10: A Doctor and His Patients I

Doctor Mario sighed. "You guys ought to stop-a getting these-a injuries, you know?"

Captain Falcon shrugged. "I don't know about that, doc. I don't think we deserve all these things that had been happening to us," he said. "I mean, I didn't do nothing wrong! It's all a sham, doctor. It's a ruse!" He stood up and pointed to the ceiling. "It's all part of an elaborate plan to take over the mansion, I tell you!"

"What did you-a do?" Doctor Mario asked, looking at him straight in the eye.

"I tripped and accidentally pulled down and ripped Rosalina's dress and then wolf-whistled, hell yeah, baby!" he exclaimed.

The doctor stared at him.

After a few seconds, the bounty hunter sighed and sat down. "Yeah, you're right... but what about the others?" he asked. The man pointed to Charizard. "What did the big fella do to end up so brutally messed up?" he asked.

Doctor Mario sighed. "He took a dare from-a Falco to jump into a swimming pool and to quickly fly out. His tail did not-a do so well."

Captain Falcon rubbed his chin. "Oh. Yeah, I guess that's his fault for being stupid."

"Graargh... (Shove it...)" the Pokemon growled from the bed.

"Anyways," Captain Falcon pointed to King Dedede, "what about that guy over there?"

"King Dedede was finally caught-a as the culprit to the disappearance between the presents intended for the kids during-a the Christmas party nine-a days ago."

The man shrugged. "Yeah, I guess he deserved it. I mean, he still owes me fifty Smash Coins."

The Doctor raised an eyebrow at him.

Captain Falcon laughed. "Oh, one time we made a bet on Samus' sexuality."

The eyebrow remained raised.

He shrugged. "I just lied and told him I heard from Snake that she was bisexual."

Dedede turned his head to Captain Falcon. "You lied to me!?" he screamed.

"Oh, shit! You were awake?" the racer said.

Then, right besides Dedede on a bed that was blocked within the racer's view, Snake weakly sat up. "You told him that I said what!?"

Captain Falcon frowned. "Snake! You were here too!?"

Snake ignored that question. "Was that why Samus came to beat the shit out of me last month?"

"Oh, uh... sorry that happened. Haha." Captain Falcon laughed nervously, then frowned again. "Wait, why are you here this time?"

"I told Palutena that Lucina was gay and wanted to have sex with her," the mercenary replied.

The racer dropped his jaw. "Holy shi... really!?" he said.

"No, you idiot! It was a lie!" Snake said. "And, well, Roy- the human one- heard me and beat me up... he knew it was a lie, but I'm not sure why he cared."

Captain Falcon stared at Snake. "...you're terrible."

"I know."

Doctor Mario coughed, getting their attention. "Personally, I-a think you both are equally terrible. Other people's-a sexuality isn't things to joke or-a lie about." Then, sighing, he turned around. "Why do I-a have such stupid patients..."

"Hey, that offends me, Doc." Captain Falcon patted the doctor. "Maybe you're too paranoid about stuff and are worrying about someone in danger, but calm down, okay? No need to take out that frustration on us."

"Yeah," Snake said, "it's not good for a doctor to be distressed while he's doing his job."

Doctor Mario turned to them. "I am really stressed, and it's-a because you idiots keep doing stupid-a things and getting sent-a here!"

Captain Falcon shook his head. "That's not true! Heck, I bet you that nobody else will come to the infirmary today!" He waved his arms in the air. "You're free, doctor! You're free for today, I say!"

The door opened abruptly. An army of Pikmin walked in, carrying an unconscious… Meta Knight. Everyone stared, mildly surprised. "Whoa, what the heck happened to Meta?" Dedede asked.

Lucina walked into the room as well. "W-well, you see…" she began, "Wario was having fun teasing Princess Rosalina and Princess Zelda…" she said. "Due to… well, stuff that happened during the party. Princess Rosalina didn't get anything, but Princess Zelda was furious… kind of."

"Meta Knight tried to stop Wario?" Snake asked.

The female warrior nodded. "Of course, we all expected him to win easily but… Wario seemed to have improved greatly and fought on par with Sir Meta Knight."

Dedede wolf-whistled. "Damn. Wario got a tie with Meta? That's new."

Captain Falcon frowned. "Wait, then why is Meta Knight the only one here and Wario not sent here?"

Lucina chuckled. "We all thought Wario didn't deserve to be brought to the infirmary."

"…okay." Everyone blinked. The way Lucina said that was really innocent, but the context was somewhat worrisome. Perhaps they should hope not to do anything evil in front of Lucina…

Doctor Mario, meanwhile, stared at the unconscious body of Meta Knight. Then he sent an unamused glare to Captain Falcon.

"What, doc? ...oh, okay. Fine. You were right," the racer sighed.