Author note: Thanks for all the reviews.
Four hours later Tony rolled over in their bed and found her side empty. The first thing that came to his mind was that she's gone, that something bad happened to her and that last night was a dream.
Tony sat up on the bed in a panic, turning around looking for her. He felt such a relief when he saw her standing by the sliding glass door that leads out to their back porch and beach, looking at the ocean and talking on the phone.
Michelle turned around and saw him sitting on the bed still half panicked. Without hanging up the phone, she rushed over to him and sat down on the bed. Worried, she caressed his face and smiled to him, making sure that he was alright.
Tony smiled back and without saying anything pulled her into his arms. Michelle leaned her head on his chest and he wrapped his arms around her, kissing her hair. Caressing his arm with her free hand she continued the conversation with her boss.
"Thank you Bill… I'm sure I'll feel better in a few days… It must be some virus Tony and I caught somewhere… Yeah, thanks I'll tell him… Don't hesitate to call me if you need me for something, I'll come right away if you do… Thanks Bill, see you on Monday… Bye."
Michelle hung up the phone and placed it on the nightstand.
Looking into his eyes she asked, "You okay? You looked like you had a nightmare or felt bad or something."
"I'm fine sweetheart, with you in my arms I'm great," Tony smiled. "I just rolled over on your side of the bed and you weren't there. It made me panic. For a second I thought none of the events from last night happened and that you were gone. I almost had a heart attack. I felt better the moment I saw you. You have no idea how relived I was when I realized that you're here and that everything is okay," he said, kissing her gently.
"I'm right here honey and I'm not going anywhere. Everything is fine," Michelle said, caressing his face. "I'm sorry I left you alone, but I had to talk to Bill and I didn't want to wake you up. I only moved away until I finished my conversation with him, but I'm back in your arms now," she smiled.
"Good," Tony replied happily.
"I wouldn't normally react like this, but after everything that happened to us… I don't want to lose you."
"I know honey, I know. I would probably react the same way if I woke up without you next to me, especially after all this hell we've been through."
Michelle kissed him gently on the lips and leaned her head back on his chest closing her eyes.
"Did I hear you say, 'See you on Monday'?" he asked, playing with her curls.
"Yeah, I told him we didn't feel well and that I'd like to stay home if they didn't need me. When I called him I only wanted to stay home today, but then he told me that there's nothing much to do at the moment. He said that I can stay until Monday, if we didn't feel well, and I couldn't pass the opportunity to spend a few days alone with you," she said looking into his eyes and smiled. "I can't believe I lied to him."
"It's just a tiny lie and it made your husband very, very happy," Tony replied, gently leaning her down on the bed.
He remained on top of her, smiling; he kissed her passionately a few times, gently caressing her all over. Michelle looked up at him lovingly, gently stroking his face and back.
"I love you so much. I'm so glad we finally worked things out. I can't believe it all turned out so well; I'm so happy it did."
"So am I sweetheart, so am I," Tony replied. "I love you too, so much."
They remained like that for a while, kissing and caressing, gazing into one another's eyes happily.
"You should sleep some more honey, we both should. Four hours isn't nearly enough sleep for either of us," Tony said.
"Okay, if you promise me we'll pick up right here when we wake up," Michelle replied.
"You have my word," Tony grinned. "Come here." He lay on his back and Michelle curled up next to him, leaning her head on his chest, covering them both.
"See you in a bit," Michelle smiled.
"See you baby," he replied, kissing her hair.
They both immediately fell into a peaceful sleep.
Six hours later Michelle was laying on top of Tony with her head on his chest.
He gently caressed her back and she kissed his chest every now and then.
"Are you hungry?"
Michelle lifted her head and smiled, "yeah, I really am, thanks to you."
Tony gently rolled them onto their side without breaking their hug.
"Well, what can I do? You told me to promise you we'd pick up where we left off before we fell asleep and we did. You know perfectly well that I can never have enough of you," he said happily, kissing her neck.
"You sure kept your promise," Michelle giggled. "You're pretty hard to resist yourself."
"Seriously, I think we should both eat. We hardly had anything yesterday. I don't want you to get weak; you know you have poor iron."
"Oh honey, it's only one day of less food, I'll be fine," she smiled.
"I know, but still, you need to eat well. I couldn't take care of you during all those months we were apart, but now I'll make damn sure you eat well and stay healthy," Tony replied, kissing the top of her nose. "I love you too much to let anything bad happen to you."
"You don't stop worrying about me and taking care of me. You're so amazing; I'm so lucky to have you."
"I'm the lucky one. You're my life; I'll worry about you and take care of you every day for as long as I live."
"I will too, and you're right honey; we should eat. I'm actually starving and I'm sure you are too."
"Yeah, I am. I can make us couple of smoothies for now. I'll think of something solid we can eat with those so it holds us until lunch."
"Sounds great, let's go," she said without letting him go and looking deeply into his eyes, "I love you so much."
"I love you too sweetheart, so much," he replied, kissing her gently. "Now, let's go."
"Let's go," she smiled.
They got up, dressed, and went into the kitchen. Tony got milk and bananas and started making the smoothies. Placing the ingredients in the blender, he started mixing them. Michelle sat on the bar stool looking at him.
Tony opened the fridge, "we have two pastries I bought yesterday morning. We can eat them with these; it should be enough for now. What do you think?"
"Good idea," Michelle replied.
Tony placed the pastries on the counter; leaning over it he kissed her and went back to their smoothies.
"So what do you want to do today? I know we're sick," he turned around and grinned, causing Michelle to giggle. "I think we should go outside a bit. It's a beautiful day," Tony said, filling two glasses.
"Yeah, it is, especially because I get to spend it with you," she replied.
Tony turned around and smiled; he took the glasses and placed them on the counter. He then went around and hugged Michelle, "I couldn't agree with you more. I don't care what we'll do, as long as we spend the entire day together."
"Neither do I," Michelle smiled. "But since it's nice and sunny we could go eat on the back porch."
"Great idea."
They picked up their smoothies and pastries from the counter and went on their back porch. Placing their food on the wooden table next to the deckchair, they sat down and snuggled close to each other. Tony handed Michelle her food and they ate in peace, flirting and kissing, having a great time together. When they finished their meal, Michelle leaned her head on Tony's chest and he hugged her tightly.
"I love it out here. I missed coming here with you all those months while you were away from me," Michelle said, snuggling even closer next to him. "I couldn't even look outside, let alone sit in this chair by myself. Even though being out here would only bring happy memories, it all hurt too much. I avoided anything I could, even though I couldn't avoid being inside our house and surrounded with our things. It helped me in one way to be surrounded with it all, but it hurt me so much in the other."
"Oh baby, I can only imagine how horrible all those months were for you, being alone here. But I'm here from now on and I'm not going anywhere."
"I know and I'm so happy about it. Those months were the worst time of my life. Especially because I knew that you were going through hell on your own and I wasn't able to be there for you. It was killing me. My own misery about that day was ten times worse because you weren't here. I can only imagine how badly you must've felt and what you went through all alone and in there. The scar on your chest proves it and I know you hid so much from me to protect me," Michelle said, leaning her head on his chest. "I'm so glad you came home to me safely; I don't know what I would do without you."
"It was horrible, but nothing hurt me as bad as when I pushed you away. It was for your safety; I'd do it again if I had to without thinking twice about it; but being away from you was killing me far more than anything that was happening to me in that prison. Even though the idea of you out there alive and safe was helping me to keep going, I missed you so much that I thought I'd die without you," Tony said, kissing her hair.
"I'll make sure nothing comes between us again. I know neither of us could survive that again. We'll fix everything and move away from our old careers as far as we can get. I'll move us to a different continent if I have to, to keep you safe."
Michelle looked at him and smiled, "I doubt it will be necessary, but if it comes to that I'll go anywhere with you. I don't care where, just as long as we're together."
"Tony?" she paused, biting her bottom lip.
"What is it honey?"
"Why did that guy stab you? You never really told me much about your time in there. Only the stuff you told me when I saw the scar for the first time and nothing else. You don't have to tell me if you don't want to."
"I'll tell you honey, but it has nothing to do with us. I kept avoiding it because I knew it would upset you, but I suppose time has come for me to tell you," he smiled, gently kissing her forehead.
"Here it goes. Life in there is hard. They all have gangs who move around drugs as well as hurt each other and people outside. Crime in there is as bad as it is out here, maybe even worse. Plus like I already told you, a lot of them hated me for being an ex-federal agent and others for being a traitor, some for both. I was scared for my life constantly even though I stayed away from them."
Michelle looked at him obviously scared of the idea what could've happened because she knew quite well, thanks to her job, how life in there was.
Tony caressed her face, "while Mike was around, I was fine. It was mostly like a life in a solitary but I was okay with it. Mike is a great guy; we would talk about our families and we'd joke around. You would come to visit me, and so would Jack. It wasn't life like I was used to, far from it, but I was okay. Then everything changed in a heartbeat, new prison administration, Mike got sick… I lost everything in a minute. But nothing hurt me more than the moment I realized I'd have to push you away to keep you safe. Those guys threatened me before; they would say I'd soon lose my babysitter and they'd get their hands on me and my pretty wife when I do. I was already scared for you more than you can imagine, but both Mike and Jack assured me that they couldn't get to you so easily and that you'd be safe. Jack took care of you outside and Mike made sure no inmate saw you when you visited me, so even though I was still scared for you I was calmer thanks to that. However, when the prison's administration changed, I knew they wouldn't let me keep my special treatment and that it would all put you in danger. Mike told them that he didn't mind taking care of me and they let him do it even though it wasn't same as before. He couldn't watch over me all the time and then the new warden told me that our private room was a privilege I didn't deserve and would soon be taking it away. If I wanted to see you, I'd have to do it the same way as everyone else, in the public room. Because, as you know, no private visits of any kind were allowed over there. I wish they were because then I'd have told you to come only during my time, but they didn't allow it. You'd have had to come in the public room and I couldn't let that happen. Other prisoners knew I was married, but none of them knew how you looked or who you were. I came to the prison charged with treason without anyone really explaining why. No one also told them that you were a federal agent as well and I was happy about it. Less they knew about you, happier I was. I was surprised none of the guards that hated me never told them anything, but they didn't, which kept you safe even more. I guess that was all thanks to Mike. If they saw you, recognized you and knew that you were a federal agent too… who knows what could've happened to you, and I couldn't allow that," he said, kissing her hair; Michelle caressed his face.
"Fortunately my separated cell never came on the list of privileges I lost. Even though Mike was on sick leave already, they allowed me to have the room for our visits for a little while longer, but Harry, my new guard, didn't like me. He didn't want to be my 24/7 "babysitter" and told them he wouldn't do it. Instead he only watched me for a few hours a day. I wish he hadn't," Tony rolled his eyes. "He was a moron; I just wish they kept him away from me as much as possible. I won't talk about him now, I'll tell you about him some other time. Or not, since he's not worth it. But we'll see," he smiled to her, she smiled back.
"Anyway, the new administration didn't feel like sparing more men on me so they dumped me in the yard with everyone else during the day and that's when the problems started. When they all saw me in the general areas at the regular time, they started doing all kinds of things to me, calling me names, kicking me around. Some hated me; some wanted me in their gang… all I wanted was to stay as far away from them all as possible and I let them all know that. My actions made them wonder why, so they had even more reasons to hate me, more reasons to hurt me, more reasons to kill me. I was scared for my life constantly and for you even more…" Tony looked at Michelle and saw the scared look on her face; he smiled and kissed her.
"I don't want to upset you even more, so I'll spare you the nasty details. To make a long story short I kept you with me for as long as I could've, I didn't want to lose you. The idea of pushing you away was tearing me apart. However, I knew I had to do it because the longer time I spent with them, the more danger you were in and I only had a few private visits left. So I decided to make our final visit as enjoyable as the others were, because believe me, your visits made the time without you far more bearable. The only thing that made me want to get up in the morning was the idea of seeing your beautiful face again soon," Tony caressed her face.
"And then after that visit I decided, no matter how much I didn't want to do it, no matter how much it hurt me, to push you away, so I could protect you as much as possible. But two days before our final visit was supposed to happen, I was in the gym exercising and three guys, who belonged to a gang that wanted me to join them and I refused, showed up. They came to me and told me they'd make me join them. I told them I wouldn't do it. One yanked out a knife, two others only fists; they said they'd leave me alone if I can fight them off. We started fighting and I managed to keep them away from me for a long time, but then the guy with the knife came at me. Even though I managed to keep him away, he stabbed me after a while because the other two joined in again."
Michelle shivered at the thought of what might've happened, she hugged him even tighter, kissing his chest, "but where the hell were those guards?"
Tony kissed her hair, "they didn't really care what would happen to me. They took their time to come. When they came, they realized I was hurt and took me to the infirmary. I decided to push you away before our visit because I didn't want you to know what happened to me. I didn't want you to worry about me even more especially because I had to push you away anyway, so I wanted to spare you at least that one worry. After I pushed you away, Mike came back for a while and he remained with me, taking care of me again. That's why I paused when you told me about Seattle, because I wanted you back more than anything. I missed you so badly. You don't know what I would've given to hold you one more time," he said hugging her tightly, "but I couldn't do it. I didn't know when Mike would leave again and your safety was more important than anything else. He was quite sick and he left only a few weeks after you went to Seattle. I wanted you to come to me while he was there, but since I didn't know how long it would last, I didn't tell you to come. I couldn't push you away twice, because the first time nearly killed me and if I got you back, I never would've let you go and you would've been in danger."
Michelle could feel she was getting more and more upset, but she didn't say anything; she just let him talk more, trying to calm herself down.
"I couldn't let anything happen to you; I was in danger daily and if you were next to me, you would've been too. I couldn't let that happen, not if I could protect you somehow. This way you thought I was doing better and I thought you'd be safer in Seattle, far away from me. That's why I told you to go, I wanted you to think that I was okay so you wouldn't worry about me more than you were already worried. I knew you felt bad about the whole situation and I knew you were already blaming yourself enough. I didn't want you to feel guilty about what was happening to me in there, because it wasn't your fault."
Michelle's eyes were filled with tears. Even though she didn't want to get so upset; the idea of what her husband went through upset her more than she wanted.
"Even though I still feel guilty about all kinds of things that happened on that day, I know none of it is my fault, thanks to your assuring words from yesterday, but I just can't…" she took a deep breath.
"When I hear about what you went through, I feel… and I can't… each time you were hurt, I wasn't there to make you feel better. I love you more than my life and I hate this whole situation that had to happen to us. I hate that they took you away from me… I hate them for putting you in that place… I hate that you had to go through this… I hate that you were in such a danger…" she bit her lower lip and sat up visibly upset; her eyes filled with tears even more.
"I keep coming so close to losing you. Something keeps happening and I'm so tired of it all and so scared of losing you somehow. I just want to live with you in peace and have a normal life and I'm scared it will never happen… I don't want to lose you."
Tony cupped her face and kissed her.
"Shhh," he gently leaned her head back on his chest, hugging her tightly. "You won't lose me. Everything is okay sweetheart, nothing will separate us anymore, nothing," he said, gently caressing her back, calming her down. "It was a tough time, but it is over. We're together and we will be forever. That's all that matters."
"Yeah," Michelle replied, "nothing else matters."
"Don't worry baby, we'll live in peace, far away from it all. We're already further away and closer to it every day. It will come before you know it; you'll see. We just have to wait a bit longer and I'm sure everything will be okay. We'll have our life the way we want it soon," he lifted her head from his chest and looked into her eyes, assuring her of his words. "It will happen."
"I really hope so," Michelle said. "I'll let Bill know next week that I'm planning to resign from Division in 3 months. He can start looking for my replacement right away, so noting can delay my leaving. And if he finds someone even sooner, that's even better. I'll leave right away."
"Good idea."
They held each other in silence for quite some time.
"You keep saying I had a hard time during all of that, what about you?
You were on your own with all the nightmares from that hotel… You had no one to really talk to either. I know you wanted to talk to me about it all, just like I wanted to talk to you, but neither of us could've burden the other with even more things and you kept it all bottled up. You only told me a little, but I could tell how much you suffered. I see it in your eyes each time you remember it and even when you don't, the pain is there. You should tell me about it too, just like I told you. It would help."
Michelle looked at him, "Yeah, I was suffering badly. The time without you was the worst time of my life and the fact that it came after a day like that one made it even worse. My each day seemed like a year. Each was same; I lived from one visit to another. The rest of the time I spent mostly crying. I was so depressed. I couldn't sleep; I couldn't eat, no matter how much you wanted me to. I'm a strong person; you of all people know that the best, but I couldn't be myself. I could barely recognize myself; I couldn't find my strength. Gina made me eat, and she made sure I ate daily, but I had no idea what I was eating. I felt like I had no reason to eat, to get up or do anything else. I only ate to make you feel better. The thought of you would get me going and the little strength I had was thanks to you. I would get up each morning saying to myself that you wouldn't want me to act like that.
Working helped me a bit too, no matter how much I hate that place, it at least cut my days short and it made me feel like the time to go to you would come sooner.
Each night I went to bed I had hard time falling asleep, afraid of the nightmares I knew I'd have and of waking up alone with only them as my company. I would clutch your pillow and breathe your scents in, making you closer to me somehow. It was the only thing that would help me fall asleep for a few hours. I walked around the house in your clothes because they had your scents and made me feel closer to you. I kept looking at our pictures thinking of the wonderful three years we spent together. They were my happy place; each time I would get upset, I would close my eyes and pick a day. Each day I spent with you during those years was a happy one and each of them made me feel better. I missed all the little things we did, all the little things I was used to. Being without you made me feel so alone, so incomplete and thinking about them was the only thing that made me feel at peace a bit," she said.
"I went back to those days too; they were in my mind 24/7. When they brought me to jail, I asked them if I could take a picture from my wallet with me and they allowed it. It's that tiny picture of the two of us from one of our picnics. I kept it in my wallet all the time and I placed it back there when I got my things back when I was getting out."
"It's that picture we took on the first picnic we went on after we got married," she smiled. "I have same one in my wallet."
"Yeah," he smiled back, "the first of our many amazing picnics as a married couple. I kept looking at it, looking at your smile and each time I did, I knew my choice from that day was the right one," he said, caressing her face. "I love you."
"I love you too baby, so much," Michelle replied, kissing him. They remained quiet for a few minutes; holding each other tightly.
Michelle soon continued, "I had so many bad things on my mind and I couldn't find any peace. You were on my mind constantly, what you were going through. I wanted to find a way to get you out, but there was nothing I could do but wait and hope Jack would find a way. It frustrated me so much. When you pushed me away, other ideas came to my mind too and they were killing me. There's no reason to bring them up since we talked about it all," Michelle smiled, showing him that she doesn't feel that way anymore.
Tony replied by kissing the top of her nose.
"Then I went to Seattle. I was even more alone and miserable over there. You see, being here was good and bad at the same time. While it reminded me of what we had, it also reminded me of what we lost and that was the double edged sword. I wanted to leave at first; I couldn't stand being here anymore, but even though being away from our home helped me a bit, I couldn't wait to go back. No matter how much it hurt being here alone, I missed being away from it all even more and I missed being closer to you even though you pushed me away. I missed being close to everything that represented our old life together. That's the only thing that mattered and still matters to me and being away from it all didn't feel right," she said, Tony took her hand and kissed it.
"I didn't know anyone in Seattle and couldn't allow myself to get too friendly with anyone. I really didn't have any friends and I just couldn't care if I did or not. I preferred it that way. I already told you all about Bill; he was the only person would could have been considered a friend and was my mentor. He was someone to talk to and share misery with during working hours. I ignored him outside work though, just like I ignored everyone else. Aside from work, the rest of the day I would spend alone. I couldn't stand being around anyone.
No matter how much I missed being around people, talking to them, I couldn't bring myself to socialize with anyone I didn't have to socialize with, so I just shut all of them out. I talked to Jack a few times on the phone. Gina and Gianni called me too from time to time. I didn't even feel like talking to any of them, but I did because I knew they'd tell you about me, so I wanted them to think I was okay. I also asked them about you. I missed you so much, but they didn't tell me anything special and it frustrated me. I knew things weren't the way they were telling me and I couldn't help you or be with you. And that's all I wanted; all I wanted was you and to be back in your arms. I needed your calming words because my nightmares kept coming back and only you know how to make them go away. I needed your warm body next to mine at night. I needed all the little things we did together that I had gotten so used to. I needed to be with you to stop feeling so alone. I needed you so much and it was the only thing I couldn't have," Michelle said, squeezing his hand.
"Oh honey, I'm here now; you're not alone and you'll never be again," Tony hugged her tightly, kissing her hair a few times.
She continued, "You see, I never had just one nightmare on my mind. You were constantly in my thoughts; I could help it. I missed you so damn much; I thought I'd go insane without you. On top of that, that hotel kept showing up in my mind, all the time, so it made everything worse. Without you helping me get through it like you always do, everything I had to do in there, everything I saw was ten times worse for me. I never told you about any of it in detail and it all still bothers me so much that I don't even know if I can talk about it."
"Baby, I can't imagine the hell you went through in there; each time you even remember it or talk about it like you did last night, you get so upset even though many times you try to hide it. You're the strongest person I know; seeing you like this each time you remember that period is so horrible because I can see how much the memories of it all hurt you. You went through all kinds of difficulties before that day thanks to our job. You also went through all of that hell in that hotel; everyone said you did an amazing job over there. I know how strong you are and I know how much you can endure, but this obviously left many scars on you. Maybe it will help you get it out; maybe you'll feel better once you do. I know talking about it helped you last night, maybe talking about it some more will help you even more. I'm right here and I won't let you go, just let it out."
"I know you are and it helps me so much, talking about those parts last night helped and some of my guilt doesn't feel as bad, but all of it is just so…
I can't Tony, I just can't… What I saw, what I felt while I was in there was…"
"It's okay, I'm right here, you just go slowly. Tell me what you want and we'll deal with it all slowly, one step at a time. We don't have to talk about everything today or at all if you don't want to. We have all the time in the world," he said gently caressing her back. "Just remember that I'm here and I love you so much."
"I love you too, so much," Michelle said looking at him, she leaned her head back on his chest and Tony hugged her tightly. She was quiet for a while and Tony just held her. He thought she won't say anything today and he didn't want to force her; he just gently stroked her back, showing her he's there. But, after some time, when Tony was just about to suggest that they go for lunch, Michelle took a deep breath and started talking.
"Poor Gael died in so much pain; I hated looking at him like that. I had such a hard time staying firm and decisive after I saw him like that; it was horrible…
He's the first thing I remember each time I think about that hotel along with his wife and how their poor kids who lost both parents thanks to that day.
Our team dying… they were all so brave for going in there with me, ready to help, and they all died.
The face of the man I shot still haunts me and the look on his wife's face even more. All he wanted to do was save his life and I had to kill him. I had no choice but…
I saw women, men, young and old, die in front of me. Parents giving pills to their positive children telling them they'll make them feel better. They wanted to stop their agony before it even happened and then had to look at them fading away slowly… falling asleep for the final time."
Michelle shivered, Tony hugged her even tighter.
"People who got positive tests without showing symptoms yet, dragged into isolation kicking and screaming. Some of them died in such agony because they kept stalling and didn't taking the pills. The man who helped me so much during all of that, Mr. Phillips, he died too and I couldn't even let him talk to his wife. I felt so bad about it; I wanted to let him talk to her. I wanted it so much but I couldn't. I felt horrible because the only thing that kept me going when I felt bad in there was your voice. You have no idea how much that helped me; it kept me going. And I couldn't let him have the same thing… Oh Tony, you have no idea what I went through, I…" she took a deep breath.
"A lot of time passed since that day, but it all still upsets me so much. Just thinking about it makes me want to cry again and makes me feel horrible, even though you're holding me in your arms this time. I just want it all to be a bad memory, but it still feels so alive." She looked at him with eyes filled with tears, few of them sliding down her cheeks.
"Oh baby…" he kissed her forehead and wiped her tears away. "You suffered so much; I hate not being able to be there for you during it or after. I should've been. I'm so sorry you had to go through all of that, I really am. I hate even more that you were alone in all of this and you suffered on your own. You know now why I pushed you away, I had to do it. What I'm even sorrier about is the fact that I didn't talk to you about it all right away when I came home. I'm such an idiot for not doing it, for letting it all hurt you even more, when I could've helped you months ago," he said, looking sad and angry at himself. "I'm so, so very sorry sweetheart; I thought it would be easier when our life…"
Michelle stopped him by kissing him, "Hey, hey, we talked about this yesterday. It's okay, you don't have to apologize or worry about it anymore; I understand. Everything is okay, my love. I'll be fine. I have you with me, don't I?"
"See how easy it is for you to calm me down and assure me of everything," he gently rubbed his nose with hers.
"You have to do it for yourself too. You just have to stop blaming yourself for everything bad that happened on that day, because not one single thing that happened was your fault, okay?" Tony smiled.
"Baby, you didn't do anything wrong. Stop feeling guilty for surviving. None of our agents died because of you; they all died doing their duty. You did everything you could've; you gave them those pills that stopped them from suffering. You couldn't let that man escape, you tried to stop him, but it didn't work, you couldn't do anything else. And you couldn't let Mr. Phillips talk to his wife when the President told you not to. You couldn't honey, you did the best you could. You couldn't do anything more…"
"I know, you're right, but it will take a while for me to do it. I know I didn't do anything wrong, thanks to you I'm even more sure now; but it will take me some time to deal with everything because I still feel horrible. I'll get over it all though, I promise, as long as you're with me, holding me in your arms each time I have nightmares about it. I need you close to me, because with you I can get through anything."
"You know I'll be here for you; I'll be with you forever this time. I need you as much for all the things that still haunt me and with you by my side I can get through anything too."
"I'm not going anywhere. Just don't keep me out of it again."
"I promise, my love. I won't make that mistake again."
"Good," she smiled kissing him passionately. "I love you so much."
"I love you too, baby."
They hugged each other tightly and remained that way for a while, gently kissing and caressing without saying anything else.
"Want to go eat lunch at Gianni's? I can make us something for dinner when we come back home. I'm sure you're hungry and so am I."
"Yeah, I am, we could walk over there, it's such a beautiful day. I need to walk a bit, holding your hand and not think about anything else. I need to shake all of this away by focusing on nothing but the two of us. I just want to be happy with you and spend the rest of the day with you as close to me as possible. I have more things to handle from that day, but I can't talk about it anymore."
Tony pulled her close, "you don't need to talk about it anymore. We'll just spend this time together, enjoying being alone and without you having to go to work. We'll keep it all away from us and we won't separate for a second," he kissed her hair.
"That sounds perfect," she replied happily.
"Talking about it all hurts me and I know you don't like talking about what happened to you either. It's much better to get it all out this way though and we can help each other get over it."
"Yeah baby, it is much better," Tony smiled. "You were right when you wanted us to talk about it before. That was the right thing to do and I'm glad we're finally doing it. Next time I won't try doing things my way; I'll just listen to you," Tony said and Michelle smiled.
"There's no need for either of us to keep it all bottled up when we have each other to talk to about it."
"No baby, there's no need. You were right too, getting some of it off my chest helped and I feel better. I just don't want to talk about it anymore today, unless you want to talk more about your time in prison."
"No, I really don't. Not today anyway, even though it helped me talking about it too, just like it helped you. But talking about it all upsets us both and even though we need to talk about it more, I think we had more than enough for the time being. Yesterday drained us both and we talked more today, I think we both need a time out from it all. We can talk a bit every day."
"Yeah, I can't go into more of it right now, we'll take it slowly. We have all the time in the world," Michelle said, caressing his face.
"Yeah we do," Tony replied kissing her. "Let's go for our walk and lunch."
They got up and picked up the plates and glasses from the wooden table, taking them inside. A few minutes later they were on the beach, on their way to Gianni's.
Most of the walk they spent in silence, holding hands and kissing from time to time, enjoying being together.
Tony and Michelle arrived at Gianni's an hour later; both he and Gina were there and they ate with them; talking and laughing. Gianni and Gina were both thrilled that Tony would be starting working with them on Monday. They spent over two hours with them and when they were ready to go home Gina gave them more food she had just finished making.
"Here you go you two, I'm sure you'll be hungry by the time you get home. There's no need for you to cook Tony, since there's more food then we'll have guests tonight."
"Thank you Gina, this is great, you know how much we love your cooking. I was going to cook us something, but we're both tired."
"Yeah, I noticed you both look exhausted, that's the biggest reason why I'm giving this food to you, and so you can both rest as much as possible. You both look like you've been through hell, no matter how happy you appear. Is everything okay?"
Tony placed his arm around Michelle's waist, pulled her close to him, kissing her hair, "everything is okay now. The last couple of months haven't been easy for us, but we'll be okay. We took care of it and we're together, so we'll be alright," he said and Michelle kissed him.
"Yeah, we'll be okay Gina, don't worry about us. It was hard time for us both, but we're together and we handled it and we'll handle everything together in the future," she added.
"I'm glad you two are okay. I could feel something was wrong and Tony got us worried when he asked if you came by yesterday. Even though he hid it well, I knew something was wrong. I saw all these months from the way you two looked that it must've been a hard time for you both. I could see something was bothering you, even though it was obvious how in love and happy to be together you are. I can tell that you handled some of it, even though you look tired and drained. You both look much better and happier than during all this time. That same love is in your eyes like it always was, but the misery that was present during all this time seems to be almost gone and I know you'll be fine. Looking at you two like that was making both me and Gianni so sad even though we didn't want to say anything because we knew you'll deal with it on your own. And I'm so happy to see that we were right."
"Thanks Gina, you know us both so well. You're right, we had a horrible time but we took care of it, so you two can stop worrying about us," Tony smiled to her.
"I also want to thank you and Gianni again for letting me work here for a while; you have no idea how much it means to me. I won't be around for long, I promise, just while Michelle is still at Division and then we'll start our own business."
"You know you can stay with us forever, this place is yours anyway as much as it is ours, because you two are like children to us and you both know it. So stay as long as you need to stay. We're both thrilled to have you with us and we could use your help."
"I'm glad I'll be able to help and I'm happy to be with the two of you, at least for a while. If our business doesn't work out, I might stay longer, but I'm sure it will work out."
"I'd love you to stay with us, but I know you'll both be happier to work together in something that's closer to your old jobs and I'm sure you will do it soon."
"Yeah, I'm sure too. Michelle and I will make it all work," he smiled, kissing Michelle. "We should get going, Gianni needs you over there; we have a long walk home and we're both quite tired."
"You kids should go. You both look like you need some rest. We'll talk soon."
"Tony and I are lucky to have you guys, thanks for everything Gina, see you soon."
"Bye kids."
They both waved to Gianni and left. Walking home they were both in a much better mood, knowing they handled all the things that could separate them and that they'll be able to handle any future problem together. Both were thrilled because the future they both wanted was a step closer daily.