My eyes begin to fill with tears, hearing Dan's words.

He stands up and kissed me on the forehead.

'Please stay' he whispers to me. 'Please'. And then he walks out of the room, leaving me alone. I follow him, down the tiled halls of the hospital and down the stairs and into reception. He stares at the people waiting in reception; I wonder who they're here for, a family member or a friend. And why they're here, what's wrong with that person. I see some people crying. I see some silent. And then I realise, everyone hurts in their own way. And you don't know when someone's hurting because they may not show it. I mean, you could have been standing next to someone today who was totally broken but you wouldn't have known. Because they may not want you to know, because they're scared of the reaction they'll get. A smirk. A grin. A laugh. A nudge and a wink. We define ourselves by our own suffering.

I follow Dan into the car park and he gets into a nice Lexis. He jumps into the passenger seat while I hop in behind. His friend, Peej, is driving.

'How is she?' Peej asks.

He's silent for a moment before he speaks. 'No different' he says sadly.

'She'll wake up Dan. The doctor said she had a 65% chance of waking up. That's over half' Peej replies.

'I know. But what if she doesn't want to wake up? What if she decides she doesn't want to fight anymore?'

Peej doesn't speak for a few minutes. 'Then I guess it's up to her' he says finally.

I lean forward and look at Dan, his cheeks still wet with tears. I place my hand on his cheek, trying to wipe away the tears. But of course, it doesn't work.

'Hey, Liz's a fighter. She'll pull through' Peej says.

'But what if she's sick of fighting? What if she just wants to give up?' Dan chokes on the last two words as he says them.

'Then it's her choice. And we can't do anything about it. We'll just have to accept it' he says softly.

I think about Dan's words. What does my life have to offer anymore? My mum's a drug addict, my dad's gone. I only have one friend. My whole life has been a mess and I doubt it will clean up in the future. I doubt it will get better. I would only cause people more pain if I decide to stay. And is that fair on them? To put them through hell?

The ride home with Dan and Peej is silent, apart from the occasional sob from Dan. They park the car and open the door to a silent house. Phil comes in from the lounge.

'How's Liz?' he asks straight away.

I guess people do care. And the sad thing is, I can only see that now.

Peej walks upstairs, leaving Dan to talk to his best friend about me. They walk into the lounge and sit on opposite ends of the sofa.

'She's not great' he admits. 'The nurse said it's her choice whether she wants to wake up. I don't know what I would do without her. She saved my life but I couldn't save hers. I messed up Phil' he says, the tears once again dripping down his face.

'I know it's her choice Dan. And whatever the outcome is, you have to respect that' Phil replies. 'She was a mess Dan. Her whole life was messed up. Everyone could see how unhappy she was. Maybe it would be better for her to not wake up'.

Dan gasps and lets out a strangled cry. His head now buried in his hands. 'Don't say that' he begs his best friend.

'I'm just saying. Have you thought about what Liz may want? I know all of us want her come back. But what do you think she wants? To come back to a life of pain, which may or may not get better, or finally be at peace?'

I mull over Phil's words. How does he know? He understands the decision I will eventually have to make. He understands both sides of the argument. I suddenly wonder; did he ever go through something similar to me? Is that how he knows how I feel? Or could he tell from how I was? Could everyone tell what a mess I was?

'I want what's best for her' Dan finally says softly. 'I only want what's best for Liz'.

The next few days are hard for me to watch. I can see how torn up Dan is. He's hardly eating; he's not speaking to anyone. He's a mess. Like how I was. He cries every night, wishing for me to come back. He thinks it's such an easy decision for me. But the truth is, as Phil said, it's not. I have to make the most important decision of my life. Whether I stay or not. Whether I decide to live or die. And that decision will change everything.

Dan visits the hospital on Thursday. This time, he doesn't bring any flowers. It saddens me in a way. Like the last time, he sits by my bed, holding my hand gently, massaging my cold fingers.

I spot my mum lingering in the doorway, watching Dan, an expression I can't quite place, on her face. She then decides to walk in.

'Hey Dan, how you holding up?' she sounds relatively sober.

'Not too good' he responds.

'How is she?' my mum asks, referring to me.

'No change' he says, his eyes downcast.

'It's been a week and a half now' she says. 'And I was thinking-'

'No' Dan cuts her off.

'Dan, let me finish. 'It's been over a week now and the doctors say that her chance of waking up is decreasing. If you would have wanted to, she would have done by now' my mum's voice is sad but steely.

'Don't' Dan pleads.

My mum takes a deep breath, ignoring his request. 'It may be time for her to give up now. We can't go on like this forever Dan. Someone at some point has to make a decision. And I think it should be sooner or later'. I know what's she's referring to and so does Dan.

Euthanasia.

But it's non-voluntary.

Do I want it or not?

'No' he cries. 'You can't do that!' he jumps up.

'I'm sorry Dan but it may be for the best' she apologizes. I know she's an alcoholic but I know she loves me. And I love her.

'No. No, please, no' he pleads, crying now.

'I haven't decided yet. But I'll give it one week. And if she doesn't wake up by then, then we may have to turn the machines off'. I know how hard this is for her. Making the choice to turn off your own child's life support machine is probably the most difficult and heart wrenching thing a parent would ever have to do. And a life changing one too.

My mum does something that totally surprises me. She walks over to Dan and hugs him. 'I'm sorry. I love her just as much as you' she says in his ear. 'I'm really sorry Dan'. She walks out after that, leaving Dan alone with me once more.

'Liz' he says. This time, he's crying harder than he ever has done before. 'Liz. Please, please stay. I know it'll be hard but you have so much to live for. I'm here for you. I've always been here for you and I will always be there for you. I promise'. He pauses for a breath then carries on.

'You thought that no one cared Liz. But everyone cares, I promise you. They care. They always have cared. And they always will care. We love you. And no matter what; we will still always love you'.

I always thought that this would be an easy decision for me. I always thought that I wanted to go. But now I'm not so sure.

'But whatever your choice is Liz, I just want you to know that I'll never forget you. Ever'.