A/N: Wow, I haven't updated for a while. School started Wednesday and I'm already sick of it. So, I'm taking out my annoyance on all of you. (Insert maniacal cackling here)

Azreal- I'm sorry, but really, what is wrong with you? This is load of crap. A big, fat, stinky load of crap. So, why the hell did you compliment it? I mean, thanks, I'm flattered, but, as you know, I really wanted flames. Just remember that next time, okay? But, thanks anyway, lol.

In the dark. Follow the Son.- Sweeeet. An EPIC FAIL!!! I don't think I've gotten one of those before…

Prinzzez Kitten- I feed off of your delicious hatred. Such viciousness. Oh, I almost forgot… :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :)

…

Tee-hee.

Amethyst Turtle- Yes. I totally wanna get stabbed. That's why I wrote this story. So someone would hunt me down and stab me. Thank you for shanking me.

Now, to make your eyes bleed grotesquely…

There were people. A lot of people. And they were walking. There were a lot of people walking. They were walking to…uh… JIMMY JOE BOB'S 23rd ANNUAL HOEDOWN SLAMMA JAMMA BONANZA AND CHILI FESTIVAL!!!!! Yeah, yeah. That sounds good. So, all these people were walking to Jimmy Joe Bob's Hoedown Slamma Jamma Bonanza. Because it was Hanukah. Or Easter. Whichever you prefer. So, anyway there was this one dude in the crowd, right? Right.

And he was…

a robot.

Well, sorta. He was half-robot. But, who cares, right? So, the robot-dude was walking with the crowd of people to Jimmy Joe Bob's 23rd Annual Hoedown Slamma Jamma Bonanza and Chili Festival where they were gonna eat chili and dance like hillbillies. Not that being a hillbilly is a bad thing. Anyway, he was really excited because he liked chili. Like, a lot. He liked chili a lot.

So, he was waiting and waiting and getting really impatient because he couldn't reach the doors because the crowd was so big because so many people were going to Jimmy Joe Bob's 23rd Annual Hoedown Slamma Jamma Bonanza and Chili Festival because so many people liked chili and celebrating Hanukah… or Easter. Suddenly, the robot man just exploded. With anger. He exploded with anger. He didn't really explode.

"WHAT THE HELL IS TAKING Y'ALL SO DAMN LONG?!?!?! IT'S JUST CHILI AND DANCING, FOR PETE'S SAKE!!! WHO'S PETE ANYWAY, GODDAMNIT?!?!?!?!" he shouted. A random man about two feet away gave him an answer.

"My name is Pete."

"WELL, DAMN YOU PETE!!!!! NO ONE CARES ABOUT YOU!!!!!! I JUST SAID FOR PETE'S SAKE AND NO ONE CARED!!!! DAAAAAAMMMMMMN YOOOOOOUUUUUU!!!!!" and with that, the robot-dude ate the man called Pete. "Ew. Pete tastes like foot."

Apparently, Pete tastes like foot. So, the robot-dude threw up the remains of Pete. They looked really, really yucky. No one bothered to clean up the mess. Finally, the robot-dude got to the doors. He cheered. So did everyone else.

"Yay, free chili!!!!!"

"Yay, no more cannibal!!!!!!"

Who can guess who said what? If you can guess right, you get to shoot me with a bazooka! Fun!!! SOOOO, robot-dude went over to the server in the corner.

"Gimme an extra-large-super-duper-giganto-big-huge-really-enormous tub o' chili!" he said with a big grin on his face. It was kinda creepy. The grin, I mean.

"Of course, kind sir. I will get it to you immediately," the server man said in a fancy British accent. As the British guy walked away another, younger, whinier, broodier voice started to yell and nag and babble.

"CYBORG!!!! WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?!?!?!?! YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO BE TEACHING BLIND, FINGERLESS ORPHANS HOW TO MAKE CLAM CHOWDER!!!!! BLAH, BLAH, BLOOBER, GLOP, BLAH, BLEEP, CHIMPANZEE, BLAH, BLAH!!!!!"

Robot-dude turned around as his big grin hopped off his face. Like a frightened bunny. He turned around as his big grin hopped off his face like a frightened bunny. Yeah. It was replaced by a big, fat grimace. In front of him was a young boy in too tight, brightly colored spandex tights. It was one of the boys he lived with. And, dear Georgia, that boy was always looking for a fight. Or someone to boss around.

"I'm getting some chili and a good hoedown! YOU GOT A PROBLEM WITH THAT, PIPSQUEAK?!?!?!?!?!?! CUZ IF YOU DO, WE CAN TAKE THIS OUTSIDE!!!!! AND I CAN KICK YOU SCRAWNY ASS ALL THE WAY FROM HERE TO RUSSIA AND BACK!!!!! NOW, LET ME EAT MY CHILI IN PEACE, WOMAN!!!!! OR BOY!!!! I'M NOT REALLY SURE!!!!!!!! Great, now you got me talking like a unicorn on the internet…" the robot-dude muttered/yelled. Just then, robot-dude's chili magically poofed in front of him and floated for a second before he grabbed it and shoved a few gallons of it down his throat. "Oh, yeah, that's the good stuff. Yummmmmm…"

"The younger boy who he had been yelling at had melted into a quivering puddle of fear and was slowly making his/it's way to the door in hopes of making it out without being stepped in. Too bad I'm not in a very generous mood. He ended up on the shoes of a bunch of blind, fingerless orphans outside who were on their way to a cooking lesson where they would be taught how to make clam chowder. How lovely.

Back to robot-dude. He was doing a hillbilly jig with some toothless girl who he pulled of the streets. I think she had a bird in her hair. It might have been a dead rat. Whatever. Then, at random, and it was in no way planned or plotted, the music stopped, the lights turned off and the building blew up. But, robot-dude and toothless girl were alright because at random a mysterious, sparkly shield of more magic had gone up around them. So they were safe. But, everyone else was dead. How sad. And that, my dears, is how Jimmy Joe Bob's 23rd Annual Hoedown Slamma Jamma Bonanza And Chili Festival ended that year. Soon afterwards, robot-dude and toothless girl ran away to Canada and opened a cheese factory.

THE END

Hey, at least he got chili.

LET THE FLAMES BEGIN!

Lou Lou Kazoo