A/N: Special thanks to Riley for reminding me this story existed. I don't know what I was thinking when I marked it complete. It's definitely not complete. So if there's anyone left who's still reading after all these months, thank you so much for sticking around! (Also thanks to Riley for watching me as I wrote this, that was definitely interesting lol)
A/N2: WARNING mention of abuse so if you're uncomfortable reading that just skip to the next chapter :)
A/N3: I asked for opinions in the Shandy group, and then proceeded to go with my gut feeling anyways. Oops.
~oOo~
Today was supposed to be an easy day, so of course they had to catch a case like this. It wasn't a serial murder, or the death of a child, or any number of the other gruesome things they encountered on a daily basis. It was a wife, killed by her alcoholic husband in a rage, and it was touching entirely too close to the nerve.
"Why did you kill her?" Andy asks for the third time, to which the man just shakes his head and starts crying again.
"I don't know! I don't remember! I was shitfaced drunk! I blacked out and when I woke up Sammie was dead!" Andy looks at the husband empathetically, knowing exactly how he felt (well minus the murder part, of course.)
"I need you to remember Mr. Walker, just try your best to remember." He coaxes.
"I can't! It's not that easy! You don't know what it's like, do you?! To wake up somewhere and have no idea how you got there in the first place! To lose everything you ever loved over a nice bottle of scotch!" Andy's eyes filled with rage and he started to say something when the interview room door opened to reveal Sharon.
"Lieutenant Flynn, a moment please?" She asks, a hint of Darth Raydor in her voice. Andy grumbles and straightens his tie before leaving the interview room and closing the door, "Let someone else do this interview." Her voice had softened considerably, and worry shimmered in her eyes, "This is too close for either of us. Let Provenza take care of it."
"Her family needs justice. I can't let this scumbag get away." He sighs deeply, reaching up and rubbing his temples, his other hand coming to rest on his hip, "I've seen lives destroyed too many times by guys like him. I don't want anyone else to have to know that pain."
"Andy…" Sharon reaches out and rubs his shoulder, biting her lips to keep from saying something she shouldn't. "Just take a break, please. Go sit in my office and get something to eat. I'll be right there, I just have to ask Provenza to take care of this. He knows how hard this is on you."
"But how am I supposed to get through this when you keep trying to protect me?" He turns to look at her, his chocolate eyes pleading, "I need to face what I could've turned into. I have to face the fact that there are people out there far worse than me, and I need to stop hiding from the truth. You know better than everyone else how important this is to me."
"Are you two going to finish up here any time soon?" Provenza grumbles, slamming the tech room door and storming towards them, "Our suspect has been sitting in there for five minutes now because you two are.." he rolls his eyes and shakes his head, "you know… I don't even want to know. Just get out of my way." He slaps Flynn's arm and he moves aside as Provenza enters the interview room.
"Well I guess that takes care of that then." Sharon purses her lips and rolls her eyes, "Come back to my office and calm down for a little while. I'll go get you some coffee." She reaches up and gently strokes his cheek with her thumb, "I'll be right back."
~oOo~
Returning to her office, two mugs in hand, Sharon can't help but grin to herself. Andy was sitting in front of her desk, spinning a quarter across the wooden surface.
"Here's your coffee." She smiled and handed it to him just as the coin rattled to a halt, "What's with the quarter?" She questions, sitting across from him and sipping her tea.
"I'm just trying to keep myself busy." He responds, the latter half of his sentence muffled as he laid his head down on her desk.
"Talk to me Andy." She asks cautiously, reaching forward to run a hand through his silver hair, "I know you're holding everything in right now."
"Dammit!" He exclaims and picks his head up. Sharon looks taken aback but calms when he places his hands atop hers, "This just makes me so mad! I could've been that drunken idiot! I could've killed Miranda and the kids or you and Rusty! Jack could've been in the same position! It just makes me so furious to think I could do something like that when I was drunk. It just…" His voice trails off and he lets out a deep sigh, gently squeezing Sharon's hands.
"You're not like him Andy." Sharon assures him, her voice soft as she tried to comfort him, "It's frightening, I'll admit, but not all alcoholics are violent. You're not."
"What about Jack?" Andy asks seemingly out of nowhere, locking his eyes with hers.
Sharon quickly diverts her gaze, "It's in the past Andy, it doesn't matter." She sighs, "And I… It's not relevant. I don't want to talk about it right now."
She gently withdraws her hands from beneath his and he looks at her sadly, "It matters to me, okay?" His voice cracks as he says the last word, conveying just how desperately he needed this answer.
"That's a conversation for a later time." She looks back to him, instantly calm and composed again, "I promise we'll talk about it later, but right now we should go check on Provenza."
~oOo~
God, did he hate her sometimes. Hate how she could deflect his questions so easily. It drove him insane. If she asked him a question he would answer it immediately. He wouldn't beat around the bush or brush it under the rug like she did.
He was almost sure he knew the answer to his question by her lack of answer. That infuriated him more than her not answering, the thought that Jack had ever laid a hand on her. That just gave him another reason to hate the sonofabitch.
"Andy!" Provenza exclaims and Andy jumps, fixing his partner with an unhappy glare.
"What?" Andy throws his hands up in the air defeatedly.
"Well, Andy," Sharon addresses him softly, "Lieutenant Provenza and I were just discussing how to tell Stephen Walker's family that he's been convicted of murdering his wife, and how to arrange for the care of the Walkers' children."
"Oh," Andy focuses on her for a moment, "how old are their kids?"
Provenza does a double-take before whispering "idiot" under his breath, "They're fifteen and nine. And no you cannot take them home. Before you ask."
Andy looks to Sharon for support and she shrugs, pulling her lips into her mouth to silence herself yet again. Of course Andy would want to help those kids. God knew she did, but it was nearing on impossible. Her situation with Andy was still very new and fragile, and her condo was cramped enough as it was without adding two more teenagers to the mix, "One of their relatives should have custody over them, a godparent most likely." Sharon explains to Andy's visible dismay.
"But what if they don't?" Andy questions, causing Provenza to let out a deep breath, "What if those kids end up in the system?"
Sharon looked at him empathetically, her eyes saying everything she couldn't at the moment. Yes, she wanted to help those kids. No, she wasn't a foster home. Part of her felt selfish for not being able to take the children in if they needed someone. The other part of her hated to think of what could happen to the kids if they ended up in the system, what could happen if they didn't grow up in a proper home. She felt so strongly about these children, not only because of Andy, but because of Rusty. If she hadn't taken Rusty in, he'd probably still be out working the streets, or worse. The thought made her skin crawl.
"Captain," Lieutenant Tao interrupts, rapping on the door with his knuckles before opening it, "Sammie Walker's family is here."
Sharon and Andy exchange a look, each of them letting out a deep breath. Provenza rolls his eyes and mumbles something under his breath, these two idiots were really starting to test his patience.
~oOo~
"You're really pretty!" The younger of the two daughters, Marie, exclaimed, crawling into Sharon's lap.
"Thank you." Sharon says quietly, wrapping an arm around Marie and looking nervously into the adjoining conference room, "Sara, you've been awfully quiet."
"Mom's been murdered and it's Dad's fault, sorry I'm not all sunshine and rainbows." The dark-haired teen responds gruffly, still occupied with her cellphone, "What are you, the babysitter?"
"No, she's the Princess!" Marie explains and Sharon smiles warmly, allowing the small girl to braid her hair.
"I'm the Captain." Sharon redirects her statement to the eldest girl, her eyes momentarily drifting to the glass, and Andy on the opposite side, "But Princess doesn't sound so bad." She reaches up and pushes a strand of unruly blonde hair behind Marie's ear, pursing her lips in a sort of sad half-smile.
"What are you looking at?" Marie questions, Sharon's gaze still locked on Andy.
"She's got the hots for the old guy." Sara responds without looking up and Sharon turns her head quickly, narrowing her eyes at the girl, "Excuse me, the younger old guy." Sara corrects.
"He's my Lieutenant, and he's had a rough couple of weeks. I tried to talk him into letting me talk to your aunt but he wouldn't let me." Sharon sighs, the conversation they had had still ringing in her ears. 'I know how it feels to be in their shoes. To lose your family over addiction. Let me do this. I have to.'
"If you're the boss, why didn't he listen?" Both girls ask, Marie observing Sharon with large blue eyes, "Why doesn't he listen?"
"Well," Sharon cocks her head to the side as she tries to formulate a response, "Lieutenant Flynn has a really big heart. And sometimes, when you care about something an awful lot, you let your emotions control you. He cares about what happened to your family, and he wants to do everything he can to help the two of you. I couldn't stand in the way of that."
"Why does he care? It's not his life that got destroyed." Sara finally sits down her phone and looks at Sharon, her dark hazel eyes a near mirror image of Andy's, "He doesn't even know us."
"But he knows what it's like, to an extent." Sharon explains, reaching into her purse and removing a coloring book and crayons for a now rammy Marie.
"He knows what it's like to have your drunk dad beat the shit out of you and your sister and kill your mother? He knows what that's like, does he?" Sara questions cynically, her eyes locking with Sharon's as she tried to sum the older woman up, "There's no way he knows what that's like."
"You're right. He doesn't." Sharon sighs, picking up a purple crayon and handing it to Marie, "But he knows what it's like to lose everything because of alcohol. He knows what it's like to lose the people you care about most. And I, I know what it's like to…" She pauses for a moment and lets out a deep breath, diverting her eyes to the picture Marie was drawing, "I know what it's like to be afraid of what's coming the next time. I know what it's like to cry in the middle of the night after everyone has fallen asleep." She picks up a crayon and begins drawing on her own piece of paper and Marie stops what she is doing to watch her, "I know what it's like to hate your own body because of the scars. Lieutenant Flynn and I, we do know what you're feeling." Sharon closes her eyes and hugs Marie tightly, pressing a kiss to the crown of the girl's head, Sara eyeing the two of them curiously.
'How do I know you're telling the truth?" She questions as Marie takes the red crayon from Sharon and gives her the green one, "How do I know this isn't some lie so we open up to you?"
Sharon glances over into the interview room and sees that Andy and the Walkers were still deeply engrossed in conversation. She closes her eyes and lets out a deep breath before picking Marie off of her lap and sitting her in the chair beside her, "You want to know if I'm telling the truth?" Sharon questions, bracing herself for the answer she knew was coming.
"Yes." Sara replies in a small voice.
"Okay." Sharon takes a deep breath, "This is my secret. No one knows about it, not even my children. Can you keep it a secret for me?"
Marie nods excitedly, not understanding the seriousness of the conversation. Sharon purses her lips and closes her eyes yet again before reaching down, her fingers delicately dancing around the hem of her skirt. She glances up at Sara, who appeared even more nervous than Sharon felt. Carefully rolling her skirt up to the middle of her thigh, she touches her leg gently, even after all these years it still hurt.
"How did you get it?" Sara questions, motioning towards the thick streak of white that ran from just above Sharon's kneecap all the way to her hip.
"My ex-husband," Sharon lets out a nearly inaudible chuckle, "he used to drink a lot. He left me with two young children to raise, and what money I made he managed to gamble away. When he would come home drunk, he expected… things, and if he didn't get those things he would hurt me." She closes her eyes and wraps her arms around Marie again, clinging to the girl in an attempt to regain her composure and keep the memories at bay, "So yes, I do know exactly how you two are feeling."
"I'm sorry." Sara hangs her head sadly as Marie helps Sharon roll her skirt back down, "We have some too."
God, did she hate this, having to go through this process again and again. First with Rusty and now with these two girls. Morales would have to examine them, catalog every injury, every scar on their bodies and determine what caused them. Their pasts would be brought to light again, and she would ache for them every step of the way.
Why did the world have to be so cruel?