A/N: Warning...this chapter might be a little hard to get through. It's more...a horrific nightmare, in a way. I tried to tone down any graphic scenes while still trying to remain true to the true disturbing nature, so I hope it won't be too bad. This will also start off very familiar, but it's more to set the scope/scene/episode :)
~8~
Dissected Love
Angel groaned as she woke up, her head was pounding from the lingering affects of the gas from the glass coffin she'd found herself in. She shook her head, shaking her black locks out of her vision, only to find she was standing upright against an examining board, her arms and legs clasped down against it. Feeling far too much like she was back in Van Statten's museum and the other hospitals she'd been held at she struggled, trying to get out, about ready to use the Vortex when...
"Don't struggle," someone whispered, startling her. She looked over to see a man in a similar predicament beside her, his shirt opened, "Close your eyes and don't struggle."
"Why?" she breathed, "What going to happen?"
"Decontamination, they call it. They did it to me. While I was conscious."
"Did what?" she swallowed, feeling herself starting to shake at what might be coming.
"Dissected me," he looked down at his stomach where there was a long, straight, healing scar.
"No…" Angel gasped, looking down at her stomach, the tiny bump invisible under her blue flowy dress, her baby there, and it was so small...she'd just found out about it a short while ago...
Oh dear God no...
"He's coming!" the man tensed, hearing footsteps approaching, "I'm sorry. I wish I could help you."
Angel looked over as one of the reptilian creatures, a Silurian she could make out, approached her, a surgeon's mask over his nose and mouth, and she knew it was the same man that she'd seen through the glass of the coffin before. Now though, he was wearing an operating apron and holding up a large syringe, which made her hearts freeze as he drew even nearer.
"Please," she eyed the really rather sharp cutting tool in his hands, "Don't…"
She was terrified, beyond terrified, of the sharp object getting closer and closer to her stomach. She...she wanted to use the Vortex, she could feel it thrashing inside her, wanting to be released, wanting to throw the doctor back and break apart the restraints, free Mo as well, and get them both out of there. But she wasn't letting it. She was stronger than the last time the Vortex had lashed out, more aware of why it was reacting so instantly to her danger, and...she was scared. The Vortex had damaged her often in the past. Using too much of it had nearly made her regenerate on Mars, HAD made her regenerate on Kroptor. It left her weak, it left her hurting, and...she couldn't risk it, not with the baby. The Vortex was similar to regeneration energy in how truly powerful and devastating it could be. It could heal, yes, but equally it could injure.
She couldn't risk the baby.
She was probably incredibly lucky that she hadn't lost the baby during the dealings with the 456, or on Mars, or when she'd fallen through a ceiling into Naismith manor, or when the Vortex had flared up in the Calvierri school...she couldn't believe she'd done all that while pregnant. It terrified her more than she could say to think she might have lost the baby and not even realized because of those events. But now that she knew, now that she was aware, everything was different. Until she knew exactly what affect the Vortex would have on the baby...she couldn't risk huge displays of it, she just...she couldn't. If she lost the baby...
And that cutting tool was getting even closer.
"Please!" she begged, squirming, trying to push herself farther back into the examination board, away from the device.
"Leave her alone!" Mo shouted, hearing the tremor of fear in her voice and struggling in his own restraints to try and stop the doctor, "You got me!"
The doctor just pulled down his medical mask to reveal his scaled face and pushed as small button in his hand, locking her in place by the wrists painfully, wincing as she gave a small cry of pain, the angle of the restraints making it awkward and likely to bruise, "Commencing dissection," he reached for her.
"Silurian!" Angel called in a last ditch effort to buy time, for what she honestly didn't know, her mind was racing too much to make sense of anything, fear clouding it, but she felt it, if she could just make him wait a moment longer...maybe the Doctor would come, "You're a Silurian."
He eyed her in shock, his mouth falling open at her knowledge, "How do you know our race?"
"I'm not human," Angel breathed, panted really, "Your tests will be contaminated if you use me as a subject. I'm not human."
The doctor's eyes widened, startled, "Yet you appear similar to that specimen," he nodded at Mo.
"He appears similar to me," she countered, "Time Lords came first."
The doctor frowned, suspicious that the woman might be lying and about to open her up to see if she was...
~8~
Mo closed his eyes, clenching them shut tightly at the sounds of the person sobbing beside him. Angel had begged the Silurian doctor to stop, to not come any closer, to not try and hurt her, that he couldn't dissect her or decontaminate her as he had called it, to get back. She had pleaded, she had told him she wasn't human, that she would contaminate his tests if he were to dissect her, but it seemed it only made him more intrigued, the Silurian doctor couldn't pass up the chance to dissect and examine someone who looked so much like a human yet apparently was not one. She had cried and screamed as she felt it, as she felt the instruments cut into her, the Silurian doctor couldn't give her any medications, not knowing how they would react to someone who was not human, so they had all had to listen to her screaming and begging him to stop, screaming bloody murder when the man got to her stomach, curious to see what an 'alien' ate.
And now he knew why.
The doctor had been very excited to find out she was with child and now he would have an infant to study as well, instead of just a child or adult like the humans. Even if it was an alien, it was a prime specimen.
It killed him to hear the beeping of the heart monitor the doctor had hooked up to the woman, beeping twice as fast because apparently she had two hearts, catching the baby's heartbeat as well as it raced and increased what he knew was to a dangerous level...before going flat. It was even worse to see the doctor...he grimaced and flinched to remember...pull the fetus from the woman beside him, covered in blood, taking the baby away despite the fact that she...it looked like a little girl from what he could tell...had died. It seemed he did not even care.
He'd glared at the doctor through tears as he turned, his back to the woman who sobbed brokenly, weakly, to place the baby on a smaller examination board on a desk, covering it with a small, splotched red, cloth...when...
"Area 17 incursion, species diagnostic requested," came over the speakers, "Area 17 incursion, species diagnostic requested."
The Silurian doctor sighed and turned to go...leaving Mo trapped and her nothing more than a sobbing, crying wreck stuck to the board, scarcely able to breathe as she tried to work past her pain, both physical and emotional, at the loss she had just suffered, to see her baby taken from her and killed before her eyes.
He struggled in his restraints, wanting to murder the doctor for doing that to her, for seeming about to leave her there, bleeding on his examination table, "Get back here!" he shouted at the doctor, "Get back here! How dare you do that her?! You need to fix her!"
But the doctor just ignored him and walked out the door as Mo tried, struggled as hard as he could, to break free of his restraints. He could hear the girl beside him whimpering, her breathing labored, trying to get enough air to her lungs, but she was growing weaker. She was tied to a board, blood seeping out of her, the doctor hadn't tried to staunch it, too excited about the...smaller specimen.
He looked over at Angel as the doctor left, "Hold on," he begged her, he didn't even know her name, "Hold on please, just a little longer. I'm...I'm...I can get out of here, I can..." he struggled with the restraints around his wrist, trying to break them open, needing to get to her because he could see it...she was barely hanging on as it was. Apparently the doctor didn't understand how blood worked to aliens, he barely understood humans. He was a reptile, of course he wouldn't understand. And she was getting worse, "Please, please just hold on," he called, trying to keep her awake, trying to keep her conscious, "I can...I'm almost out, I'm almost out!" he squeezed his eyes closed, crying out in pain as he managed to pull his one hand through the small hole, "Finally," he muttered, "Just a little more," he started to pull at the restraint on his other wrist, glancing frantically at Angel, seeing her head starting to lull forward, "Hold on," he wheezed, turning to the side, twisting the binds, trying to break the other restraint on his arm open...and managing to do it. He pushed the strap across his chest away, leaning down to unhook his legs, both coming open easier with two hands on them, before he fell out of the examination board, onto the floor. He scrambled to his feet despite his weary muscles and new-weak nature, and rushed to her side, lifting her head but she was far too gone. She could barely open her eyes, she was sweating.
He looked at the restraints around her, they were completely locked down, there would be no way he'd be able to open them without the key and only the doctor had that, "I'm sorry," he whispered, "I'm so sorry. I can't get you out!"
"Go," Angel whispered, so softly Mo almost missed it. She was just...so tired...she couldn't feel the Vortex any longer.
He looked up at her, startled, "What?"
"Go," she struggled to breathe, tensing at the pain, "Just...go."
He started to shake his head, how could he just leave? She was far too pale, unnaturally pale, from all of the blood she was losing, if he left now...he knew he wouldn't be able to find help in time. If he stayed though...
"Go," she repeated, "Please," she stuttered, and he could see her shaking as she tried to keep up her strength, enough to give him a message, "Go," she urged him.
"I can't," he shook his head, "How can I leave? You need help!"
"It...won't come," she breathed, feeling her hearts shattering to know that.
She'd hoped, vainly it seemed, that the Doctor would try to get her back. She knew it was a far cry, he didn't seem to care about her anymore, but...she'd hoped he'd care enough, as the last of their species, to rescue her, to focus on getting her back, not knowing what danger she was in, that he'd just...come for her. It seemed she'd been wrong to hope, hope got you nothing but pain, and she'd been weak, too scared to use the Vortex in time, and with the first cut...she'd been in too much pain, too distracted, and now her baby had suffered for it.
She deserved this.
To die there, alone.
But Mo didn't.
She blinked her eyes open at him...and he saw it. She was terrified, there was a fear in her eyes but there was also resignation and sorrow, unbearable loss, and...death. He let out a breath at that, no matter what, no matter if he managed to get her out, he...he wouldn't be able to save her. He couldn't imagine what she had felt, to see her baby being torn from her the way it had, it would have traumatized any woman at all...and you didn't recover from something like that. He could tell if he didn't get her out soon...the bloodloss alone would kill her, but it seemed like she was all too willing to let it happen. She looked so weak, she could barely keep her head up.
"I can't," he whispered, but she just looked at him pleadingly.
"Please," she managed to breathe out, he could hear the strength in her voice fading, "Go."
He swallowed hard and nodded, standing, "I'll bring help," he swore, "I'll come back, just...hold on."
Angel could only shake her head, "Tell him..." she swallowed, "I'm sorry," she struggled to get out, her voice shaking so bad he could barely understand her.
Tears filled Mo's eyes as he stepped back, "I'll be back, promise," before he dashed out of the room, rushing down the halls, trying to find someone, anyone at all, any sort of human, that could possibly help. There had to be more humans there. Not only had the woman told him to tell someone something, but...that alert that had led the doctor out, it was the same alert he had heard when he'd been dragged underground.
Angel watched him go through fading vision, disappearing down the dark hall. She closed her eyes, feeling tears in them again, it was too much. She hurt so much more than just the baby...dying, more than just the Doctor forgetting her, she physically hurt and she couldn't...she just couldn't...she just couldn't hang on any longer. What was the point of it?
She looked at the door, staring at it till her vision blurred and black dots appeared in her sight, before her head lulled to the side as her eyes fell closed...
~8~
The Doctor shifted uncomfortably as he stood in the lush vegetation with Amy and Nasreen, following their Silurian guards towards a large gleaming building.
"What is it Doctor?" Amy asked, seeing his expression grow more to discomfort than the interest that had just been on it.
"I...I don't know," he admitted.
He felt...off, odd, out of sorts. It was like he was moving through thick water, sluggish. Yet his hearts were racing, his head was pounding, he felt like he was tingling but not in a good way but in a way as though you were going cold but he didn't know why. It was actually rather warm in the center of the Earth and yet...he was shaking.
"Are you ok?" Nasreen looked at him, "You look as though you're about to faint Doctor."
He shook his head, "Faint? Who's going to faint? I don't think I faint. No, far too girly and I'm not a girl, not a human either, just a madm..."
Amy rolled her eyes, "She means you don't look well Doctor, and you really don't," she eyed him, concerned, "You really do look pale. Are you sure you're ok? You're starting to sweat."
And indeed he was, which was even more odd because he felt rather chilled, but he shook his head, "I'm fine. I'm fine. I'll be fine. Fine. I'm fine."
Amy watched him cautiously as he started to stutter, this was not like the Doctor at all. This was what he did when he was getting frantic, when he was worried and didn't know what to do, but...it couldn't be their situation, he'd seemed fine and calm a moment ago, "If you're sure..."
"Yes, quite," he nodded, though Amy could see a jerkiness to it as they walked on, following Restac and Malokeh down the vast vegetation once more.
But it was clear to everyone that something was very wrong with the Doctor, he'd started rambling about the moon to distract them, or attempt to, but his words were slurring a bit, he was stuttering and getting his thoughts jumbled, had started talking about moon cheese. It was like he was distracted or something.
And he was.
It just...didn't seem important, the moon, not it all. Something else was there, lingering in his head, something in his hearts and his soul, something else that was so much more important than just the moon...but he couldn't figure it out. He swallowed hard, his mouth was going to dry, it was like he couldn't breathe anymore, his chest was tightening ,his lungs felt starved of oxygen. What was it? What was happening to him?
He didn't know but whatever it was...he hoped he figured it out soon so he could stop it.
~8~
Mo ran down the halls, looking around wildly, frantically peeking around every corner, trying to make sure there weren't any lizard men there. He ducked back as two passed, before rushing out, down the opposite hall. He came to a vast corridor with glass on either side of it, like windows on alcoves of some kind. He walked up to one of them, hoping it would be weapons stored behind it, and press the button on the side...jumping back as he saw two lizard men standing there, with weapons in their hands. He leapt forward to turn the lights off, hoping they hadn't seen him...but they didn't move even as they were encased in darkness once more. He frowned, hitting the light one more time and turning them on, staring at the lizards that didn't move even now, even as the glass window slid open, even as he stood right in front of them.
"Hello?" he frowned, looking at them, waving his hand in front of their masks, but they still remained immobile. He let out a breath, realizing that they must be asleep, and snuck forward, grabbing the guns out of their very hands, two of them, as many as he could take, before he hit the button again, sealing the window and turning the lights off.
He glanced down the hall, before he continued on, rushing down it, he had to find those other humans, he had to, he needed help! That girl needed help terribly and quickly. He didn't even bother waiting until he could make sure there were no lizard people around a corner, didn't bother checking the corners any longer, not now that he had weapons. He just...he wanted to find help all the sooner.
He remembered what it was like when his wife had been pregnant with their son Elliot. He would do anything, anything at all, to protect her, no matter what, no matter from what. Even though this girl was not his wife, she was pregnant...she had been...she was with child and the child has died. He knew there had to be a man out there somewhere that the child belonged to as well. And that man needed to know what had happened. He would do all he could to protect that girl, even now, just...trying to get her help that maybe, in the future at least, she could be saved and healed, maybe...maybe have more children.
But to do that...he had to make sure she survived.
~8~
"Doctor, maybe you should sit down," Amy suggested as they entered a large citadel-like room.
She was really starting to get worried now. The Doctor was...even more unbalanced than normal. He was wobbling quite a bit, he was unsteady on his feet, he was sweating and shaking and unnaturally pale and he didn't even look as though he was even there. His words were barely coherent at the moment, and he didn't seem focused either. He was looking around in a jerky motion, as though scarcely able to control his bodily movements, and he seemed weak, like he was slumping, like he could barely stand straight any longer. He seemed to be having trouble breathing as well, he was panting and rubbing his chest as though his hearts or lungs hurt, but she didn't know why.
Neither did he, it seemed.
The Doctor bit back a groan, feeling his insides twist painfully, barely understanding Restac as she spoke about their execution, how they were going to make an example of the apes...when suddenly a man ran in with guns in hand, shouting for them to stop...but he didn't even notice it really. He couldn't really focus on anything. He knew the man had to be Mo, he had to be, he had been taken there before. But he didn't understand why he couldn't focus, why it was so hard for him to make connections.
What was this...this pressure building inside of him? Why was there this pain starting to throb in his very soul?
Restac advanced on Mo but Mo seemed to be beyond angry at the moment, he didn't even bother to try and let the woman speak as he fired the Silurian weapon at her, striking her in the gut, sending her falling backwards, wounded, the other soldiers that had accompanied them quickly rushed to her side, knowing they could not attack while he had a gun in his hand, knowing that the humans could be volatile.
"Mo!" Nasreen shouted, completely startled and horrified that he'd fired a gun at another person...even if it was an alien, or an earthlian as the Doctor had said.
Mo didn't even bother to apologize as he ran over to them, "Please," he begged, "You have to help me!"
"What happened?" the Doctor looked over, knowing instinctively that something had happened.
"Oh my God," Amy gasped, seeing the lines marring his skin, the dissection lines, and...some fresher blood as well.
Mo just shook his head, "That's not important, please I need your help. She's hurt."
Amy jumped as the Doctor lunged forward, grabbing the edges of Mo's collar, startling her, "What do you mean she's hurt?!"
And then she realized...the only other person there...was Angel.
"What happened?!" the Doctor demanded, feeling a fierce protectiveness, a fierce anger, rise up in him that he'd never felt before. He didn't know where it was coming from, all the knew was that the fact that Angel was hurt had registered in his mind and that he had to find her, that he had to help her. It didn't matter what he was feeling or how terribly weak he was becoming for some reason, he had to find Angel...
He had to find her, he had to find her, hehadtofindher, hehadtofindher, findherfindherfindher...
He fell to his knees as the mantra kept repeating his mind, help Angel, find Angel, save Angel, save his...Mate...and then he gasped, grabbing his head as pain shot through him, memory upon memory upon memory piling into his mind, overwhelming him.
All those little moments he and Angel had shared restored to his mind, and now...all he could think about was that they had taken his Mate, that she had been taken beneath the earth and, according to Mo, she had been hurt terribly somewhere, "They took her..." he muttered, "They took my Mate," his expression hardened and he turned to Mo, grabbing him by the front of his shirt again, "Where is she?" he demanded, a dangerous tone in his voice, a murderous and desperate look in his eyes that had Amy jumping back at the sheer change in him.
"This way," Mo pulled back and led him off.
They rushed through the halls, Mo firing at any Silurian that appeared before them, not caring that Amy was shocked...though more so at seeing the Doctor not saying a word about it as she would've expected him to be angry with Mo for shooting down the innocent reptiles. But she could see it on his face, he looked like he would've done it himself if he had the strength, but he was stumbling into walls, falling to the side, falling to his knees and struggling to get up, more determined than she had ever seen him to keep going. So she ran to his side to help him up, to support him, as they continued on.
"Doctor, what is it?" Amy asked as he stumbled again, just outside the door to some sort of examination room, one Mo had been in, "What's happening to you?"
The Doctor didn't answer, just looked at Mo as he tried to open the door...but it was locked again, "No! No, no, it's locked! I can't get in!" he shouted, pounding on the door, looking through a small window in it at Angel, lying there, still attached to the board, the girl was slumped over, her black hair falling half in front of her very very pale face, the blood was everywhere, still dripping though slower than before. And he knew...she wasn't moving, she scarcely looked like she was breathing, and that was not good at all. He pounded on the door once more, "Open up!"
"Move!" the Doctor shoved him aside, grabbing the sonic and flicking it at the door, unlocking it, opening it, and running in, "Angel!" he nearly fell to the ground, seeing the state she was left in, hanging there on the examination board, her dress torn, blood everywhere, cuts still open, clearly having been dissected...and she wasn't moving. She wasn't breathing. He could feel it inside him, he could feel it now, exactly why he'd been reacting and growing weaker...
Angel was dying.
She was probably very nearly dead at the moment.
He ran to her side, struggling to get her unlocked, forgetting he'd dropped the sonic on the floor in shock of what had happened to her, "No, no, no, no, no..." he strained, trying to pry the bonds open himself with his bare hands, "Open up! Open!" he felt tears pricking at the corners of his eyes as he started to cry, struggling with the restrains, his mind becoming more disjointed...all he could see was blood, was Angel covered in blood, his Mate's blood. She was dying and he had to get her out but he couldn't.
"Doctor move!" Amy cried as she ran over with the sonic, having picked it up, flashing it at the bonds...but it didn't work, "How does this work? How does this work Doctor? How do you work the thingy?"
He just grabbed it from her, pointing it at the restraints, opening them as Angel fell off the board and into his arms as he sank to the ground with her, his hearts nearly broke as he collapsed at catching her because he could feel it...the last of her life was leaving her even as they spoke, "What...what...what did he do to her?" he started shaking his head, "Why did he do this?!" he couldn't understand why the Silurian doctor would dissect Angel!
Even if she looked like a human she wasn't. She was an alien and that would've contaminated the tests that he knew the doctor had been running.
"Why would he just leave her like this?!"
"He likes to collect the young," Mo said solemnly behind him, having heard the reptile talking about it far more than his studies on him and other adults, "And he had a better test subject this time," he swallowed, tears in his eyes, "A baby, straight from the mother's womb."
The Doctor froze at that, looking down at Angel's stomach, not having wanted to look at more of her, afraid of what he'd see if he took his eyes off her face but...there it was...her stomach was even more deeply red from the blood than the rest of her. He reached out a shaking hand and tugged the torn part of her dress to the side gently, the tears in his eyes finally falling as he stared, horrified, at the red, ugly cuts across her stomach.
"Baby," he struggled to get that word out, his mind completely shutting down on him.
A baby.
There had been a baby.
But it wasn't there anymore.
He couldn't see it...where was it?! Where was it? He flinched, he didn't even know the gender and...he knew...he knew the baby was his. It had to be, it was the only way. His son or daughter...where was it? Where was the baby? Where was his child?
He froze even more, his hearts breaking at the thought that not only was his Mate was dying in his arms but his child...his child was taken right out of her. He knew that Angel was too far past the point of being able to be healed with regeneration energy...at least not his...and he could feel it...she was purposefully NOT regenerating. She...she was choosing to die. It had to have been unbearable...to lose their son or daughter like that and...he realized, thinking back on time, the only time it could have happened...the baby was too young, it couldn't have survived the extraction.
"Where is it?" he looked around, frantic, "Where is it? Where's the baby? Where's the baby? Where's my child?"
Amy gasped, hearing him claiming the child as his, she hadn't thought he and Angel were together like that, he'd said they weren't!
Mo looked at the other side of the room, where he'd seen the Silurian carrying the baby, and closed his eyes. The Doctor saw it however, followed his gaze, and saw the lump that was covered by a small white cloth. Amy looked between them, before spotting it herself. She walked over, hesitantly lifting the cloth, checking underneath it...and gasped, tears in her eyes, and she looked away, letting the cloth drop back down.
It was the baby.
But it wasn't a baby yet, it was...such a little thing. It looked barely even three months old it was so small, but she reached out gently and picked it up with the cloth, wrapping it around it like a shroud, as she carried it to the Doctor. He took in his arms, unable to bring himself to lift the cloth and peek beneath, knowing what it would look like, knowing it wouldn't look like a baby, and that was NOT how he wanted to remember his child. He had wanted to remember any child of his and Angel's as a full grown baby, as a toddler, as a child, a teenager, and adult, and old man, anything at all but just...alive. With the baby clutched firmly to him he turned to Angel, speaking softly as he stroked her face, but she didn't move, she wasn't even breathing anymore.
Amy stood there, watching, with tears in her eyes, as the last whispers of life left the Time Lady.
"Angel?" the Doctor kept talking, as though she were still there, as though his words could bring her back, remind her he was there, let her know he was back, get through to her, spark a regeneration. Something, anything, he just...he couldn't lose the baby AND her after having just remembered, and...he couldn't lose her not knowing that he was her Doctor once more, "Angel look, it's our baby, it's our little baby," he nearly choked on his words, he couldn't even say what it was, he just...couldn't bring himself to look, but he knew what he was hoping for, "Our little girl," he whispered, "Look, Angel, she's so beautiful," he sniffled, struggling to hold on, to keep going, torn between needing her to wake up and wishing his body would go faster and follow, "Please, you need to wake up. Angel you need to look at her. She needs her mum."
But Angel didn't move, she didn't stir, he could feel in his own hearts slowing to join hers and he knew, he was going to join her very soon and that was all the better.
"Please Angel," he begged, "Please just open your eyes. Please just once more," he looked at her, but she didn't open her eyes, she didn't move, she didn't stir, she didn't breathe, her hearts had stopped beating. He couldn't...he couldn't deal with this any longer. He'd failed her, he'd just wanted her to open her eyes, see him there, see that he loved her, that he had always loved her, even when he'd forgotten...but he'd been too late.
He closed his eyes, holding her tightly, "Don't worry," he whispered, kissing her hair as he cradled her to him, "I'm coming. I'm coming."
Amy just shook her head, not knowing what was going on, "Doctor what are you talking about? What's happening? What's happening to you? What's wrong?" she could see it in him, he was getting paler by the second, it seemed like he was having trouble breathing as he just sort of faded away in front of her.
"She was my Mate, Amy," he told her, his voice trembling as he spoke, and he hadn't remembered her, "She was my Mate."
Amy looked at him, "Yeah, I know, you said she was your mate, she was your friend," it was true, he said that a lot.
He winced, recalling Liz 10, how he'd denied it, how incredibly he had proclaimed that they were only friends to everyone who brought it up, but they weren't just friends. He could see it, in his mind, Angel wincing, her flinching, the pain in her eyes, every time he said that, especially that last time, with the Dream Lord, how he had said that his memories couldn't be that important if he could forgot them.
If he forgot her.
Oh God.
It hit him fully just then, to realize, to know that she had died not knowing he remembered. He fell ill, he felt like he could be sick all over the floor, right at that very moment when he realized that she had died not knowing that he did love her, truly and deeply loved her, with everything he had. She was gone, and she didn't even know, he couldn't even tell her, she wouldn't hear him. His hearts broke all over again, realizing still that he would never know why he had forgotten her in the first place. He didn't know why it happened. How could it have possibly happened?! She was his world and he would never know...and that was probably better because he just wanted to be with her now and that was all he wanted.
"No Amy, you don't understand," he shook his head, staring down at Angel's pale face, "She was my Mate," he emphasized.
Amy frowned, sensing the context of Mate was different than mate, "And what's that?"
He flinched, shaking, and looked up at her, tears in his eyes...and Amy gasped, seeing the heartbreak and the pain radiating from his gaze, "She's my life Amy and now...she's gone."
Amy shook her head, "No, there must be a way we can help her. There has to be something we can do to save her! What about the TARDIS?"
The Doctor shook his head and looked back to Angel, "It's too late. She's gone."
Amy frowned, "But what about that regeneration thing you said?"
"We can force our regenerations to not take effect," he murmured brokenly, "What was the point, you must of been thinking that," he looked at Angel, squeezing her cold hand.
That had to be what she was thinking, what was the point of going on when the last thing she had to hold onto had been taken from her? The baby was gone, she was gone...it was the same for him now. What was the point anymore? He wasn't even sure if she realized that in her dying he would too. Angel would never ever be that selfish...but she was in such incredible pain, he could feel it even now, he could feel every single aspect of it, of what she'd felt, and he just...wanted her to be happy and not feel pain anymore.
He knew what had happened, she didn't want to go on any longer, without him, without the baby, what else was there to live for? How any woman could survive an experience like that he wasn't sure. He knew he didn't know how Angel would either and apparently she didn't as well. She just couldn't go on any longer, it was why she hadn't let the regeneration happen, why she'd held off on it like the Master had. And he couldn't blame her. He only wished the Mating would hurry up and that he could join her quickly, because right now, sitting on the cold ground, with his Mate and child in his arms, knowing both were gone...it was too much, it was his worst fear playing out before him. And he just wanted to be with her again, with her and their child in whatever afterlife was waiting for them. He had to believe there was an afterlife, even for a man like him. He used to be so afraid that there would be, that he would end up in the Gallifreyan version of hell because of all that he had done, not just to his own planet but to others. In knowing Angel though...he had started to believe in the Gallifreyan version of heaven as well, started to dare to hope that he might be worthy of it, especially with an Angel vouching for him.
But he didn't care where he ended up, as long as he was with Angel and their child and that he could be with them forever.
"Doctor, what is it?" Amy called, her voice sounding further away than it was, distant, "You're scaring me."
But the Doctor didn't even take his eyes away from Angel, "Don't be frightened," he whispered, "I'm not..." he closed his eyes, pressing his forehead to Angel's, steeling himself against the pain, against the Mating trying to pull him along with her. He longed to just...let go, let himself be with her...but he knew, even in death...there was still something Angel would want him to do first. And, after everything he'd done to her...he could at least do this one last thing.
"Don't worry Angel," he pressed another kiss to her hair, "I'll take care of everything," he swallowed hard, placing the baby in her arms, before he struggled to his feet and he ran out of the room, rushing down the halls, trying to keep going as Amy, Nasreen, and Mo ran after him. He looked back when he noticed them, "Get out of here!" he nearly growled at them from the effort and the torment he was feeling at having to leave Angel, at fighting against the feeling he'd been welcoming moments ago.
"Doctor what are you doing?" Amy tried to move to help steady him.
But the Doctor shoved her away, falling against a door, peering through the window to see a control room on the other side. He soniced it open and spun around to face them, "Go!" he half-snarled at them, slamming the door shut, blocking them out. Mo, seeming to be the only one who realized what the Doctor was doing or planning to do, grabbed Amy and Nasreen's arms and pulled them away.
"Go, go, go!" Mo shouted, pushing them on, running through the halls till they reached the alcoves, still with a mess of Silurians standing stationary within. He pressed a button on the wall, opening the glass walls, pushing the frozen Silurians out, "Get in!" he ordered, jumping onto a circular pad he'd noticed earlier, looking up to see a sort of tunnel thing, the same tunnel thing he'd seen on they way down, "Get on!"
"Get on what?" Amy shook her head.
"What are we doing?" Nasreen had to ask.
Mo just reached out and grabbed them, yanking them onto pads of their own before he hit a button on the wall and they shot up through the tunnel, racing through the layers of earth, the transport pods taking them back to the surface...
~8~
The Doctor worked frantically in the control room, muttering under his breath, thoughts disjointed, cursing in Gallifreyan as his hands shook and his vision blurred as he raced to get it done before he couldn't go on any longer. Angel was counting on him, he had to make sure he did this last thing, for her, he HAD to. He winced, struggling to hold on, he needed just a little bit longer, just a little bit longer to make sure the Silurians wouldn't ever do this to anyone else, another moment longer to make sure he could join Angel and that everyone would still be safe...like Angel would want.
And that was the point in fighting now.
Angel would want the humans to be safe, she would never want anyone to experience what she had at the Silurian hands, and he could do this for her, with his last moment and his last breath and the last of his strength, he could do this for her.
He looked up, watching as the teleports reached the top of the planet on a monitor, before he grabbed the sonic, flicking it on, turning the light on the end red.
Just one more second.
He took a breath, closing his eyes, and activated the sonic...sending off a massive amount of explosions throughout the entirety of the sub-city, shattering all the holding cells, releasing toxic gas, burying the Silurian civilization in tons of rubble that they would never ever escape from.
They would never harm a human again, they would never ever hurt Angel again.
He...smiled...as the room around him began to cave in from the blasts, burying him underneath the debris, though he didn't mind...he could finally be with Angel once more...
~8~
The Doctor gasped awake with a jolt, looking around the dark room he was in, feeling as though he were choking, as though he were still there in the sub-city, being buried alive despite the fact he was lying on a rather comfy bed. He could almost feel the bumps and bruises all over him, even though none marred his skin.
He sat up, letting out a breath as he hunched forward, burying his face in his hands as he heaved, feeling like he couldn't get enough breath in him. It was...another dream, yet another nightmare. He should have expected it, they'd been...plaguing him for...quite a while, quite a very long while. He took a breath, closing his eyes, steeling himself, feeling that brief flash of fear he always felt when he woke, the fear that it wasn't a dream, that it had happened, that one mistake in his past...like taking longer than he had to protect the humans, like putting more effort and focus on them instead of listening to the instinct that he needed to get back to Angel...had taken the woman he loved more than anything from him. Worse still, that dream had taken Ayla from him in the most horrific way imaginable.
He looked over, feeling the weight lift off his shoulders as he saw Angel sleeping beside him, Ayla was actually between them, having had a bit of a nightmare earlier and come to seek comfort only her parents could give. He knew sometimes it wasn't even that, sometimes she just wanted to have a sleepover with them and they were always more than happy to have her, but this time...it was a nightmare. He leaned over, brushing a strand of Ayla's hair behind her ear, before he dropped a kiss onto her hair, and tugging 'Aslan's' bowtie for good measure. He looked over at Angel, lying there on her side, facing him and Ayla, and gave a small smile.
It was...the greatest relief in the Universe to wake up and see both his girls lying there beside him, reminding him that they were there. He took a deeper breath, looking at how she was sleeping, the TARDIS had warmed the room, Ayla hated being cold, and it was a bit too warm, their thinnest blanket was over them, but Angel had kicked it down to her knees. He reached out and hesitantly took hold of the edge of her tanktop shirt, he tugged it up slowly...letting out an even more relieved breath at seeing the flawless, perfect skin, not red, not cut, not...anything short of just perfect.
He leaned over, careful not to wake Ayla or Angel, and pressed a soft kiss to her stomach. He tugged her shirt back down and rested his forehead on her belly for a moment before pulling back, looking at his girls, so innocent in their sleep, so happy, so...safe and alive and alright.
"I'll protect you," he whispered to them, though being very careful to be quiet enough where they wouldn't wake, "I swear I'll protect you both, forever. I will NOT fail again. I promise you, I won't fail either of you again."
He blinked rapidly, feeling tears in his eyes as the nightmare hit him again, replaying itself over and over in his mind, and he...started crying. He wouldn't fail. He would make sure they were safe always, if it was the last thing he ever did, he would not let that happen, his nightmares would NEVER come to life. He would never ever ever let that happen again.
Ayla would NOT be taken from him.
Angel would NOT be harmed.
Neither of them would be studied or poked or prodded or tested or manipulated or...anything that had been done to them before. He would protect them both with his lives, he had made the mistake once before, failed once before when it really mattered, and it would NOT happen a second time. Not ever. Not again. He had been telling the truth in what he'd told Amy about sticking to the shadows, he was slowly learning his lesson on the mistakes he'd made in the past.
He would not put his family in danger again.
He looked at them once more, wiping at his eyes before he laid back down, reaching out to take Angel's hand across Ayla, looking at both his girls, content to watch over them as they slept because he knew he wouldn't be sleeping any time soon, "I'll protect you," he whispered again, "I'll protect you."
A/N: I felt a little ill writing what happened to Angel here :'( I'm curious as to what you all think of it too, I'm not quite sure if I managed to not make it completely grotesque but just very alarming and disturbing, or if it was a little too glossed over and things. Grr...original chapters! -shakes fist- Lol :)
I know Malokeh wouldn't have ever been so cruel or careless to do that to Angel, and that Angel would have likely reacted with the Vortex before it got to that point, but these are the Doctor's nightmares, they don't always make sense, often they take things and warp them into the worst possible scenario :( I can say though that, so far, none of the other nightmares will be quite as gruesome as this one. I sort of felt like...with the ark being Silurian and seeing Solomon's legs torn apart and things, that the Doctor's mind would drift to their last adventure with them and the danger Angel was really in. If he'd taken longer to help the humans...she might have very well been 'dissected' :(
On a slightly lighter note...I'm very excited because...I only have to give my Star Trek story one more read-through/edit and then I can post it! ^-^ So we can expect Spock to appear in the next couple days ;)
Some notes on reviews...
I'm very excited for ATCM too :) We're going to see more of this particular dream popping up in that episode too ;)
My Merlin story, unfortunately, doesn't seem like it'll be out till 2014 (hopefully right at the start!). I've just managed to rewrite through half of Series 4 as of 2 days ago so I still have a Series and a half left to write :( And with the 50th around the corner I'm going to try and get most of it done by then and hope to finish the rest after I've posted the 50ths for the OCs. But it WILL be the next actual show-story I post :)
I won't be doing anything special within the scope of the main story, BUT! I'm hoping to post a special Halloween Themed chapter of TAOSAT, Recollections, and IYC on Halloween :) And(!) an early chapter of AAO (since I can't really do much Halloween themed chapters with that since it follows the episodes), so there'll be Halloween for J, Clara, River, and Proffy to come ;)
Lol, good luck on your test of wills! And thanks! I'm glad you enjoyed the last few chapters ^-^ I can't say that we'll see Gabriella again but...well...we may see a version of Ayla once more ;) I don't thing it's evil at all to be curious about that :) I did see what you did there lol, Solomon IS a very 'bad man' ;)
There may not be Rory&Ayla scenes after TATM...but I can say there WILL be a way for the family (including the Ponds) to stay together ;) But I won't say how :) I've got a lot planned for Clara and the TARDIS that will be...a bit different than the show but for a reason :) I think that Ayla will respect Clara very much, like she senses what Clara will do for her parents :)
I liked that moment of Angel putting her to bed too, we might just see a few Gallifreyan bedtime stories (or stories about Angel's life on Gallifrey) very, very soon ;) I'm very excited about the Mates/Bondeds/Links for them, it'll probably be a while till we find out how, but I've got it all stored away in my head and potential outlines :) I don't think the Master will be one of them though. Mostly because...he's family to J, Proffy will likely shoot him on sight, and the Doctor would probably kill him for going near 'his little girl' lol :)
I agree, it's definitely best to start young in saving the world, gives you plenty of experience ;)
I think Gray would find someone one day. I think at the moment he's not quite ready for it, given all he's been through, but one day I think he'd find a humanoid person with a bit of longevity or someone who had their 'body clock slowed down' like Liz did :) For some reason I could see Angel introducing them lol :)