A/N: I think that this is the fastest that I have ever updated this story! It probably has to do with all the amazing reviews I received that got me to finish the chapter. Thank to everyone who reviews!

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Chapter 10: Scared

Rory was lying on the couch waiting for Tristan to get home. She had texted him more than half an hour ago and she still hadn't had any response. Ty and James had picked up Allie and Kate and soon after they had left Jill went too. So now it was just her alone in the house, it felt too quiet. She was staring at the clock debating whether or not to take the battery out of the clock when the phone rang. She snatched it off the table and answered without looking to see who was calling.

"Hello?" she said.

"Rory, you're awake." It was Tristan and she couldn't help but be confused by the disappointment in his voice.

"Yeah I am." She replied not sure of what else she could say.

"I have to go." He said quickly and was gone. Now she was more than a little concerned. That was weird even when measured against the standards of the last few months.

She ate her way through a pop tart while debating whether or not she should call him back. In the end she did but his phone went straight to voice mail. Her mind immediately ran through a list of possibilities; his phone was dead, he turned it off, he was screening her calls, he was being roasted on a spit by an axe wielding serial killer. She shook her head; she wasn't sure where that last one came from.

Instead she went to bed and read waiting for him to get home. But she was tired and soon she found herself loosing the battle against her drooping eyelids and falling asleep.

She woke up in pain. The hard cover of her book was jabbing in to her side. A little disoriented she looked around in the morning light. Tristan's side of the bed was still made. That serial killer scenario was becoming more likely.

She tried his phone again. It went right to voice mail. She looked at the clock, it was only a little after 8 but she had to know where he was so she dialed Allie's number.

"Hello?'" Allie answered her voice still thick with sleep.

"It's Rory. I'm sorry for calling you guys so early but I'm wondering if you know where Tristan is, he didn't come home last night."

"I have no idea." Allison replied "Let me wake James up and ask him."

Rory waited in silence for a minute before James came on the phone.

"Rory?" he said sounding only half awake.

"Do you have any idea of where Tristan is?" Rory asked trying to suppress the panic that she could feel building in her throat.

"No I don't." James said "The last time I saw him was at the bar last night when Ty and I headed to your place to pick up Allie and Kate."

Rory couldn't find words to speak.

"I'm sure he's fine Rory." James said trying to sound soothing despite his worry over his friend.

"I'm going to go call Ty and see if he has any idea of where Tristan would be."

"Okay." Rory said finding her voice "I'm going to call Jill, she was going to head over to the cemetery today, maybe Tristan went to visit Mike."

Rory hung up the phone and was dialing Jill's number before she had even heard the dial tone. Jill picked up on the second ring.

"Hello?"

"Jill, its Rory. Tristan never came home last night and no one knows where he his. We thought that he might have gone to visit Mike, could you check to see if he's there when you go." Rory said rushing through the words.

"I'm on my way over to the cemetery now." Jill said "I'll call you if I see him." And with that she hung up.

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"You owe me." Jill said turning to Tristan as she hung up the phone.

"Thanks Jill." Tristan said not meeting her gaze.

"Don't thank me. I just lied to one of my best friends. Rory's worried sick."

Tristan lifted his head to meet her eyes "I'm not sure what to do…" he admitted.

Jill didn't answer his question instead she took a step closer to Mike's grave stone and ran her hand against the cool granite surface. "Mike asked me to marry him at the airport." She said. "It was five minutes before his flight was supposed to leave to go overseas for an 8 month tour. And I said yes, despite all the fears that I had and all the nightmarish scenarios that I could see. I jumped, and I said yes."

Tristan opened his mouth to say something but Jill silenced him with no more than a look.

"You have no idea what its like." She continued. "You boys head over there to fight for this country but you have no idea what it feels like to be left at home, to spend every day flinching at the door bell and telephone. To spend every night lying awake praying that by some miracle that he'll make it home alive."

She turned away from her husband's grave "Rory does Tristan."

"I know she does. And it's not fair for her to worry."

Jill rolled her eyes "It's her choice Tristan. She chose to be with you despite the fact that she new that your first love would always be your job. She knew what she was getting herself into, just like Allie, Kate and I knew. You may be able to control a lot of things but whether or not Rory wants to be with you is not one of them. Its her choice and if you had any idea of how much she missed you, how she looked when those officers showed up that morning and how she lights up every time she sees you, you would understand that she's already made up her mind."

"She deserves better than what I can give her."

"Men." Jill muttered under her breath rolling her eyes again. "You don't get it Tristan. She may deserve better but it's you that she wants. What happens now is completely your choice."

They stood in silence, until Tristan spoke. "I'm sorry Jill." He said quietly.

Jill shook her head and looked towards Mike's grave. Tristan could see the tears in her eyes. "I had almost 7 years with him. Seven years of loving him and being loved by him and if I could I would do it all again. Every moment of fear was worth it." she said this more to herself that to Tristan but now she turned back to face him. "You have nothing to be sorry about Tristan. And I have nothing to regret."

She started walking away back to her car and then hesitated. She turned back toward him "The only thing you may have to be sorry for is breaking my friend's heart." She said and then walked on.

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It was dark when Tristan eased the front door opened slipped into the house. He was hoping to make it upstairs without waking her but on the third step she spoke. "Well look who's finally home." She said from the chair in the living room.

He turned from the stairs and walked into the room turning on the light. "Where the hell were you?' she asked sharply. Even from across the room he could see that she'd been crying.

"I'm sorry…" he started to say but she cut him off.

"I don't want an apology Tristan! I want to know where you've been! And why you couldn't tell me!"

"I needed to think." He said quietly looking at his feet.

"You needed to think." She repeated incredulously "Well I'm sorry but I don't give a shit about your needing to think! Do you have any idea of what it's like to not know where you are? Or if you're okay?" she shouted standing up.

He was silent.

"For months Tristan I have worried. About you making it home alive, about you getting well and about you overcoming what this last tour did to you! For months I've tried to help, tried to be there and make it easier! I've been sick with worry for months and now you just disappear? You walk away and can't even leave a damn note! Who the hell does that?" she took a breath. And for a minute all you could here was her breathing and the steady tick-tock of the clock.

"What the hell is this Tris?" she said barely above a whisper. "Why are we here?" she asked.

"Mary I…" he started to say but she cut him off.

"No, don't you Mary me. I'm asking you a question and I want a real answer."

He nodded "Rory I'm sorry. I was trying to figure things out; I was trying to get answers."

"Why can't we do that together? Why is it only you figuring things out? Why is it never us?" Rory shook her head. "Why am I here Tristan?"

"You're here because I love you." He said rushing to get the words out without thinking. "You're here because I want to marry you."

She was silent and shocked.

"We can get through this Rory. It might not be perfect but we can make it work. I want to marry you and be with you." He paused "We love each other, isn't that enough?"

Tears swam in Rory's eyes as she picked up a bag that was beside the chair. She paused as she walked by him.

"I don't know Tristan." She said quietly "I don't if it is anymore."

And then she walked out the front door, leaving him all alone.

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Rory made it to the end of the street before the tears took over. She sobbed for what seemed like forever. There was a part of her hoping that Tristan would come chasing after her and then there was the other part of her who needed to take a break.

She couldn't decide, she was so confused and she needed advice.

She needed to go home.

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"Rory?" Lorelai said shocked as she opened the front door.

Rory struggled to hold back tears "Mommy I don't know what to do." She managed to choke out.

Lorelai pulled her daughter into a hug and stroked her hair. "Okay baby, okay."

Lorelai pulled her daughter into the house and on to the couch. "Rory are you okay?" she asked utterly confused at why her daughter was so upset.

"I don't know mom. I just don't understand him anymore." Rory said wiping tears from her eyes.

"Tristan?" Lorelai confirmed.

Rory nodded "He's so different mom."

"Rory, he was fighting a war…"

"That's not what I mean. He's not Tristan anymore; he's so bitter and secluded sometimes. And then he'll pull a 180° and be sweet and loving. It makes my head spin because I can't keep up."

"Rory, sweetie you've got to tell me what happened." Lorelai said.

"He disappeared. He never came home one night and all the next day. He had turned his cell phone off and didn't tell anyone where he went. He was just gone."

"Maybe he needed to be alone."

"I've left him alone for month's mom! I've given him space and haven't pressured him to talk to me but not knowing where he was or if he was okay, it nearly killed me!" Rory said angrily. "And then he comes home, and he tells me that he loves me, and that he still wants to marry me! What was I supposed to say to that?"

Rory paused trying to keep from crying again. "Sometimes he doesn't seem like the Tristan I love anymore."

"What do you want me to say?" Lorelai asked her daughter.

"I want you to tell me what I should do."

"Rory you know I can't do that."

Rory sighed "I know, just tell me what you think."

Lorelai thought for a minute before speaking "I think that you and Tristan have been through a lot. And I think that you both have things that need to be worked out. Rory, it's your choice, but if you don't love him anymore then maybe…" she trailed off.

"I love him mom." Rory whispered.

"I know you do kid, but sometimes love isn't enough to make things work." Lorelai replied trying to be as gentle as possible.

"But what if it is?"

Lorelai sighed "That sweetie is a choice only you can make."

"I just want to go back to how we used to be."

"That's not possible sweets. You too have to figure out how to make today work not yesterday." Lorelai said wrapping an arm around her daughter.

"I'm scared mom." Rory said "I don't understand this, I can't figure it out. I love him so much, I would do anything for him but sometimes I hate him just because he makes me care so much."

Lorelai laughed softly "Baby, that's what love is about. Go get some sleep. Luke and Jace are camping this weekend so we have all day tomorrow to talk."

Rory nodded and got up from the couch "Thanks mom." She said turning back.

Lorelai smiled "I love you kid."

"Love you too." Rory said and walked into her room. She pulled on pajamas and crawled in between the covers.

She couldn't sleep. So instead she stared up at the ceiling and tried to imagine what her life would be like without Tristan.

She couldn't picture it.

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A/N: Et voila! I hope you liked this chapter. It was surprisingly easy to write, although that's probably because I know what comes next (insert evil laugh). Pleas let me know what you think and remember reviews make me write more!

Devaney