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Chapter ten.

Bliss. Unknown bliss.

That's what kissing Edward was like.

Our lips pressed together and it wasn't like I imagined it, in my countless fantasies. It was more. Way more.

Edward pulled me closer and a soft moan escaped from the back of his throat. Our lips parted and his tongue slid inside my mouth. His hands swam over my back and onto my neck. One in my hair.

It wasn't surprising, the fact that he could kiss so beautifully and softly. So passionate and gentle at the same time. My fingers were entwined in his soft locks and I couldn't control what my body felt. I couldn't help the shuddering, butterfly-like feeling that ran up my spine.

"Bella…", breathed Edward into my mouth.

That made me want him even more. More than ever. Because although I hadn't realised what I was doing, I was definitely enjoying it. And I couldn't deny that. So long I wanted to press my lips against Edward's. And I had convinced myself out of it because we were just friends. But now…here and now…

Edward kissed me like I was the air and he was out of breath. He kissed me like I was the first person he had ever kissed. He kissed me like this was our last kiss as we would depart.

But the main point was that, he kissed me.

And that was the thought that made me pull away.

"Definitely worth the wait", whispered Edward, his arms still around me had dropped to around my waist.

He doesn't date, I told myself, and it'll be weird after. He has one-night stands, and then he chucks them away.

I didn't want that. Sure, I wanted Edward but I wouldn't have him if it meant my safe refuge would disappear. Not if it meant I'd loose the only person who welcomed me. I couldn't. Not right now. I needed him. As a friend. He couldn't love me. Not in that way. We're friends. He can't chuck me away. No. He can't.

"No", I breathed pushing Edward away. He looked hurt but he gave me my space. I slid off the counter and stared at him.

"No?" he repeated doubtfully.

No.

No, he couldn't. He couldn't chuck me. Not now.

Not now.

"We shouldn't have kissed", I told him shaking my head, "That was a mistake. We shouldn't have."

'A mistake?" repeated Edward again, "me kissing you was a mistake, Bella?"

I could hear the hurt in his voice but I ignored that. After the kiss would come sex, then he'd chuck me. Then he'd leave me. Then I would be alone. No one to go to, to talk to. No one. I would loose Edward. My refuge.

"Yes, it was", I nodded, "of course it was. We don't…I mean, we're not…we're nothing, right? Just friends. Right Edward? Please tell me you're my friend."

I looked at him pleadingly. Desperate for him to say it. To say that he was my friend. To say he wouldn't chuck me. That he would let me come to him when I was hurting.

"No… Bella", said Edward moving closer again. I side stepped him and walked into the living room. He followed.

"Bella, please", Edward whispered, "we could be more than friends, you know we could. Why…? I love you Bella… I want you, you know that."

"No! No! Don't", I snapped. Tears streamed down my cheeks.

"But I do, Bella", said Edward, "I love you!"

"No", I screamed backing away.

Without even grabbing my bad, let alone my jacket, I ran out of Edward's apartment slamming the door behind me. I raced down the stairs and the winter chilly air hit my face like a purposeful accident.

………………………………………..

It hurt.

Like hell it hurt.

Shouldn't I be happy that Edward said he loved me?

Shouldn't I be happy because of the fact that Edward, and me the gorgeous Edward Cullen had just kissed?

Our lips had moulded into each other's shape and our tongues had caressed eachother. It was the best kiss I had ever had. And I shared it with Edward. My body was pressed up close to his. I felt his heat. I felt his breath. I tasted him. My fingers had knotted into his hair. His hands had been wrapped around me. All the fire of the whole world had burnt, right there and then.

But it wasn't real.

Although it happened, it was out of lust. That was the reason.

He didn't love me. He only lusted me.

After sex, I'd be another of his throw aways. I'd be chucked.

Dumped, abandoned, deserted, flung aside, disposed of.

………………………….

Edward's POV. (Just this once, alright then)

My heart was racing like mad. My palms were sweaty. My mouth turned dry. There was a lump in my throat and my stomach ached but not of hunger.

She left. She walked out. She said no.

She didn't want me.

Not like I wanted her.

She didn't love me.

Not like I loved her.

'Just friends', she had said.

One more ache. One more agony.

My heart struggled to keep beating, but it was throbbing of pain. Because she had left.

My Bella walked out on me.

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