his tip. Drink in hand, she took long a sip of the amber colored liquor that danced around the ice cube as her brown eyes continued to scan the bar around her. Suddenly, her breathing hitch and her hearted began to beat quicker while breaking into pieces. Her sad brown eyes stopped at the group of people who were laughing among each other at the very back of the bar. She watched them carefully, noticing every hidden moment. They stood around the standing round table, drinking and laughing at whatever they were talking about, together without her. She took another long sip of her whiskey, her eyes never leaving the table she had spotted. But without noticed her world stood still, there walked Amanda hand in hand with Hayley. She watched carefully, as the blonde wrapped her arm around the tiny waist of the young Latina while Haley turned into her embrace, placing her arm across the front of Amanda's waist. She was upset, hurt and offended that she was here alone drinking while the rest of squad members were all out drinking together and getting along with Haley. Unable to turn away, she watched Nick attempt to remove Haley from Amanda's embrace, but the blonde pulled her close as they laughed at Nick's fail to try to flirt with the young woman. Her stomach dropped, the sight before her as the two women shared a kiss in front of the entire squad, while they threw napkins at them, hollering to get a room.

Olivia speedily finished her strong drink, allowing the bitterness to linger on her warm tongue for a few moments before swallowing as it burns down her throat. Gracefully, she made her around the crowd, in a hurry to get out the establishment reaching closer to the door. Her tracks were stopped at a sudden bump, not caring, she tried to pass the person but was only held back by a firm hand on her arm.

"Olivia?"

Her watery brown eyes flicked up to meet the person who held her back; unable keep it together, tears rolled down her cheeks. "Please, Munch. I need to go." She choked begging the older man to release his hold and let her go.

With no explanation needed, he let go out but not before placing a gentle kiss on top of her head. He stood in the middle of the crowd and watched his friend walk out that door, knowing well what she had seen.

Olivia slammed apartment door hard that her walls shook. Removing her leather jacket, she aggressively threw across the living room as she paced back and forth. Olivia was tired, exhausted after having walking more than five blocks on heels and walking up three flights of stairs. She physically and emotionally exhausted. The tears had stopped, and her heartache turned numb.

Olivia kicked her heels off, walking barefoot into her darkened bedroom as she stripped down to her black matching cotton bra and panties. She felt like she was suffocating as the heat grew inside of her. Her hands wrapped around her neck, gasping for air. She couldn't breathe, the heat was becoming too much, it had become unbearable. The suffocation felt too real; her chest felt tight as if an elephant was sitting on top of her. Quickly, she ran into her bathroom, stepping into the cold tub with her bra and panties; not caring. She winced at the ice water that hit her hot skin, shaking trying to adjust to the water temperature.

Her back pressed against the tile wall, closing her eyes trying to regain control of her breathing. She released that hold from her neck. Just as her breathing began to stabilize the flashback of Amanda and Hayley hit her, the way the blonde held the young woman, how her smile was big and bright whenever her blue eyes landed on the brunette. The remembrance of the way Amanda captured Hayley's lips, how gentle and loving their kiss was, caused Olivia's jealousy to branch out from inner coils. Her bathroom began to spin around her as the laughers of squad members surrounded her. She knew that they were laughing at her. The feeling of being suffocated returned, and the heavy feeling began to invade her chest. And then, without notice, she broke. The hard sobs of her embarrassment, jealousy and heartache had finally broken free of piercing and painful tears as she slides down against her shower wall, feeling her legs become too weak to hold her up.

Olivia sat under her shower head, with her hands shaking covering her crimsoned face with her back against her tub as the cold water hit her olive skin in her moonlight casted bathroom.

Monday had arrived quicker than everyone would have liked. It was quite in the squad room, everyone sat at their desk, typing away or filling out paperwork. There was an eerie feeling in the air that no one could pinpoint why. Hardly anyone said a word to each other; the room felt dead. The members noticed that their elite detective had kept to herself, making sure to make little to no eye contact with the rest of the squad. She had a cold stone look to her as if she in her little word inside her head. No one question and no one dared to, knowing how Olivia can get when she's in a mood. The quite in the room had started to bother Fin, the sound of keyboard typing, paper filing and shuffling, and the tapping sound that Munch wouldn't quit was driving him a man. His anxiety was rising as the silenced continued around him, unable to handle it any long; Fin got up and headed for his lunch break.

Amanda watched as Fin and Amaro walked passed her desk, heading out to the squad room. Her blue eyes fell back to the older woman sitting across from her. Her heart broke at the sight of the brunette, Olivia looked exhausted, sad and completely out of it. She noticed how Olivia struggled to focus on the work in front of her. With no hesitation, Amanda pulled out her phone and opened up a new message and began to type.

Are you okay?'

She pretended to focus on her paperwork after sending the message, her eyes were level but were focused on Olivia, waiting for her reaction. Her heart was skipping when she saw Olivia check her phone, and quickly typed a reply. And sure enough, her phone vibrated with the screen flashing new message from Olivia Benson.

'Fine. But thanks for the invite over the weekend. I hope all you guys had fun at Mallory's on Friday..'

Cursing to herself, she quickly typing an honest explanation hoping it would release the funk in the air.

'I am sorry. I don't have any excuse why you never got an invite, it was not my call, but if it makes you feel better, I did miss you there.'

Olivia opened the message and laughed softly to herself, looking up at the blonde, who was staring right at her. Shaking her head, she went ahead and began to type her message.

'How can you miss me when you're girlfriend was there? And you guys were all over each other, so I doubt I even crossed your mind. But it's okay, I understand.'

'Liv…' Amanda messaged back.

Amanda, it's fine. I was just upset that I wasn't invited, I would have liked to meet her…in a more proper manner than last time.'

'Maybe next time, okay?'

'Okay, we better get back to work before Cragen comes out.'

'Liv, I am sorry, and I did miss you there.'

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