A/N: It's my other weird chapter, totally stolen from Jackie's Wizard of Oz dream in this very episode, but more fleshed out and trippy. Cuz, seriously...it's Hyde. Plus, everyone has already been through one of these dreams in this same night. I had even more fun with this one than with my Emma episode…so I hope everyone enjoys. Thanks to everyone who's reviewed…please keep it up.
Tornado Prom
We see Hyde sitting on the basement couch, still in his clothes from Snow Prom, although it is clearly much later that night, and he is alone in the basement. He is holding half a joint, no longer lit, and his eyes start to drift closed as we shift to dream sequence…
Hyde woke up with a start on the basement couch. Thinking that he had felt earthquake tremors, he called out for anyone in the Foreman household, but no one answered him. Looking around for the first time, he noticed that nothing seemed to have any color, but that seemed unimportant when he stood up and realized that he was barefoot and wearing a short plaid jumper.
"What the hell is going on, Foreman!" Seemingly out of nowhere, he could hear Eric's voice.
"How the hell should I know, Heidi! It's your freakin' dream! And you made me a DOG!" Hyde looked around more closely and noticed a small black dog staring up at him from the floor. He was unable to contain his laughter at the sight of Eric's voice coming from the mutt.
"You're Toto!" Eric snarled at his friend's laughter before inserting:
"Well, you're Dorothy, you dill-hole." Hyde glared at him angrily for a moment before Eric continued. "Can I suggest that we go outside and figure out what we have to do to leave this crappy dream of yours?"
Hyde walked ahead of Eric, who trotted along at his heals, out the back door and up the basement stairs. As Hyde emerged from the basement, everything was suddenly bright and colorful and definitely not Point Place, Wisconsin.
"I don't think we're in Kansas anymore, Toto."
Hyde and Eric were awed by the colorful world around them and almost didn't notice the hundreds of tiny men emerging from hiding places behind oddly colored trees, bushes, and rocks. They all looked…exactly like Pastor Dave. One of them, slightly larger than all the rest, approached them jovially.
"Why, hello young man…in a dress." He seemed a little confused for a moment before shrugging it off. "Is that what you kids are wearing these days? Because I'm down with the younger generation…that's cool." The Pastor Dave Munchkin gave a hopeful smile and a thumbs-up, waiting for some kind of reaction. An awkward moment passed while Hyde looked down at his blue dress in horror and Eric snickered at him from between his feet. "Anyways, I represent the people of Munchkin Land, and on behalf of my fellow citizens, I'd like to say thank you for killing the Wicked Witch of the East." Hyde's eyes widened as he turned to look beneath the Foreman's house, only to see a pair of female legs clad in brown shoes. From under the house, he could hear Donna's muffled voice.
"Thanks a FREAKIN' lot Hyde! This is worse than the Wicked Witch of the West!" Hyde walked towards her, eyeing her strange shoes.
"These aren't ruby, man…they're…hemp!"
"HYDE! Don't steal my shoes, you dill-hole!" Donna tried to kick her legs as Hyde reached out to take the shoes.
"Sorry Donna…I mean, I need the shoes, you know?" He laughed as he pulled the shoes off Donna's feet and strapped them on his own. "It's a good thing your feet are so monstrously huge, though." He laughed at her muffled screams as he walked around in the surprisingly comfortable shoes.
Hyde and Eric were standing in the middle of the Munchkin Land village trying to figure out what to do next when they spotted a giant pink bubble floating down from the sky. It popped when it got to the ground, and an extremely happy Kitty jumped out.
"You made me the beautiful good witch!" She frolicked for a few moments in her poofy pink dress before straightening herself out and looking at Hyde questioningly. "So, what exactly am I supposed to do, here?" Hyde looked troubled at her query.
"I was really hoping you would know that Mrs. Foreman…because I want to get out of this dream." Kitty seemed to be deep in thought for a few moments before she spoke again.
"I'm afraid that it won't be that easy, Steven. You see, when you have a dream like this, it's usually because you need to learn something. I have a feeling you'll be stuck here until you figure out whatever it is that you have trouble with." Hyde was about to speak but was interrupted by a giant burst of flames nearby. From the resulting orange smoke, Jackie emerged. She was dressed in a black version of her cheese maiden uniform along with green makeup, but otherwise she looked just like her usual self.
"So, I'm the Wicked Witch?" She looked kind of sad as she asked the question, and Hyde almost wanted to comfort her but was interrupted by Eric's laughter.
"Haha…Jackie's a witch. Let me guess, you want Donna's shoes now, right?" Jackie only looked puzzled at Eric's dog form, but shook her head in the negative.
"Those lumberjack shoes would never fit me anyways." Jackie still looked sad as she gazed around her. "I guess I should just go, then. Bye, Steven." Hyde watched her disappear in a poof of smoke, wishing that Jackie was more of a witch. Kitty chuckled knowingly next to him and he turned to look at her expectantly.
"You really like her."
"Mrs. Foreman, I DO NOT like her."
"Oh, shut it, Steven." She glared at him for a moment. "You like her. Really like her. It's obvious. And I bet that you'll be stuck in this dream until you come to terms with it…so come to terms with it!" She gave him her trademark laugh.
One of the small Pastor Dave's waddled over to Hyde and pulled on the hem of his short skirt.
"May I suggest that you go see the Wizard? That's usually the next step in these situations, you know. The Magical Hemp Slippers will protect you."
"Shoes. They're shoes, not slippers," Hyde added snippily as Dave continued.
"All you have to do is…" One of the Daves pulled out a guitar, and they all began to whisper and then sing, "Follow the yellow brick road…"
Hyde just scowled and began to walk in the appropriate direction, Eric following at his heels. "There's going to be singing, too? Ick."
"So, Hyde," Eric asked after they had been walking for a while, "what did my mom mean about you liking Jackie? You don't like Jackie, do you?" Hyde was about to respond when he was interrupted by an obvious character—Kelso in the same Scarecrow getup that he wore in Jackie's dream.
"UH! You like Jackie! And…why does everyone always make me the one with no brain?" Hyde rolled his eyes.
"Shut up, moron. I don't like Jackie. We're just going to see a wizard or some crap."
"Hey, yeah Kelso, you should come with us. Maybe he'll give you a brain."
"That is SO rude, Eric." After he spoke, Kelso was able to actually look at his two friends. "Haha…Eric, Hyde made you a dog. And Hyde is in a dress." Kelso gave a dumb grin, and they continued to walk along the road in relative silence until they heard a strange metallic sound in the nearby woods. As the group walked back into the trees to find the source of the sound, they heard Red's voice coming from a cottage.
"But Kitty, I don't want to be in the dumbass's stupid dream."
"Now, Red, I did my part and you have to do yours. Get out there! The kids will be by here any minute!" As Red came clanking out of the house in a Tin Man suit, he scowled at Hyde, Kelso, and Eric before laughing at Hyde's dress. "Son, I really thought you were better at this kind of stuff than Eric…but a dress?" He laughed as he joined the group. "Maybe this won't be so bad after all."
The party had only walked a little further down the yellow brick road when the final member joined them. Fez emerged from the woods clad in a lion costume, but holding a bear skin rug around his shoulders like a cape.
"Now I am really a bear!" Fez smiled at them triumphantly before noticing Hyde's get up. "Ai, Hyde. It is your own dream, yet you dress yourself like Heidi." He laughed to himself and joined the crew.
After about an hour of walking, the group was quickly approaching the Emerald City.
"It's about freakin' time," Hyde said to Eric, who he had been holding for the past half hour. "I was getting tired of carrying you and your tiny dog legs."
At the doors of the tremendous, green castle-fortress, Hyde knocked loudly, and a window on the door quickly opened up, revealing Leo's face.
"Leo, man! What are you doing here?" Leo seemed confused by the question, so Hyde continued. "We're here to see the Wizard, I guess."
"Nobody sees the Wizard, man. Not nobody, man. Not no how." He nodded meaningfully at the group and was about to close the window when Hyde spoke up.
"But Leo, man…it's me, Hyde." A glimmer of recognition spread through Leo's face when Eric spoke from his position cradled in Hyde's arms.
"Besides, Leo. He's wearing the Magical Hemp Slippers."
"SHOES!" Hyde interjected.
"What? Hyde, man? With the hemp shoes? Oh, the Wizard will want to see you for sure. Come on in!" With that, the door flung open and the group walked into the wonderful city of Oz. Inside, marijuana plants grew in abundance, and people of all sizes, shapes, and colors smoked joints and lounged together. The Oz stoners watched intently as the strangers followed Leo back to the Wizard's chamber. Hyde walked inside, still carrying Eric, followed by Kelso, Red, and Fez, and when the whole party was assembled, a friendly old man greeted them with a large black bag.
"Why, if it isn't Kelso the Scarecrow! All you need is a brain!"
"Why does everyone keep saying that?" Kelso looked so sad that the old man just patted him on the shoulder and looked towards Red.
"And Red the Tin Man! You need a heart!"
"No, what I need is to stick my foot in your ass!" He snarled. The old man looked startled, but just smiled and continued trying to pass out his gifts. He turned to Cowardly Lion Fez—still holding the bear skin rug around his shoulders—and just turned back to Hyde without saying a word.
"I'm sorry, Hyde, but I think your friends are beyond help." Hyde just nodded in response.
"Yeah, I've known that for a long time. Look, I really need to get out of this dream, so can you help me?" He stared at the old man for a moment before realization donned on him. "Hey! You're Timothy Leary…I've read your stuff on LSD and psychology man, from before the feds threw you in prison!" The older man just smiled and nodded before turning serious again.
"There's something you must do for me, Hyde, before this dream can end. You must find and nail the Wicked Witch of the West." Hyde just stared at him in confusion.
"Nail? Don't you mean…kill?"
"Oh no. She's really no danger to Oz at all…not much of a witch if you ask me. Mostly, she just hosts roller disco events. But nailing her will be very symbolic of your acceptance that you do, in fact, like her. Because you do." Hyde stared at the wise old man briefly before answering quietly.
"But I don't want to like her. She's so different from me…how am I supposed to be okay with that?"
"Hyde, if there's one thing I've learned in my life, it's that you have to hold on to happiness when you find it. Creating happiness—for yourself and for those around you—is all that really matters. What difference does it make if she's different than you are…as long as she makes you happy? Can you honestly tell me that it has made your life better to deny your feelings for her? Are you happier now that she wants to avoid you? Do you prefer slutty bowling-alley girls who won't even put out?" Hyde looked down as he spoke.
"But she'll just hurt me in the end. What good is it to be happy for a little while when I know she loves Kelso?"
"Now, you know as well as I do that Jackie hasn't loved Kelso in a long, long time. And as for what will happen in the future…you have to learn to let go of that fear, Hyde. If you let it control you, you're just ruining your chances at ever really knowing what it is to be happy. Whatever you do, don't make decisions out of fear of what may happen…especially if those decisions involve nurses or Las Vegas strippers." The old man nodded meaningfully, but Hyde just looked confused.
"So, can I go now?"
"As I said, Hyde, you must nail the Wicked Witch of the West. Why, I can even put you right on the doorstep of her castle-discotheque!" Hyde shuddered at the thought.
"Do I have to?" The old man laughed and then snapped his fingers.
The Emerald City seemed to fade away, and Hyde suddenly found himself at the door of a giant castle. ABBA could be heard blaring from within, so Hyde just opened the door without knocking. Inside, he found hundreds of Munchkin Pastor Daves packed in like sardines but dancing excitedly to the music. He was on the verge of walking back out the door when Jackie ran up to him, no longer wearing her green makeup and black cheese maiden uniform. Now, she was dressed in only a skimpy white negligee. Hyde found himself unable to look away.
"Where's your witch costume, Jackie?" She looked down at herself, obviously embarrassed by her state of undress, before rolling her eyes at him.
"It's your dream, Steven. Or should I say…Dorothy?" She smiled at the sight of his bare legs sticking out of the skirt, but tried to maintain a serious face as she met his eyes again. "What do you really want, Steven? Because I could be down there dancing, and instead I'm standing here, talking to you, waiting for you to make some kind of choice." She looked him over. "You're wearing the Magical Hemp Slippers," she held up a hand to silence him from correcting her with 'shoes.' "All you have to do is strike the John Travolta pose from Saturday Night Fever and you can leave this stupid dream behind. You don't even have to learn anything. Just, please…make a decision." Her eyes were pleading as they met his, asking him to love her or leave her be, and Hyde couldn't stand the thought of being without Jackie.
"Jackie, I…" Hyde couldn't seem to find words, so instead, he pulled Jackie towards him and covered her mouth with his own, savoring the feeling of her tongue twining with his. Their kiss deepened as he pushed her towards a wall and began to feel her body under the white lace of her small nightgown. As they kissed, the disco-music and Munchkins faded away, leaving only the two of them, wrapped around each other in darkness. Jackie's hands moved down Hyde's back, and he was somehow not surprised to notice that he and Jackie were both now naked and floating in empty blackness. Moving completely on instinct, Hyde wrapped Jackie's legs around his waist and sunk into her slowly, relishing the feel of her tightness around him. Every thrust into her was like finding salvation or heaven or some wonderful drug that put him on cloud nine. Buried inside of her like this, Hyde became certain that Jackie was his key to happiness, and he could never let her get away. His thrusts gained speed as he heard her moans float like music around him. But just as he was about to find release inside of her, he felt it all slipping away.
Hyde woke up on the couch in the basement, once again dressed in his Snow Prom clothes, still holding a joint in his left hand. Sighing deeply, he fished a lighter out of his pocket and decided to finish his joint while he pondered what his next move would be with Jackie. The girl he liked. Loved? Hyde shook his head to clear it of the thought. At least he was sure now that he needed to make some kind of move. It was just a matter of time.