Over the months since her mother's death, the rhythm of life had slowly returned for Flora. The household had a routine going and the she and Erin made sure they spent as much time as possible with each other and with Katie. Flora stood at the French windows and watched her excited daughter race around the backyard while Erin dozed in the sun. Tomorrow they were all off on holiday. First down to Oxford and London to catch up with William and Laurence and then on to Cornwall. Her mind drifted back to the wonderful times she had had there in her childhood. She and her mum and anyone else who wanted to tag along had often gone down. Flora had loved the idyllic days spent on the beach building magnificent castles, hunting through the rock pools for crabs laughing hysterically when they nipped her fingers, and splashing about in the clear sea waters. Happy happy days. She wanted to plant those kind of memories firmly in her own daughter's mind to conjure up in years to come.
Thinking of her mother, she decided to indulge herself by reading one of the letters left for her. Pausing long enough to take Erin a big mug of Yorkshire tea, and Katie a juice and some fruit to munch on, she headed upstairs her own mug of tea in hand. Settling herself comfortably in the rocking chair she started to read.
January 2040
My Dearest Kate
It's been another mega year in the McKenzie-Dawson household. Honestly, sometimes I can't keep up with all the excitement. The most exciting news I have to tell you is of Flora getting married a few months ago in the early Autumn. She and Erin decided they wanted to make a very public statement of their commitment together. It was the happiest of days Kate and we all made sure we did her and you proud. The girls chose to have it at that hotel where you and I went totally off the rails and then found ourselves again after my mother's wedding. Do you remember? I haven't shared those stories with Flora, they weren't our best times were they, but of course Laurence had to tell her about the huge embarrassment of us pashing off on the dance floor. Cheeky little bugger that he is. Oh those kisses Kate, even after all these years I can conjure them up. I have no idea where you learnt to kiss but you could have given master classes that's for sure. Of course you could only ever have had a class of one..me!
Anyway as usual when I think of you I digress. I never could focus when my thoughts or my senses were full of you. I couldn't get enough of you Kate Mckenzie Dawson. I swear you could almost bring me with just your smouldering looks. Ohhh my, I am getting myself hot and bothered today and at my age. Don't go there Caroline! Focus woman.
Right then, to continue with the wedding of the year. I will admit to you my dearest (but no one else) that I found the idea of Flora getting married quite confronting at first. It's all tied up with the bitter sweetness of our own wedding. As much as I deal with it successfully I think, on a day to day basis, I have never fully reconciled losing you and gaining Flora the day after we married. Perhaps it's one of those things that is just irreconcilable. When Flora announced her news, all of the stuff I have buried deep inside flooded to the surface. It gave me a few uncomfortable weeks I can tell you, but I got things under control and was able to be truly happy and engaged for our daughter.
The two mums walked the girls down the aisle which I think was most appropriate. I did ask Flora if she wanted Greg to give her away. Her response was a very curt 'no'. I haven't stood in her way from maintaining a relationship with Greg but she hasn't bothered. She says she has her family and doesn't need a father figure. Anyway we mums got the pleasure of accompanying our daughters. Flora looked beautiful in a very classy suit. She really is magnificent (do you remember you used to call me that?) Still no heels I have to report with a heavy sigh. The girls wrote their own vows. As they spoke them, I was transported back to you standing in front of me reciting your poem. My heart could have burst with joy that day. My eyes filled up and overflowed at the beauty of Flora's words, and I wasn't the only one. I swear her two brothers were wiping their eyes, even if Laurence denied it afterwards.
After the ceremony we had a party that was nothing but fun and lively and very enjoyable. The girls opted for some ceilidh band who are apparently famous in ceilidh circles. They were brilliant I will say that. I couldn't do much dancing and neither could Gillian due to various body parts seizing up, but everyone else made up for it and didn't stop. Gillian and I didn't miss out though. We had an endless string of young things keeping us entertained. I haven't laughed so much in ages. This young generation are hilarious, though I am not sure they mean to be. They do have endless energy. Did we have when we were their age Kate? I expect you did. I don't remember. I certainly don't at seventy odd and wandered off to bed before midnight, before I turned into a pumpkin. The family stayed the night at the hotel, as we did when Mum and Alan were married, though I think some of them didn't get much sleep. The next day we waved the girls off on their Highland holiday. In hindsight Kate, we should have gone away after our wedding then things would have been different. Hindsight is a wonderful thing isn't it. Totally useless as there is no going back in life. Oh that there was.
Time is such a strange concept don't you think. Sometimes it races by so quickly you don't know where it's gone. Then other times it passes so slowly it almost stands still. Things that happened yesterday can be but a distant memory while events of years ago stay etched as clear as day in the forefront of your memory. I can hear you saying 'what are you going on about Caroline.' Well Kate years of mindfulness have made me very reflective and I have had plenty of time to reflect of late. I am currently recuperating from a knee replacement. Yes I finally gave in to all the nagging and let me tell you those two doctors are going for a PhD in nagging. I had it done before Christmas as it was getting a bit dire. I can't say it's been the most enjoyable of experiences, but they tell me I won't know myself soon. Don't tell anyone but I am milking it a bit. At my age being waited on hand and foot has its appeal and having two doctors at my beck and call isn't half bad either. They have been most attentive. Both of them are very good doctors you know and are doing very well, but I wouldn't expect anything less.
Anyway reflection has made me realise that with the passing of time my sadness and anger at you missing out on all the milestones of Flora growing up has not abated. In fact I think it's grown. I guess that's logical when you analyse it (and you know I love a bit of analysis). After all with every year there are more milestones to miss. However analysing doesn't ease the hurt. As I have found since the moment you stepped into my life all those years ago, the head does not rule the heart no matter how much my scientific mind would like it to.
Why am I reflecting on this now? Because my love, you and Flora have missed out on so much that you should have shared and never more so than in recent years. As a grumpy old woman (its official, I have a badge to prove it) I am allowed to rail against the unfairness of that. Nothing brought it home more to me than when I gave Flora away. While I loved doing it and it was a huge joy, that was your job Kate. It should have been you. It should have been you. I don't know if Flora feels she has missed out, but how could she not. Oh I've done my best and she's turned out pretty well, but I'm not you Kate. I've never had your patience, or your artistic view of life, or your love of music, or that wonderful ability you had of putting everyone at their ease. I bet you wouldn't have turned into a grumpy old woman.
Being laid up as I am, I didn't make it up The Pike this year. Do you know in all the years I've only missed three walks. There was the year I had the flu, then that time when I broke my arm and now this year. That's not bad for an old fart is it. The day is such an entrenched family traditional now. The others hate missing it as much as I do. This year it was rent a crowd again, all the kids and their partners plus Raff and his family. Even our grandchildren joined in the tradition this year. But never fear, this old crook duck didn't miss out altogether either. Thanks to all this whiz bang technology that the young are so good at, I got to go up virtually. Yep, fancy that. I had a virtual experience sitting up in my own bed. Don't ask me how it works, because I haven't the faintest idea. Sometimes Kate, I feel like the brainless dead when I'm dealing with today's technology. My own grandchildren run rings around me and I'm the one with the PhD. I will admit this being virtual was a bloody brilliant experience, almost as good as being there, and there are side benefits. It's warmer and you don't get wet AND I didn't have to put on those bloody boots. My feet want to thank modern technology profusely for that particular benefit. Give me a good pair of heels any day!
Flora offered to read our poems as I wasn't there. It was very kind of her but I declined. Those words are ours my darling and only ours. When my virtual experience got me to the top, I said the poems from the comfort of my bed.
I don't think I like getting older Kate. I'm slowing down my love. Oh it's not just my knee. I don't want to be rushing around anymore. I want to smell the roses a bit, to chill as they say. I want to spend time enjoying my family, not in the company of strangers. So I've given up much of my activism and let those younger than me fight the good fight. I still write the odd article and do some science specials for BBC radio. I had enough of the fame you know. I'll leave all that to the boys. Oh I'm not atrophying and still keep busy, so don't think I'm giving up. I do the cryptic crossword every day and I've taken up knitting. Now don't laugh. It's not mamby pamby scarves I knit. It's the complex aran and fairisle jumpers I'll have you know, and very much in demand they are too. In my quieter times I answer my fan mail. I can't say that without chuckling but even though I am out of the spotlight, I still get a regular stream of letters about our story. It seems we struck quite a chord.
I am thinking of writing a book in the future. 'Travels of an intrepid grumpy old woman'. Last year I didn't venture far on account of the dicky knee, but I did explore the islands of Scotland. How magnificent our own backyard is. Having been to Shetland now have a new favourite bird (what do you mean you didn't know I had one anyway). It's the puffin. I reckon they are one of the clown birds of the animal kingdom.
Your presence is getting stronger my dearest soul mate. I feel you close in my waking and my sleeping. Even when I am travelling you are very near. I used to think I could only feel you in Harrogate but of course I carry you with me wherever I go because you reside deep in my soul. Just be patient a little longer Kate. I'm still not quite ready. In the scheme of forever a few more years is just the blink of an eye. We've come this far haven't we. Living in this life alone wouldn't have been my choice, shouldn't have been what happened but here we are, joined for eternity by an invisible unbreakable thread. That's what counts.
You must excuse me now my love. This knee replacement has taken some of my energy and I am very tired. I will go to sleep looking at your star which is shining very bright tonight, and will no doubt dream of the day we are together forever.
Until then I remain always
Your Caroline xxxxx
There fixed to the page was a happy shot of all of them at the wedding. It had been a day to remember and was one Flora treasured deeply. Caroline had also included a photo of herself propped up in bed after the operation and the grumpy old woman badge. Flora smiled at the memory. When Caroline had come home from hospital, they had made the mistake of giving her mother a bell to get their attention. After several days of non-stop running up and down stairs some ground rules had been set. Her mother had been such a grumpy old woman in response to that and to not being able to go up The Pike, that Erin had gone out and got her the badge. She had at least seen the funny side of it.
Reading the words of the mother who had brought her up so well, written to the mother she only knew through other people's eyes, brought Flora ever closer to both women. Seeing the world through her mother's words gave her new insights into the woman she had thought she knew so well. Parts of the letter intrigued Flora. She had known her grandmother had got married at Harwood Hall, but didn't realise there was more history that her mother had teasingly referred to. She resolved to ask William when they went to Oxford. As she put the book safely away and prepared to re-join her family, she hoped her mothers were looking down proud of what they had both created. She was certainly proud to be their daughter.