Chapter 10: Twenty Four Hours to a Lifetime

The doctor had told them that Emily was brought in, in a state they called critical condition. She was losing a massive amount of blood at a rapid pace and they had to repair everything as best they could as quickly as they could so they could get her stable enough for tests and surgery. At first they weren't positive she'd need to be operated on, but that was an optimistic view and it was more than chance that she did, especially if the internal bleeding they suspected showed on the tests. Obviously it was more than chance because she was lying on the table with scalpels and hands in her body doing god knows what for hours. They were informed that there was a substantial amount of internal bleeding, but, luckily, the impaled object missed all major organs. That was really the only good piece of news they'd received.

"But how is she?"JJ asked.

"Just shoot it to us straight doc. Is gum drop going to be ok?" The doctor, whose name they learned was Dr. Dillon, was a little taken back by her bluntness. But it wasn't anything he hadn't handled before and with it being only 6:30 in the morning after what undoubtedly was a rough and incredibly long night, he understood the slight attitude.

"Right now we have her on a respirator to help her breathe until she's strong enough to do it on her own." Each of them was clinging to his every word just hoping to find some ray of light in all the darkness. "We managed to relieve the tension pneumothorax by inserting a chest tube. We went in and cauterized the extensive bleeding. The physical trauma caused a laceration to the spleen which we also repaired. She's being treated with an aggressive amount of IV fluids and transfusions to replenish her blood supply and ward off infection. Right now what we're most worried about is the cerebral edema or swelling in the brain. Worst case scenario, the increased intracranial pressure can lead to brain death. However, the oxygen therapy she's receiving through the ventilator will, hopefully, give the brain the oxygen it needs to survive and we've started her on numerous medications in hopes of correcting the problem. The goal is to avoid more surgery." The group was lost. How could one person endure so much? The doctor understood their pain and sympathized. It was a lot to take in, but he needed to give them the basic information. He needed to prepare them. She may have survived the initial trauma and surgery, but it wasn't over yet. There was plenty more fighting that needed to be done. "All things considered, she's doing about as well as we could hope for. As of now, her BP is holding and her pulse rate is stable, but the next twenty four hours are crucial. She will be closely monitored."

"But she's going to be ok?" All that and they still didn't get an exact answer. They were all thinking that; only Hotch asked.

"She's stable and in Recovery. We'll move her down to the ICU in about forty five minutes. I'll have someone take you down there once the room's ready and then you can all visit with her."

"That doesn't answer the question though."

"I'm sorry. I can't give you a definitive answer just yet. Twenty four hours is key. We'll know more after that. Right now we just have to focus on the fact that she's stable and hope for the best. After that, we just have to hope she wakes up." Heads shot up. What did he mean hope she wakes up? She was going to wake up. Wasn't she? She had to. They wanted to ask, push the topic further, but none of them could. They just stared; most afraid of what they'd hear if they did ask.

"Thank you." Hotch managed the first spoken thought after a moment of eerie silence. None of them knew just how to respond to the thought of their friend actually dying; not making it through the next day or that she might not wake up. And if she did wake up, would she be the same? Would there be permanent damage? How were they supposed to react to that? They couldn't, so they didn't.

After the doctor left, they all returned to their previous positions. Clyde had laid Charlie down on one of the benches when the doctor came to speak with them. She needed her sleep and she really didn't need to hear the news. They'd tell her what they needed to when they needed to. At that moment, Charlie just needed her rest. She needed to be taken care of. JJ and Clyde had taken on a very protective role when it came to the girl that lay between them. It was almost like they were temporarily playing mommy and daddy. Suddenly, that conversation she had with Emily was making so much more sense. The will was obviously something she deemed necessary, and she might've been right. And if things took a turn for the worse, she wouldn't just be playing mommy. But she didn't want to think about that yet. No one should have to act as Charlie's mother other than Emily. With that thought in combination with the news the doctor gave them, JJ found herself clutching her purse. The envelope Emily left her was safely tucked away in there. She wanted to read it, but she couldn't bring herself to actually do it… Not yet, because if the past few days were any indication of what was written, she just couldn't read it. She wasn't ready to give up or read a goodbye.

Lost in thought, JJ hadn't even heard Morgan take the seat next to her. "How you holding up?"

"I'm not the one you should be worried about." She said while absentmindedly stroking her hand through Charlie's chocolate locks. It was something she'd do with Henry after a rough day. It soothed him and kept him from having nightmares. She hoped it worked for the girl too because they all knew she could use anything to keep the dreams away and the sleep peaceful.

"I'm worried about everyone." He looked over to the sleeping child and couldn't help but feel that Emily was in that room with them. Looking at Charlie was like looking at her mother, a part of her right there with them as she fought the good fight. And for some reason, that gave him comfort. It made him feel like no matter what happened, a part of her would always stay with them. But nothing compared to the real thing. So he looked forward to getting to know her daughter, with Emily there. "How do you think she's doing?"

"She's a little fighter, but it's hard to know what she's thinking from one minute to the next. Sometimes she's so easy to read and then it's like she's a book written in a foreign language."

"So what you're saying is that she's her mother's daughter."

"She is." They both just stared at the girl again, hoping to find the solace they sought. "Emily asked me to take care of her." JJ said quietly as she somberly turned to face Derek.

"What do you mean?"

"It seemed so random at the time. She was acting strange. We all saw it, but we never questioned it. And then she just came up to me during break and asked me to take custody of Charlie if anything ever happened."

"And what did you say?"

"I asked her why she was asking me and if that was what she really wanted. She told me I was the only person she could think of for the job. So I agreed. I didn't think much of it, and I was going to talk to her about it more, but when I finally wrapped my head around everything, she was gone. So I let it go. She said she updated her will every year so it was routine."

"But it wasn't routine."

"I guess not. I just want her to be ok. I want to go back and get her to tell me what was wrong. Maybe then we wouldn't be here worried about whether or not she'll get to see her daughter graduate the first grade."

"Me too JJ, me too. But you can't blame yourself. We all knew something was off, and some of us talked to her about it. She didn't want us to know. There wasn't anything we could do." He wrapped a hand around her shoulder and pulled her close into a friendly half embrace. That was all they could do to pass the time until someone came to take them to their friend. That and pace, but where did pacing really get anyone but back to the same spot they started?

They were getting antsy as over an hour had passed and no one came to get them. It made them nervous. Did something happen? Was Emily still ok? And if she was, what was taking so long? And then all questioning ceased when a nurse walked up to them.

"Just follow me and I'll take you down to Agent Prentiss' room." The nurse kindly waited as they gathered their belongings and readied to move. JJ, however, had a little more to deal with and turned to Charlie who had yet to wake.

"Charlie, sweetie, I need you to wake up."

"Mommy?" She asked as she shifted positions, her eyes still blurry from sleep.

"No, it's JJ."

"Oh." The disappointment wasn't unexpected, but hard nonetheless. If it could've been Emily waking her up, JJ would've gladly given the job back to its rightful owner. "Is mommy ok now?"

"Your mom is still very, very hurt, but they're going to let us go and see her."

"They are?" And there was the, soon to be, short lived excitement. She didn't get how badly wounded Emily was and they didn't know how to tell her when they couldn't fathom the idea themselves. But, judging by the way Charlie practically jumped out of her chair, they'd have to face the music soon. "Let's go! Can we go now?"

"Yes, we can go now. Grab your monkey. I've got your bag." JJ held out her hand and waited for it to be filled before they followed the rest of the group to the fourth floor ICU. Room 435 housed their friend as the staff helped nurse her back to health.

But the woman they saw in front of them was not their friend. She was not their family. She wasn't even Emily. She was a paler, sickly, damaged version of herself and no one knew how to stomach it. There were tubes and wires separating her from life and death. Monitors gave off readings emitting a steady pulse. Beep… Beep… Beep… Like an annoying reminder that it could change at any moment, it just continued to release that low, consistent beep every so often. But even that sound was muffled by the continuous resonance of the ventilator manually inhaling and exhaling for the patient. That's what she was reduced to; a patient. They didn't think the sight could get more heartbreaking. They were wrong.

"Mommy." Charlie gently shook her mother's shoulder as she further approached the bed. "Mommy, wake up." But she wouldn't, and all the grown-ups in the room just looked at her with sad eyes. But she turned to them anyways. "Why won't she wake up? What are all these things?" No one knew how to answer. No one knew how to tell her. Was there a right way to say "mommy might never wake up, but we're hoping she will"?

The room was crowded, but it seemed fitting. But it was crowded and just small enough for her voice to echo in their minds. The two were probably not connected. The echo wasn't caused by physics. It was purely psychological. They all just stood there incompetently as if the answer would magically come to them. They needed to tell her the truth, but what truth was that? They didn't get a chance to figure out the answer as Charlie's voice broke them from their thoughts.

"Why is there stuff all over her, and why won't she wake up?" She was demanding answers then. There'd be no ignoring it. So someone had to step up. Hotch was about to step forward in a blind attempt to soothe a girl he barely knew. He'd pretend she was a victim's daughter to make things easier, to separate himself from the situation that he was closer to than he even realized. But then he thought that, in said scenario, Emily was a victim. And she wasn't that. He wouldn't think of her as that. He couldn't. So what was he going to say? He thanked the high heavens when JJ stopped him from moving any closer. Everyone took the hint when she looked around the room with that certain stare that pleaded with them to give her some space. Even Clyde took the cue.

And once they were alone, JJ walked over to her and began another conversation she never thought she'd have. "Mommy is…" What was the right word? Nothing seemed right. "Mommy is…."

"Is she sleeping?" Charlie cut her off.

"It's kind of like that." She pulled the girl over to the seats that were strategically placed around the room for optimal viewing of the patient and the TV. Settled in the chairs, JJ continued. "Emily's… Your mother's body is very weak."

"Because the bad guy hurt her?"

"Yes, because the bad guy hurt her."

"But she's right here. Why won't she wake up?" JJ refused to be pessimistic, but she didn't want to make Charlie think that Emily would be up and walking by the next day either. Because that was just unrealistic and her thinking that would only make the situation worse if things went downhill. She needed to do what she could for the five year old.

"Right now those machines are helping her breathe and she has a lot of medicine in her body working to make her better. So we don't know when she's going to wake up, but we hope she will soon."

"But why can't she wake up now. I didn't get my story for a while. She always gives me my story."

"She can't right now, but I know she wishes she could." Noticing the defeated look on her face, JJ offered a suggestion. "Why don't I read you your story until she can."

"It's not the same."

"I know, but I can read to you while I read to Henry."

"Ok." Without waiting for more, Charlie got off the chair and walked over to her mother's bedside. Although the hand was bruised, she remembered that Emily said that being near Charlie always made her feel better. "I'm here mommy. You can get better now." JJ wanted to cry but forced herself not to. She needed to stay strong, but her resolve was surely fading. A single tear broke through her cerulean walls and trickled down her cheek as she watched the happenings before her. It was an inevitable tear. They'd all come out eventually, but not in front of her.

Not long after they all reemerged into the room, a nurse came in to inform them that so many visitors in the room were not allowed. When they pointed out that it wasn't a problem earlier, she simply told them that that was then and it shouldn't have been allowed in the first place. They were being lenient because they understood the circumstances. So the new rule was only two at a time while she remained in the ICU. It was another hassle thrown their way, but they'd deal with it like everything else.

Each person in their little group wanted some time with Emily. It was like they needed to be with her to know for sure that she was more than the tubes and wires that kept her alive. They needed to be there to know that she was still in there. So they made plans to let everyone go in pairs. However, Charlie insisted on holding vigil in the room and refused any effort to get her to leave. It was understandable, but difficult. So they arranged it so each would get a turn one at a time as the rest of them set up camp in the visitor's lounge. It was going to be a long day, and all they wanted was for it to pass by so they would be that much closer to knowing she'd be ok. However, JJ would take the first visit with Charlie so that the girl could find some comfort in seeing her mother once again.

By eleven, JJ could hear the tummy rumblings and knew that was her opportunity to get Charlie out of there for a little while. No one was hungry, not mentally at least, but, physically, they all needed food. And by some miracle, she convinced Charlie to go with her to the cafeteria while the rest of the team visited.

"I don't want her to be alone." That was her reason for not wanting to leave the sterile, dull space. There was also the fact that she'd been separated from the one constant in her life for a while and was afraid she'd disappear again while they were out. And she didn't want her mommy to leave again.

"She won't be alone. I promise. We'll go to the cafeteria and eat while her friends visit with her. And when we come back, you can help me bring food and coffee for everyone."

"Do I get coffee?"

"No, I don't think so. But if you're good I'll get you a big cup of hot chocolate."

"Ok, but only if you promise she won't be alone."

"I promise." Hand in hand they walked out of the room and faced the others. JJ informed them that they were going for food and asked what everybody wanted.

"I'll come with you." Morgan offered, and who was she to refuse? As the three slowly made their way to the cafeteria, the visits began.

First up was Clyde. He hated seeing his friend and former colleague all laid up like that. He wanted to hear her voice during their sarcastic banter and good-humored joking. That was the way they worked, and it didn't work if it was one sided. So he gave her well wishes. He held her hand and told her she needed to wake up. "You have a family to get back to now. As much as it pains me to admit, and you know it does, they are your family. You don't need me anymore. I think I'm going to head back to the mother country. I've received many phone calls about my continued absence and I have some explaining to do. But it was worth it if you wake up. And you better bloody wake up. Charlie's in good hands. The blonde's good with her. She'll be taken care of while you're out of commission, so I know you'll be ok with my departure. You'd encourage it if you were awake right now. But that doesn't mean I won't have eyes on you. I'll always be here if you need me. No more running. Come home." He wanted to keep the visit short, sweet, and to the point. Everyone wanted a few minutes alone before Charlie came back and commandeered the room again. But a few minutes was all he needed. He said all that he needed to say. So with a simple goodbye and a kiss to her forehead, Clyde returned to the lounge and sent in the next visitor. He'd be leaving in a few days, but he wanted to give the others their time too.

Reid didn't know what to do. He was used to life's craziness. He did grow up with a schizophrenic mother and absentee father, and it didn't help that he was a social outcast because of his genius. So he had a lot of practice with crazy, but this wasn't the same. He knew the statistics on the injuries; the ones he knew of and he didn't even know the extent of some of them. He knew the likelihood that she'd be perfectly fine, and even more prominently, the chances she wouldn't. He knew the chances of sepsis. He knew the risks of complications. He knew all of it, and that made it worse. But seeing her like that, just the two of them in the room, made it all the more real to him. She wasn't a statistic. She was real, live human being. And he had to deal with that. This was a woman as close to a sister as he could get and he didn't know how to react. There was anger and sadness and pain, but he didn't know what he was supposed to feel. There weren't books or manuals for that. So he did what he knew. He spouted statistics. He went over everything he knew about medical issues with her before putting out one more and asking a question surely on everyone's mind. "Nearly 36% of births around the time of Charlotte's own delivery were to single, unmarried women. So why didn't you tell us?" He wanted her to insert some smartass remark as an answer. He wouldn't get it. "By this point you probably would've made me stop with the statistics and just shut up. I actually wish you did. At least then we'd know for sure you were well. All I can say is to get better. We're here, waiting on you. Just don't take too long. The numbers aren't in your favor if you stay like this too long."

Garcia entered the room next in a bubbling mess. She didn't handle gore well and she didn't like to see pictures of any of the aftermath. But there Emily was… Her friend had become the embodiment of an after picture. A bruise encircled a cut on her cheek. The making of a hand print rested on her bicep. Emily, not once in the years she knew her, looked so fragile and breakable. Emily always seemed so much larger than life, so indestructible, and perfect. But the sight in front of her wasn't any of those things. "I'm mad at you." Garcia started as she took out a wipe and began removing the caked blood off her friend's body. "But I can't really stay mad at you. You're hurt and alone, off in some world in your mind. I hope it's a peaceful place. Just don't like it too much. All the free chocolate and angels of the world aren't worth what you have right here with us. So make it through the next twenty four hours, fight like hell, and come back to us. The little gum drop needs mommy gum drop and I need my friend. Come home." She wanted to say so much more, but words failed her. She could feel the tears coming again. She just stopped crying and she couldn't do it again. All she could do was take a minute to absorb everything, take a long breath, and allow the next person in the chain to enter.

Rossi was up, and he hated hospitals. He hated them when he had to see victims in there, and he hated them even more when people he knew and cared about occupied bed space. He particularly hated them when someone who was like a daughter to him was lying in said bed fighting to make it through another day. But she was stable, and as long as it remained that way, she'd be ok; hopefully. He couldn't get some of what the doctor said out of his mind. Could she have brain damage? Was there really a possibility she wouldn't wake up? He couldn't think about those things. "You should've taken that vacation." He started. "I'm not above saying I told you so. But I'll save that for when you're conscious enough to really hear me. Right now take the time you need to heal. I met the kid. Haven't heard much from her, but I can tell she's so much like you. We're going to have to talk about that too. I respect your privacy, but all the secrets Emily, they're just not what you do with family. And we are family. So rest up. We'll talk later." He whispered a few Italian sayings to her before exiting and sending the remaining member in.

Hotch was the last of them to head in. His visit was more about the memories of the past than the present. He looked at her and saw the teenage girl that he first met. The girl then was just as headstrong and confident as the Emily of today, always finding excuses to be around him and doing whatever she wanted especially if it defied mother's orders. Basically, she did what she needed to get what she wanted. But he didn't mind it; not then and usually not now. He liked the attention. It was different from the Haley affection he got at the time. She was… Emily. That was more than enough said. Obviously he didn't act on any possible feelings or the impulses. He was in a committed relationship. No, the acting didn't come into play for nearly a decade. They both seemed to be in a rough patch and they found each other again. He'd never regret that weekend. She was his escape and he was hers. But it was more than that. They weren't just using each other. They felt something. He felt something, something real. And when their nights came to an end and it was time to say goodbye, he didn't want to do it. He wanted to keep her in his arms forever. He wanted to give in to the feeling of possession that washed over him whenever they neared each other or the electricity when they touched.

They had this bond that he didn't have with Haley. He loved Haley, even during their separation he loved her, but with her it was all about trying and working through things. But with Emily he didn't feel like he had to try, it was just there. It was easy and complicated, but mainly right. But maybe that was because they weren't in a relationship. He didn't know, but the spark was there. After their parting he was tempted to get in touch again. They agreed on a clean break, to just go their own way, but he was so tempted. He thought about telling Haley he was done trying, calling up the ambassador and demanding her daughter's number. Just feeling that was out of character for him. Emily did that to him. She still did. And to tat day he was still fighting it. If she woke up, he just might give in… someday…

To that very day he felt a connection with her unlike any other, but he forced it away. After a few months of going back and forth between wanting so badly to find her and give them a real shot and trying to work things out with Haley for Jack's sake, he decided to make a choice. He could've taken the risk and followed his heart or stayed exactly where he was. He made the safe bet. He chose the comfortable option and stayed with Haley. And that didn't end so well. They got the same result just years later. And those years were full of fights and issues; the same ones on repeat. Maybe the safer choice would've been following his heart and having years of new and different experiences. He'd never really know. But once Emily showed up in his office barely more than a year later, everything he worked to push away for the sake of making his family stick started coming back. The perfect fit of her in his arms, the way their bodies collided so eloquently and with such a fiery passion that he never felt before; it was all back in his mind. At first it was hard to work with her. He never showed it, but it was. And that was why he was so rude in the beginning. That was why he pushed her away. Because just the way she said sir sent tingles through his body and made it impossible to be around her. Granted, it got easier over the years. He just tried not to think about her, however impossible that was. They both agreed to that early on. He was married, no longer separated, and there was no allowance to have impure thoughts about another woman anymore. But that didn't mean he didn't feel what he felt. Because he did, threefold. He felt better in that one weekend with Emily than he had on so many other occasions. With her he felt alive.

He realized he had feelings for his subordinate before she was even that. And that wasn't a good thing. He wasn't supposed to feel anything for her other than the shared professionalism of colleagues. But as the days passed and turned into years, he learned more about her. He learned who she really was, and that made the feelings stronger. He wouldn't act on them. He was married, or he was, they worked together, there were many reasons why he couldn't, but the more he learned, the more he liked. She was kind and caring. She helped him after he was injured in New York and Haley couldn't because she was away after one of their fights. After making sure he'd live Haley said, "This is why you need a different job. You almost died Aaron." She always had issues with his job. Emily wouldn't have that problem and she was there for him when his wife wasn't. It was funny how life worked out sometimes. All he knew was that he couldn't lose the woman he came to care for, dare he say love, so much. Even pushing her away wasn't enough to stop the natural progression of his emotion. He was just thankful he was good at hiding and suppressing them. Otherwise things would've been a whole lot messier and ended a whole lot differently.

Staring at Emily lying weak in nothing more than a hospital gown on and attached to a bunch of machines just to keep her alive, hurt him. It physically pained him. And that's how he realized that no matter how much he pushed the feelings down, they were still there. And whether or not he ever acted them, he wanted her alive so at least there was the opportunity. It probably wouldn't happen, but that didn't mean he didn't want it too; maybe someday. But in that moment as he sat with her, he just wanted to dwell on their past together, the present they shared, and the different futures they could have. He couldn't think about anything else. There would be a future and they would still have each other in some capacity and Charlie would have her mother.

Then he thought about Charlie. There were so many enigmas when it came to that girl, but he didn't want to think about that yet. He needed to focus solely on Emily. "Prentiss, Emily… Why didn't you tell us? Not just about Doyle, but why didn't you tell us about Charlie? What's the big secret?" He sighed. A part of him was expecting an answer. "We wouldn't have judged you. We all would've been there for you. I would've been there for you. But that doesn't matter now. You know, this brought up some old memories. I'll never forget our time together. I don't regret it. I couldn't even if I wanted to. There's something about you. And I'm sorry I pushed you away. I'm sorry I wasn't a better friend." He stood from his seat and leaned down to whisper in her ear. "I really care about you Emily. I really do." As he left the room, he made himself a promise. He was going to ignore his yearning for her and be there in whatever capacity the Prentiss women needed him. They were family, and that's what families did.

As the individual one on one visits were happening, the three others were eating, or attempting to. Hungry or not, it was a challenge to get Charlie to actually put the food in her mouth and chew. The dangled everything from brownies and cookies to oatmeal and eggs in front of her face and she wasn't having it. Even her favorite French toast was deliciously tempting, but nothing.

"Mommy's French toast is better." She insisted.

"I'm sure it is, but you have to eat something." They were desperate enough to give her junk food for breakfast. That said a lot. "Why don't you pick what you want then? Anything you want." At that point they would've let her eat ice cream. At least she'd have something in her to digest other than her stomach lining. Staring at the array of food displayed on the table, Charlie pulled the plate of French toast back in front of her. She didn't do much more than nibble, but at least she was eating. JJ and Morgan opted for the other hot food that was starting to go cold. They'd pick up new food for the rest of them before they ventured up.

A few moments of silence passed before Morgan got to his real reason for coming with them. He wanted to get to know the secret child. "Hey kid." Charlie looked up from her food with the same eyes as his friend staring back. It was all very nostalgic. "How old are you?" Without uttering a word, she held up one hand with each of the fingers raised. "You're five. Ok, what do you like to do?"

"I like to play with mommy, and Henry and JJ and Will too." Of course she did.

"What else?"

"Me and mommy make stories together. She tells them and I draw the pictures. We wrote one together once. That was fun. Drawing is fun."

"Do you like to play sports?"

"I dance. Does that count?" She questioned. She heard people say it wasn't, but it felt like it was.

"Yeah baby girl, that counts."

"Then yes, I do play sports. I play soccer too. JJ played soccer. Did you know that?"

"I did." JJ watched them interact like they've done it all along. She was thankful that Morgan, while there were some ulterior motives, was able to distract her from the situation. He'd even gotten her to eat a bit more than she would have otherwise. So she let them carry on without interruption as she went to order coffee and real food for the team. The snacks they tried to bribe Charlie with would come in handy later when no one felt like going anywhere.

When the orders were ready, the three of them headed back to the fourth floor and toward Emily's room. Charlie walked between the two, a hand connecting her to them both. Morgan was easily taken by Charlie and Charlie instantly took too him as well. So to Derek, the mission was a success. He got to know the munchkin and succumbed to her charm. They effortlessly fell into the same ease he shared with Emily. The only thing missing was the teasing banter and suggestive comments. But they made progress on the former.

They arrived just as Hotch was exiting the room. Charlie ran from the pair and over to the man. "Mr. Aaron Sir!" She called walking up behind him. He turned to face her.

"Hi Charlie."

"We brought you food."

"Thank you, but I'm not hungry." He insisted much to Charlie's dislike. People made her eat; she was going to make them eat too.

"Mommy would want you to eat." She was five and already guilt tripping him. Yup, she was Emily's kid alright.

"Then I guess I have to eat to make Emily happy."

"You do because she'd make you like she always makes me." Hotch smiled a real smile flashing his patented dimples that caused the girl to do the same.

"Thank you." A simple nod and Charlie was helping JJ and Morgan hand out the rest of the food. It didn't take long after that for her to insist on being back in Emily's room.

"I want to be with mommy and mommy wants to be with me. I know she does." She insisted. And they had to agree. If there was one person to make the situation better it would be her. Morgan went first. He didn't get his one on one, so he did his thing with the mini me in there too. And over the next few hours they continued taking turns sitting with Emily and Charlie, each adult trying to learn as much about her as possible. If it weren't for the dire circumstances, they all would've had a great time. The only thing missing was the vibrant Emily. And that was what kept the day from being anything but depressing and hard. And that night, as the rest of the group checked into a local hotel, Charlie threw a fit. JJ knew that wasn't like her. That girl was more behaved than, well anyone. So she knew something was up.

"What's going on Charlie? You need sleep and it's late. The doctor's will be here to check on mommy."

"Can't we stay here? We stayed here last night."

"I know you're scared to leave her here, but what would she tell you?"

"I don't know."

"Yes you do. What would she say?"

"She'd tell me a story and tell me I needed to sleep in a real bed." She was told that before. But her voice sounded so lost and defeated anyway. She really didn't want to leave. "But I don't want her to be alone. The doctors won't stay with her."

Rossi, overhearing the conversation, decided to step in. It was time, so he walked over and said, "I'll be here."

"You will?" There was hope again.

"Yeah. I was just going to head to the hotel, shower, and then come back anyway. So how about we all go together now and I'll come back in a little while."

"Who will be with her until then?"

"I'll stay until he comes." Hotch offered. He wasn't going to get any sleep until the twenty four hour mark was up anyway and, if he was honest, he was going to sneak back too. He didn't want to leave her side at all. No one did, but they knew they had to.

Charlie had no reason not to agree after that. She thought about another excuse, but nothing would fly. So she reluctantly gave in, said her goodbyes, and headed to the hotel just a street over with Garcia and JJ. Needless to say it was a rough night with little sleep. But after returning to the hospital the next morning, things got a little better. The twenty four hour mark was up and the doctor told them Emily made it through better than they could've hoped. She remained stable and the vitals were holding. They were still worried about the swelling and her injuries were still in need of constant supervision and of course there were risks of infection, but her chances of surviving the ordeal got a little better. She just needed to breathe on her own and wake up.

After another three grueling days, Emily was deemed stable enough for transport. She hadn't woken up yet, but the doctors said she was semiconscious meaning she was responding to certain stimuli. That was progress, but doctors said it wasn't exactly promising and the team couldn't stay in Boston any longer. They needed to get back to their lives in Virginia, but they wanted Emily to come with them. If she couldn't get on a plane with them like she normally would, they would have her moved to a closer hospital. JJ felt she owed it to her friend to make sure, no matter how it all ended up, that Charlie lived her life as normally as possible, and that included getting the education she deserved. And the little girl missed enough school. They needed to get back, especially with the holidays coming up. It was almost Christmas. Just more than a week.

When they returned, things didn't exactly get easier. They just became more routine. The team got some time off of work. Strauss actually suggested it. JJ tried to get Charlie back into her normal activities starting with school and dance. She didn't want to go. She wanted to stay at the hospital during every waking minute, but she understood that Emily would've made her go to school, so she had to go. Clyde actually played a part in her cooperation. He followed them back to Virginia, talked with Charlie, made sure Emily was situated and he would get regular updates, and then had a good talking to with the little girl. He explained why he was leaving and promised he'd call. He told her that Emily would be ok and that she just had to give it some time. And then he explained that she had to be very good for her mother's team because that's who she was. Acting out, no matter how upset she was, no matter how difficult a situation life put her in, wasn't the norm. She promised to be good and said her goodbyes. JJ was surprised by his effect on Charlie. It was almost… fatherly. Whatever it was, it worked and Clyde was on his way to Europe while they did their best to move on. Moving on wasn't really the best term. It was more like learning to live with the temporary change. That was how they saw it.

On Wednesday, day seven, things were about as normal as they could be. After dropping Henry and Charlie off at school, JJ would head to the hospital. The team was alternating nights and days there so that Emily would never be alone. It was an exhausting task, but no one was complaining. It helped that, after explaining what she could, the kids' teacher was rather understanding and promised to keep a close watch on Charlie. That made JJ's job easier. And it finally gave her time to read the letter Emily wrote. She'd been putting it off, afraid to see the dying words before her on paper. But she put it off enough. They were going back to work the next day, so everyone was getting ready for that and no one would be by for at least another hour. She'd have the perfect opportunity to read it.

Getting as comfortable as she possible could on the hard plastic seating, JJ pulled the package from her purse. She brought it everywhere she went. It never left her side. It probably wasn't a healthy thing to do, ignore it, but never separate herself from it, but it felt like she was bringing a piece of Emily with her. And she needed that for comfort. She needed her best friend there in whatever way. But there was no more procrastination. She was doing this.

"Let's see what all this is about. Shall we?" She asked the still unconscious Emily as she slowly pulled out the white envelope with her name on it. Taking in one last soothing breath, she began to read.

Dear Jayje,

There were a number of ways I could've addressed this letter. JJ, Jennifer, Jen… I've contemplated each one, but nothing felt as right as Jayje. That's who you are. You're FBI Supervisory Special Agent Jennifer Jareau, JJ to friends and family and victims alike, and, on occasion, Jayje to those who love you and care about you like I do. But most importantly, to me at least, is that you're the kindest, most compassionate spirit of a person I think I've ever met. And traveling all around the world, I've met many people, so I know a thing or two. But that didn't seem like an appropriate heading for such a letter. That doesn't make it any less true though. You're you and that speaks for itself.

However, your greatness aside, if you're reading this, I'm either dead or dying. I should preface this by saying that I'm sorry. Whatever situation I'm in is probably entirely my fault. So I'm sorry for the lies and half truths, for the dodging and insisting I was fine. Maybe I was fine then, but obviously I'm not fine now. I hope you know that I did what I did to protect you, to protect all of you and for Charlie. I'd do anything for her, for you, and the team too. And, if current predicaments don't tell you that, I don't know what would. But that is neither here nor there. The point is that I really didn't want things to end like this. I could've asked for help. I should've asked for help. But I didn't. And no amount of should've. Could've, would'ves are going to change that. He knew too much about each and every one of you. He knew where you were at any given moment, what you were doing; he could get to you, all of you, and he proved that. He made that blatantly clear to me. So even though I physically could've asked for help, I didn't feel like I could. And I hope that one day the team understands that. I hope that you understand that. Because in the end, it wasn't about me. It didn't matter what happened to me. It was about keeping everyone safe from me and the danger I brought to our world. I had to do what I had to do to protect the ones I love. I'm not sure I'd want to take any f it back even if I could.

I've never truly loved another human being as much as I love my daughter, little girl. I'll never get tired of saying that. She's mine, a part of me that will, hopefully, live a long and prosperous life. I don't think I've ever felt what true love was until I heard the heartbeat or I saw her the first time during the sonogram or the first time I held her. Nothing compares to that feeling. Love has never come easy for me. I've spent most of my life being shipped from one country to another never staying in one place long enough to get to know anyone. There have been guys and people who will forever hold a place in my heart, but nothing will ever compare to the love I have for Charlie. But then there's you and the team.

My family was scattered at best so I never knew what it meant to be part of a stable unit. I did what I could to give that to Charlie, but I haven't really done a very good job. I didn't know how to, not until I met you. All of you, Garcia, Rossi, Morgan, Hotch, even Reid… You all taught me what it meant to be a part of a real family, to have people who had my back and willing to do anything for me. Little by little, each of you taught me to open my heart, to let people in, and to love someone other than Charlie. Each of you, whether knowingly or not, taught me something. But you, you taught me I can rely on my friends for anything. You taught me that I can trust and not worry about being judged. You taught me that I can tell you anything and know you won't go blabbing to everyone. And maybe I used that privilege a little bit too much, but you never complained. So I'm sorry for taking advantage, and thank you for putting up with me.

You'll never truly know just what you've meant to me and how much you've done for me. In many ways you are the sister I never had and the sister I've always wanted. And then I realized that I don't have to want that ever again, because I have that. I have you. I have Garcia. And whether bonded by blood or choice, you are my sister in all the ways that matter. I just wish I'd be there to have more of that. I'm sorry I won't be and I'm sorry I wasn't better at that particular job. Sometimes old habits are hard to break. Sometimes they're just impossible. Know that I did try. I just didn't know how to do it.

I have so much I want to say, so much I wish I was saying while in the same room with you having one of our girl's days, but obviously it's a little late for that. But it's not too late for me to say what I need to say. So here it goes. Thank you for always being there, for always helping me when I needed it, for understanding that I'm a hard shell to crack and knowing when to just leave it alone. Thank you for being you. Never forget that you're the best friend that a girl could ask for and anyone would be lucky to have you. I know I was. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise. You deserve so much better. So when I'm gone, don't be afraid to let people take care of you for once. You don't always have to be the caretaker. You deserve a break. But if I know you like I think I do, you'll be everyone's shoulder. You'll be who they turn to in their time of need. Just don't neglect yourself in the process. Don't let my mistakes pull you down.

I know it's not the best situation, but I need you to keep your promise. You said you'd be there for Charlie, and I need you to mean that. You're the best mother I know and I wouldn't trust anyone else with something as precious to me as Charlie. Take care of her. Show her everything the world has to offer. Make sure she knows that love exists in all forms. Allow her to grow into the kind of woman I know she is. Just make sure she feels loved and wanted and all the other things I never felt. Don't let her think I abandoned her or that I did what I did because I didn't love her. She is my everything and she needs to know that. When she's old enough, explain things to her as best you can. Tell her I never meant to hurt her. And reassure her, that no matter what she does in life, mistakes and all, that I'm proud of her and I love her.

I would trust you with my life and now I trust you with hers. Treat her like your own. And if you really think you can't do that, then I hope the afterlife doesn't allow me to see it.

Goodbye,

All my love,

Emily

P.S. The other letters are to be given to the team in the event of my death. There's one for each of them. My lawyer should contact you with several other items as well, including a safety deposit box key. In that box is everything you need to know about Charlie's father, so you can finally put the snooping to rest. Also in there is a letter for Charlie now and several for important milestones that will come later in her life. I'm sorry for putting this all on you, but I knew I could count on you. Thank you for being you.

"Damn it Emily." The tears were cascading down her cheeks. "What the hell was that? Were you really that prepared for your own death that you just resigned to it? That's not fair. This shouldn't be happening. We should be working on Secret Santa or hitting up the mall with Garcia. We shouldn't be here." The tears were flowing even more rapidly. She needed a moment to compose herself. She didn't even want to think about what she looked like. Undoubtedly, her eyes were puffy and red and her voice was shaky. It would definitely be an unattractive sight, but it didn't matter. Still with tears in her eyes, she walked over to the bedside and took Emily's hand in hers. "You better wake up soon because I don't want to have to deliver those letters. You should be saying what you need to say to our faces when you're still here for us to yell at or respond to. That's the Emily we know and love." She squeezed the hand a little harder almost hoping she'd reciprocate the gesture. But she didn't. "You better wake up. And soon. Do you hear me? You need to wake up." A voice caused her to stop and look towards the door.

"Statistically speaking, a majority of patients in similar vegetative states from injuries comparable to Emily's eventually regain consciousness. Approximately 20% wake up in a month's time." He nearly caused her to jump out of her skin with his numbers. But his statistics weren't helping. It didn't matter what happened to other people, not at that moment. All that mattered then was what was happening with Emily. And a month wasn't a comforting thought. A lot could happen in a month. Looking at her proved that. Anything could happen in such a seemingly short span of time.

"Jeez Reid. Wear louder shoes next time."

"Sorry."

"What are you doing here? I thought you'd be… I don't know where I thought you would be."

"I wanted to be here. But is everything ok? You look like you've been crying." She wasn't ok. And a part of her felt guilty. She read her letter. They didn't even know they existed. She talked things over with Will. She asked his opinion. Should she tell them about the letters? Should she let them read them before they knew the outcome? They came to the same conclusion. JJ should read her letter first and find out what Emily wanted. But she did that and was no closer to feeling resolved. She still felt they deserved the same comfort she'd been given however morbid the gesture was.

"I'll be ok once she wakes up. You know Emily; she doesn't even have to say anything and she has a way of getting to people. I just want her to wake up."

"We all want that."

"I know, but it's so hard." For the first time she really looked at him. She listened to Emily's words and wanted to share in her grief. They could take care of each other. "Charlie wrote a letter to Santa with her class yesterday. The teacher thought I would want to see it. Reading it made me break down."

"What did it say?" As she put Emily's letter back into her purse, away from others' eyes, she pulled the colorful Christmas paper from her bag.

"Here, see for yourself." Reid accepted it gracefully and unfolded it.

Clearing his throat, he read it aloud. "Dear Santa, I don't want toys for Christmas. My mommy gives me everything I want. She got hurt saving me from a bad guy. She sleeps a lot now. I can't wake her up. Can you? I want my mommy back. I'm happy I met her friends. Mommy wanted me to meet them at Christmas. JJ tells good stories. They can stay. But for my present I want my mommy because I miss her lots. Oh, and my friend Henry wants a new bike. You can do that too right? Thank you Santa. If JJ and Henry help me I'll put out your favorite cookies and carrots for the reindeer. Mommy told me they need to eat to help deliver the presents on time." Reid just looked up from the letter and straight at JJ's slick and teary face. His face displayed the awe and raw emotion ever so clearly. He wasn't above crying.

"I know. It's a hard read isn't it?"

"Are we sure she's only five?"

"I'm sure. I was at the party."

"She's not the average five year old."

"No, no she is not." Reid joined her in the sterile hospital seating as a web of silence wrapped around them. It was a comfortable silence, like they were having some sort of unspoken conversation with Emily as they shared the heaviness of uncertainty.

"Why didn't she tell us about Charlie? About Doyle? I thought we were her family. People tell their family these types of things." He finally broke the silence.

"We are her family Reid. She did what she did with Doyle for us. As for Charlie, I'm still not entirely clear on that myself. Would it make you feel better if you knew that her own mother doesn't know?"

"Does she know?"

"No."

"Fine, but I don't get it. Why the big secret?"

"She has her reasons."

"But she told you."

"Well yeah Spence. She kind of had to since our kids are best friends and we showed up to the birthday party. It was something that couldn't just be ignored."

"So then why not tell us after that?"

"There's no concrete answer here. She wanted to tell you. I think she was just scared."

"Scared? Emily?"

"Everyone gets scared sometimes, even her. That's usually when people make the hardest decisions. I'm sure she'll explain it all when she wakes up."

"You're right."

"No statistics?"

"No." He could've came up with a million or so stats that fit the situation, but for once, he didn't need someone to tell him to just keep it to himself. He didn't want to stay there any longer. After visiting every day since it happened, it was just depressing. He knew too much about the situation, and it was more than numbers to him. That scared him. "Have you eaten?" He needed a break from the conversation, the entire situation.

"I haven't."

"Want to go get some lunch before school's out?"

"Yeah, ok. I'll meet you down there in a minute." Reid took another look at Emily, hoping that she'd just look at him incredulously and say, "What about me?" But that wasn't realistic, it wasn't probable, and he knew that hoping doesn't get results; science did.

"I'll wait by the elevators." He said before parting.

JJ wanted to read and reread Emily's letter about a dozen times after he left. She wanted her friend back. She wanted to talk to her about it and actually have her reply. Having girl talk and sharing feelings with an Emily that was as responsive as an inanimate object was hard. But it was the reality. None of them could stand seeing her like that. They were so used to the strong vibrant woman. Seeing her like a weak sick girl was beyond painful. So she'd take the relief that came from lunch with Spencer. But even though she didn't know if Emily could actually hear her, she had to say something before just leaving.

"Your daughter made a wish. It's up to you to make it come true. And I know you do whatever you can for her. Don't stop that now. Fight for her… and us. We all want you back." She gave the limp hand a tight squeeze. "I'll be back and Charlie will be here soon too. Maybe you'll surprise us and be awake when we get here." One could only hope.

JJ released her hand and left Emily alone. As the elevator doors closed behind them and they ventured the several floors to their lunch destination, Emily's condition began to change. Sounds and alarms blazed through her room alerting the staff to the problem.

Beep, beep… Beep, beep… Beep, beep… Beep… Beep… Beep… Beeeeeeeeeeep. There was nothing but the continuous hum of the monitor alerting everyone to her flat lining.

I am so, so sad that Paget is leaving the show! I want her to change her mind, but at the same time I understand why she's doing it. I don't know what to think of the show without her. I didn't like the episodes without her.

Anyway, enjoy the chapter.

Sorry for any grammatical or spelling errors.

Thank you everyone who has added this story to alerts or favorites and to those of you who have given feedback. Opinions are much appreciated; feedback, input, whatever. Constructive criticism also welcomed. I hope you enjoy. Until next time…