a/n: Hello to my lovely followers! I'm loving the awesome reviews. You guys make me so happy. I hope you enjoy this chapter.
Chapter 10
The room was white with a thick, dark blue rug covering some of the hard tile floor. Two wooden chairs with straight backs sat in the middle of the room facing each other. Rose occupied one of these uncomfortable chairs; the Valeyard occupied the other.
"Valeyard," Rose whined, "What are we doing in this boring room?"
The Valeyard smiled. "This room is boring for a reason. It helps lessen distractions. Patience love. We are trying to get access to Bad Wolf so we can figure out how to help the TARDIS and get home."
Rose crossed her arms over her chest and frowned. It was an extremely childish move but Rose didn't seem to care. She didn't want to work right in the moment. She wanted to be with the Valeyard and she wanted to do something fun.
"Can we do something else first? I just regenerated. I have all this pent up energy and I want to use it. We should do something fun. Or something dangerous," Rose's eyes glowed gold for a moment, "There has to be some kind of alien problem going on right now."
The Valeyard rolled his eyes while noting the flash of gold at the mention of danger.
"No. And even if there were, my agents can take care of it. Now, please, sit still."
Rose didn't move. She found that she couldn't, the idea of moving would be horrible. If the Valeyard wanted to stay still, she would. It was odd. She'd never really followed anyone's commands. She'd been physically carried away when she refused to leave the Doctor on Krop Tor. She'd looked into the TARDIS when the Doctor sent her away. Despite all that, she felt that it would be devastating if she did go against the Valeyard's commands.
It's because you love him. You don't want him to be unhappy.
Rose scowled. That voice again. What was that voice? Of course it was right. She had to obey the Valeyard. That's what he wanted. But was it right? She'd stopped loving him a long time ago. And he'd tortured her for so long. How could she love him?
You've always loved him. You've just been running away from the feelings that scare you.
She wanted to tell the voice to shut up. It was making everything so much more confusing. She couldn't trust her thoughts or emotions anymore. This regeneration had to be different. She felt different. The voice was the most unsettling. It also bothered her that she couldn't remember what happened right before she regenerated. That had happened before but she'd never lost so much time. The last thing she could remember was the Valeyard saying he was going to kill her. Something told her that more had happened but no matter how hard she tried, she couldn't remember.
"What's the matter?" the Valeyard asked.
Rose shook her head like a dog shaking off water. "I don't know. I feel weird. This regeneration is off. Something is different. I don't understand."
The Valeyard knew this regeneration had been different but he still wasn't sure what had actually happened. He couldn't explain it to Rose. Hell, he couldn't really explain it to himself. But he knew one thing; he would not tell her of her oaths. She didn't remember them and he did not plan on informing her.
"Nothing is different. You're still you. It's just been awhile since you've regenerated. You'll get used to it."
Rose didn't think she would.
You will get used to it. Trust him.
But then again, she would.
"Now, pay attention. We are going to try and access Bad Wolf. I need you to relax as I enter your mind."
"Okay," Rose said nervously.
The Valeyard put his hands over Rose's temples and closed his eyes. He reached out and moved past the weak barriers of her mind. Rose automatically reached out with her mind but found she could not move past any of the walls around his. It frustrated her to no end. She wanted that connection. It had been so long since she'd been able to reach out telepathically and now that she was actually willing to do it, the Valeyard wouldn't let her in.
The Valeyard felt Rose pushing against his mind but he ignored it. He wanted to connect with her like they used to but right now his main focus was getting to Bad Wolf. He didn't want to hurt Rose so he moved slowly, trying to be careful of how hard he pushed. Finally he found what he was looking for.
He could see a wall in the back of Rose's mind. It was the same golden hue of her wolf and her regenerations. There were large cracks in the containing wall and he knew that if he could push past those cracks, they'd have complete access to Bad Wolf. The wall must have been erected when he thought he'd taken all of the time energy from her on that fateful day. Bad Wolf must have hidden behind it until Rose regenerated the first time. It would make sense that cracks were forming as she gained access to more and more of the Bad Wolf's power.
Rose tried to remain as calm as possible. It felt so weird to have him so deep inside her mind. She had to force herself not to fight him. It was so intrusive and part of her, a very small part, was furious at what he was doing.
There is no need for anger. You want him to do this. You want to save the TARDIS and go home.
She thought about it for a moment and realized that she did want him to do this. He would be able to help her use Bad Wolf's power. Rose longed for that. She could remember when she'd become Bad Wolf. It had been amazing but dreadful at the same time. There had been so much pain. She wondered if she gained full access to Bad Wolf then she'd be in the same pain as she had the first time.
The Valeyard pushed against one of the cracks in the wall. The crack widened but only slightly. He pushed harder and harder until it widened more and more. Finally it split open and part of the barrier disappeared.
Rose cried out as white hot pain seared across her mind. The Valeyard was forced out so violently he rocked back onto his chair. He opened his eyes to see Rose screaming and clutching her head in her hands. She fell off the chair and continued to scream as tears poured down her face. Panicking slightly, the Valeyard ran to the medical room, grabbed a syringe full of sedative, and dashed back to Rose. She lay on the floor in a ball, sobbing and screaming. The Valeyard quickly injected the sedative into her body and waited for it to start working.
Slowly Rose's screams and crying died out. She lay completely motionless on the floor. He looked up when gold light flashed out of the corner of his eye. The gold wolf had appeared again. She was back in her largest state, the size of a grey wolf. She looked fierce and powerful and she glowed brightly. The wolf growled at the Valeyard when he began to wipe the dampness from her face. Rose was sleeping and no longer in pain, he didn't need the wolf's approval.
"Stop it. I'm taking care of her," he told the wolf firmly. Ignoring the continued growling, he picked Rose up and carried her to his rooms. The wolf followed him silently, her eyes boring into him.
The Valeyard laid Rose in the middle of his king size bed and crawled in next to her. On the other side, the wolf jumped up and stood next to Rose. He watched the wolf carefully, wondering what she would do. The wolf growled at him one more time before turning her attention to Rose. She approached Rose's head and carefully licked her eyes and then her lips. Rose let out a soft sigh and a slight smile appeared on her face. The wolf let out a snort and settled in next to Rose; the entire length of her body pressed against Rose's side. Rose curled against the wolf's body and rested one arm of top of her.
"Thank you," he said grudgingly to the wolf. He was happy that Rose was not in pain but it bothered him that the wolf had appeared to fix her. He wanted to be able to fix her. He wanted Rose to curl up next to him and find comfort in him, not in her damn wolf.
The wolf lifted her head and snorted again before turning away from him. The Valeyard sighed and left the room and Rose behind him. He didn't like being around the wolf sometimes so he'd watch over Rose from his office. He could look after her from a distance.
Rose liked that she continued to return to this planet with its multiple suns, burnt grass, and purple flowers. In the distance she could see huge domes with cities inside them. She'd love to explore the city but she thought it best to keep her distance. Instead, she walked through the field while the wind swirled around her. She laughed as it pulled playfully at her hair while petals from the purple flowers floated around her. The heat from the suns warmed her to her very soul. This was peace. If only she could find this peace when she's awake.
"Rose?" someone called from behind her. She recognized the voice and the image of a man formed in her mind. She rolled her eyes, not wanting anyone to intrude on her peace.
"What?" she said without turned around.
"Rose, please look at me."
Rose sighed, turned around, and came face to face with the man who claimed to be the Doctor.
"What?" she said again.
"You're looking much better," the Doctor noted.
Rose rolled her eyes again. She looked the Doctor up and down, taking in his appearance. He still wore a bowtie and vest under a jacket. A watch on a chain was clipped to the front of his vest. He looked a bit silly to her.
"What. Do. You. Want?" Rose said each word slowly, as if talking to someone who spoke a different language.
The Doctor looked slightly offended but Rose didn't care. She didn't even know if this was the Doctor. Even if he was, she didn't care. Seeing this man in her safe place just pissed her off. Why could she not just be alone for once?
"I just wanted to talk. You're here. I'm here. Why can't we talk?"
"Because I don't want to talk! I want you to go away. I want to be alone."
"I don't understand. What happened to you? Why are you so angry?"
Rose laughed. It wasn't a happy laugh. It was a laugh full of pain and anger and disbelief. It spoke of the horrors she'd experienced within the last few years. It was harsh and chilling to the bone. The Doctor actually took a step back from the person who looked like Rose but wasn't Rose. Something had happened that had changed the woman he once knew. His Rose seemed to be gone.
"You happened to me! You trapped me in another universe and left me alone with him. You have no idea what I've been through. It is all your fault!" She'd told him this before but her anger towards him was tenfold now.
"What are you talking about?" the Doctor asked. He tried to step towards her but what he saw stopped him in his tracks. To his amazement, she began to glow. Her blonde hair turned gold. Gold dust floated around her like an aura. And her eyes. Her eyes were as gold as they'd been on the day she'd looked into the heart of the TARDIS.
The gold eyes bored into the Doctor and he fell to his knees. Tears streamed from his eyes as he observed her beauty. She wasn't just Rose. She was Rose and Bad Wolf and she was beautiful.
"Rose," he whispered. "How are you alive?"
"You didn't take Bad Wolf away. You just shut her away. I'm slowly getting more access to her. Eventually I will be able to use Bad Wolf to save the TARDIS and return home. And I'm doing it without your help."
Rose walked towards him slowly, her eyes never leaving his. She felt Bad Wolf within her like she never had before. She stopped a few steps from him and looked down upon him. She reached out with her mind and brushed his. Rose felt his fear, his awe, and so much more. There were no walls around his mind. There was no point. He couldn't fight the power of the Wolf.
"Rose. My god, Rose."
"I am strong enough without you now. You don't need to come to my rescue anymore. I can take care of myself. I will come home and you will not be happy to see me. You will regret what you've done to me. What you've done to Bad Wolf."
Rose reached out and touch his forehead with her index finger. In a flash of bright light the Doctor disappeared leaving Rose alone again. The gold faded from her and she smiled, going back to her fun. Alone.
The Doctor woke with a start as pain shot through his entire body. He gasped and tried to catch his breath. He touched his forehead, trying to feel if something was there. That's when he noticed the wetness on this face.
"That wasn't real. That couldn't possibly be real."
He struggled to stand and then stumbled to the bathroom. He looked at his reflection closely. A small red mark shone against the white of his skin. It was the exact size of a fingertip.
"Well," he said to the mirror, "that was definitely real."