IMPORTANT AN: This story will be coming to a close after this chapter. So please, bear with me if updates take longer than expected. This chapter was difficult to write there in that it was a rather emotional chapter to reach the full climax of this story. This has not just been a story about James and Gwen, it's Gwen's story about how she handles the situations placed in front of her. With that being said, I hope you all enjoy this chapter and keep your eyes out for the final updates.
Gwen sighed heavily as she sat in the car on the way to the hospital. She wasn't looking forward to her check up at all. She knew with out a doubt in her mind that the doctor was simply going to give her a new death sentence (as she would refer to it ever so affectionately) instead of any hope that she wouldn't die, and that for the past three running on four years she'd been taking meds to keep a tumor that wasn't even there to begin with.
So she threw away every hope of getting a miracle the way she did the contents of her stomach that morning. This time she managed to hide the fact that her medication was making her feel sick again. In hindsight, she knew it probably wasn't a good idea to hide the fact that she was vomiting again, but the sight of James looking perfectly destroyed was something she had been trying to avoid seeing.
"Don't worry; I'm sure that the doctor will have good news for you," Mrs. Knight said to break the thick tension in the car.
She knew that what she said couldn't even be true, she still had hope and she wanted the unusually quiet teenaged girl next to her to have some if it was the last thing she did.
"I understand what you're trying to do Mrs. Knight, but I'd rather not want to think about anything right now," she sighed turning away to face the passenger window.
The older of the two sighed as they got closer to the hospital. She knew that the young girl hated being in the position she was in and Jennifer knew that Gwen had no choice in the matter.
"All I'm saying is that you shouldn't be so negative," Jennifer ventured cautiously entering the parking lot.
"And there's nothing for me to be positive about this either," Gwen quietly said grabbing her bag and exited the car once her guardian parked her rental car.
Jennifer sighed not knowing what to tell the girl who seemed so sure just yesterday that there was some hope that she would live, but now that same girl was morose and indifferent at the same time as they both made their way through the sliding doors of the hospital into its cold interior.
If Jennifer had been paying attention she would have seen Gwen shiver, but the red head was far more focused on asking the nurse behind the front desk where Gwen would be having her check up.
"Okay, we have to get you to Room 141," Mrs. Knight said trying to create a more cheerful atmosphere.
The hazel eyed girl didn't reply only shrugged her shoulders and readjusted the strap of her bag on her shoulder while the older of the two made the way to the elevator and she followed. Gwen was painfully quiet as they rode up to the four the floor of the building, if Jennifer was disturbed by the silence, she didn't let on even when the elevator doors slid open upon their arrival to the fourth floor.
'I hope I don't get anymore bad news,' Gwen thought to herself with an inward sigh as she and Mrs. Knight walked down the hall to room 141.
Gwen chewed her lip as the doctor entered the room, she felt her body shake and surmised that it was just another side effect of her medication and not because she was terrified of what the older man in front of her would say. The severe look on his face only seemed to confirm that she might as well be good as dead.
"Well all of your test results show that you tumor has stopped swelling," he started flipping through the information, a soft sigh left her lips as she waited for him to continue. "But it doesn't seem as if it's going to get any smaller."
"I could have told you that," the teenaged girl quirked a brow folding her arms over her chest while the doctor let a small smile break his serious expression. "No offense or anything."
"None taken, although I do have some potentially good new for you," he replied his countenance more serious again.
"Oh, you do?" she uncrossed her arms and the older woman next to her took the moment to squeeze her hand tightly. "Wee what is it doc?"
"I've been in the touch will several of my colleagues and one of them who'll be in town this week for a seminar, he think that he's able to help you," he flipped her patient chart closed and held onto it tightly. "He's had a case similar to yours and is more than certain that he can remove the tumor from your brain."
She sat there feeling as if the room around he had disappeared into nothing as the doctor's words sunk into her brain. The tumor she'd had to live with for almost four years, the tumor that doctors in Minnesota and New York had told her couldn't be removed was going to be gone, could be gone forever.
"Ms. Pressley," the doctor said gently as Mrs. Knight gently tapped her shoulder with her free hand breaking the girl away from her thoughts.
"I heard you, so you're saying that there's a friend of yours who can get this tumor off my brain?" She asked squeezing the older woman's hand, who squeezed back with no hesitation. "That, I won't have to take those awful meds anymore."
"Well, in theory yes, but there are some risks, big risks that I think you should consider before doing this kind of surgery," he looked into her eyes steadily, almost hoping to talk her our of something that very well could save her life. "You could die during the procedure."
"And if I don't do the surgery, I could die after vomiting my vital organs into the toilet three days later," her eyes hardened as her resolve grew stronger. "I'm getting this surgery."
"Honey, are you sure? Don't you want to go home and think this through?" Jennifer stood in front of the young girl with a concerned look on her face as her hands gripped Gwen's shoulders tightly.
"I'm more sure than I've ever been about anything in my life," she exhaled heavily as she stood up from the bench she'd been sitting on. "I've spent every moment for the past four years imaging every scenario like this in my head. And now that its here, I'm going to let it go."
The two adults looked to each other, the both of them realizing that the teenager was firmly rooted in her decision and there was no other way of convincing her otherwise. In defeat their shoulders sagged, Jennifer pulled the girl into a tight hug while the doctor heaved a heavy sigh.
"It seems that I can't change your mind," he said his voice tired, yet strangely happy. "I'll call my colleague; he should be able to perform the surgery tomorrow."
"Good, thanks doc," Gwen smiled at the older gently man who returned it warmly.
"You're welcome, I'll call once the arrangements have been made," he nodded to the older of the two women before exiting the room.
Mrs. Knight sighed loudly as the two of them left the hospital building. She had almost hoped that Gwen's conviction would crumble when she asked the petite girl about the sandy haired boy, no doubt anxiously waiting for her return, but alas her choice was still to go through with the surgery even thought she was running a great risk of possibly dying on the table. The rest of the occupants of apartment 2J were not going to take this new development well at all.
"Are you seriously going to go through with this?" Logan asked his brown eyes wide and full of panic. "Have you even thought about it?"
"Yeah, I have," was the short reply as Gwen stuffed her duffel bag for her trip to the hospital.
"And you're not scared? Not even a little of what could go wrong?" he pressed, his hair was a mess as he stepped even further into her room, luckily Logan was the only one of the boys home for her to give her news to.
And the both of them knew that she couldn't handle telling James with all of them against her right now.
"Of course I'm scared, but I'd rather take this opportunity than let it pass me by and then end up in the hospital on my actual death bed," she replied after finally zipping up her back and took a seat on her bed. "And I don't want you guys to try and convince me not to do this."
"I won't, I can't speak for James. He's not going to be too excited about you having this surgery," the dark haired boy bit his lip and sat with her. "This isn't something he's going to take easily."
"I know, I just hope Carlos and Kendall can back me up," she flopped backwards onto her mattress, her nerves starting to build as the front door of the apartment slammed shut announcing new arrivals.
"Hey, I'll be there too to lend you support too. I'm just scared for you, and James will be too, but he'll understand. I know he will," Logan smiled at her encouragingly as he stood up and pulled her up from her bed. "Now come on, it's time to face the music."
She sighed and nodded her head a bit reluctantly as she let the brunette lead her out of her bedroom down the hall into the foyer just as James, Kendall and Carlos all moved to the living to flop onto the fluorescent couch. Her heart hammered in her chest when James caught her eye and saw that she was back from her visit to the hospital.
"Hey, you're back," he breathed getting up from the sofa and stepped over to her quickly to take her into his arms. "How was it?"
"It went okay, the doctor said that the tumor wasn't getting any bigger," she started taking a deep breath before pulling away from his embrace. "There was something else he said too."
"What? He didn't say that you had 3 months to live or something did he?" James asked his eyes immediately becoming full of worry. "What did he say Gwen?"
"James, would you let her talk? Take a breath man," Kendall interjected standing up from the couch while Carlos followed and stood on the other side of the tall boy.
Gwen closed her eyes and grabbed Logan's hand who squeezed back calming the tangle of nerves that had been squeezing her heart. Opening her eyes she let out a shaky breath before looking her worried boyfriend in the eye.
"He told me that a colleague of his could remove the tumor on my brain tomorrow if I accepted the surgery. Only thing is that I could die during the procedure, or get severe brain damage," she chewed the inside of her cheek gauging their reactions, so far all three boy's expressions were unreadable. "I told him… that I'd do the surgery."
"You told him you'd do it?" James crossed his arms over his chest, his face still unreadable. "You said yes, even though you could die?"
"I could die anyway," she glared her hand slipping from Logan's who stepped away from her feeling her anger flaring the same as Carlos and Kendall did. "Besides, I'm going through with this."
"I understand-
"No. No you don't understand James! None of you understand what I'm going through," her eyes darkened as she too crossed her arms over her chest. "I'm the one who has to make this decision. I'm the one who keeps dancing with death, not you alright."
"Look James, Gwen obviously has her mind made up, we should support her," Carlos said cautiously as he moved over to stand with the girl who was still glaring at the taller boy. "She could really use some support, from all of us right now."
Turning her head to the raven haired boy she smiled softly at him, a silent thank you for taking her side. She glanced back to the boy who should be on her side, but currently seemed to be fighting against her, uncrossing her arms, she moved her hands to her hips while James stood still.
Kendall looked to her then back to James, his green eyes wide and uncertain of what he should do. He was supposed to be the leader, the one who kept everyone grounded, but right now his own mind was spinning away from him as she watched him. The blond took a breath before putting a firm hand to the sandy haired boy's shoulder, diverting his attention from the petite girl staring him down intently.
"Carlos is right. Gwen's been with us through a lot of hard times. And we've been with her every step of the way since her diagnosis. The least you could do is back her up, that's all she'd be asking for," Kendall was hoping to make James more agreeable to accepting Gwen's decision, however life threatening it may be. "All the brain scans, biopsies, we were right there… waiting for her."
"But who's to say that after the surgery she'll be awake," James argued his eyes hardening more as he looked to the other tall boy.
"And who's to say that I won't die in your arms tonight, or the next night James. God, you're so selfish, some boyfriend you are," she snapped turning away from the boys and stomping down the hall to her room.
"Oh, I'm the selfish one?" he yelled following her down the hall and grabbing at her arm turning her to face him. "What about you?"
"What about me? I'm going to die if I don't do the surgery, and yeah I might die during the actual surgery," she pulled her arm from his grasp and noticed that the other three boys had quietly exited the apartment leaving the two of them to duke it out.
"But can't you just consider how I feel about this?" his voice cracked slightly, his jaw tightened as he stepped forward.
To keep him from getting any closer Gwen gently put her hand in the middle of his chest and pushed him back lightly. She sighed looking to the ground as she rolled her jaw to calm the sudden tidal wave of emotions raging in her.
"I already have, and I knew that you'd tell me to think about you. I knew you'd give me the whole, "I can't live with out you" speech," she started her voice calmer than how she felt. "I don't want to feel guilty for doing something that might save me."
"But what if that thing kills you? What if-
"That's my choice James! You can't expect me to not consider myself first for once," she didn't expect tears to stain her cheeks at this point, but here they were streaming down her face with no sign of stopping.
It was the sight of her tears that made him acquiesce, finally seeing that the matter of her getting the surgery was her choice and he had no place putting his opinion where it wasn't need. And besides, she was right he was being selfish.
"You're right, I'm being selfish," he breathed slowly taking a hold onto her wrist and pulled her into his chest. "I was being a jerk."
"Yeah, you were," she giggled weakly wiping the tears still on her face. "But thanks, it means a lot to me."
"I know, how about I help you pack for the hospital," he offered leaning down to kiss the top of her head.
"I already have, but there is something that you can help me with," she bit her lip as she moved out of his grasp and started to lead him to her bedroom. "It's the next thing on my list."
"Are you sure? I mean, that's… Gwen, are you positive you want to do that… with me?" James nearly shrieked his voice cracking as his eyes widened in a comedic fashion.
"Of course I'm sure. And you're the only person I planned on doing it with," she responded squeezing onto his hand as a small smile contorted her expression. "I love you James."
"I love you too, and we don't have to do this if you don't want to," the tall boy said mostly to assure himself than the short girl tugging him towards her bedroom.
The nerves that James had feeling before evaporated into nothing as the bedroom door shut behind him. He exhaled, a sudden calm washing over him as his girlfriend turned to stand in front of him with wide eyes.
"Are you ready?" he leaned down and kissed her in response, his lips easily moving against hers as he lifted her up by the back of her thighs and carry her to the bed.
"I think the better question is, are you ready?" his brushed over hers making her shiver in anticipation as her fingers trailed down his torso to finger the hem of his shirt tentatively.
She nodded her head letting a breath she hadn't realized she was holding and pulled his shirt over his head, there was no turning back from this, and Gwen didn't plan on it. His lips pressed to hers again, she shivered again as the air hit her bare skin, while their clothes fell to the floor.
The expected pain at the first intrusion came, but once it subsided, it was only bliss.
This was the moment she'd imagined only a few hundred times, and she had expected that their first time together wouldn't go as smoothly as it was right now. And in fact it was more than smooth as their bodies pressed together, their hands twisting into each other's hair and both whispering words they'd never say in public, the moment and every action involved was fluid and perfect.
He was gentle, seeming to know just what to do, causing sparks to ignite under her skin and make her lungs feel as if they would burst. It felt like the night when they had both snuck out to go to the beach, and kissed on the sand, their going further now than they did on that night. But the feeling was still there as their hearts raced, as the climax finally crashed down over them like the hide tide sneaking up on them and nearly washed them away.
She clung to him as their bodies shook and then relaxed, the two of them not entirely wanting to let go of the other as silence settled over the room. He rolled off her, but held her close to his chest and tenderly kissed her while moving some of her hair from her shoulder.
"I love you," Gwen whispered after a few moments passed feeling sleep creep up onto her.
"I love you too," he kissed the top of her head and squeezed her gently. "Although, we should probably get dressed so Mrs. Knight doesn't catch us and then kill me."
She laughed softly and sat up slowly "Yeah, we should probably do that."
Please leave a review with all your thoughts and comments. And please check out the updated chapter of Monsters Underneath. Updates are to come as soon as possible. xoxo