Remembered

Chapter Ten: Surrender

It was more of a joke than a question, but still didn't know the answer. Did I trust him? How could I? He made me kill Luke. He was the reason SHIELD detained me. He was the bad guy.

Then again, how couldn't I trust him? He was the only one to tell me the truth. This whole thing was giving me a headache.

I glanced up into his face, daring myself to trust him, knowing full well that this dare was unwise. He read plainly my internal war. He knew he had a grip on me, a handhold. He could use me. A pawn in his maniacal games. Again.

"You did say you believed in me," he prodded lightly.

I didn't remember saying that, or even thinking it. An image popped into my head. I was holding onto Loki, watching the world burn from the top of Stark Tower. I remembered.

"No, I said I believed you." When he didn't answer, when he just sat there, apparently 'knitting' himself together, I added, somewhat vaguely, "about it all."

There was a pause while he considered this. His eyes were serious now, calm and calculating. I wondered if he was deciding the best way to use me. I couldn't find it in me to come up with a counter plan. Instead my headache grew in the quiet space between me and him.

"Why do you place misguided trust in them?" he finally asked. I knew who he meant S.H.I.E.L.D., and yet I couldn't answer him. For a second, I had no idea why I chose Iron Man, Thor, Romanov, Captain America and the Hulk over Loki. And then I remembered one very important small detail: Loki's plan was to destroy the world. It was this fact that kept me from trusting Loki. His actions had brought death.

Loki really wasn't all bad. He wasn't evil, or at least he hadn't always been evil. He had the power to destroy, yes, but he also had the power to create.

"It's easier to destroy than to create." I said. Could he be persuaded to join the light side again?

"A decision may be difficult, but it is not always right." He easily traced my line of thought.

"How is murder right?" I countered.

"Is a cat catching a mouse murder? I believe your laws dictate that murder is when one worthless human kills another. And if I recall correctly, it was you who killed Luke."

It knocked the wind out of me. I bent forward, the shame guilt and horror re-kindled in my chest. He took advantage of my moment of weakness and sat up, drawing his legs under him.

"I...I could kill you," I threw at him. It was the best I could muster. And I could. I had his scepter.

He grinned. "Now that would be murder."

He was right. And I didn't want to kill him. I would have his blood on my hands, too. I wanted someone else to take care of him, sweep him under the rug, squash him like a beetle. Why did Romanov leave me here alone? I felt a rush of annoyance that rivaled my headache at her decision to leave me by myself without actually knowing where Loki was.

"Execution, I would say. Prisoner of war and all that." A voice intoned behind me. I gasped, shocked with adrenaline and lost my balance. I dropped the scepter, choosing to catch myself with my hands, but before I reaching the ground, someone's hands caught my fall.

I found myself looking into the blue eyes, the square jaw line of Steve. I didn't move, partly embarrassed, partly buzzing with the unexpected, and partly enjoying myself surrendered in strong arms. Before I could use Steve to stand myself up, I caught sight of the huge grimacing green face of the hulk, towering over the top of Steve's head.

My legs went weak and I nearly peed my pants in fear. Steve's face reacted to my terror. He glanced up and behind, shifted slightly so that he was in between me and the monster, and pulled me upright and closer. I kept my eyes on the hulk, waiting for it to rip us to shreds in anger. After a moment, though I realized it really wasn't paying me any attention. I could hear the giant grinding its teeth, its fists clenching and unclenching on their own. It wanted to smash something, anything, but its eyes were trained on Loki, who didn't seem surprised to see them all.

I was surprised, though. I found myself surrounded by several people, all battle ready, armed to the teeth. Iron Man stood in front of me, hand raised in threat of a blast. I had no idea how they had silently and instantaneously surrounded me, as if they had just appeared out of thin air. And did they just fly in through the broken window? How long had they been there?

Iron Man stood to my right his head naked to the world. Thor was to my left, watching his brother and looking as if the weight of the world was on his shoulders. His face appeared old, to me then, aged by grief and responsibility, but not weak. Never weak.

The next face I recognized was the man on the helicarrier who fought Romanov, with the bow and arrows. My hand lifted on its own and all I could do was point at him make this pathetic sound between a meow and a cough. The man's face turned slightly at the noise, revealing different eyes, not icy blue like before, and he winked with almost too much subtlety for me to believe it happened.

"He's on our side now." Steve told me as he released his grip on me, bent to retrieve the fallen scepter.

"You used the staff?" he asked.

"Scepter." I said it and Loki said it at the same time. I struggled to control myself as he handed it back to me. I wanted to snatch it back, greedy for its security. I forced my hands to move slowly, nonchalantly. He stepped away from me, putting a tiny space between us. I didn't like it.

Romanov made up the rest of our side, the group surrounding me, all facing Loki. It was seven against one, if you included me, which you should because I had the scepter of doom. Our side was this assorted bunch of superheroes, gods, monsters and a couple odds and ends.

It had been Iron Man who spoke first, I realized, his voice rang like a memory in my head: execution. Was that what they were here for? Not really to rescue me, of course. Just to bring in the bad guy. I got what I wanted: somebody to take care of Loki for me. Now why wasn't I relieved?

Loki, on the other hand, was relaxed beyond belief. Six superheroes all pointing their weapons at him, all he said was, "If it's all the same to you, I think I'll have that drink."

"We have him." Bow-and-Arrows intoned. I caught a quick, furtive look at Romanov. It was enough for me to pick up that there was something between them. Something more than just a look. I was still annoyed at Romanov for leaving me here all alone with Loki and for patronizing me, but now this new side of her interested me enough to feel warmth towards her.

"Leave this to me." Thor stepped forward, towards Loki, who flinched back at the movement. Thor paused for a moment, regarding his cowering brother with obvious pity. "Brother," his voice broke. It was a question, an accusation and an invitation all in one word.

Loki didn't answer him, hatred etched in his eyes. Thor continued forward, sighed and then dropped his hammer on Loki's long green cape, trapping him where he sat. It was hard to watch. After all of this, after the near destruction of the entire world, Thor still hadn't given up on him. And despite all of Thor's forgiveness, patience and blatant love, Loki did not give in to him, choosing instead his stubborn and idiotic pride.

While I thought this through, I realized I sympathized with Loki, in a twisted, sick way. I wanted to know what had happened to him to harden his heart to this degree.

A strange, strangled sound drew my attention back to the hulk. I watched in half fascination half horror as the monster shrunk and morphed, doubled over in pain. The wildness in his eyes raised the hair on the back of my neck. A man's cries came out of the hulk's mouth.

"Welcome back Dr. Jekyll." Tony said after a minute.

Dr. Banner was completely naked, bent over, his hands on knees, his face ashen. I immediately removed my eyes and fixed them on Tony who continued to tease him.

"No need to show off, Bruce. I have something you'll fit into. Not that we, uh, are the same…size."

I blushed, not knowing for sure if that was an innuendo or if my mind was just more in the gutter than I had realized.

"I'm more hero shaped, if you know what I mean." Tony continued. He lowered his hand, taking his weapon off of Loki and moving through the crowd.

"Tony," Bow-And-Arrows admonished. He hadn't taken his eyes off Loki, even when Bruce morphed. Now that Thor clearly had his brother under control, the new guy sheathed his weapons with smooth expertise. Everyone visibly relaxed and I felt a tiny bit less safe. With their shields and weapons down I saw how exhausted everyone was. Steve looked like how I felt. And I felt like crap. Sobriety sucks.

"Here." Tony returned from down the hall, still dressed in the Iron Man suit, and threw a wad of clothing at Bruce. I heard the soft thud as Bruce caught it behind Steve and I. I kept my eyes on Tony, and to my dismay, he moved towards the bar. My stomach clenched as I desperately tried to come up with something clever to get him out of the bar and away from my personal crime scene.

He paused, picked up part of the lime I hadn't thrown away, his face doing this blank, shrewd expression. I bit my tongue, racking my brain to come up with something. He set it back down, not commenting.

"Is it shawarma time?" he asked.

"S.H.I.L.E.D. is coming to take Loki into custody." Replied Romanov from the couch next to the still sleeping form of the old guy. Those couches must be magical, entrapping all who fell asleep on them, making them dead to the world. They looked awfully good to me. She checked the old guy's pulse.

"What happened to Dr. Selvig?" Bow-and-Arrows asked, walking over to Romanov, who betrayed me by looking pointedly at me. Everyone's eyes followed her gaze to me. They waited for an explanation. Even Steve looked at me with a mixture of disapproval and astonishment.

"I didn't do it!" I burst out, sounding guilty.

"Just like you didn't use my favorite shot glass?" Stark held up the evidence, still wet inside form when I rinsed it. "Who is she, again?" he asked the room. I was mortified.

"Gersemi, daughter of Odin." Loki spoke up.

"Excuse me?" Bow and Arrows said.

"Siri." I amended weakly. "Nice to meet you." I squeaked, trying to lighten the mood.

"You…" Steve's face got worse. "You're…" he looked at me in that , betrayed, kicked puppy way, and then looked at Loki and Thor. "He's…" Steve pointed at the two other Asgardians. "You mean to say…this whole time?" He finished.

"No!" I tried to reassure him. "It turns out I am…something else."

"You were something else the entire time." Loki said, making it worse, sitting there looking at me as if we were just cracking some inside jokes. Old friends. Brother and sister.

"I wasn't with him!" I pointed at Loki. "Well, I was with him, but not with with him."

Steve's eyebrows rose further, almost receding into his hairline.

"Wait, wait, wait," interjected Stark, "go back to the part where you used my favorite shot glass."

"I'm really sorry!" I told the room, aiming at Stark. "I drank your tequila, too. I left an IOU with Jarvis-"

Stark sighed loudly. I was so embarrassed. I desperately needed these people to like me. To keep me alive.

"I have this thing with germs." Stark said, setting the shot glass down. "Why tequila? It's so south of the border."

I couldn't answer. I glanced up again, into Steve's face. Yep. We were back to him thinking I was insane.

"Are they here yet?" A quiet, almost groan, spoke up from the floor. A now dressed Banner was slumped against the back of one overturned couch. His eyes were closed and I wondered if he had maybe just talked in his sleep.

"Right? That's was I was saying." Stark agreed. "I'm starving. And I have this thing with waiting."

"What's your ETA, Fury?" Romanov asked into her earpiece.

As if in response the elevator pinged.

"Jarvis, aren't you supposed to alert me when there's a breach in security?" Stark asked.

"My apologies." Jarvis said, not really sounding at all apologetic.

Director Fury and two unfamiliar agents stepped out of the elevator. Clint and Romanov stood at attention. Steve turned, too. Was he loyal to S.H.I.E.L.D.? Or was he a sort of freelance superhero?

"Great of you to finally join us, but the party is over." Stark said. "And you aren't invited to the after party. And I have a thing with party crashers."

Fury ignored him, taking in the scene, lingering a moment longer on me and my scepter, then silently strode over to Loki.

"I would read you your rights," Fury addressed Loki, "But frankly, I don't care about your rights. And this ain't the boy scouts."

What did this have to do with the boy scouts?

Fury waved one agent forward, who produced a strange strappy contraption, that reminded me of Stark's goggles I had lost somewhere in the last half hour.

Great.

"Ant," Fury continued, crouching to meet Loki's eye level. "Meet new boot."

Loki didn't struggle. His eyes, however, sought mine as Fury untangled the straps.

"Any last words?"

A knot tightened in my chest. This didn't feel right. I knew he was the bad guy, that he deserved this, whatever it was, but I pitied him. His words had gotten a hold of me, wrapped like tentacles around my heart, poisoning me with…truth.

I shivered, locking my eyes with his.

"It's over." He said directly to me. "But not all is lost."

"Wait." Thor stepped in. I looked at the big blonde man, my brother, with relief. He wouldn't let them kill Loki, would he?

"It won't harm him. This is just to tame his tongue. And keep him happy." Fury explained to Thor. Thor reluctantly stepped aside, watching in defeat as they slid a mask over Loki's nose and mouth, tightening the straps around his head. I got that the mask would keep Loki from talking, but I didn't understand what he meant when he said keep him happy. Until I heard the hiss, the sound of gas being released. Loki's body sort of relaxed, the last reserve of fight leaving him in a slow fade.

The small, ugly, twisted sense of camaraderie I felt for the man-brother that had been the one to reveal a whole new world, choked me up. Now really wasn't the time to make the rest of these people think I was with with Loki. But Thor caught me in my sadness. I thought of the saying, misery loves company. Thor and I can go be miserable together.

"Let's jet." Stark said, breaking the tension. "And when I say 'jet' I mean I will jet and you will take a car. If you can get it through the street." He was already walking to the wall size hole where the window used to be. "But not the Lamborghini. She's off limits. Pepper like her. Speaking of which—" his helmet slid over his face and he was gone.

"Do you really think it's open?" Bow-and-Arrows asked out loud, looking out at the smoking city.

"The least they can do is cook us dinner." Romanov smiled at him. "Coming Banner?"

Banner's head was lolled forward. At the sound of his name, it jerked up. He grunted, rolled over to a kneeling position and stood up slowly, painstakingly.

"Cap?" Romanov asked. I looked up to Steve glumly. I knew what I should say: you go ahead; I'll be fine. But I didn't believe it. Despite the fact Loki had been captured, that the world was officially not ending, I still felt uneasy. I even felt worse. I had this sneaking suspicion that S.H.I.E.L.D. wasn't done with me. I wanted Steve to stay here and like me and keep me safe from Director Fury and whatever reality that awaited me. But that was unfair to him. He didn't know me, and he didn't owe me anything.

His eyes roamed over my face, trying to read my thoughts. Don't go, don't go, don't go. I thought at him.

"Go on, Rodgers, we'll take care of her." Fury said, confirming my suspicions. They were "taking care of me" like they were "keeping Loki happy."

Steve's hand reached out and patted my shoulder, an awkward measurement of comfort. He gave me a reassuring smile that I did not return. I watched him and Thor reluctantly get in the elevator. Even Thor was leaving me? And he was leaving Loki?

Clint and Romanov moved over to let them in the elevator. They remained side by side, shoulders nearly touching. Banner leaned into one corner, a hand rubbing his forehead over and over as if he could wipe away all that had happened. Thor took up half the elevator, his eyes still on Loki. Steve squeezed in, in front of Banner. He turned to face us, hands clasped behind his back. He was the last face to disappear behind the sliding metal doors.

Happy happy reviewing!

Love to you all,

-Coy