Avalanche by Leonard Cohen, in repeat, is what I listened to while writing this.
So, he went to Scotland. Among the austere, raw and beautiful peaks where he got back the feeling of being above the world, above the darkness. He would look at the far horizon and attain a serenity that he had craved for. It came back different though, as if he had matured a bit and gotten more poised. Through Charlie he had gotten a network of places to crash at and people to meet and befriend. Mountaineer clubs, some funny friends, his brother. He drank lots of scotch and shoot darts in remote pubs, talking philosophy or applied economic with students, talking weather conditions with locals... His days were filled with wonders. His cell was ringing and beeping all the time, so he always opened messages without thinking. One day, he got a photo. It was a canal. With bikes on the bridge and tall and lean gingerbread houses on the banks and flowers everywhere. Underneath it, just one word : Amsterdam.
He didn't answer, but he dreamt of it. Fog, and flat, flat land, that he only knew about but here it was before him, like a film starring his Will... Well not his anymore, or never. Will smiling his shy, sun-like smile that made Sonny think he had traveled to the depths of the universe where bright stars blinded you with their eternal beauty. Will connecting with him, in his sleep, but in reality too and in his demure, stubborn way that Sonny was becoming aware of. He hadn't let go and that was frustrating and very touching.
He went for a long hike and lost any kind of signal, so when they reached civilization later, he had lots of texts and messages. And two photos. One of a windmill, as sweet as one from a children book. And one of a tulip field. Red tulips. Sonny looked around him. He raised his cell and took a picture, wrote the name of the peak and sent it back. He didn't even sign.
The fourth photo was from Norway. It was a fjord. Sonny's breath hitched. He sat near the loch, on a dark rock and pointed at the castle afar. The photo looked good and he smiled when the notification popped up. He had been told ghost stories about that place, but actually seeing a paranormal event would be less scary than losing that fragile connection. He prayed Will would go on. Even if he was hurting inside, at least, he hadn't lost him completely. In his head, he pictured the map of Europe. There was just a sea between them. A cold one, with ships sinking and miles and miles of it but it still wasn't that far. And there was an ocean between Will and the fiancée. Sonny could pretend, pathetically, that he was nearer Will's heart. After all Will was gay. He was deceiving her and she would hurt one day. That wasn't what he had expected from Will. He was so... aware of people. So kind and delicate. Were his parents that awful that he had to hide like that? Adrienne seemed to despise Will's mother but Sonny had learned to be guarded of her judgment.
He noticed the letter as he was watching the fifth photo once again, seated in a restaurant, in the streets of Edinburgh. There was an E on the side of a Norwegian boat. Will had taken the photo so that you only saw that letter in the whole name. Sonny frowned and opened the other pictures. There was always something that was or looked like a letter. The windmill's sails looked like an L for instance. And a child was doing a victory sign near the viewpoint to the fjord and...
At that moment a new picture arrived. Would it be a Y or a U? The University sign on red buildings. So, there it was and there had also been the I and the O and... Sonny's fingers were trembling but he couldn't stop the search for Will's number. He listened to the ringing signal, his heart beating fast. He was about to hang up when he heard Will's breathless tone "Hello?" Then after a few seconds "Sonny?" The longing in his voice was too much "I'm here..." They both waited.
"Thanks for the message." Sonny finally said "And the photos." Will was still silent and Sonny hated not seeing him. What was going on in his head? In his heart? He was the one wounded and yet he felt he had to reach him. As Will had reached him with his photographic declaration. "I need to know. Everything. All the reasons. Then, we can decide." It was possible to hear a loud sigh, even with a bad phone signal. And it filled Sonny's ears with delight. He didn't add anything. "I can take a plane I guess. You want me to, Sonny?" You couldn't nod with a phone either. You had to voice your answer, even if it took all the oxygen left and your throat was contracted with repressed tears. "Yes. I'm in Edinburgh." "OK. I'll text you when I have my ticket."
In the meantime, sonny took photos. Without letters. Just photos of little details he spotted in the historical center. The statue of a dog. A discolored stone on an elegant porch. The upper part of the bell tower of the cathedral, with its crown spire. Two men holding hands in public... He sent each one, even when Will was in the plane. They lacked words but they had images.
Will traveled from the airport on his own. Sonny waited near the estuary. All along, the mountains had welcomed Sonny's singleness, but the bodies of water were for the two of them, for what was a strange and deep relationship.
Will stood before him, gorgeous as ever, looking unsure and determined. Sonny was leaning against a wooden barrier that felt fragile but he needed physical support so it would do. He avoided Will's gaze. He needed explanations before he would bow to these two pieces of blue heavens. He stared at the bay, silent.
"I wasn't supposed to meet you."