Mikan's Past

This became our daily routine. During class she would come up to me and talk to me about the most randomest things and after school we would go to her special training spot and train until it got dark. We didn't train on the weekends though. I found out that not only did she not like to be woken up in the "morning" but also during the whole day. She literally sleeps the whole weekend away.

Before I knew I was not only looking forward to training with her after school but I was actually looking forward to spending time with her outside of it too. I don't know why but I feel oddly calm when she was around.

Today was different though. The bell had rung signalling the end of school and like usual she came up to my desk. When I looked I was greeted with the normal smile and I was expecting her to say, "Ready to go?" like usual but this time it never came. Instead what she said was the total opposite.

"Sorry but I can't train with you today."

'Eh?' "Why?"

"I just have something I need to do."

"Can't you just do it tomorrow."

"Sorry can't do that. You know how I'm like during the weekend." She said while scratching the side of her cheek at the last part.

I couldn't help myself from agreeing to that. "Next time then?"

"Of course." She smiled at me. "Oh and it's you're turn on class duties so I guess in a way it worked out for the best."

"I would've just skipped it. There's another person on class duties besides me. They could do it by themselves."

She gave me a stern look. "That's not very nice." Then she started her lecture on how being considerate of others or something was important and how I should try being nicer next time. I don't when during the middle of all her nonsense talk she had coaxed me into staying but now instead of training I'm stuck doing class duties with some other herbivoure. I breathed out a sigh. I suppose it's not her fault and it's not like it was her job to train me but I couldn't help but feel a little disappointed.

'I wonder what she had to do.'

Finally finished! The person with me had already dashed out of the room. I wouldn't have actually noticed if he didn't rattle a table on his was out the door. I don't really know what I did to make him so scared I mean I didn't even touch him. Maybe it was my dark aura as Sakura had put it. I decided to refer to her with her last name instead of her first because I felt it was more appropriate. I wonder if we would ever call each other by our given names. She did the same and called me Hibari when she was speaking to me. Then I would call her Mikan and she would call me Kyoya… What was I thinking it wasn't like we were friends or anything. At least that's how I see it… I wonder if she thinks we are… Anyway pushing my thoughts aside I picked up my bag and left.

It suddenly started raining in the middle of my walk home. Luckily my mother being the overprotective person she was had put an umbrella in my bag for situation like these. I wonder if she had an umbrella with her or was she already safe at home sleeping again. I swear that girl spends more time in dreamland than in the real world. The rain really did come out of nowhere it was still sunny when I left the school but now it was pouring rain.

I was coming up to the place I hated going past on my way home. The cemetery. It's not so much the thought of death that bothers me I don't know how to explain it but I just find it unnerving going past it.

Once in a while there were people who come and mourn. I never really got the idea of mourning for the dead. Sure you knew them when they were alive and you might've really liked them but it's not like they can hear you now. There probably wouldn't be one now since it was raining pretty hard… Ah. There actually is one. I couldn't help but stop and stare at them. As my eyes were locked onto the lone figure in the cemetery all I could hear was the sound of the rain hitting the ground and my umbrella. From what I could see they didn't even have an umbrella so the rain was pouring harshly on them. This scene continued for a while with neither of us moving or speaking. I suppose a nice person would've offered their umbrella to them by now considering they've done nothing but stand in the rain for the past couple of moments but I wasn't one and neither was the people walking past behind me. Seriously was this person stupid or what. Standing in the pouring rain without an umbrella for a person who was already dead. I really didn't know why but I wanted try to identify this stupid person. The clouds had completely covered up the sun and the rain was getting worse by the minute so it was really hard to see anything. But from what I could tell this person was quite short, perhaps a child and it looked like they were wearing a school uniform. I decided to walk further into the cemetery and get a better look. I was about 10 feet away from them and I saw that they were wearing a school uniform; in fact it was my school uniform. It was the girl version though. I started walking closer. It was hard still really hard to see anything in this rain and the strain was getting to my eyes. She didn't seem to notice or care because even when I was this close to her she still wasn't moving. I couldn't see her eyes since it was being covered by her pink coloured bangs but from the direction her head was at I'm guessing she was focusing solely on the grave in front of her. Wait… pink? It couldn't be.

"Sakura?"

That seemed to jolt the girl out of the trance she was in. She turned towards me. I still couldn't see her face clearly but when she started talking my question was answered.

"H-Hibari-kun. Hey, what are you doing here?"

It really was her. "I'm on my way home… what are you doing here?"

"Um… you know what anyone normal person would be doing in a cemetery ha-ha…"

Oh right… we're in a cemetery. "…Who died?"

"U-Uh you know just someone from the past."

Looks like she didn't want to tell me. "Ok… but I think should go home, you're getting soaked."

"It's ok… just a little longer." Her voice faded out at the end.

Before I realised it I was standing right next to her, shielding her from the rain with my umbrella. She looked up then quickly dropped her head to look at the ground.

"What are you doing?"

"You're getting wet." I said, pointing out the obvious.

"I'm fine." She said while pushing the umbrella away from her lightly.

"But you'll get sick if you stand in the rain," I told her moving the umbrella so she was under it again.

"I'm fine. I'm already wet anyway," She replied back and pushed the umbrella away a little rougher. This was getting frustrating. I thought people were supposed to accept someone's help when it was given to them.

"But still-" I tried to urge her before she cut me off.

"I'm telling you I'm fine!" She shouted before smacking the umbrella out of my hand.

"What are you doing?!" I shouted back at her. "I was just trying to hel-" I was cut off by something I would've never expected to see from her. "…p you." She was crying. The umbrella clattered onto the ground and forgotten.

"S-Sorry I-I um-" This time I cut her off.

"Are you… crying?"

"W-What?! O-Of course not! T-This is just the rain." I watched silently as she frantically wiped her eyes with her sleeves. I wonder if she realises what she was doing completely contradicted her claim.

"I was hoping you'd never see me like this."

"Saku-"

"I must look pathetic to you huh."

"Sakura!"

"…"

I looked at her and I could see why she would think that but "I don't think you look pathetic."

I walked up to her and hugged her. Now that I think about it this is the first time I had initiated a hug. Normally she would be the one running up to me and hug me with the happy expression she always seemed to have on… was she hurting this much back then too.

"Why do you force yourself to smile?"

"E-Eh? What are you talking about?"

"Don't play dumb. I've seen the way you smile and I can tell you don't really mean it!"

At first she just stood there stunned at what I said. Well I can't really blame her. I had just accused her of faking her whole life. After a few more stunned moments, she dropped her head.

"…What makes you think you know anything about me."

Her voice was being drowned out by the rain. I planned on walking a little closer to her so I could hear her better but before I could even take a step she snapped.

"WHAT MAKES YOU THINK YOU KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT ME?!"

Saying I was just taken aback was an understatement. I was full blown shocked. This was the first time I've heard her raise her voice so much. I didn't even have to look at her to know she was furious.

"…"

"U-uh sorry I didn't mean to yell at you like that."

"It's ok… but why do you do that?"

"…Why do you want to know?"

"Because. Umm…" Why did I want to know? It's not like I particularly cared or anything, I had just met her a week ago.

"Hah… This is stupid, I'm going home."

Before I knew it she was walking away. 'Uh! What do I do?' Not having an answer I blurted out the first thing that popped into my mind.

"BECAUSE I CARE ABOUT YOU!"

'That was so embarrassing! I can't believe I yelled that out for the whole world to hear.'

At least it looked like my voice had reached her. She turned around with a shocked look on her face. When she stood there for more than a while, I walked up to her. I was about to clap my hands together in front of her face to wake her when I saw that her whole body was shaking. At first I thought she was going to have another outburst but instead this time she grabbed my hand and started to walk back to where she was first standing.

"You wanted to know why my smile was fake?" She had let got of my hand and was now facing the grave. Her bangs were covering parts of her face so I couldn't see her eyes.

I nodded in response.

I guess she saw my response as she raised her hand to point at something. It was a grave, actually there were two but they were really close together. I went closer to read the names engraved in them. - Yuka Azumi & Izumi Yukihira -Who are these people and what did they have to do with our current situation? Then it hit me. I had never seen her parents before. The person who always picked her up was wearing a school uniform, probably her older brother. 'They must be her parents'.

"Are they your-"

"Yep they're my parents. They died in a fire 3 years ago when I was only 4. My brother and I weren't in the house at the time but when we came back the house was already engulfed in flames."

I just listened quietly as she told her story. I can't believe that happened to someone like her.

"How can I smile a real smile?!" That made me jump. "How can I when I saw my house engulfed in flames knowing that my parents were inside?!"

I could see tears streaming down her face as she was telling her story. Seeing her so sad made me sad too. But this still doesn't explain why she puts on a fake smile. I waited for her to finish her story before I asked her the final question.

"So… why do you even bother putting on a fake smile?"

"Because my mother used to always tell me to smile." She was still wiping away some tears from her face.

"But if it's fake then what's the point."

"It wasn't a problem until you came."

She had stopped wiping and was looking straight into my eyes. Her eyes were a little red from the crying but that didn't take away any of the intensity of her look. 'What did I do?'

"It doesn't really matter if my smile was fake, it served its purpose."

'Eh, purpose?' She was still staring straight at me. After a while she dropped her gaze and sighed.

"I'm guessing you don't understand what I mean."

"…"

"I mean as long as the people around me buy it then it's all good."

"…"

*Sigh* "You still don't understand do you?"

She spun around and was now facing the graves of her parents. She crouched down and put her arms around her knees. I was going to say something but then she started speaking again.

"You know… you're the first person I've told my story to. How I really felt." I didn't know what to say so I just watched her speak as she ran one of her hands over her parents names engraved on the stone. "It's funny isn't it? I haven't even told my brother how I felt yet I'm telling a person who I had just met a few weeks ago." She had such dejected eyes as she was telling me all this. There was a brief pause before she continued on. "You're also the first person to tell me they care about me in a long time." So that's why she decided to tell me. "But I guess it's to be expected, after all no one has ever really taken notice of how I really feel. But it's ok because it would just be a bother to them…" I couldn't take it anymore.

"No it's not ok! You shouldn't have to be faking your emotions!"

"I know! I know but you know eventually they'll turn real…"

"That's not good enough! Do you even remember the last time you smiled a real smile?"

"…"

I grabbed her hand and pulled her up to her feet. She seemed confused at my sudden outburst but I didn't care. I am going to make her smile a real smile and I'm going to do it today.