It took me too long but it's here! Not much to go now, probably another one. Missed me? Don't answer that... If you were confused or not, I hope this will make things clear. Also, if you think I'm crazy, it was basedon a true story and they really did it...Have fun!!
10. Staring Death in the Face
"One must feel sorry for those who have strange tastes, but never insult them. Their wrong is Nature's too; they are no more responsible for having come into the world with tendencies unlike ours than are we for being born bandy-legged or well-proportioned". Marquis de Sade.
Jenny fidgeted with her fingers, digging her nails in her palms every now and then, trying hard to ignore just how much harder swallowing had become. The doctor, who happened to be one of her oldest friends, had taken blood samples and had excused himself, saying he'd be right back with her x-ray results and that was all. Now she waited patiently, as patient as she could be under those circumstances. No mattered how many times she told herself that she had already foreseen the worst possible scenarios, especially after stopping taking the pills, she was a lot more than just a little apprehensive. She looked around, not really expecting to see anything interesting but doing it anyway. Her mind took notice of the details of the room for the first time – it was all so impersonal and cold, made her feel even worse. It gave her a sense of emptiness and caused her heart to beat a little faster; she could even hear it making its way up her neck and blocking the path to her throat.
On the one hand, she almost wished the worst would happen; it'd put an end to her agony and the sleepless nights. Sometimes she asked herself if her life was still worth all the trouble. She was not only playing with her life and there were others involved but things were getting more complicated and that was exactly the opposite of what she wanted to happen. She wanted to reunite the family, make sure he was happy before she was gone; if only Shannon wasn't married and in love with her husband... It was her last wish; she wanted to see him happy, truly happy. That was why she went after them, how she found they were alive, why she convinced Kelly to come back and why she was trying to help her get that guy. Jenny knew their secrets and it made her feel even more guilty but if she wanted him to be happy, he couldn't know about his daughter and she really doubted Shannon would tell him. It was one more secret to her collection, one more planet to the whole galaxy she carried on her shoulders. However, this time it was different; this time she didn't know if she could be strong enough to do it again.
On the other hand, she wanted to live, to make something important to someone, do something for those she cared for and above all, she wanted to be strong enough to stand on her own now. It was then that she realised for the first time that she'd done that for years; she'd always cried alone, even when she was just a girl, it had always been her and her alone. How could she miss the two arms that never got to hold her until she stopped crying? She did miss them though; she'd always wondered what it'd feel like. She could see the tip of her nose turning red and felt her head starting to ache. Thinking she'd felt something on her shoulder, she tilted her head slowly, right in time to see the doctor looking at her with worry. It was all a blur and she closed her eyes.
"Jenny" his voice was so quiet that it got lost in the corners of her mind. She blinked, feeling a blush rise to her cheeks and the corner of her mouth turned upwards in a smile.
She sat up straight, waiting for him to return to the chair in front of her but, surprisingly, he sat on the chair beside hers. She pursed her lips a little, feeling slightly more nervous than before. What he had to say couldn't be good if he was trying so hard to make it easy for her and apparently, her stomach agreed with her, if she considered the way it was flipping. He leaned forward, closer to her, his hands tightly clasped together and moistened his lips. She swallowed hard, feeling every cell in her body throbbing with pain in anticipation. She shifted uncomfortably in her chair under his gaze. She wanted to stop the noise; it was embarrassing her. Was it possible that he could hear her heart too? He stared at her intently and for an instant, she could have sworn that he could even read her mind. Would he think she was crazy if she just left now? Could she arrest him for not respecting the privacy of her thoughts? Probably not... There was only plan C then - sit and wait.
"I have the results right here" he said, indicating an envelope with a nod of the head "but I want to talk to you first" he added. There was something cold and sinister about that understanding tone and she furrowed her brow in concentration. Talks were never good, in a relationship and definitely not in a hospital.
"Okay" she managed to say, after she realised he'd been waiting for a response. What else could she do?
"I don't know what's going on inside your mind but I can imagine it" he said, trying to read her blank expression "I've already seen too many people in the same position you're in and..." he paused, trying to find the right words, knowing too well the woman in front of him and how she'd be out of the door if she felt he was pitying her "I'm worried about you, Jenny" he finally said.
For an instant, she lowered her head, feeling more than just a little embarrassed. That was exactly the sort of thing she'd been strongly avoiding since the beginning, exactly why she had kept it a secret.
"It can't be good when those words come from your doctor, right?" she said, forcing a smile. He smiled back at her; even now, she hadn't lost her sense of humor.
"We've known each other since we were kids, Jenny" he said, stretching out his hand. She looked at him, feeling even more embarrassed, if possible, gathering all the strength to do it. Her hand was lifted slowly, as if she was afraid of what that small gesture would do to what he thought of her. She felt his fingers against her palm and looked up at him, looking into his eyes "What happened to that girl who trusted me? What happened to the girl who used to be my best friend?" he asked, moving his hand to hold hers tightly. She stared at him, remembering those days very well.
"That girl grew up, saw a lot more than she needed, has been through more than she ever imagined she would" she said, looking absentmindedly at their intertwined hands "She doesn't want to trust anyone. They don't need to be there"
"You know why I'm worried about you, Jenny?" he asked quietly, his voice echoing in the almost empty room. He looked into her now distant green eyes "You're a great person and you're a great friend" he said, tugging at her hand to make her look at him and when she finally did, he noticed her eyes were slightly red but chose to keep the information to himself "but you never let anyone in, never did"
She listened intently, even if it didn't seem so. It wasn't something she did on purpose but it was always there; she couldn't help it. She'd learnt it from her parents, especially her father, and it was part of her now. They'd always told her that she couldn't trust anyone but herself, that friends were a luxury and as Jethro used to say, she was a fast learner. The damage was already there. He was her doctor and her friend but...Of course he was right, but did it make any difference if she changed it now?
"Why did you come to me?" he asked, daring her to look at him again, already having a good guess as to why she was there and not at other doctor's office "Would you let a stranger know about what's going on with you?"
She turned her gaze away from him, her head moving slowly to the side. She could feel her heart racing in her chest. He knew the reason and she knew he knew the reason, but he wanted to hear it from her, to prove she was wrong; she was not giving him that. She was too old to be reprimanded by someone else, even if said person was her doctor. If this was his idea of closure, he was so sadly mistaken; it was suffocating her.
"When you're done giving me a lecture, would you, please, tell me what the results were? Or am I supposed to find out on my own?" she asked impatiently "I'd argue with you but I'm just not in the mood" she said, arching an eyebrow at him, giving her version of that same old Gibbs stare.
"One of my professors once told me that nobody should go to the doctor alone, that there should be someone else" he said, picking up the envelope and opening it up, shaking his head "It's in times like these that you should not be afraid of admitting that you need the support of your family, of your friends. I bet they'd like to be here"
If her situation wasn't so pathetic, she'd have laughed. He was so sure there was someone out there and it hurt her to think that she couldn't even give him a proper answer, because she didn't want to see his face after she told him that there was no family, no friends. She'd been pushing everyone away very effectively, each time being careful enough to remind herself what she was doing it for. Sometimes the pain was almost a pleasure. Whenever it happened, she'd focused on it and it meant she was still alive and that she could feel, that she wasn't that heartless woman everybody thought she was. The realization that she had nothing besides her job was a little disappointing and she wondered if there was still time to regret that same decision once more.
"If you're telling me I have a week left..." she trailed off and cursed inwardly for allowing that do happen "do it! I have things to do and I'm already late. Don't waste my time" she said, starting to lose her temper. The tone of her voice changed to a thicker one and she bit her bottom lip in an attempt to stop the trembling, her eyes blinking ferociously. She felt vulnerable, more than she ever did. That was it. The truth was here and she couldn't afford to look away. It wasn't flashes of her entire life that were right before her eyes, no good or bad memories, just black. All turned black and she couldn't see anything. Suddenly, everything had disappeared. The sounds were gone, the lights were turned off and she couldn't breathe. The room seemed to be holding its breath and life seemed to have frozen. She took a deep breath and closed her eyes, feeling incredibly cold. Everything around her was silence; silence echoing, silence getting louder and louder. It all came as a fast explosion and then, there was a piercing and frightening sound - the sound of shattering glass. Her eyes fluttered open and she saw it all again; the hospital and a confused look from the doctor. She closed her eyes again, feeling slightly nauseous and heard the sound of shattering glass again; she could almost feel it falling around her.
He rushed to her side, afraid she was going to faint at any second. Jenny opened her eyes slowly, wishing the room would stop spinning. He looked into her eyes and asked something but she didn't understand anything and just nodded, assuming he was asking if she was feeling better now. She blinked, trying to ignore the overwhelming sense of lost and confusion. It had never happened before. What the hell was that? She put a hand on her chest to reassure herself that she was really there, awake, and not sleeping or remembering some scene of the past. When had the room gotten so cold? She could feel her stomach flipping and her palms began to sweat, a cold sweat and a shiver ran down her spine. She recomposed herself and shrugged off his hands. He let go of her reluctantly, and she stared at him, hoping her stare was cold enough, hoping he couldn't see how terrified she really was. She waited patiently, expecting him to do what he was meant to at any second. He sighed heavily and she saw the lines that never left his forehead, even when he walked to the other side of the room. He shook his head slightly to dismiss a stubborn thought and turned around. He looked at her once more, just to make sure it was over and put the x-rays on the lightbox.
"Just think of what I said to you earlier, Jenny" he told her, motioning for her to approach the lightbox in front of him "It won't make you less strong. Think once, twice... a hundred times if necessary".
As her vision became less blurred and the room stopped spinning, she folded her arms tightly across her chest and lifted her eyes. She felt exposed and froze in place, trying to regain that self control back. She blinked her eyes a few times and took a deep breath, feeling her façade fell back in place. After calming down, she finally looked at him, staring coldly. The only way she knew to handle her fear was that, suppressing it, hiding it within herself.
Later than night, she was already in bed when there was a knock on the door. She dragged herself out of bed and ran a hand over her sleepy eyes. She didn't even know what time it was but it was definitely late and she wasn't expecting anyone. It could always be her detail but she doubted. He wouldn't do it, unless he was very stupid. Holding her gun with one hand, she opened the door with the other, her eyes widening and jaw dropping for a second. She didn't say anything; she wasn't the one knocking on somebody else's door late in the night.
"What are you doing here?" she asked, froze in place and staring at him. He shrugged, avoiding her eyes. She tilted her head to the side, observing him look at anything other than her.
"I…" he sighed, looking at the ceiling, waiting for the answer to be sent to him, not knowing if he should say it "I wanted to see your face" he said, shrugging and looked deep into her eyes. She could never resist him when he looked at her so vulnerable; it happened once in a lifetime and she could only step aside and let him in.
They sat on the couch and she turned to face him, propping her elbow on the back.
"You're confused" she started and he looked up at her "There's so much going on in your life right now and you don't know what your feelings --"
"I have no doubts about my feelings, Jen" he said, interrupting her "but I'm going crazy because I can't control my life anymore!" he was breathing quickly and looked very agitated. He knew he had to say it all, before it strangled him "I know you didn't want me to say what I did, but it's true! I'm sorry but I had to do it! Please, don't push me away…" he took deep breaths and as if they had a mind of their own, his hands framed her face and pulled her face to him.
She covered his mouth with her hand and her lips pressed against her skin instead.
"You saw her?" she asked, her hand still over his mouth. He nodded, his gaze getting distant for a split second. He blinked and focused on her again.
"You didn't have to do it" he said, his voice muffled by her hand. Her head lowered and her hand left his face; she didn't expect that.
"You needed to know" she whispered "You deserve to be happy".
His hand slipped from her face and for a moment, she thought she'd seen his eyes sparkling. "I have a granddaughter" he told her, his eyes filling with tears, but he was smiling and proud of himself. She loved that smile and couldn't help running her thumb over his cheekbone "She looks so much like Kelly" he laughed and she smiled, more than happy herself.
"That's good" she said, encouraging him to go on "Did she like you?" she asked and his smile widened.
"You have to meet her. She's beautiful"
"I bet she is" she said "She have the right genes" she joked and he looked at her, mesmerised by her smile and her sparkling green eyes. His hands lifted and framed her face again; they were so close. He wished he hadn't because she stopped smiling and looked seriously at him.
"I can't love her" he whispered, caressing her cheeks "She's not the one I want and she can't be the woman I love" he said, shaking his head.
"I'd never knock on your door to ask you to be at my side because I didn't want to die alone…" she said, covering his right hand with her left. She shook her head "You've been mourning a woman's death for all your life and I don't want you to be there again "
"You don't have to go through this alone, Jenny" he argued, pressing his lips slightly against hers, taking her by surprise. He pulled slightly back and looked into her eyes, running his fingers through her hair.
"You don't have to be there, Jethro. You shouldn't be there" she said, trying hard to ignore the feeling of his hand through her hair, how it relaxed her, but ended up closing her eyes.
He kissed her cheek "I can't say that I've never been in love before" he whispered in her ear "but I've never loved someone like I love you"
"You don't know what you asking..." she said, opening her eyes, trying to ignore what he said and his hot breath on her face as he looked into her eyes.
"Yes, I do" he said, tracing her lips with his fingers "It's up to you".
She closed the gap between them, placing her lips over his in a sweet kiss. She pulled back and hugged him tightly, his hands wrapping around her waist.
"We're together" he whispered, kissing the top of her head "and I'm not leaving you" his arms tightened around her and she could only nod, too lost in the feeling of him so close.
She pulled him gently by the shirt, making their chests collide and looked deep into his eyes, losing herself into them. She smiled wickedly and hooked a finger at him before turning around and disappearing through a door. He observed the way her body moved, with the quietness and smoothness of a cat. He moistened his lips and swallowed hard, running a hand through his hair. She was definitely seducing him, not exactly what he had expected her to do. He wasn't a man of getting nervous but the situation was...he sighed heavily, because it was too good for him to resist. He knew he shouldn't but he couldn't say no. It him a few seconds to recompose himself and follow her. He entered the room, taking his time to appreciate the view. She was bent over the nightstand and had lit the last candle. He realised she had it all planned; he'd taught her well. She heard him close the door and turned to face him, right in time to see him turning off the lights; it had never bothered then before but she liked the change. Their eyes locked in the darkness and all the doubt was gone; they knew it was the right thing to do, both had waited a long time for it. He looked at her mesmerized by the way her skin and hair shone while she was standing near the candles, how her eyes sparkled at him. She wasn't smiling or anything; her face was a pure blank, but it was in her eyes that he always searched for the emotion, the intensity he loved watching to emerge.
She walked towards him agonizingly slowly and he took a step forward to meet her halfway. They stopped at arm's length, staring at each other. Time stopped and she felt numb, lost in a trance. Her eyes sparkled at his icy blue ones and he lifted his hands to touch her, not wanting to break the spell but yearning for her at the same time. She grabbed his wrists and shook her head slowly. She wanted it to be a long night; his impatience would have to wait. He looked at her confused, not understanding the sudden resistance, sensing the tension still in the air. She lowered his arms and he let them fall to his sides as she took a step back to look at him, looking with appreciation at him. Maybe it was true that old flames never burnt. Her eyes travelling down his body only increased his impatience and he couldn't help the smirk forming on his face; although his hands had a mind of their, he was trying control himself, loving the determination in her eyes as she took the lead, the passion she exhaled. He took the opportunity to check her out, much to his appreciation. He was completely obsessed with that woman. Her body, her hair, her eyes, he loved them all, and lots of the craziest ideas popped up inside his mind as he observed her curves. His hands itched to touch her, bring her closer to him, and feel her body against his. She looked into his eyes and he held her gaze, silently sending an invitation to her; it was her decision and he'd follow her.
She approached him and put her hands on his shoulders, letting them fall to his chest and trailing them back up. He stood still, watching her every move carefully, his hands itching to touch her more than ever. She walked round him in a circle, her hands slowly trailing to his back, moving across and down his toned body, feeling the muscles tense underneath the shirt. So far, he'd been very patient and that was not like him but he trusted her and above all, he was just another helpless man being seduced by an a attractive woman; if she wanted him quiet, he'd be a nice boy. She ran a hand from his right hip to his left and was able to feel his whole body turn stiff. Facing him, she looked at his hair, his forehead, his eyes, his nose, his mouth, his chin, while the candlelight made his skin shine to her. She didn't know for how long he'd stay still but she was enjoying it too much for now; she was fascinated, he couldn't be more perfect to her eyes. She lowered her head as her hands travelled to his pants and started massaging his waist, only grazing the skin at first and then, making long, smooth strokes. He lowered his head, breathing heavily. She stepped closer, pressing her front against his back and placed a kiss to his neck while her hands untucked the back of his shirt, biting the skin of his neck not so shyly. His body arched and he lifted his head, the hair on the back of his neck standing up. She smirked against his skin, lost in the smell of his aftershave, hearing the groan that escaped his mouth. He turned around to face her.
"You done?" he asked, wrapping his arms around her waist, one of his hands slipping under her shirt.
"I've just started" she replied and kissed his jawline before wriggling away from him.
He untucked the front of his shirt and smiled widely at her "What about now?"
She arched an eyebrow at him and ripped the shirt open, tossing some of the bottoms away in the process. The corner of his mouth turned upwards and his eyes sparkled mischievously, like they always did. The tip of her fingers made contact with the exposed skin and she bit her bottom, letting the rest of her fingers follow to feather touch his muscular chest. His breath caught in his throat, his chest barely moving up and down against her palm. She looked up at him and into his eyes; he stared at her with equal intensity and she felt her own breath catch in her throat. The fingers of his left hand closed around her wrist and made her hand move from his chest, passing his throat, up to his neck, move to his chin, letting her fell the light stubble, and finally graze the softness of his lips. He placed a kiss on her fingertips and guided her hand back down, letting it stop above his heart. She felt it beating strongly, steady, and something popped up in the back of her mind but she paid no attention; his skin was so smooth to the touch that her other hand soon followed, stroking his chest, applying pressure. His nipples pebbled as she raked her nails over them and it was with great delight that she watched his head drop back and his lips part slightly; all she could think of was more, she wanted much more of this. Her hands descended, grazing his sides, leaving goose bumps along the path. She finally found his stomach, tracing the muscles, feeling how they quivered in response. The more she touched him, the more she felt this incredible urge to bite him. She let her nails graze his skin, inching to his belly button; the muscles contracted as she neared the waistband of his pants and his hand landed on top of hers.
She walked round his body in a circle and looked at his back, putting her hands on his broad shoulders, tracing his muscles in a more possessively way this time. Her thumbs ran along his shoulder blades and back to the base of his neck. She substituted her hands for her mouth and let her nails trail down to the small of his back, feeling the goose bumps on his skin once again as she bit his neck and he arched his back, a shiver running down his spine. He turned around slowly, against his body's will, and she saw just how much his eyes had darkened and felt the effect it had on her, hoped it wasn't so evident in her own eyes. She wanted him and all he could give her, but she didn't know if she could tell him about it, not without the risk of exposing her feelings. She'd never thought that it would change, that it'd feel like this when she touched him again, after such a long time, but it did. He was in front of her and neither memory nor fantasy could ever be compared to the real man. He made her look at him by taking her hands in his and guiding them to the loops of his belt. She stared at her hands absentmindedly and tilted her head up to look at him, her eyes more enigmatic than ever. She had always been very good at forgetting details but she seemed to remember everything related to him; what he liked and what he didn't, what drove him crazy. She felt his wet lips on her neck and pulling back, he winked at her and took his shoes and socks off.
Then, he walked to the bed, looking over his shoulder at her, but she froze in place, watching him making himself comfortable; it was like he belonged there, with her. As he walked away from her, her gazed moved to buttocks, and she decided she really liked his ass. She was having trouble juggling the desire she felt and the words a little voice was whispering in her ear; the annoying little voice was ignored as she mentally turned it off and returned to the task of watching him. By now, he'd already reached the bed and as she held his gaze, he sat on the edge of the bed and hooked a finger at her, luring her towards him. She didn't know how but she was standing in front of him in one swift movement. He leaned back on his hands and arched an eyebrow at her, the corner of his mouth curving upwards in a smirk. It all look too good for her to resist and she soon climbed onto his lap, straddling him. Her hands found his neck and her fingers moved in circles to his shoulders, descending to his chest. His hands grabbed her waist slowly, first the left and then, the right. She kissed his ear, gently nibbling and licking his earlobe. He wounded his arms around her waist, pulling her closer, one of his hands trailing up her spine and he gripped her neck, filling his hands with her hair and pulled her head back. She felt his hot breath against her neck and bit her bottom lip as he sucked on the skin of her neck, sending shivers down her spine. He whispered in her ear and she closed her eyes, concentrating on his velvet voice.
"Missed me?" she asked in a whisper, lifting her arms so he could take her blouse off. If his tightening pants were any indication, she could take it as a yes. She met his eyes and he pressed her harder against his lap, groaning inwardly.
"Mmhm" he stared at the pale skin in front of him, before lowering his head to cover the exposed skin with his mouth. Her quickened breath made her chest move up and down and the view had him cupping her breasts with his hands, brushing his thumbs over her nipples. He moved slowly under her and she could feel the heat rising inside her everytime he brushed against her, hard and soft at the same time.
"They're bigger" he said, his hot breath tickling her skin as he bit down, determined to leave a mark. All she could do was nod and dig her nails into the skin of his back to stop a cry from escaping her. He reached behind her to unclasp her bra and she took the chance to bite his neck. The slow movement of his hips, the way he pressed against her and his tongue on her skin, it was all very inspiring but she needed more "I have my hands full…" he whispered teasingly as she tried to make him lie down.
His skillful hands unbuttoned her jeans and pulled the zipper down. She quickly left his embrace and he moved further on the bed, his eyes never leaving her, watching her as the rest of her clothes slid down her body. She looked at him, her hair messed up, her cheeks flushed, her lips slightly parted, and he took off his pants, moving further on the bed. He moistened his lips and smiled wickedly at her, two dimples adorning each of his cheeks. Her eyes drifted down his body, until they met his black underwear and couldn't look away.
"Come here" he said, patting his lap and she crawled on the bed slowly, too slowly, and he was almost reaching for her when she stopped, looking directly at the last piece of cloth "You can do the honors" he whispered and she took it as a challenge, arching an eyebrow at him with that wicked smile on her face. One of her hands trailed down his chest, digging her nails into his soft skin as it descended, grazing his stomach and the muscles quivered, giving her the encouragement she needed to rub him through the thin material. She lifted her head slightly, just enough to see his face, enough to see his head thrown back and his eyelids closing. The feeling was great, and not just because it gave her a sense of power. Her fingers kept moving up and down, while she leaned over him, letting her hands follow the same path her hand did. As he thrust again, her fingers slipped under the elastic of his briefs, wrapping around him, finding it better than she had imagined; he was so warm. She heard him say something and even if she hadn't understood, she knew too well what he wanted. Her other hand slid his briefs down his thighs and she paused her ministrations to pull them off him. She leaned back over him, her tongue trailing back from where her hands had stopped to his chest. Her face stood a breath away from his and her hand run across his chest, before she lowered her head to look down again, seeing him in his full glory, how it touched his belly. In the blink of an eye, she saw herself lying on her back with him on top and having her hands being pinned over her head. His hands gripped her wrist and she opened herself to him, wrapping her legs around him and feeling him slid into her. She gasped, at both the incredible feeling of having him inside her and the fact that he'd chosen this position.
"Faster" she whispered, urging his hips on with hers, feeling what it did to her body, knowing every nerve was throbbing by now. He looked deep into her eyes and increased the pace, watching her how her face changed, and the way her lips parted. He found himself hypnotised by her pretty mouth, eager to taste those lips. She felt him hardening and tried desperately to free her hands. He didn't resist for long and his hands rested beside each side of her head as her arms wrapped around his torso and brought him down to her. She loved the feeling of his hot body against hers, loved the look he was given her. Their eyes locked and he lowered his head to kiss those tempting lips. They barely brushed against hers but he felt even more on fire and moved deeper, eliciting moans from her. He pressed his lips against hers again, fiercely this time and slipped his tongue through them and into her mouth. It caused her to tighten her hold on him and she could feel she was close, while her tongue danced with his, moving from mouth to mouth. His lips were soft, sweet and she couldn't get enough of him. Her hands moved down to his hips and she digged her nails into the sensitive skin, feeling waves of pleasure overwhelm her, her body arched into him and she felt like her body was going to explode and her heart was going to stop. Her lips parted and she heard the loud sounds coming from her mouth, soon followed by him as he reached release and collapsed on top of her. Absentmindedly, as she caught her breath, she ran a hand through his curls and another up and down his back.
He lifted his head from where it rested on her neck and looked into her eyes, feeling his body coming back to life. Her thumb ran along his masculine jawline, feeling the slight roughness. He lied down beside her and stared at the ceiling, feeling her eyes on him. She missed the feeling of him inside her and closed her eyes, remembering everything that had just happened. Feeling his fingers on her cheek, she opened her eyes and looked at him; it was so intense that all else faded away and she could only see him, a strange feeling in her chest, her heart beating differently. He moved closer to her and she couldn't stop the things she felt; she didn't know how to describe it, but it was there and it was huge. She turned on her side and faced him, propping her head up in her palm, mimicking his position. His blue eyes looked distant as his fingers trailed her features and she put her hand on top of his. He looked confused and she felt the same; she understood that this was complicated and it meant a lot, but when he kissed her...he'd never kissed her like that; he'd never touched her like that. He held her gaze and his hand moved to the side of her neck, pulling her closer. That feeling...kissing her...it was amazing and he wanted to lose himself into her. Their lips pressed gently together and their eyes closed slowly as she parted her lips and the tip of her tongue brushed against his. They pushed closer to one another as the pleasure of kissing each other overwhelmed them and the kiss became more passionate. It was a new feeling, which burnt and exploded inside of them. He lied on his back and brought her with him, her hands framing his face as they expressed all those unknown feelings.
His arms wrapped around her body, feeling it press against his, and his hand caressed her back, feeling the smooth skin's warmth and her long hair tickling his fingers. She pulled away, breathing heavily and looked down at him, her blue eyes sparkling to him. He lifted his hand to tuck a strand of hair behind her ear and looked deep into her eyes.
"We've never done this before" he whispered, as if afraid of his own mind.
"True" she whispered back, watching the confusion so evident in his gaze.
"It feels good" he said, the corner of his mouth turning upwards. She looked at him, noticing the difference; she'd never seen this smile before and she liked it, could even feel her own smiling coming. He kissed her softly again as he saw her smile; she had a beautiful smile.
"You grew up, Maddie" he told her, playfully grabbing her buttocks; she kissed him in return.
"I missed you, Michael" she said, nuzzling his neck and placing a kiss above his heart.
"Don't leave me again" he said and his hold tightened a little "I need you, Madison"
"I won't" she promised, playing with his hair "but I don't share. Promise me there'll be no one else"
He pressed his lips against hers "You've always been the only one" he told her, looking slightly offended but trying to control his anger and was granted another smile. He smiled back and sucked on her bottom lip, wanting to feel that thing again.
"I want to do it again" he whispered in her ear and she couldn't help the shiver it sent down her spine.
Her smile faded a little as his hands started to touch her and he kissed her neck "Why didn't you hit me this time?" she asked suddenly and his hand froze.
"I don't do that anymore" he mumbled against her skin "I want to make it right this time" he assured her, looking into her eyes and silently making a promise "My doctor says I'm better"
She nodded and let one of her hands trail down between them, grasping him. His lips parted and she smiled, satisfied with herself. She believed him and would do anything to protect him.
"When you touch me too..." he paused as her nails grazed his skin and he momentarily lost the ability to think "I love it when you touch me"
He kissed her and they switched positions. He was soon on top, looking down at her, those lips that begged attention.
"Do you feel it too?" he asked, not sure how to put into words "When we kiss, real kisses?" she nodded, her eyes darkening and he smiled, like a child with a new toy, before lowering his head slowly and claiming her mouth.
The memories came back to her, flooding her mind and she wasn't even asleep this time. The thing about dreams was that they didn't reveal the whole truth and there was always some distortion, even if it seemed so real...but when she was awake it was different; she knew it was true.
All the bright colours faded away and she tried to reach for them, but there was no turning back; they were already gone and darkness surrounded her. As her vision blurred, her other senses came back to life, taking into what was really going on. She realised she was still there, between those walls. The smell of fresh coffee invaded her nostrils and the sound of footsteps approaching reverberated in her ears, along with the sound of her own breathing. She felt another presence, heat emanating from something alive; she instantly knew who it was and opened her eyes, right in time to see him standing near her. She tried to sit up on the bed and he helped, aware of her tied ankles. Carefully, he put an arm around her waist and she felt his heart beating against her arm as he bent down to do so. She trembled slightly and her eyes drifted shut as she took a deep breath, wishing a moment to herself. He sensed the change, or it was the way they were close to each other, and sat on the edge of the bed, beside her, and cupped her cheek with his hand. Their eyes met and she held his gaze, like she had attempted to do many times before. Yet it was different this time. She didn't know for how long she'd been kept there and he didn't tell her when she had asked him. It certainly seemed like a lifetime ago. The life she had before meeting him seemed so far away, almost as if it was just a product of her mind, something that came to her in dreams. His hand left her face and she lowered her head, trying to calm her heart down and the restlessness she felt. He tucked a strand of hair behind her ear and smiled; she managed to smile as well, using her hands to sit up.
At some point, she wasn't sure when, he had started to alternate between tying her wrists and her ankles. He'd even let her walk around the place, as must as she was able to while her wounds were still healing. She was allowed to take a shower or a bath and he'd even bought her new clothes. She talked to him, keeping in mind that if he saw her as a person, he wouldn't hurt her again. Moreover, she listened to him and had found out he could be quite talkative. And, above all, she couldn't tell when but she wasn't afraid of him anymore; she liked to think he could be a nice guy. She slept in a real bed now – alone – and it had been a long time since he had last touched her that other way... she wondered if she wasn't interesting anymore and immediately reprimanded herself.
"Hi" she greeted him, not wanting him to know that she'd been thinking about him. He reached for the mug on the nightstand and handed it over to her, which she accepted with a small nod of the head and a shy smile.
"Hi" he greeted back, observing her features as she drank the hot liquid. She stared ahead, at her tied and slightly aching ankles, pretending to be not aware of his eyes on her. He'd taken care of her old bruises and she was healing fast – he'd been good to her.
In fact, he wasn't a bad guy, he just...was different. He told her he liked her and apologised, had been trying to make it up to her since then. She believed him; he looked sincere. However, he had locked her away from the rest of the world and it wasn't right; she knew it wasn't right but he was so lonely and felt so bad about it- he'd told her himself. Was it wrong if she thought he was handsome? Because she did... He'd hurt her before and she'd lost blood. He could be gentle and took care of her. He had a knife and guns, even handcuffs. She didn't miss her life; there were no friends, no family, her father was dead. She couldn't have a life anymore, wasn't allowed to go out. Those two voices battled in her mind, confusing her more and more as the days went by; she didn't know what to think anymore. Part of her remembered the first days, how she thought she hated him. That part missed her liberty, the sea, missed listening to music. The other part of her, however, told her that he truly cared, something her mother didn't anymore. She doubted that they were even looking for her. She had no other option; at least he wanted her there with him. Maybe she just had to understand him, understand his reasons, and she blamed herself for what had first happened to her. He just wanted her with him; she was important to someone. He wasn't that monster she had previously taken him for; no, he wasn't a monster. He just wanted her there; he was a lonely person, never talked about his family. She didn't know if she wanted to leave anymore...
"Why are you doing this?" she asked, touching his arm.
"You wanna leave me?" he asked in response, cupping her cheek with his hand, his fingers brushing against her skin. Her heart skipped a bit at the feel of his fingers and she swallowed hard, feeling nervous and confused. She couldn't explain what was going on inside of her and couldn't give him an answer.
"I don't think so..." she replied, choosing to say the truth. It must have worked because he untied her ankles and massaged them, making her feel an inward shiver. Her eyes widened in surprise, embarrassed by the thoughts that were currently in her mind. No, this was wrong; he'd done a bad thing!
"Breakfast is ready" he said, standing up and taking one of her hands in his. She opened her mouth but didn't know what to say. Where were the handcuffs? She mimicked his action slowly and stood in front of him, looking deep into his eyes, trying to understand the pain in her chest. She furrowed her brow and tugged at his hand as he turned around. He turned back and looked at her.
"You didn't...how can you be sure..." she tried to find the words there were a million thoughts and they kept slipping away. She looked up at him and for a split second saw something new. Vulnerability.
"Don't leave me, Madison" was all he said.
She knew she had been the only one and that he hadn't done it to anyone else, but sometimes she found herself believing in her own lies. She'd make sure that everyone was looking for the wrong guy; a serial killer that didn't exist. She had described the wrong person and they'd been running in circles. She couldn't remember everything, not after the accident and the coma, but she needed him, had finally found him and would never let him go.
TBC