Bravery is in the Eyes of the Beholder
By
Sannikex
Chapter Ten
A/N: As it is my eighteenth birtday, I give you another update!
It was the headache that woke her. She opened her eyes to see winking stars. She sat and realized that she was out in the garden, next to the stonewall, as the nausea hit her. She leaned her forehead against the cool wall and waited for the spinning to subside. The tears ran hot over her cheeks. He was gone; he'd gone and joined them again. He'd left her and turned his back on the last months as quickly as you turned a broom. She wrapped her cloak tighter around her and stopped. It wasn't only her cloak. It was his as well. He'd covered her with it after he'd knocked her unconscious. Could he...? Had he really...? Had he really gone back to...Did he actually care for her? She felt the hope growing like a balloon in her chest. Or did he just want her to believe he cared, in case he'd have to come back? The balloon shrank.
"Ginny? Ginny?" It was her mother's voice.
"Mum?" Her voice was so weak she could barely hear it herself. But Molly could, and with fear in her heart she followed the pull towards the garden. "Ginny!" She caught sight of her youngest child, so small, sitting at the furthest end, dressed in black so the red hair was all that could be seen. She rushed to her daughter's side.
"Are you hurt? Where does it hurt the most?" Inside...
"I'm fine, mum. What happened?" Molly's shoulders slumped and she sank to the ground.
"They attacked the village...They couldn't know where our house was but it's easy enough to find out that it's in Ottery S: t Catchpole. You-Know-Who has realized that our whole family stands united against him and wanted punish us and he let it out on the village and there's just..." The sobs she'd been holding back came when the relief that her daughter was fine washed over her. "God...so many dead. Ron was hurt but he's fine...Hermione almost had a heart attack...And Charlie is still missing...don't know...alive...or..." Ginny pushed all thoughts of her own pain to the back of her head.
"Shh, mum, it'll be fine. It'll all be fine." But in her heart she wondered if it was herself she was reassuring.
"...and when I woke, he was gone." They were sitting in the kitchen, mother and daughter, heads bent in the light of the lamp overhead.
"That deceiving little bastard! Here I thought we were helping him and how does he repay our kindness? Feeding off us, collecting information! You didn't tell him anything, did you?" Ginny just shook her, she couldn't muster the force to tell her mother that she didn't have anything to tell him anyways, did she? "Putting your life in danger, laughing us in the face! I should have seen it coming, I should have known when he refused to give us the information we wanted."
"Mum, you asked him to rat out his parents and friends." She said tiredly.
"Liar. Just a damned liar. No sense of rectitude or gratitude." Ginny made a noise that could be both agreement and disagreement as her thoughts wandered to the time when he'd held her when she cried, how he had looked that day in the kitchen when Molly had appeared, how his eyes had looked at her out on the wall. Her mother's voice tuned out and was replaced by his deep one that could play on her emotions like a pianist on a piano.
You don't think they told me anything? The ex-Death Eater…
They think they've been so marvelously nice letting me stay in their shack of a house. It's damn manipulative…
I hate being obligated to feel grateful to them...
I just can't do what they ask. I can't...
I owe my life to you and no one else...
"Ginny are you listening?"
"Sorry. What did you say?"
"I said it's time you participate a bit more. You've shown a great deal of maturity tonight." Ginny looked up from the table. "I won't let you fight but you'll be allowed to leave the house. I want you to help the people in Ottery..."
You have to be able to take orders as well as give them, Weaselette.
"Yes, mum."
It didn't matter how many times she lay awake through the night, she still couldn't figure out if he had gone back for real or if he was trying to protect...someone. No matter how many times she went through every action, every glance, every word she couldn't be sure and it ate her. She felt as she walked through fog, being able to see herself but nothing around. Nothing reached her and nothing made sense. No connections to the world around her. She also realized that it was ridiculous. She'd known from the start that she could never expect anything back from him. Gratitude at the most. It had cost her many tears and the tears had made her feel stupid. Something that made her fell even more stupid was that she hoped that he was alright, that she worried over his health. And, God how she hated him, for leaving and for being able to make her feel like this. She was no closer to a conclusion or an end to her inner turmoil two weeks later when she decided she would have to concentrate on her work or she would faint from exhaustion after working all day and worrying all night.
She walked down what had once been the main street in Ottery S:t Catchpole. Most of the wreckage had been cleaned away and most wounds had been healed and the dead buried. But a lot of work remained to restore the village to its former state. She was relieved to be able to move outside and do something. If she'd been locked in with her thoughts now she was certain she would go crazy.
Out of nothing someone grabbed her from behind and put a hand over her mouth. She would recognize his scent anywhere. Before she could decide if she would fight or follow he'd dragged her to a dark alley and let her go. He was standing in front of her as if no time had passed. Maybe his cheeks were a bit more hollow and his stance not as cocky as usual but all in all the same.
"Do you trust me?" His voice was a bit hoarse. She could do nothing but stare. Here he was, alive and well after having knocked her out and disappeared for two weeks, asking if she trusted him.
"I don't know." She answered truthfully. He managed a weak wolfish grin.
"Better than I expected. Listen, I don't have a lot of time and if you tell anyone who told you this I'm dead. Your brother is in an underground prison close to Bristol. The apparition coordinates are on this." He handed her a slip of parchment, which she took without really registering what he said. "And also the guard changes. Remember, you tell anyone who told you, I'm dead and then all of your work through the months will be wasted." She blinked in response to his gallows humor and before she could respond he was gone.