I'M SO SORRY. I SWEAR. OH MY GOD. I'M SO SORRY. I know I KNOW I'm very very very very late. But the thing is, I had some..writing issues (try blockage) and I wasn't able to write a single word in months. I'm sorry again. And still now, words give me hard time . And between this and the exams I'm like exploding.

That's why the chapter isn't long and I'm sorry but I wanted to give you something.

You can keep reviewing (even if I clearly don't deserve it)

Thanks to Julia for the correction

"Wh-What!?" She asked, confusion written all over her face as she straightened up in bed.

Castle stared at her, noticing the fear passing across her eyes and swallowed hardly. That was not going to end up fine. He knew that. He couldn't even tell her what it was about, can't risk it. He knew her, he knew she would run head first. He couldn't let that happen.

"The man who called. He called about your mom's murder and Kate I'm so sorry." His voice was barely enough loud to be heard as he kept staring at her, his eyes pleading her to let the conversation drop but who was he kidding ? Kate Beckett never drops anything.

Kate studied him, trying to understand why he was sorry. She felt frustrated and didn't wait to show it.

"Castle, are you going to tell me what the hell's going on or I need to figure it out all by myself ?" She growled , now getting up off the bed.

His eyes went wide and he couldn't stop the rambling words that flowed out of his mouth. "I-I can't. I'm so sorry I - I really can't. Believe me. They'll come for you if I do so. Please, just listen to me. Drop it and move on. You, I- I know this is important to you but Kate you have to stop. And Kate ? Wait, where are you going ?"

She gave him a death glare and started to get dressed just with a shirt and a pair of jeans, putting her heels on as she shook her head. "Once you've decided to tell me what's going on, I'll be right back. In the meantime, since you want to keep it hidden, I'm heading home."

Castle stood up as well, shocked by her words. He was now pretty outraged. His voice sounded so loud like a thunder that tears the sky apart.

"How- How can you say that? I just told you what it's about! I'm just trying to protect you!"

Kate turned around, meeting his angry gaze with her own, clenching her jaw .

"Protect me? You can't protect me Castle! Remember the last time you tried? You ended up almost dead! You can't go behind my back like this and expect me to be okay with it. I'm the one with the gun. You have to stop playing the hero, it's not one of your books Castle!"

She was done. She didn't know what was pissing her off the most. The fact that he went behind her back, and what if by chance she had never asked that question? Probably she'd never have found out the truth. Or the fact that it concerned her mother and he didn't even want to tell her what was going on and the fact that he, once again, was playing her savior. She's almost lost him once because of the same reason, she wasn't going to risk to lose him once more. Even if she would have to leave him alone to think for a day or two.

It was Castle who shook his head now, looking vulnerable. He reached for her hands, firmly.

"Kate, I know it's not one of my books. Because if it was, I would have written an happy ending for you, for us , and If it was my book, everything would be over and you could live without the fear of taking a bullet while walking on the street, solving a new case. I could have the control. But as you said, it isn't and I have no control on your life Kate! So, if there's a way to have control on anything, a way to keep you safe, I'm going to find it. Like it or not. "

Kate was staring at his deep blue eyes she thought were weeping while her tears were threatening to come out, she blinked and he used his thumb to wipe away her tears from her cheek. She wanted to jump in the safety of his arms but she still was frustrated and confused. She needed to think and she could not think clearly with him next.

She bit her lip and silent fell around them before she could start to talk with a weak voice. "I- I gotta go, Castle. I'm going to go back to my apartment and think about it so I can let you do the same by yourself. I know you want to help me, I really do but if you have to hide me things to do that it's not okay. This case, Castle, it's something too dangerous to play with, like you're doing. Hell I can't even stay really mad at you, you don't even let me know what this is about! One way or another, I'm gonna find out Castle. Trust me, I am. But, I would prefer to hear it from you."

She took her hands back and started to turn around when he made her stop, calling her with a strong voice. "Kate."

In a second he had her in his arms as his lips attacked hers, one of his hand on her back pressing her into him and the other caressing her jaw. For a few seconds she didn't understand what was going on until his lips crashed on hers and she froze, surprised. But when she felt him nibbling on her lower lip, she moaned and clung on his shirt, pulling him to her even more. The kiss heated up second by second while their tongues were searching for control that none of them had.

Castle was the first to break the kiss, resting his forehead against hers, trying to regain his breath, staring at her pink cheeks and at the way her eyes was anywhere but on him and he felt the need to say it. He knew she would be back soon but he needed to, right now. But he wanted her to look at him so, softly, he called her, putting his fingers under her chin, lifting her face.

She looked at him with those big eyes that were shining so bright.

"I love you."

He saw the corner of his mouth curving a bit as she loosened the embrace.

"I know."

She sank in her bed, a pillow tight in her arms but she still felt cold. Her bed was so cold and she knew she wouldn't be able to get any sleep. That was not how she had seen the night. She should have known it was not going to end up find when he didn't tell her the truth the first time. He had never hidden anything from her. Until now. She couldn't believe that she had left him without pushing him to tell her what that man said. She didn't understand, why had that man called him in the first place? How did he know him? She was the cop. It was her case, her mother.

You have to stop. Castle words kept repeating in her head again and again. Stop. How could she stop when a man was waiting the right time to take her down? She could stop looking for him if she were sure she would be safe. During those past months she had realized that it didn't worth it. She can't risk to lose someone just because of it, or risk to be murdered. She didn't have any leads anyway. And now that man...

Geez, she just wanted him to stop. Stop protecting her like he was doing. He had a family, he had a mother, he had a daughter. She knew too well what it was like to lost a parent and she couldn't handle it if Alexis lost her father. She had to do something. She knew him. He won't stop, no matter what she says, he won't.

Maybe. Maybe if she could keep Castle away from her, he would be safe. All she had to do was pretending that he crossed a line.

I love you. He was going to hurt. To be mad at her. He wouldn't certainly see her again. But was she enough strong to stay away from him? Maybe she could, at least until she makes sure that they were safe. She needed all of it to finally be over. It was a mistake to get even closer to him. They were amazing together. She loved every minute of the time they spent together during those past months, but she wanted to be with him without feeling a target, without making him feeling forced to lie to her. She wouldn't be able to stay at his side knowing that he knew something she didn't anyway. It had to stop.

Her hands tighting on her pillow as her eyes glittered with determination.

Sometimes, to have something, someone, you have to sacrifice yourself. It was just a matter of time. She just had to close the fucking case. You think you can solve a case you hadn't be able to close in years, right now, because you just decided it? You think he's going to wait for you to close a case you actually can't close? Said a voice in her head that she wished was having wrong. She knew, it was stupid but she didn't know what to do. The determination she felt rising minutes ago slowly started to crash at her feet and she felt frustrated, tears stinging at the corner of her eyes.

Just don't kill me. I'm going to send myself out, over there