Chapter 10: Unraveling

Stefan woke up his head pounding the sun glaring in through the window. He squinted his eyes.

"Where am I?" He groaned looking around the small motel room. He got up and clutched his head. He heard the shower running and his eyes widened realizing he was naked. He sat down on the bed as last nights events slowly came back to him.

Flashback

"Stefan you need this." Katherine urged him pushing him toward the scared compelled girl in the alley. "That bite wont heal on it's own."

"You don't understand.. I cant Katherine. I'm not the same on human blood it changes me." Stefan tried to explain.

"You need it Stefan." She said using her fingernail to scratch the girls throat. The blood called to Stefan in his weakened state.

"Pull me back."He said his voice sounding strained. "If I don't stop. Please pull me back."

"Okay." Katherine said impatiently the blood starting to affect her too.

He bit the girls neck quickly and felt an instant euphoria as the girls blood his his throat. The life force healing his back instantly. He felt Katherine push him back and almost pushed her away to get back to that sweet nectar.

"Enough Stefan." Katherine growled quickly compelling the girl to run away and forget about this.

"What have I done?" Stefan said worry shadowing his face.

"You survived." Katherine said. "That's all anyone in this life can do Stefan."

"Come on." She said pulling him into the bar. "Let's go get a drink."

End flashback

"Finally awake?" Katherine said stepping out of the shower naked and dripping wet. Stefan felt a longing inside of him despite himself.

"What did we do last night?" He asked.

"As if you don't remember." Katherine said crossing her arms.

"I don't. I remember drinking at the bar..." Her said scratching his head.

"Come on Stefan." Katherine rolled her eyes. "Vampires don't blackout."

"I don't usually drink that much. "He muttered. "Did we?"

"Stefan really?" Katherine said looking offended. "How could you forget?"

"We're going to have to deal with this later." He snapped. "I need to get back to Elena and you have to tell us how to fix her now. It was part of the bargain."

"I told you last night." Katherine snapped. "Not my fault you don't remember."

"You did?' Stefan said suddenly holding his head as he remembered the events of the night before.

Flashback

"Stefan you've had an entire bottle of tequila don't you think that's enough?" Katherine asked rolling her eyes. As she laid back on the hotel bed watching Stefan open another bottle pf booze.

"It helps control the blood craving. " Stefan explained talking down another shot.

"I realize that Stefan." She said haughtily. "You are 146 years old. You should be in better control then this. This is what happens when you deny your nature Stefan. You have to stop. I'll help you get control if you want."

"You don't get it Katherine." Stefan slurred. "I didn't always feed from animals. I fed from humans for several years, I was never able to gain control. It changes me. The second I lose myself in the cravings I become a different person Katherine and I don't like who I become."

"Stefan it's who you are." She sighed.

"Let's drop it okay. You don't get it."

"Yes I do, Hello 300 year old vampire here." She said.

"It's not the same with me. It becomes about the hunt, the game, the kill. The more blood I consume the more cruel and vicious I become."

"I know! You shut it off Stefan. We all can do that. Many of us hate what we become when we shut it off." Katherine shrugged. "You get used to it. You find ways to turn it on and off when it suits you best."

"No I don't." He said. "Human blood changes me. I won't become a monster ever again."

"Stefan." She sighed feeling like she was talking to a newborn vampire. "I can help you."

"I don't want help." He said. "Tomorrow it's back to animal blood and everything will be fine."

"Fine whatever. If animal blood means I don't have to listen to you self loath for hours then have at it Stef." Katherine said.

Katherine glanced at him. "Why did you go after those wolves?"

"You were in danger." He replied.

"I'm not Elena." She shrugged. "I could have gotten myself out."

"It didn't look good." Stefan pointed out. "I couldn't let you die Katherine. I still love you."

Her eyes widened hopefully. "But you still love her too?"

"Love isn't something you can just shut off." He said quietly. "It slowly fades but never really goes away."

"Is that what happened with me? I slowly faded away?"

"No. I always thought of you. I kept a place in my heart for you up until I found out you lied to Damon and I. Even then it was still there just buried deeper." Stefan said thoughtfully "No my love for you never faded away I simply tucked it away because I thought you were dead."

"It's Elena's love for me that has been fading away little by little." He sighed. "I tried to fight it to no avail. Now that hurts more then anything loving someone who is slipping away from you." He sighed softly.

"I'm sorry. I used that to hurt you. I wanted to get you back." Katherine said touching his cheek.

"I know." He sighed miserably. " I also know why you did it. I wish this was easier. I wish I didn't still love her so much that I wasn't so torn.

"Have you kissed her?" She asked looking at him sideways.

'What?"

"I mean since she's been sleeping. Have you kissed her?"

"A few times." Stefan said looking confused. "Look Katherine I know your kind of jealous of her but she is my girlfriend I do kiss her..."

"It's not you Stefan," Katherine said with a knowing look across her face. "If you kissed her and she didn't wake up then your not the man she truly loves. I'm sorry. That was the spell."

Stefan stared at her his face unreadable.

"What are you going to do Stefan?" Katherine asked.

He turned and ran from the room in seconds.

"Stefan?" Katherine called out.

Stefan walked to fast down the city streets his mind racing. Every little glance between them meaning so much more. Every time Damon stood up for her. Every secret smile she gave him. He had lost and the worst part was what Damon had gained. It was what Stefan wanted most for his brother. The irony of it shook him. Had he not forced Damon to change none of this would be happening right now. Maybe he deserved to lose her.

Stefan grumbled realizing if the porch incident hadn't happened events would have played out differently. But she still loves him she still would have fallen for him. Katherine proved that. Katherine she was making Stefan's already troubled emotions much more confusing. A part of him hated her for the things she had done. But he still loved her he never stopped. He understood the feeling of being torn and felt a stab of empathy for both of the women in his life.

Images of Damon and Elena took hold again and Stefan found himself figuring Damon had kissed her by now. He imagined his brother with his lips on Elena and something just snapped. He didn't even realize it happened until he tasted the rich blood flooding his mouth and felt the body pressed against the alley against his own.

He pulled back guiltily and groaned wanting more, needing more.

"No.. no I can't do this I can't become this."

The person started to struggle. Stefan glanced down at the terrified blond. Always the blonds they did something to him.

"What's your name?" Stefan grunted trying to get familiar. To use his humanity to pull himself out of this.

"Jamie." She squeaked her blue eyes wide.

"I'm sorry I did that. I'm losing it. I just I need to get it together." Stefan said tightening his grip on the girls shoulders.

"I'm better then this." Stefan said. "I'm not going to hurt you."

He released his grip and took a breath.

She started to run and the vampire in him felt the need to chase. His legs seemed to move on their own accord and he was right in front of her. She screamed in terror.

"Its okay." Stefan compelled. "Your not afraid of me."

"I'm not afraid."

"I lost it tonight because I found out my girlfriend is in love with my brother." Stefan said.

"Ouch." Jamie said. "Well they both suck to do that to you."

"This is something he would do." Stefan said gesturing to her neck. "Not me."

"Why did you do it?" She asked looking nervous. Stefan knew she was trying to play with him. Keep him talking while she looked for an escape route.

"I snapped." he said. "He will to."

Stefan stood up and started pacing. his eyes glittered with excitement.

"It's Damon. Eventually he'll screw up and I'll just pick up the pieces."

"Why would you want to?" Jamie asked wide eyed.

"I love her." Stefan sighed.

"Love sucks." Jamie sighed. "Your better of giving up on it. It only causes pain."

"Yes it does. Your a smart girl Jamie. You should go and forget any of this happened." He said.

She turned and started walking off into the forest looking lost and confused.

Stefan started to consider ways Damon could screw up feeling a little better. The human blood still pumping through his veins. He heard Jamie stumble and moan and smelled the blood instantly. He was over her in seconds her blood filling him. He felt her body go limp and let go. He looked at her and suddenly felt the guilt. He felt a slight pulse. He decided not to risk giving her any of his blood. Instead he compelled her to forget and laid her somewhere she would be found.

He needed to forget about them. He couldn't keep thinking about Damon and Elena anymore. He had to move on. If Damon ever did screw up maybe the chance was their. Stefan considered the fact he could hold on to that. But he had to try to move on for now and feeding on innocent blonds was not the way.

He entered the room quietly. Katherine's brown curls spread across his pillow. He noticed her body tighten and knew she heard him. He didn't want to be here anymore. He wanted to forget. He wanted to go back to 1864. Katherine turned and opened her eyes.

He stepped right over to her and sat on the side of the bed next to her.

"Stefan.." She said softly.

He kissed her angry cutting her off. His hands ripping through her hair. She fought back pushing Stefan up against the wall and kissing him hard. Her aggressive actions fueled Stefan's anger she was the woman who destroyed him twice. Right now he hated her as much as he loved her and he wanted more then he ever wanted anything.

He growled and pushed her down on the bed climbing over her. Her eyes looked up at him with a glint of a challenge in them.

"Just give in to it." She whispered huskily.

With that the rest his thoughts disappeared and he lost himself in the woman who would forever be his undoing once again.

End flashback

"Stefan?" Katherine said frowning as she took in the sullen state of him sitting at the edge of the bed his face full of regret.

"I need to go back." He said.

"You don't." She augured. "Stay here with me."

"I have to warn them to stay away from the Lockwood's and well I just want to say goodbye."

"Then your going to leave?"

"Yes for a while anyway. I need to seek some answers regarding this werewolf thing anyway. I think distance will help all of us. I cant face them every day." Stefan murmured.

"I'll come with you." Katherine offered. "I can help with the werewolf thing. I know people that know things."

Stefan nodded slowly. "Last night after I left I almost drained someone."

"It happens." Katherine shrugged.

"Not to me." Stefan stressed.

"You found out sweet Elena favors dark Damon over you. You were shocked. I figured that's what you had left to do." Katherine said staring into his eyes.

"I wasn't shocked though Katherine. I have been preparing for this for weeks months even. I saw it. I knew what was going to happen. I told myself I would handle it like a gentleman. I would step aside gracefully and continue to protect her from the sidelines."

"Stefan you can't tell yourself how to react to things. Sometimes you just do." Katherine said rolling her eyes. "Surprise your not flawless your a vampire Stefan."

"I freaked out. I felt like I just lost the one thread I had left of my humanity." Stefan said shaking his head. "So I did the first thing that would prove that and I fed."

"I know you feel hurt and betrayed and alone right now. Frankly so do I." Katharine said sounding slightly irritated,

Stefan raised his eyebrows at her.

"What did you not come back here last night and make love to me? Now I get to be your poor me I lost the love of my life sounding board? Excuse me for being a little crabby." Katherine snapped quickly dressing.

"I'm sorry." He said gulping hard. "Last night was amazing and I don't regret it. I need closure Katherine, I want to move on. But it's not going to happen overnight."

"Whatever." She said looking bored her face closed off. "Lets get out of here."

"Right," He muttered feeling awful for using her last night. He might be a vampire but he being a gentleman was something instilled in him in a young age and it was a personality trait he was proud had stayed with him. He shuddered realizing he had used the first woman he had ever loved to try and forget the second woman that broke his heart.

Please review!