I make my way back to the palace in the morning, nearly skipping. It was good to know that I had options now. If things didn't go right, I could just go back to Xing; I could go back to being a member of the Red Hand. Taking the job seemed more like a choice, then a threat.

The town was navigated with much more skill then I used to have. Grandmother made me make this trip more than once just to give Soo-won various little treats she cooked up. My heart flinches from the thought; that was still a tender wound, barely scabbed over. Touching it wrong might lead to it reopening.

Instead, I turned my thoughts to the King. I had to go to him and tell him that I would accept the job.

I made my way past the palace guards, who were busy talking to an irate looking doctor Chol. It didn't go well, apparently. He threw up his hands, turned on his heel, and walked off. Well. He didn't walk so much as billow , robes and apprentices trailing behind him like a strange bridal train. He stormed past me. "-dealing with morons! Blind as bats, and twice a brainless! It's not like she's hard to miss -"

"Yes sir," one of the apprentices said, miserable.

"She had a fever so high she could barely walk; and she just left! If she's not dead by now, I'll kill her myself-"

Still ranting, he passed out of the earshot.

Emerging from the shadowy alcove, I whistled. Would not want to be that patient when he caught up with them. Sounded like he was on the warpath. I looked around to get my bearings, spotted a servant and shrugged mentally. Might as well. "Hey, do you know where the king is?"

The elderly man gave me a discreet once over. I could see the sneer in his eyes; and it was kind of impressive. "The King." He said with magnificent disdain. "Is quite busy."

I glanced down at my clothes. They were a little worn around the elbows, and the left leg of my pants was darned with an off color thread but they looked perfectly serviceable. "Yeah, sure. But do you know where he is? I gotta talk to him about something." Didn't they do some sort of petition or whatever?

A meek voice interrupted the battle of wills about to commence. "Are you- are you Lord Jeong-hui?"

Both of us looked at the serving girl, who squeaked and dropped her eyes and head. "P-pardon my rudeness. His lordship wanted to speak with you at the earliest convenience. If it pleases you."

The old man looked like someone replaced all the sugar in his lemonade with hot peppers. It was sort of funny. "You mean to say that this- this ruffian is expected by the king?"

the girl glanced up, met my eyes, and squeaked again. She ducked her head; said in a voice that trailed down into nothingness. "This one was- was ordered to bring her, sir, and -"

I waved her words away. "Never mind that." I ignored the old man's sputtering. "Take me to the king, now. Please." I added, because the girl really did look like she was going to melt into the ground or at least that she wished she could.

"But-"

"Hmm? Is there a problem?"

She wrung her hands. "No, your ladyship. No problem. This way please."

I followed her, manfully refraining from shooting a triumphant glance at the old man's lemon sucking face. Take that.

...Maybe I should lay down after I saw the king. My entire body was one big bruise.

Yeah. A nap sounded good.

Thoughts of a nice futon occupied my thoughts as we wound through the palace. Somewhere in the back of my head, my brain was recording the steps that we were taking; committing the path to memory. I was going to be living here. there was no time like the present to start learning.

"Milady!"

I blinked, coming out of my thoughts. "Who put this wall here?"

"No one. You almost walked into it."

"Huh. Well, whatever." I turned around. The servant stood in the middle of a fancy room, flanked by guards in shiny new breastplates. I looked over them critically. So new that the shine wasn't even worn off. I could take them single handedly without breaking a sweat. Except the one in the corner, discreetly leaning on the wall. There was a scowl on his face and his armor was polished, but his helmet was dented in a way that spoke of real battle.

He would be more of a challenge.

"P-please don't fight anyone." The servant said with hoarse voice; her eyes were very wide when I glanced at her.

Did I say all that out loud?

"Yes."

I shrugged. "Must be more tired then I thought. You can go now. Thanks for your help." I scoped the room. It was... fancy, I guess? I wasn't really all that great of judging finally now. It all looked cheap and boring compared to the stuff in some of the houses at home. Like standing in the middle of a museum. My vision briefly went fuzzy. I pushed the thought away.

I saw the girl looking at me, all shyness gone. "Are you alright?" she asked.

I waved her concern out of the air, walked over the the wall opposite the elaborate door and slid down the wall. I'd intended to lean against it, but my legs gave up halfway through, the traitors. I ignored the

The guards eyed me. One of them made as if he was going to talk to me, but the servant girl stopped him with a hand on his wrist. He listened, grudgingly, but he left me alone, which is all I really wanted right now. I was going to have to find a way to repay the girl. She was top notch at serventing.

I might have dozed off because the next time my eyes opened, all of the guards were gone and the King was looking down at me with amused eyes.

"Good morning, Jeong-hui."

The words swam through the air and reached my tired brain. "Huh? Oh. Yeah, hi." There was something that I wanted to say... I patted at my hair, but my head wasn't actually on fire. It just felt that way.

The king offered me his hand, but my traitorous legs buckled under me.

"Here." the king offered me his hand.

"Whoops," I said, sliding back to the floor. "guess I'm staying on the ground today. I had something important to say but I forgot." I felt my eyebrows knit. There was a squeak. A familiar one. I looked up and found the same servant who brought me there. Her face was pale. What- oh right. I smoothed out my face. I was kinda scary looking, to tell the truth. "Do you remember what I wanted to say?" I asked the king. He gave of the same kind of 'I know everything before you do' look that Soo-won must have inherited. If anyone would know what I forgot, it would be him.

"Are you alright?"

When I looked up again, the smile was long gone from his face. "Fine. Just, there was something to do with body guarding?"

"The... body guard position for Soo-won?"

I snapped my fingers. I tried to, anyway. They didn't quite want to cooperate. "That's the one. I'll do it."

He blinked. "You want the position? Now?"

"Now. Now is good."

"Even after you refused so vehemently? I thought that you were only a fisherman."

There was something like that, wasn't there? "Don't tell Grandmother, but fishing is kind of ... boring? Like really boring. Not as boring as dog walking," I added loyally. "But pretty bad."

He looked at me. "I don't understand. What changed? Do you feel that you owe Soo-won now for the funeral, the treatment, or that you owe him anything? You don't strike me as the type to drop everything just because you feel like you owe someone. If fishing is boring, you could find somewhere else to be."

He was right. I knew he was right. I could go anywhere, do anything that I wanted. It was true that Soo-won helped me out. But, I never asked for it. I owed him, but not that much. I didn't let a promise get in the way of my life. If it became too much, if I wanted to disappear, I would. It was that simple. The reason that I didn't want to go was -

"I don't have anywhere else to go." I said. My mouth curdled, the truth an awful taste. I wanted to snatched them out of the air. I wanted to shove them back into my head, under my tongue where I would never have to acknowledge them.

I could go back to the Red hands. I should have.

Except I would never feel safe there. Not anymore. Every second would be tainted by betrayal. Paranoia would keep me tense. Wary. Asking myself, which one of them would give me up to the palace next time? How much would it take for Yanlin to sell me out for real? Would Junjie's favor wear out, like a cloth? And that was just the ones I knew personally - the Red Hand was a big group, almost two hundred strong. I didn't even know most of their names. It only took one careless mouth. One slip up.

What was my life worth to the Red Hand?

Eun's grip was hard to shake off.

I shrugged a little. "And Grandmother is buried here."

The king's face was still like a mountain pool, and twice as opaque. Then he gave a kind smile. "That is true. where would you like your rooms to be? It's a little last minute, with so many dignitaries coming and going these days, but I'm sure that we can find something for you. Hmm. You'll need a personal servant as well, at least three... and a whole new wardrobe."

"What? Why?"

"Well, the bodyguard of a royal prince can't dress like a fisherman, obviously. I have to think of my poor nephews reputation. He would be seen as an easy target if his bodyguard didn't look their weight in gold. That would be considered an insult to the assassins sent our way! Nobles can be very strange like that. They don't like when it looks like they're not being taken seriously."

I wrinkled my nose. "That sounds like a huge pain in the ass."

"We all must make sacrifices for the greater good." He said solemnly. His eyes were sparkling madly.

"But- what's wrong with the rooms I have now?" I said desperately. In his twinkling eyes, I could see something like an avalanche. Unstoppable, terrifying, and heading straight for me. "There perfectly fine!"

"How could you possibly bodyguard my beloved nephew from halfway across the palace?"

Damn. Okay, good point. Time to switch tracks. "Three servants is overkill, though. I don't need that much taking care of. And there's nothing wrong with my clothes! They cover me and everything."

"Well, perhaps three servants would be pushing it. One personal attendant, then? Wonderful. I'll send over someone in the morning. And your clothes are more patch than cloth. You have to be presentable at dignitary functions. I don't want to have to pull strings to get you inside because you look like a walking pile of rags. If you do need help choosing clothes, don't hesitate to ask Soo-won."

"Don't just decide on a person for me!" I argued the single point that he left open to attack. I didn't expect to win, but it was the principle of the thing.

He looked politely surprised. "If you have a preference, please feel free to ask. I wasn't aware that any girl had caught you eye."

Caught flat footed, and being barreled down by an avalanche, I grabbed onto the nearest thing. Unfortunately for the servant girl, it turned out to be her. "Her. She'll do." I jabbed a finger at the girl.

She went the color of old oatmeal, and her mouth opened and closed like a fish.

The king studied her and nodded. "Very well. She'll be stationed in rooms next to yours."

The girl shut her mouth. It wasn't like she could argue with the king. I was unrepentant. If I was going down, I was taking everyone with me.

The king gave me a sunny smile. "So glad to have you, Jeong-hui. My mind can finally be put to rest, now that someone so reliable will be protecting Soo-won. Truly, I am grateful." And he actually bowed his head, utterly sincere.

It was amazing how a few well placed words drained the outrage out of me, like a balloon slowly leaking air.

He wept out of the room, after promising to go over my wages with me later, and draw up a proper contract. then he left; a storm bowling out and leaving me buried up to my stupid neck in the snow. Was this what talking to Soo-won would be like in a few years? My face drained of color.

Was it too late to run?

The servant makes no move to follow me when I leave. She's still staring into the air, face pale. The palace seems busier than normal. Servants run around like an upturned anthill. I watched one particular woman crawl out of a very dense grove of trees in a garden, shake her head grimly at another servant, and rush off in another direction.

In the chaos it was easy enough to make it into my former rooms without being noticed.

(Seriously, who was training the guards here? I walked past four of them without getting stopped. It was stupid .)

I wandered around until I found a hallway that felt familiar. I recognized a particularly ugly vase. After that it was just a matter of heading down the hallway, opening doors, until I found one that had some of the clothes that I left behind. When I found it, there wasn't any royalty in sight, only a servant folding up the futon carefully. She turned and her eyes met mine.

She dropped the bedding with a little shriek.

I flinched, but I was proud of the way that I caught myself before going for a weapon. I needed to be less itchy around servants - get used to being around them again.

She pressed a hand to her heart. "Milord -er, Milady Jeong-hui?"

I raised an eyebrow, wary. Was she going to start screaming again? "Yeah."

Her face went white, and she dropped into a deep bow. "Please, forgive this one, Milo - Milad - Honored guest. This one was only startled. I meant no harm."

Uh. What?

"That's… fine?" I said. "Please stop bowing." You're making me very uncomfortable.

She cautiously raised her head. "Thank you. I am glad to see that you're alright."

The other eyebrow joined its fellow.

"… Thank you?"

"Please, I must insist that you make time to go to the prince. Lord Soo-won was very specific."

I looked at the half folded futon longingly. My body was catching up with me. I wanted to sleep. But I suppose I needed to tell Soo-won sooner or later.

"Sure. I was looking for him anyway." I said.

She through the palace, into another room. It was large, with a cyclone of people swirling in and out. "Just through here, Honored Guest."

The servant stopped on the outside, at the edge of the crowd. No one noticed us.

I looked at it. "You want me to go in there?" I couldn't keep the doubt out of my voice. It was like a well organized mosh pit, without the music. My skin crawled at the thought of having that many people around me.

She bowed again. "Lord Soo-won and her highness are waiting for you."

I looked at it. "Well, here goes nothing." I plunged into the fray, tripping over servants, brushing up against others, gritting my teeth against the grey encroaching on my eyes. I tried to keep my head high. Where was I going? I got into the room, past the overwhelmed looking guards posted by the entrance. I gave them a hard glance.

They had their spears pointing at the ground in angles, and they didn't radiate the purpose that all guards used to make themselves bigger. The one that said 'don't fuck with me because I am more dangerous then you will ever be'. Sloppy.

Thanks to my height I could see the eye of the storm. I fought through to the only really still spot in the room. The center of the cyclone was a small low table on the opposite side of the room. Soo-won, facing away from the door, was bent over a piece of paper with subdued looking Yona on one side, leaning into him, and a scowling Hak on his other.

Hak looked up sharply and caught my eyes. His mouth fell open.

I walked over and plopped down next to Yona, grateful for the rest. My head was spinning like a top now. There were six kids instead of three. "Yo, Soo-won, what'd I miss? The whole palace is insane today."

The three kids and their doubles froze.

A thrill of alarm shot through me. I looked around, but there wasn't anything immediately obvious around that set them off. "What? What's wrong?"

Finally Yona broke the streak and through herself at me at an alarming speed. "Jeong!"

I caught her, but just barely.

"Jeong." Soo-won said. His hands were pressed into the table, knuckles white. Soo-won inhaled once and closed his eyes. He stayed like that, head down for several breaths.

Hak glanced at him, and started to inch away.

"What?" I said. No response. Hak moved again. I poked Soo-won with a foot. "Kid?"

Hak backpedaled from the table. " Oh boy, I'll just go… call off the search! Yeah." He almost ran away, pulling servants with him as he went.

I stared after him and then at Soo-won.

He was looking at me. "Are you alright?"

"Of course. Why wouldn't I be?"

I couldn't pinpoint the exact moment that something in Soo-won snapped, but the sound was clear as a bell. "I don't know," he said, voice growing progressively more angry. "Maybe because the last time I saw you you were almost catatonic, or the fever, or the cough, or the fact that you just lost your only family member and left without so much as a note . You can take your pick."

Yona sniffled, still sitting in my lap. "You were gone ! We woke up a- and -" She broke off and buried her head in my chest.

I let her. It was like the words were coming from far away. Moving through heavy water. "I had some stuff to do?" The words come out as a question.

"WHERE WERE YOU?" Soo-won's voice shook the rafters. The servants freeze in place like frightened deer. "We looked everywhere! All though the palace. No one knew where you went and the guards didn't see you leave. You just disappeared. I thought you were kidnapped, or you picked a fight and died in a ditch somewhere or you just gave up and decided to… . Or Uncle -" Here he cut himself off. Took a deep breath.

I narrowed my eyes. "Your uncle… what?"

His face shuts down. Bam. Nobody home. The anger remained. "Nothing. Never mind that. Where did you go?"

Hak gestured frantically, herding the last of the servants out. He closed the door with a click that sounded much louder then it should be. With only the four of us in the room, Yona's quiet sniffles seemed louder.

Confusion bubbled inside me. What was up with them? I don't know what to say, so I just patted Yona on the back. Hak is watching us with hooded eyes. I bit my cheek.

Soo-won turned away from the table, pacing, hands opening and closing. "So that's the way it is."

I blinked. "What?" I asked. The world seemed very far away. My head hurt, and my vision was going fuzzy around the edges. Maybe I wasn't as recovered as I thought.

His hair and robes swung with the force of his turn. "I thought you were gone. I thought I was going to have to find your body, that I would have to bury you next to your grandmother. Instead you just come back with another secret!" He pointed at me. "At least have the decency to lie to me."

"I don't have to do anything." I said, scowling at him on automatic. People just expecting things from me got on my nerves. I don't owe him anything at all. Not even an explanation.

"You think I don't know that? You remind me constantly that I have no power over you. It's not about that - I don't care because I want to control you. I care because you're my friend, like Hak, like Yona! I care because I want to make sure that you're okay."

'Soo-won, you're fourteen! You are not responsible for the shit I do, ever. I don't need you to make sure that I'm okay. I'm an adult, and not even one of your subjects; you can't just demand stuff from me."

"That's not the point -"

"Oh right, my 'secrets'. Because you're so honest, right? You're such a hypocrite -" I said looming over him.

"Like you have any right to talk-" he shouted back, looming in his own way.

I don't remember moving, but we were standing barely inches from each other. It was like my head was on fire. Rage built and built and built up from my stomach, until it could reach my face. It was painting my my ears with heat and pricking at my eyes. I don't even know why I was so angry. I wanted to smack that stupid look of hurt off his face. He had no right to act like I owed him anything but my service. I clenched my hands.

It was just… too much Everything was just too much.

The fight and the Red Hand and I was stuck , and grandmother was dead.

Ignoring all of them, I turned on my heel and left, stumbling over nothing. I wanted a quiet, dark room. I wanted to sleep. I wanted to go home. I wanted my mom. I wanted Grandmother.

Grandmother is gone. Mom might as well be.

Most of all, I wanted to be away from any and all princes before I forgot that most of the time I liked him. Before I gave into the urge to rip, to bruise.

I went to find my new room.