Hey, sorry for the very late update, I was busy but also just very lazy as well.
I wanted this to be a decent follow up from last chapter and I discovered that that was difficult.
Alice, this would probably still be undone if it wasn't for your motivating, encouraging words. Thank you!
Disclaimer: I do not own the Mortal Instruments series.

Chapter 9 – Oh, you can't just dance around me.

19th of March, 2012 (Monday)

Magnus had disappeared sometime between morning and night, leaving Alec on his own. It did not ease Alec's mind, especially since he had many unanswered questions fogging up reality. There was not much he could make of anything. However, Saturday night was pure bliss – just having Magnus with him, touch him, kiss him. The memory brought a delicate flush to his cheeks. He never thought he would get the chance to do something like that. Ever.

On Saturday, they had laid out across Alec's bed, sharing light touches or brief kisses, but not one word was said. It was spent looking at each other and feeling each other with more reverent intensity than Alec thought possible. Magnus just knew exactly what to do. How to not make Alec feel uncomfortable. To not go fast. To just be there for Alec.

They smiled at each other lazily, content to not have to face any of their worries just yet. Magnus' eyes closed – shutting away the vivid green – when Alec had reached out to touch his face, drawing the pad of his thumb across his cheek.

He had woken up the next morning alone, still in his clothes from the date and his arm outstretched, resting in front of him. The sun was peering through his curtains, filling the room with enough light so that he could recognise where he was without being blinded. His shirt was rumpled with sleep, still untucked at the front where Magnus' relentless fingers dragged up his chest, bringing the shirt with him.

But the morning not only brought back the sweet memories with Magnus, it made it harder to register Magnus' absence. He wished that the confusion he felt did not exist, so it could not drag him down into a shroud of uncertainty. He longed for everything he felt with Magnus on his bed, but those feelings were the ones that created the confusion. Everything beautiful still had imperfections and now Alec was wondering what exactly was the imperfection of their moment. The fact that it was with Magnus, or that Alec enjoyed kissing him or that he didn't know what to think of himself anymore.

He never put much thought into who he liked. It seemed weird, but he just assumed that whatever would happen, would happen. Alec did not have a single image in his head of what he saw for himself in the future. He guessed that most people saw their dream job, or travel, or a nice family. What Alec wanted was never solely for himself. He saw Izzy getting into college, making new friends, perhaps finding a boy that Alec didn't have to kill and Max growing up happy, maybe even growing out of his books a little, but still holding onto his child-like nature.

Time did not permit him to find interest or affections for anyone else. At least that was what Alec thought. He couldn't just start going out with someone and neglect his family in favour of another. And if it did not work out that way, simply adding another person to those he deeply cared about scared him. He found it hard enough to be who he was now for his siblings. Somewhere along the years of brief parental visits, Alec lost himself, instead he molded into what he thought his parents expected him to be. After so long of being this, he didn't know if he would be exactly where he was now if his parents were actually there and his family was like everybody else's.

Being with Magnus made him feel all brand new, like, for the first time, the real Alec with his own life and potential was really present.

Alec could never blame anyone but his parents. There were times where he was positive that he hated them. Just the bland looks on their faces as if they came home every day from a nine to five job instead of a six month business trip. It angered him that he still allowed his actions to subconsciously be dictated by them. He was motivated to do well in school because other kids had parents that would scold them to do their homework and Alec did not want to disappoint them with a bad result, although, it had been a long time since Robert or Maryse had seen a report card. Without even realising, he still wanted to be the son that they could be proud of. It proved to be in vain. And yet, Alec still tried. And sometimes he thought he shouldn't blame his parents.

Being as he was, Alec did not connect with many people and often misunderstood advances. He knew he did that to himself and therefore grew comfortable in what he did know and steered clear of what he didn't. Magnus had changed everything. The unknown did not seem so daunting when it felt like that. But his confusion ran even deeper. What did everything mean for him now?

He hadn't thought about it before, but, really, Alec didn't think there was a designated moment in everyone's life where they have a moment of clarity. Even if it was true, which was completely absurd, Alec would say his moment was on Saturday night.

So did that mean he was gay? He definitely didn't think people just woke up and thought, "I'm gay". No, it was something that apart of the person. Something that Alec had only truly accessed that night.

He had held his breath and rubbed awkwardly at his face at his mental realisation, trying to slow down that train of thought. Although, that thought, could not be undone and Alec had never felt so distant in his life. Discovering more about yourself should come as a reassurance because it consolidated that he was still moving forward, learning, becoming, being – not stuck in a rutt like he often felt. It sat heavily in his mind, weighed down further by questions and worries and nerves.

Not for the first time that morning did Alec wish Magnus was there to help him with his disjointed thoughts. Why had he left him after such a night? Did he regret what had happened?

Alec lay back on his bed, doing his best to organise what he could in his head before he saw Magnus again.

They had kissed.

Magnus started it.

It wasn't like anything Alec had experienced.

He really liked Magnus as a friend and that made it easier to recognise other feelings inside of him.

He needed to talk to Magnus.

Monday at school was traveling better than anticipated. He at least survived Izzy the day before, trying to be as honest as possible without divulging the entire night, but he had summarized that he did not expect it to grow passed just the one date. She did, however, enjoy Alec's recount of the date before he got up to that part. He tried to give her what she wanted and he had apparently succeeded in doing just that because she did not ask any further probing questions due to dissatisfication.

Initially, she glared at Alec for the abrupt end of their date, but she amended, encouraging Alec to try going on another date with someone else instead and not rule out dating entirely.

It was really difficult to be so honest with his sister while deceiving himself since all he wanted to do was tell her about kissing Magnus in hope of getting some advice. But, he couldn't tell anyone, ever, because no one would believe him. Then, everything became more complicated than he hoped.

He felt so lost.

English with Jace proved to be much worse than Izzy.

"So I had to hear from other people that you went out on a date with Olivia. From other people, Alec. What's up with you? Are we not friends? I thought that would be something you might mention somewhere along the line." The blonde had found Alec easy enough towards the back of the English classroom.

Jace was earlier than he normally was. Often, the boy would aim to arrive right on the bell, he did that for every class, but Alec sensed that there was a reason behind such punctuality and from the first thing that came out of his mouth, Alec knew he was right. The black-haired boy in question jumped a little when Jace had started talking. He looked like he was in a world of his own as Jace was approaching him. Jace gave Alec a curious look when he finally noticed his presence. Alec knew that his face must have been giving something away and therefore attempted to school it accordingly, so Jace did not have any way of reading his own discomfort.

Alec did feel bad, Jace had every right to be annoyed at him, but then again, why did everyone have to know exactly what he was doing all the time? It wasn't like Jace told him when he was going on a date with Clary for the first time, it sort of just began and Alec had to to get up to speed with it.

Alec scooted uncomfortably in his chair as Jace sat opposite him at his desk with his back to the board. "Sorry," he said honestly to Jace. After all, if he could tell Izzy the edited version of the date, he sure as hell could tell Jace.

Just a simple apology appeared to have brightened Jace up dramatically – Alec was more than relieved to be relatively off the hook with Jace in that sense, but was wary of how this interrogation could conclude.

He relaxed and rested his crossed arms on the desk to get a clear view of his best friend. "So, are you going to tell me how the date went?" he gave Alec a knowing wink. He had only heard about the date through Clary and yet, she didn't provide much information. She managed to talk and talk to Izzy and to other girls for hours but news of Alec's date didn't get uncovered until two days of it happening.

Alec had to remind himself that he could choose who he told about the people he was dating in order to make himself feel more comfortable with his decision to not tell Jace as soon as Olivia asked him. He had not gone out with the intention of hurting Jace's feeling. At least Jace did not appear to have viewed it as Alec wanted to hide the fact on purpose, he would not have responded well if it was a ploy to keep everyone in the loop, but Jace.

"Well, she asked me out on the Tuesday after school." Jace remained motionless, however, there was a quality to his face that spoke of something hidden. Something that did not necessarily relate to the topic at hand. It was like the sparkle in someone's eye that remained long after the laughter ceased. Jace found something intriguing but Alec didn't know what it was.

Jace brightened internally, waiting for Alec to continue.

"I, well, I picked her up from her house on the Saturday night." Alec shifted in his seat again, images from the Friday night where he had gone shopping for the date, appearing behind his furiously blinking eyelids. He left out that part entirely, knowing that Jace would have a thing or two to say about Alec shopping. Although, he did not neglect the thought of how what happened in the change-room could have been different if he and Magnus had kissed before that. There was part of him that wanted to find out. A rush of heat slipped through Alec and he knew he shouldn't be thinking like that.

"We went to that restaurant on Hoddle Street?" Alec turned the conversation back to Jace, asking if he knew the place.

Unfortunately for Alec, who was hoping Jace would recognise the place and go on a tangent about it, forgetting Alec was ever talking, Jace simply nodded his acknowledgement of the venue and silently urged Alec on.

"I guess we had dinner and got to talking about books and movies, that sort of stuff."

Alec wasn't really sure where to go from there, should he have mentioned that Olivia linked arms with him before they went into the restaurant? Or all those glances that he caught her give him? He did not tell Izzy about those things, so perhaps there was no need to tell Jace. It would be best to tell both of them similar stories just in case they end up discussing (which they probably would, later) and there are no holes in either version. Alec could imagine what would happen if Izzy or Jace received information that the other deemed more important.

"That restaurant is really nice. And you missed all the awkward chit-chat." For a second, Alec was confused as to who was speaking, "It was a bit sickly sweet on her behalf, trying so hard to find a conversation topic that our blue eyed wonder would actually get involved in. It was very sweet. Something out of a T.V show."

There he was, lying stomach down across three sets of school desks, legs bent at the knee swinging carelessly, looking directly at Jace as if he were the one recounting the date and Jace could hear him. His hair was set in black peaks, this time no colours interrupted the sheer black, but it still shimmered with glitter that must have been part of the product he had in it. Encased in a pair of shiny silver trousers that were as tight as ever, were said swinging legs and a blue military jacket hugged the stretch of his back since his arms were propped forward to hold up his chin in his hands.

Underneath the school desk, Alec's fingers twitched, longing to reach out and touch Magnus just like that night.

Alec felt like he was bursting at the seams with all these confusing emotions, thoughts and desires. Why did he have to come now? How was now a good time rather than yesterday?

As infuriated as Alec was, he was also conflicted by a deep need to return to the normalcy he felt with Magnus. Magnus had changed a lot of things, but this was not something that Alec had expected.

Alec wanted to fill in all the silences with his own edited version for Jace so there was no room for the blonde to ask questions. If Alec could make it appear like he had told Jace everything in the first go he might just be able to weasel out of telling him the exact details. Unfortunately, upon seeing Magnus, Alec promptly lost his train of thought, the split second he spent sparing a glance at the other boy was enough to give Jace time to butt in.

"Was she all in to you? You know how girls get." Alec did not want to admit that he did not know how girls got, but he safely assumed Jace was asking about how Olivia was acting on the night. Thinking back, she was really nervous and a lot of her sentences were chased by a little laugh or brief smile to cut through any tension. She looked just about as nervous as Alec had felt.

The classroom was slowly filling, other students chatting idly to each other to create a protective noise barrier for the two friends. Occasionally, their teacher would be late, shuffling inside with a flustered expression and an armful of papers and notebooks with a leather book bag trailing behind. Alec had hoped that today was not one of those days. If she was on time, that would mean she could arrive at any second and Jace would be forced to leave Alec alone or risk a detention However, there was a good chance that Jace would initiate a round of note passing to get all his questions answered.

Alec couldn't help it. It was like he was magnetically drawn to his relaxing friend, it was infuriating but in a strangely good way. He saw Jace's eyes follow to where Magnus was, and he obviously saw nothing, the expression on his face had told Alec that. He didn't want to appear nervous because it would give away that Alec was hiding something. Magnus had already told him what a terrible liar he was, it was his face that gave it away. Jace would easily pick it up and rightly accuse Alec of withholding more interesting information.

"Come on, Alec. Don't keep me waiting. I don't have all my life set out to wait for your response."

"I dunno," he huffed, "she looked at me a lot when she thought I wasn't looking. But people always do that to other people."

"She practically had hearts in her eyes." Magnus informed from his lying position on the desks. He grinned slyly at Jace and it was the first time Alec could recall that Magnus was not spitting mean things at the blonde.

Jace's grin in response to Alec's words was much different to Magnus'. While Magnus always held the promise of something more, Jace beamed genuinely for Alec and maybe a little for himself because Alec knew that was how Jace operated. "That's great, Alec. She probably really likes you. When's the next date?"

Alec's throat closed up. Just like it did before he told Isabelle. "Oh, let's see, well... I don't think we're going to do it again. We'll, um, just stay friends. It will be better that way."

The blonde's face fell of all emotion, then confusion began to etch its way over his brow. "What?"

"When I dropped her off we both decided to not continue anything any further." Alec found a new interest in the doodles that had been scratched onto his desk by another student with scissors.

"Really, that's it?"

"Hah," Magnus gave out a humourless laugh. "Yes. It was "

"This isn't the full story. Is it, Alec?" Jace had somehow pieced together all the useless information that he had provided and discovered that they were a really solid foundation. He knew Alec was hiding something. His eyes widened with excitement with a new thought. "Did you guys kiss?" he almost gasped, leaning forward, a smile breaking through.

Alec didn't say anything. The classroom door kept banging open against the wall with students entering carelessly. It pounded into Alec's head hollowly. Never before had it sounded so empty, but despite all the noise, it easily filtered away into the ceilings never to be recreated again in the exact same way. The exact tone, volume and pace would never be replicated. It would all die away to silence eventually and Alec wondered if he could ever fear such silence when it was in silent moments where he found the most peace. Exactly how it had been with Magnus. No busy restaurant, just the soft sounds of their togetherness.

"No." Alec fidgeted, "we didn't, ah, kiss."

"She wanted to though, should've seen her face."

Guilt twisted up Alec's spine and curled around his chest and tightened. He didn't think Olivia was that upset about it. Magnus was just being dramatic. That's all. She told him that she understood and that it was okay. Magnus said it was okay to do what he wanted. So, he couldn't kiss her, but he could kiss Magnus? His friend. Perhaps his best friend even. Did that cross lines?

A quick glance toward Magnus proved to not clear anything up, except that maybe Magnus was not too worried about lines being crossed.

"You didn't kiss?" Jace asked, his face comically and thoroughly confused. Alec guessed that, like Izzy, Jace wasn't prepared to hear that, it finally dawning on him that, for the most part, he was telling the truth. It was just the final part that Alec had insisted on keeping quiet about and that was shining through when he told his story so that both of his highly perceptive sibling and friend would sense it but would most likely be unable to pin point it properly.

"No. They didn't. But do you know who did in fact kiss that night?" Again, Magnus' focus was fixed on Jace, Alec just wanted some recognition, but at those words, he found himself now hoping Magnus would not look at him for fear of blushing ridiculously. Already he could feel his stomach swirl and jacket becoming too warm.

"Wh-," Jace was promptly cut off by their English teacher, who swept in and immediately targeted him.

"Mr Wayland, if you don't mind, could you please use the chairs as they were meant to be used and face the front of the classroom." She busily attended to her desk, setting it up for the class she herself was late for, organizing her papers. "Also, don't even think of opening your mouth to talk to Mr Lightwood, he can hold himself in this class, so please don't bring him down with you."

Instead of being outraged or upset, Jace grinned happily, used to the way the English teacher spoke to him. He picked himself up and made a show of moving around the desks to the one next to Alec. Half way through his journey their teacher gasped, "Shit." Most of the class snapped their heads up at the expletive.

"Class, I forgot the worksheets for this lesson in my office, I'll be back." She frantically dashed out of the room and Jace was immediately back on the seat in front of Alec.

"Where were we?" Jace settled again.

Alec looked away from both boys.

"Well," Magnus sniffed, "before I was so rudely ignored, I was just saying that Alec and I had our own little talk after the date. It consisted mainly of a bed, us two and a mind-blowing whorl of hot kisses. Mmmm." Magnus bit his lip at the end of his report, turning to lie on his back now. It was slightly reminiscent of Alec's position on his bed with Magnus over him. However, to Alec's horror, Magnus became more animated.

He let out a breathy sigh, rolling his head against the desk in faux passion. "It was just wonderful, Alec's an expert hair puller. At first glance, you'd think he was an average guy, but then, hel-lo hidden sex god."

Alec had to adjust himself, he didn't know what Magnus was playing at, but he was not giving Alec any attention at all. He just continued talking in a lewd manner. It wasn't helping Alec at all, even if Magnus was not necessarily talking to him, just hearing him talking like that was affecting Alec. Within seconds of Magnus writhing on the desks, recalling every moment, Alec was a blushing mess and he wasn't doing a good job at hiding it from Jace. All he could manage was a non-committed duck of his head to keep his view of Magnus limited, but the sounds his friend was making could not be blocked out.

Something in Alec curled pleasantly, it was similar to what he felt when Magnus' hand fell on his thigh.

Jace was saying something to him, having begun talking again after directing the conversation back to Alec once the teacher had left. Anything beyond Magnus had fallen deaf to Alec's ears.

Alec's heart hammered in his chest. He could feel it more than he could hear it. That only led to more blood rushing to his cheeks. He couldn't explain what was happening to him, but it was pretty obvious that he didn't need Magnus on top of him, administering deep kisses to achieve the same result. This wasn't how people felt about friends. Or even reacted to friends. Alec focused back to Jace and noticed that there was nothing there that could do the same. That was when he realised Jace was looking at him with a questioning gaze.

"What?"

Jace tilted his head to the side a little, much like a puppy, but there was a lot more ticking away in his head as he analysed Alec for a moment. "You look all flustered. And you just missed everything I said. Are you alright?" There could have been more concerned in Jace's expression, however, Jace tended to be more laid back than Izzy. And some part of Alec knew that he was enjoying all the squirming that he was doing in response to his pointed looks or questions.

"Jace Wayland. What did I say about talking to Mr Lightwood? Get your things that I see you have conveniently not unpacked and seat yourself over there." The newly-arrived teacher was pointing to an empty desk two rows away from Alec and seven seats across, it was the furthest she would be able to keep them.

Again, Jace slowly moved through the classroom and planted himself at his assigned desk. The girl next to him, straightened up in her chair and smiled at him. He winked back to her.

Alec was immensely relieved that Jace had not been able to pry any further because he wasn't sure how much longer he could try to cover his blush, let alone fumble his way through an excuse.

At the front of the room, their English had started the lesson, referring back to one of the assigned texts that Alec knew Jace hadn't even opened, it was probably lying in his locker. However, the world was quickly tuned out. Alec's thoughts immediately fell back to the boy still lying on the desks who had quietened down considerably, but the image of what he was doing previously lingered in his head. He would not dare to face Magnus just yet.

How could he look at Magnus any more when all he did was question what had happened? You didn't just do that with your friend. And even more so if your friend was a warlock that also happened to be invisible to everyone but you.

One problem at a time.

He felt just as wound up as he would be on any day with thoughts of assignments to hand in, essays to write or siblings to keep in line, but this kind of feeling did not make him stress. It was as if he had slowly built up all this static electricity, the atoms buzzing around hurriedly and one single touch from Magnus would be the connection that transfers the energy and releases the spark.

All Alec could bring to mind was all the times when Magnus was there with a smile on his face, or a witty come back or just there. No one had broken through to Alec like that. It was troubling to know that Magnus had become a constant in his life without he himself noticing how it happened. But, at the same time, he was comforted.

Alec decided that that was exactly how their relationship was. One and the other that managed to fit perfectly for them and no one else. Quiet and loud. Ostentatious and reserved. Unexpected and predictable. Controlled and free. Troubled and comforted. He had always seen how polar opposite they were.

Magnus finally allowed their gazes to lock. The corner of his mouth lifting knowingly at Alec. Alec's stomach suddenly dropped. It was that feeling of complete nothing that was the key. Magnus brought him at ease. He became all the things he described Magnus to be when he was with Magnus. Maybe not exactly to the same degree as Magnus. And it didn't matter what it was that Alec conjured in order to shut himself away like his old protective barriers because he was finally accepting what he wanted. He was finally happy.

There was no other way Alec could see it: Magnus was undoubtedly a positive force in Alec's life. It was incredible to be so close physically with Magnus that it couldn't be wrong no matter if they were best friends or two boys or anything.

Students started rising from their places, folding up their books, stashing away pens and pencils and hauling up piles of books into their arms. Alec had missed the entire lesson, but he was still very much aware of the fact that Magnus was still with him in the classroom and they hadn't spoken yet and more importantly they hadn't been able to touch since then, that need had only been growing stronger after Alec saw the other teen in the classroom.

They needed to talk. They needed to talk now.

Okay, I hoped you liked it and that it was worth the wait. I am so sorry about the delay, I never expected to be so late with chapters, they were meant to be out every week with no problems...
I'm very lucky to have gotten such lovely reviews from the previous chapter. Thank you so much!
Because I didn't mention it in the 'Polaroids and Memories' update... Godfrey as Magnus, *dies*
Please tell me what you thought :)
Mistakes are my own.