Chapter 9

When Sam asks about whether Crowley is still alive, Castiel wants to tell him the truth; he almost does. But then he thinks about what Raphael and the other angels are trying to do. Both Sam and Dean sacrificed so much to stop the Apocalypse and Castiel can't let the angels start it again. He's not sure if Sam would survive having to deal with it again, and he can't let anything happen to him.

Castiel used to think that it was he and Dean that shared the profound bond. After all, he did mark Dean when he pulled him out of Hell and Castiel only tolerated Sam Winchester, the boy with the demon blood, for Dean's sake. But then, he got to know Sam Winchester. He got to know how strong and resilient he is. So many bad things have happened to him. He grew up in the hunter's life, a life he hated and when he tried to get away, his girlfriend was killed, dragging him back into it. He dealt with his father dying and having to help Dean deal with the loss. He dealt with being one of Azazel's special children and all of the horrible things that are associated with that. He died and was brought back to life. He was forced to accept the fact that the most important person in the world to him sold his soul so he would live and watched that very same person be torn apart by hellhounds. He survived four long months with the grief of that loss, and the guilt of being alive, while his brother's soul was trapped in Hell. He willingly threw himself into Lucifer's cage to save the world and when he was finally free and whole, he loses the person he loves to the normality and safety he himself had once craved.

It's true, Sam has made mistakes. He has the taint of demon blood within him. He's more than made up for his past mistakes, though. He's intelligent and brave, persistent and loyal. He's everything a person should strive to be.

So yes, Castiel hates the fact that he's lying to Sam, but he can't allow the Apocalypse to be restarted, not after everything Sam has sacrificed. When it all comes out in the open, he just hopes Sam will understand and forgive him. He'd hate to lose Sam's friendship and trust.

When Castiel gets to Crowley's lab, the demon is examining Eve's corpse with a vampire shackled nearby.

Crowley acknowledges him.

"What have you found?"

It turns out Eve's brain may be dead, but when Crowley reaches inside of her, he pulls out a handful of eggs, meaning she's laying eggs which would most likely bring new monsters into the world. Also, when Crowley takes a poker and places it on Eve's brain, the shackled vampire seizes violently.

Castiel doesn't see what good that does and Crowley agrees.

"You said Eve could open the door to Purgatory," Castiel says, a touch accusatory.

"Correct, I did. And I'm confident that she could have if she was still alive! Single best chance to get over the rainbow and Sam Winchester killed her!" Crowley returns with a grimace.

Castiel defends Sam. "It was unavoidable."

Crowley doesn't seem amused. "You screwed up, Cas. You let your moose mangle the pheasant, and now I'm up to my elbows in it."

Castiel wants to say Sam isn't his moose even if he doesn't mind the implication too much. He's sure Sam would mind it, though. "What is your point?"

"The point is...You're distracted, and that makes me nervous."

"I am holding up my end," Castiel says defensively, not sure he likes what Crowley is implying.

Crowley doesn't like that Castiel's spending so much time with Sam. It makes him wary of trusting Castiel. He fears that he won't eventually turn on him for Sam.

Castiel wants to say that Sam will always come first, no matter what, but he's smart enough to not say it. He doesn't want to make Sam an even bigger target for Crowley and his demons. He can't lose Sam, not when he's so important to him. Instead, he tries to deflect. "I spoke with Sam. I needed to know what he knew."

"About what? About me, maybe? 'Cause I happen to have it on good authority that your pet moose is currently trying to hunt me down! Forgive me, but I think you might have a little conflict of interest here."

He didn't bother telling Crowley he's right. After all, Castiel will do everything he can to protect Sam and Dean, and in these days, Sam more than anyone else. He considers himself to be Sam's guardian. After all, Sam and his brother were the ones who taught him to stand up for what he thought was right, taught him to go against angel protocol for the good of the human race.

For all Castiel's talk of his profound bond with Dean Winchester because he raised him from perdition, that's nothing compared to what he did for Sam. For Dean, there was a whole arsenal of angels and Castiel was following orders. For Sam, he did it by himself because he wanted to. He didn't want to see Sam suffer for all eternity at Lucifer's and Michael's hands. With Dean, Castiel didn't worry too much about his mental health because he wasn't told to. With Sam, he spent months helping the youngest Winchester heal from what he went though. He used angelic techniques and just sat and listened while Sam ranted about the hallucinations of Lucifer and Michael, and the unfairness of it all. He helped with the trauma of the cage by building a sort of angelic protection in Sam's head. It wasn't foolproof but it kept most of the issues at bay. The hallucinations and the nightmares lessened in intensity and amount at the very least. So, even though he cares about Dean and what happens to him, he's much more concerned with Sam these days.

Crowley interrupts Castiel's thoughts. "Please, I'm begging you, Castiel. Just kill Sam Winchester."

"No." That's non-negotiable.

"Fine, then I'll do it myself," Crowley threatens.

"If you kill him, I'll just bring him back." Castiel cannot lose Sam, not again.

"No, you won't. Not where I'll put him. Trust me."

"I said...No. Don't worry about him. Sam is fine."

Crowley glares. "Don't worry about – what, like Lucifer didn't worry? Or Michael? Or Lilith or Alastair or Azazel didn't worry?! Am I the only game piece on the board who doesn't underestimate that denim-wrapped nightmare?!"

Castiel ignores Crowley's miniature meltdown. "Just find Purgatory. If you don't, we will both die again and again, until the end of time. Sam won't get to you."

"Let him get to me! I'll tear his friggin' heart out!"

Castiel is standing invisible in Bobby's living room watching the proceedings.

A demon, which goes by the name Red, is strapped to a chair under the devil's trap on Bobby's ceiling.

Red holds out at first, saying that Crowley is dead. Bobby and Sam work the demon over though, tossing holy water all over the body it's wearing. When Red still persists with its story of Crowley being dead, Bobby takes Ruby's knife from Sam and stabs the demon in the leg.

"Bobby, this is a waste of time, Castiel burned the wrong bones by accident. He wouldn't betray us, wouldn't betray me."

At the same time Castiel feels his insides flutter at Sam's belief in him he feels the uncomfortable and unfamiliar feeling of guilt gnawing at his insides.

"Sam –"

"He burned the wrong bones because Crowley tricked him. It wouldn't be the first time someone was tricked by a demon." Sam crosses his arms, a furious expression adorning his face. Castiel knows Sam is remembering how he was tricked by Ruby.

"He's an angel," Bobby says.

"Even angels make mistakes," Sam argues.

"Nobody is saying nothing, yet, but you told me you thought he fed you up to the vampire purposefully for whatever reason. You can't forget your own past doubts. We need to make sure. We need to be positive before we give him anymore valuable information."

"You really think Cas is in with Crowley? You really think Cas would side with a demon over us? Don't forget, he's saved both Dean and me a few times."

Bobby places a hand on Sam's shoulder. "I know you don't want to believe it of Castiel. I hate myself for even thinking it. I don't know if we can trust him. I just don't know."

"He's our friend and I'd die for him. I don't want to believe he would do that. I don't know if I can handle it if this is true. If it wasn't for him, I don't think I would have survived Dean leaving for good."

Bobby nods. "I'm praying we're wrong here. But if we ain't...if there's a snowball of a snowball's chance here...that means we're dealing with a Superman who's gone dark side. Which means we've got to be cautious, we got to be smart, and maybe stock up on some Kryptonite."

Sam nods. Castiel feels like something inside of him is breaking. Sam looks so sad at the thought of not being able to trust Castiel. His facial expression reminds Castiel of when Dean told him that he was staying with Lisa. It looks broken.

Bobby's talking again. "...one problem at a time here. We got to find Crowley now, before the damn fool cracks open Purgatory.

Castiel was afraid of this. They already suspected.

And even with all the doubts in the air, Sam is still trying his hardest to be loyal, even though every instinct is telling him otherwise.

Bobby turns back to the demon to question it about Crowley. He continues to twist Ruby's knife as well as dumping holy water on the demon.

Finally Red admits he's never met Crowley. He doesn't deal with Crowley directly, but the dispatcher, a demon named Ellsworth.

Castiel leaves and goes to Ellsworth's house. He knows all about Ellsworth, how he's like the demon counterpart of Bobby Singer. Similarly to how Bobby organizes hunters, Ellsworth organizes demons.

When he gets there, Ellsworth is sitting at a desk, filled with phones of both the human and demonic variety. Ellsworth is on the phone, organizing demons for Crowley's hunts as well as other stuff having to do with the FBI.

He knows that these demons would lead Sam to Crowley, and Crowley would tear Sam's heart out, something he can't allow to happen. When he appears and smites two demons about to leave right in front of Ellsworth, the demon dispatcher tries to leave its host, but Castiel pushes him back in and smites him, too.

Castiel is invisible when Bobby enters Ellsworth's house through the front door. Sam announces that it's clear from the back and goes inside.

Bobby looks around. "Why the hell are the demons gone? Did they find out we're coming?"

Sam shrugs. "It's not a terrible thing. They might be scared of us."

"Yeah, I somehow doubt that."

Sam agrees.

Castiel used to pride himself on his motives; they used to be so pure. After healing Sam enough that he could be on his own and function mostly as normal, Castiel had returned to heaven. When the angel, Rachel, greeted him, he told her that Lucifer and Michael were gone. She believed it was God, but he disagreed. He told her it was the Winchesters that brought down the Apocalypse.

She believed that God brought him back to lead the angels and he disagreed once more. He believed that no one leads them anymore; they should be free to make their own choices and choose their own fates.

Raphael wanted Castiel to kneel before him and pledge allegiance to him. Since Castiel rebelled against God, heaven, and him, Raphael believes he should atone. According to Raphael, Castiel will start by freeing Lucifer and Michael from their cage. Then the angels will get the Apocalypse restarted.

Castiel disagreed. He said, "The Apocalypse doesn't have to be fought." All the while, he was thinking about Sam and Dean, and everything they gave up.

Raphael argued back that it does because it's God's will. He can say that because it's what he wants.

Castiel doesn't believe the angels will let Raphael.

Raphael reminded Castiel that the angels are soldiers. They're not built for freedom, but to follow.

"Then I won't let you," Castiel promised.

In return, Raphael hit Castiel with power, and the angel didn't stand a chance.

Castiel brings himself back to the here and now. The here is Ellsworth's house.

Sam and Bobby realize the place is OCD clean, especially for demons. Sam wants to call Castiel for help, as that is what he always does but Bobby disagrees.

"This is Cas, Bobby. When there was no one, and hope was pretty small, he's turned against everything he knew. He did everything he could to help me and Dean. He put me back together after the cage. We owe him the benefit of the doubt at the very least."

Bobby nods, but it's obvious he doesn't like it.

"Castiel...This is really important, okay? Um...We really need to talk to you."

"Castiel, please come," Bobby says.

Castiel doesn't go to them. They'd have questions that he can't answer. He doesn't want to have to lie to Sam again and he doesn't want to see Sam's disappointment. He's afraid of losing a person who means so much to him.

"There's a war going up in Heaven. Cas is busy," Sam says. Castiel's heart warms. He knows Sam is trying so hard to not lose faith in him.

"That's all right. We are too. Back to square one," Bobby replies. "We caught one hunter demon before. We can do it again."

Then Bobby and Sam are attacked by demons and Castiel knows these demons; they're Crowley's best and brightest. If Castiel reveals himself and smites them, Crowley won't like it, but Sam and Bobby are his friends and that makes his decision so much easier. He smites the demons and he's himself again, even though it's only a brief moment.

"Are you alright?" Castiel asks.

"Yeah, you came just in time." Sam's smile is wide, making the pit of guilt grow inside of Castiel.

"I'm glad I found you. I come with news."

"What is it?"

Castiel can't meet Sam's eyes so he looks at a point above Sam's head. "I firmly believe Crowley is alive."

Sam nods. "Castiel saved our asses again. What do you have to say about that Bobby?" Sam sounds as if he's gloating.

Bobby nods. "I think we owe you an apology."

"Why?"

Sam crosses his arms, glaring at Bobby. "We've been hunting Crowley this whole time...and we've been keeping it from you. It wasn't my idea to keep it from you, though." That last part is added on quickly.

"Sam didn't like it, fought me tooth and nail about it, but I thought...you were working with him."

"You thought what?" Castiel hopes his voice comes out surprised.

Sam laughs. "Crazy, right? No way would you ever work with a demon. You're too pure for it."

Bobby nods. "It's just that you torched the wrong bones. It doesn't matter. We – I – was wrong."

"You know...you could've just asked me."

Sam nods. "And we should have. We never should've doubted you. It's...I just hope you can forgive us."

Castiel is happy that Sam trusts him again, but it's just a lie. Sooner or later Sam will find out the truth. Then what will happen? Castiel inwardly shudders at the thought. "It's forgotten."

"Thanks, Cas," Sam says.

"It is a little absurd, though. Superman going to the dark side. I'm still just Castiel," he says, at the time not realizing what he just did, not realizing that it was all over.

Sam nods, his smile seeming a little forced. "I guess we can put away the Kryptonite, right?"

"Exactly."

Castiel has a confrontation with Crowley about sending demons after Sam and Bobby. According to Crowley, Castiel can't have friends any longer. According to Crowley, as long as Sam believes Castiel is good and righteous, the angel gets to believe it as well.

"Not to mention," Crowley continues as he smirks, "You want to shag pretty little Moose's ass."

Castiel shoves Crowley against the wall. "I'm only going to say this once. If you touch a hair on Sam's head, I will tear it all down; our arrangement – everything. I'm still an Angel, and I will bury you." Castiel disappears. He's feels so low. He can't believe he's working with a demon.

Raphael was stronger than Castiel. He wouldn't have survived a direct fight so he went to Dean for help. But as he watched Dean performing the menial chore of raking leaves he realized, Dean had already sacrificed so much, and Castiel couldn't ask him for more.

That's when Crowley had shown up, making an offer, helping each other get something they both wanted.

Castiel was wary. After all, he didn't have a soul to sell. Crowley simply smirked. "But that's it, isn't it? It's all of it. It's the souls. It all comes down to the souls in the end, doesn't it?"

Castiel was confused and Crowley told him he could have Raphael's head on a pike and happy ending all around. Castiel had still said no but Crowley didn't give up, though.

Crowley had shown Castiel Hell, his domain.

"What are you planning to do about Raphael?" Crowley asked.

"I'm not strong enough, so I'll either submit or die."

"On your own you're not strong enough. But you're not on your own. Angels are swooning over you," Crowley reminded him. "Angels need leaders, so be one. Gather an army and kick the ass of every angel that shows up for Raphael."

Crowley wanted him to start a civil war in heaven, which is equivalent to being the next Lucifer.

Crowley didn't agree. According to him, Lucifer was nothing more than a petulant child with daddy issues. On the other hand, Castiel loved God and vice versa. God had brought Castiel back. "Did it occur to you that maybe he did this so you could be the new sheriff upstairs?" Crowley asked.

Castiel knew it would take a large amount of power to mount a war. Crowley agreed that the amount of power needed was more than either of them had ever seen. Crowley knew how to get it, though. He explained how Purgatory could be an untapped oil well of every fanged, claw soul. There are millions and millions of souls, ripe for the taking.

"How would you even find it when no one ever has?" Castiel asked.

Crowley talked about getting help from experts but Castiel refused to allow it to be Dean. He deserved retirement. That's when Crowley said he would get Samuel Campbell to aid them. Hunters could get them monsters and monsters could get them to Purgatory, Crowley was sure of it.

Castiel asked Crowley what his price was and the demon had said, "I want half of the souls." Crowley reminded Castiel that it was better if he was in charge of Hell instead of the devil.

Castiel still wasn't sure as he needed help right away and the plan would take months.

Crowley offered to loan 50,000 souls from the pit, to show how serious he was about the scheme but what sealed the deal was his closing remarks. "Either this or the Apocalypse all over again. Everything you've worked for –everything that Sam and Dean have worked for – gone. You can save us, Castiel. God chose you to save us. And I think...deep down...you know that.

Mentioning everything Sam and Dean had done and what they had been through; it's what convinced Castiel to make the deal.

When Castiel went to meet Raphael, he used the souls to remove the archangel from the room as he vowed that there would be no Apocalypse. "And let it be known – you're either with Raphael or you're with me." Castiel might have started out with good intentions, but the road brought him to his current predicament.

At Ellsworth's house, Sam prayed for him.

"You're still here," he says when he meets the two hunters.

Sam nods. "We had to bury the bodies."

"How can I help?"

Sam looks uncomfortable, shuffling his feet. "We... we have a new plan. We think we've finally figured out a way to track down Crowley."

Castiel feels nervous. If he were human, he'd probably be sweating. "What is it?"

Bobby lights a match and drops it on the floor by Castiel's feet, trapping him in a ring of holy fire. "It's you."

"What are you doing?"

Sam looks sad. "We need to talk. About Superman. And Kryptonite."

"How'd you know what I said?" Bobby asks. "How long have you been watching us?"

Castiel knows he's caught, but can't let it go so easily. "Okay, just wait. I don't even know what you mean."

"Not to mention this demon house? It's 'Next to godliness' clean," Sam says.

"And how exactly did Crowley trick you with the wrong bones?" Bobby asks.

"It's hard to understand. It's hard to explain. Just let me go. Let me out and I can –" Castiel tries, but is interrupted.

Sam stomps his foot. "Look me in the eye, Cas. Tell me what's going on. Look me in the eye and tell me you're not working with Crowley. Please, I'm begging you. Tell me it's all a misunderstanding."

Castiel looks at Sam, wanting to be able to do everything asked of him when he sees the tears, but he looks away.

"Let me explain –"

"No!" Sam cuts in."You and Crowley have been going after Purgatory together? You have, huh? This whole time. I trusted you, Cas. I refused to believe it when Bobby was suspicious. I stuck up for you. I swore to Bobby that you'd never betray us, never betray me. And you have been... this whole time."

"I did it to protect you. I did it to protect all of you," Castiel tries, but it sounds weak, even to his own ears.

"Protect us how? By opening a hole into monsterland!?" Sam shouts, tears streaming down his cheeks that he furiously wipes away.

Bobby nods, obviously choosing to ignore Sam's emotional distress. "He's right, Cas. One drop got through, and it was Eve. And you want to break down the entire dam?"

Castiel shakes his head. "If I get the souls, I can stop Raphael. If I stop Raphael, the Apocalypse won't happen. You have to trust me."

"I can't trust you, not when you've lied to me this whole time. Maybe if you had been honest from the beginning... but you weren't."

"I'm still your friend, Sam. I still care about you. I've done everything I can to help you. Raphael will kill us all. I had no choice."

Sam shakes his head. "There's always a choice. I made a choice to drink demon blood and it was wrong. You made a choice to work with Crowley and that was wrong, too. The difference is I owned up to my mistakes."

"You don't understand. It's complicated."

"No, actually, it's not that complicated. Why else would you keep this whole thing a secret, huh, unless you knew that it was wrong? Just like I kept my demon blood addiction secret. Like me, you may have had pure intentions at the start, but it doesn't make it right. When crap like this comes around, we deal with it... like we always have... together. What we don't do is we don't go out and make another deal with the Devil!"

"It sounds so simple when you say it like that. Where were you when I needed to hear it?" Castiel asks.

"I was there. I told you I was always around if you needed help. Where were you?"

Before Castiel can answer, there's a loud sound of wind and a large cloud of demon-smoke approaches. "It's too late now. I can't turn back now. I can't."

"It's not too late. Damn it, Cas! We can fix this!" Sam says, voice tinged with desperation.

"Sam, it's not broken! Run. You have to run now! Run!"

Sam and Bobby run out the door.

Crowley enters and makes a smart ass remark about playing with fire. With a snap, Crowley puts out the flame. Crowley then notes about how it's always the friends that hold a person back, but the new God and the new Devil are working together.

Crowley heads for the door, but lets out a parting shot. "You know the difference between you and me? I know what I am. What are you, Castiel? What exactly are you willing to do?"

Castiel arrives in the living room of Bobby's house. "Hello, Sam. Before you ask, the angel-proofing Bobby put up on the house has a few mistakes."

"It's pretty bad we have to angel-proof at all. Why are you here?"

"I need you to understand that I'm doing this for you."

"Cas, please stop this. Trust me and stop working with Crowley. We stopped the Apocalypse before and we'll stop it again. Trust me when I say Raphael won't win. Please, I care about you. You're family to me."

"I can't, Sam."

Sam nods. "I'm going to do everything I can to stop you. It won't be the first time I've taken on angels."

He wants to ask Sam to forgive him, but he's staring at Sam's back now as the man goes to bed.

Castiel wonders if he's truly doing the right thing. Bobby and Sam don't seem to think so. Dean would probably be on their side as well. He prays to God, his father, asking for a sign about whether he's on the right path. If there's no sign, he's going to keep doing whatever it is he must do to make sure Raphael doesn't triumph.

There's no sign.