Chapter 10: Heart To Heart And Soul To Mouth
Nobody in either Camp Kidney or Acorn Flats could tell you much about the morning leading up to the picnic. Both sects of Scouts and Troop Leaders were too busy rushing around, trying to coordinate things, find some form of food, or even just contain their excitement. Even if it's a party to say goodbye to someone, a party is still a party, and it's impossible to even think of that word without already feeling your heart speed up and your hands start to sweat.
Picnic picnic party picnic party picnic party party...
Each and every hour passed like an incomprehensible blur, characterized only by impatience, excitement, and overall exhilaration. Absolutely NOBODY could resist this intoxicating aura—even the angstiest characters with the most personal problems and the greatest aversions to social gatherings couldn't help but get swept up in it all.
For better or worse, it would be a picnic to remember.
It seemed only five seconds after daybreak that the call came for twelve noon and departure, and the Beans, most of whom had been lined up on the docks since the moment they'd finished breakfast, immediately lunged into the canoes and started paddling like their lives depended on it. Which meant, of course, that Lumpus and Slinkman, arriving at Leakey Lake mere nanoseconds too late, had to squeeze into the last boat with the Jellies.
"All aboard who's going aboard!" Lazlo called cheerfully to the empty shores, fiddling with the knot securing the canoe to the dock while Clam made foghorn noises behind him. "Preparing to cast off!"
Lumpus growled with impatience. "Just hurry up!" he snapped, then sniffled indignantly. "I don't want to keep my BRIDE-TO-BE waiting."
Slinkman groaned. Raj just shivered, mumbling ancient Hindu spells meant to protect the utterer against public humiliation by prepubescent girls.
Lazlo merely shrugged at the Scoutmaster, grin still glowing brightly, and waited a moment more with his hand still on the rope. "Last call...anybody...?"
"WAIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIT!"
All of a sudden Edward burst over the horizon, sprinting frantically towards the canoe with one hand tugging his shirt over his head and the other clamped tightly around his cap. Startled by Edward's cry, Lazlo accidentally dropped the rope, and the canoe had already drifted several feet into the lake by the time that the platypus had actually reached the dock. But he didn't even slow down, instead leaping off the rickety structure and straight into the boat, huffing and panting as the little dinghy shuddered under the impact.
Clam held up a card reading "9.1".
"Stupid polliwog!" Lumpus snapped, scrambling to get a solid grip on the edge of the violently-rocking canoe. "Dagnabbit, you almost got my wedding suit all wet!"
(Some of the less-educated, taking only a cursory glance, would think that Lumpus's "wedding suit" looked almost exactly like his Scoutmaster's uniform. However, they miss the all-important fact that his wedding suit was made of cotton instead of polyester.)
Edward didn't respond, instead just keeping his eyes focused on his shoes. He didn't even seem to notice Lazlo's attempts to inconspicuously tug the platypus off of Raj, whom he had landed on and who was protesting quite loudly. Not that anyone bothered to listen.
But Slinkman noticed these goings-on, and the little slug blanched whiter than newly-washed linen. The detail was infinitesimally small, and he appeared to be the only one aware of it, but as Lazlo was trying to move Edward, the platypus was sliding slightly-but-surely towards Lazlo's lap. Terrified, Slinkman started waving frantically at the boys, shooting horrified glances at Scoutmaster Lumpus in fear that Lazlo and Edward's "secret relationship" (oh, he had imagined up VOLUMES of material on that point) would be outed by their frighteningly blatant canoodling. They didn't look up. Slinkman waved harder. Raj stopped complaining due to a sudden lack of breath. Slinkman waved even harder.
Suddenly he felt a tap on his shoulder.
"Here," said Clam, handing the slug an oversized flyswatter. "Better for getting bugs."
Making an exasperated noise, Slinkman snatched it up and stowed it in his pocket, and when he looked back at the Beans on the other side of the canoe, Edward had finally been eased off of his elephantine cushion and was firmly squished between both the understandably grumpy Raj and the eternally-grinning Lazlo. The Assistant Scoutmaster breathed a sigh of relief. Maybe Lazlo and Edward were a little too close together—by about one-tenth of an inch or so—but, judging by the small dimensions of the boat, that could easily be explained away. As well, Edward's oddly quiet demeanor wasn't one to immediately invoke the thought of romance. All in all, it looked like the "secret lovebirds" would be safe.
Still, Slinkman resolved as the canoe continued rocking slowly across the lake, he was going to have to watch them VERY CLOSELY.
The rowers of that canoe having been substantially less energetic than those that had gone before them, the current focal group arrived nearly half an hour late, and the picnic was already in full swing. Although still mostly in their separate Beans-only and Squirrels-only groups, everyone was talking, laughing, eating cake, and admiring the charmingly lopsided origami parking meters propped up on each table. Some Scouts had even snatched off the tablecloths and spread them out on the lush green lawn so they could have a proper picnic. ...Though one could argue that it would be impossible to have a "proper picnic" at Acorn Flats, seeing as the stale perfume routinely sprayed all over the cabins had killed off the entire ant population on that shore of Leakey Lake. But that was a minor detail.
At the moment, the only people standing by the buffet tables were Miss Doe, Miss Mucus and, surprisingly, Commander Hoo-Ha. No one quite knew how he had found out about the party or even why he had bothered to show up, but he seemed to be quite at home, barking out dubious-sounding compliments and spending an awful lot of time "policing" the dwindling supply of vanilla-frosted cupcakes. At the moment, he was trying futilely to engage Miss Mucus in a discussion about the merits of having snakes in the military, but, seeing as the only response the warthog would give was in the form of throaty grunts, he turned his attention to Miss Doe, who was eager to babble with anyone about anything whether she understood the conversation topic or not.
Of course, out of the group just arriving in the ramshackle canoe, only Lumpus and Slinkman really noticed to these happenings—Slinkman because it was his duty as a (sort of) authority figure to observe the doings of other authority figures, and Lumpus because he had been expressly searching for Miss Doe at the time. The sight of Commander Hoo-Ha, however, was enough to send him into a complete nervous tizzy, during which he fretted fearfully over the repercussions of having his beloved Miss Doe propose to him in front of his superior officer. So of course this meant that Slinkman was forced to calm down the Scoutmaster, which required a lot of reassuring pats on the back and attempting to mollify him with shiny objects, all of which meant that the slug was unable to pay as much attention to the boys as he had intended.
And so he completely missed the fact that, right after the Beans exited the canoe, Lazlo roughly grabbed Edward's hand and started yanking him towards the buffet table.
"C'mon, Edward!" he cried enthusiastically, smiling extra-wide in an attempt to cheer his companion up. "Let's go find a blanket before everyone else takes them!"
The platypus didn't even react. He just slid his hand out of Lazlo's grasp and walked away.
Lazlo just stood there, blinking frozenly, fingers still curled around an imaginary palm. A moment more and he might have gotten enough wits to turn and call for Edward to come back, but Raj pounced on him before that, shaking the monkey by the shoulders.
"WHAT WAS DAT SACRILEGE?" steamed the elephant, trunk flaring indignantly. "YOU WERE JOOST GOING TO GO PLAY WITH EDWARD UND LEAVE ME ALONE, WEREN'T YOU?" Clam made a small cough, and Raj stopped short. "...Oh, und Clam too, of course of course..." Then he started jittering the monkey even more violently than before. "BUT YOU WERE GOING TO ABANDON ME, LAZLO? ME? WHEN YOU KNOW VERY WELL DAT DESE GIRLS PLAN TO ATTACK ME?"
Lazlo, feeling a touch of vertigo, could only really manage to make negative-sounding squeaky noises. However, Raj was not appeased.
"HMF!" he snorted, then, before Lazlo could protest, he pulled the monkey over to a nearby patch of grass and plunked him down, sitting down rather fiercely himself. By the time that Clam had deigned to walk over and join them, and by the time Lazlo had figured out just what in the world was going on, Raj was already drawing up a blueprint for a fort.
Although Lazlo had originally made those negative-sounding squeaky noises to state that he hadn't intended to leave his friend open to attack, it might well be taken that his negative-sounding squeaky noises meant that there would be no attack—which was completely and utterly true. While the Squirrels received much joy from tormenting dimmer, slower-moving Bean Scouts, and while Raj was a particularly favored target because of his tendency to scream in high falsettos, none of them had even bothered to bring their buckets of tar to that gathering.
Instead, they were more intrigued by their very own hometown love triangle.
Whereas the Beans had required an overly blunt statement to realize that that was what had been going on, the Squirrel Scouts had only required observation of the first Edward-Veronica encounter (and Gretchen's reaction to it) to have a full and unabridged understanding of the situation. ...Minus Edward's own sentiments on the matter, of course. But they didn't care about him. He was a boy. Ew.
And while all of the above was just enough reason for all of them to have round-table discussions rather than tarring and feathering an Indian elephant, the fact that this party was for VERONICA, a member of the love triangle, and had been partially arranged by GRETCHEN, Veronica's rival, and that also in attendance was EDWARD, the center of the love triangle...well! That's even WITHOUT the fact that it was also a party in honor of Veronica's departure, which made the affair all the more exciting, because Edward was going to have to choose one or the other during the course of the party or else lose his chance forever! So they surmised.
Thus, even though the Beans and Squirrels remained in their aforementioned separate sects, still they were all privately discussing the exact same thing...though falling mysteriously silent whenever Gretchen passed by. Her eyes might have been slightly red around the rims, but her fists were just as threateningly cocked as ever—even more so—and irritating her at that moment would be tantamount to jumping into a lake of bricks. But she didn't even stop to speak to anyone; just sat down somewhere, got up to find another place to sit, and kept on with the cycle.
Normally in such a situation, Edward would be treated with the same degree of secretive fear, but the idea that he was in Love, of all things and of all PEOPLE, was just so hysterical that none of the Scouts could even look at him without bursting out laughing. Of course, they were further emboldened by the fact that he did nothing, not even gritting his teeth or tensing his shoulders. If his fists lashed out suddenly, it was because he was moving to straighten his hat. If his eyes were narrowed, it was because he was searching for someone.
He found her at the refreshment table.
Patsy Smiles was a refreshingly loyal friend. Really she was. No, no, don't bring up that "treating Veronica like dirt" thing—Veronica wasn't a friend, she was a RIVAL of a friend, which made her just as good as dirt to begin with. Even if Patsy had felt little tiny inside surges of guilt while tormenting her, Veronica was NOT a friend, and so the "loyal friend" concept had nothing to do with her. Anyways, since Patsy was so loyal, if she could have, she would have been at Gretchen's side right then, comforting her, reassuring her, helping her...being with her.
But the second she spotted her favorite monkey beau on the fringe of the crowd, all that "friendship" schmuck went flying straight out the window.
"Hiiiiiiiiiiii, Lazlooooooooooooo," she trilled as she skipped over, interrupting Raj in the middle of describing their plan of action in case they were besieged. "Having fun?"
Lazlo didn't even really look up, just twisted his hands antsily in his lap. "Oh, yeah, sure, Patsy."
"A-hemmmmmm!" Raj flapped his arms in a play for attention. "We are making BATTLE TACTICS here, Laszlo! Do not be distracted by de enemy!"
Patsy favored him with a sour look and plunked herself down by the monkey boy, scooting ever-so-slyly to close the nearly three-inch-wide gap between them. "You're not busy, are you, Lazlo?" she inquired innocently, batting her eyelashes over at him. "I really wanted to hang out with you at this party...it's been on my mind day and night..."
"Subtle," muttered Clam with a half-grin.
Raj drummed his fingers against the ground impatiently, but otherwise all was silent as Patsy strained for some sort of reply from Lazlo. He just stared at the grass before him, brow knotted, hands still thumping against each other. Then with a sudden rush he sprang to his feet, tail bobbing in the air.
"Sorry, Patsy, not right now." His tone was unusually flat, and he wore a look of intense concentration on his face. "I'll be back, though, so you can just wait here for me if you want."
Patsy's expression wavered with uncertainty, then her conflict was resolved and she beamed up at him. "Sure thing, Lazlo!"
Raj heaved a might gasp, horrified that the sanctity of his base of operations was suddenly going to be desecrated by a girl—not even JUST a girl, but PATSY SMILES! But then he forcibly calmed himself down, reminding himself that he could always just move somewhere else with...less contaminated airspace.
"Raj, Clam, you guys keep her company while I'm gone, 'kay?"
Lazlo turned and departed just as Raj's face turned stark white.
As stark and new and frightening as it was to Edward for him to think anything along those particular lines, he couldn't help but realize that Veronica looked lovely. It shook him out of his emotionless stupor to do so, but he couldn't help but realize that it was the truth. She wasn't "beautiful", she wasn't "hot", she wasn't quite "cute"...she was just lovely.
The girl was no longer in her Squirrel Scout uniform, but instead in a plain lilac dress with short, poofy white sleeves and hints of lacy ruffles poking out from underneath the flared skirt. Nothing particularly special, or dressy, or anything...but enough to make Edward's heart start pounding loudly. Ka-THUMP. Ka-THUMP. Ka-THUMP.
He opened his mouth and tried to speak, but it seemed as though his throat had gone dry. His feet were glued to the ground, his tail was standing straight up and prickling...
She turned, and their eyes met.
Then, before Edward could even blink, she was at his elbow, eyes shining and face almost about to split from the huge, overjoyed smile spreading across it. Edward gulped, feeling heat rush through his face again even as he tried to suppress it.
"Hey, Edward!" exclaimed Veronica breathlessly, and for a moment her hands hovered hesitantly above his arm as if wanting to grab hold of it, but instead she thrust them behind her back. "O-oh, I'm so glad you could come, the party started a while ago and I didn't see you and I thought you might not be able to make it—"
"I'm here," he cut in gruffly, and, finding it hard to look at her, he watched the ground instead.
Veronica sucked in a quick breath—then, feeling oddly self-conscious all of a sudden, just let it out without doing anything with it. An awkward silence followed, punctuated only by the babble of surrounding Scouts, blissfully unaware that the subject of their prattle was being intensely dramatized not two feet from where they stood.
Finally, feeling that he should at least speak up, Edward raised his gaze to hers, feeling his heart speed up even as he eased his mouth open. "...uhhhh...V—"
"Um!" Veronica suddenly squeaked, shoulders jumping. Color rushed into her own face, and her hands started tapping anxiously against each other. "Edward—um—have to—um, um um—"
Her head whipped around to find Denmother Doe, who was on the other side of the table, eagerly absorbing Commander Hoo-Ha's lecture.
"...and if they can jump out of zooming biplanes with extension cords clutched in their little tiny mouths, well, that's even BETTER!" the Commander concluded emphatically, popping cupcake number two-five-one-dash-oh-nine-SIR into his mouth as he did so.
"How fascinating!" The Denmother's entire face radiated awe, and she didn't even blink as the bison swallowed the entire confectionery, wrapper and all, in one manly gulp. "And they don't even need to be house-trained?"
Edward never got to hear the answer to that pressing question, because all of a sudden Veronica's face was all too close to the side of his head, and her husky whisper of "Follow me!" seemed so intimate that, by the time he snapped out of his daze, her waffled tail was already disappearing into the crowd. Hurriedly he scrambled after her, parting Beans and Squirrels alike, and every time he lost sight of her, even if just for a moment, a bout of terror would trap him in its cold, sturdy grip.
If he lost his one chance to speak his piece, he could never be truly happy.
Making people happy, Lazlo thought as he traipsed nimbly across the Acorn Flats picnic grounds, was hard work. Especially with someone like Edward; after all, how could you figure out how to bring happiness to someone when even they don't know what will make themselves happy?
But that was all okay. Lazlo liked a challenge. Especially when the goal was helping someone else.
And so that's why he kept bouncing onto his tiptoes and glancing about from side to side—he just couldn't give up on Edward when the poor platypus was at his lowest, as he had seemed to Lazlo when they'd last parted. Well, so maybe he'd seemed more "deep in thought" or "detached" than anything else, but he certainly hadn't been jumping for joy. Lazlo would have noticed that.
He wondered if Edward's recent weirdness had been because of that "Love" thing. As well-acquainted as he was with the world at large, Lazlo had had very little experience with any type of love besides the lower-cased variety, the bacterial strain that family members passed on to one another (whether consciously or not) and was shared amongst the closest of close friends. His "love" was a happy and wonderful thing, and so it confused him that uppercase "Love" should make someone so miserable. Or contemplative. Close enough.
The monkey was so caught up in his philosophical debating that, for a moment, he almost didn't see the distant figure of Edward running—actually, stumbling would describe it better—away from the cluster of partygoers, heading in the general direction of the forest. And not only that, but he was in pursuit of another character, one whom Lazlo had only seen once in person but would recognize anywhere.
...As overbearing as Lazlo could be, given the right day and the right mood, he had a reasonable understanding of what lines were not to be crossed when dealing with someone's personal privacy. But maybe he could gain a better insight into this uppercased "Love". Or just a better understanding of the workings of the psyche. However, he cared most about Edward's well-being.
And, at the very least, he could make sure that Edward wouldn't wind up alone.
Still not even a yard away from the canoe, Scoutmaster Lumpus was draped over Slinkman's arm, sobbing noisily and phlegmily into his palms as the slug awkwardly cradled his boss's unwieldy frame.
"...and I'll DIE ALONE somewhere, Slinky—snurrrrrk—with no one to care for me, since I'll have NO WIFE! NO WIFE, SLINKMAN, because—SHNORG—because my darling love Miss Doe will never EVER—snerffffffff—propose to me when she's got large married men like Commander Hoo-Ha around! Y'hear that, Slinky?—SHNURGLE—I'll die a LOOOOOOOOOOOOONELY old man—SKERGKKKKK—an old blind HERMIT CRAB in the middle of the forest! An' I'll be so—STERTCHLLK—LONELY..."
"There, there, sir," Slinkman muttered half-heartedly, eyes practically swiveling on their stalks in search of something else to look at. He was able to glaze over most of the picnic without much trouble, noting only the absence of anything even remotely resembling gender-integration. For a while, his gaze lingered on the nearby forest, and, as he was still partially immersed in Lumpus's soliloquy ("...and girls will never go out with me—snukkk—and I'll have to watch primetime TV without anyone to change the channel for me—krggggslnf—and..."), he was only mildly surprised to see Edward charge into the thick of the greenery.
But all his senses snapped onto the alert when he saw Lazlo head in after him.
Without even a moment's hesitation, Slinkman heaved the Scoutmaster off of him, where he conveniently landed in the bottom of the canoe without even breaking pace in his moanings. This was bad. (Well, Lumpus's bottomless wellspring of self-pity was bad, but right then Slinkman was more concerned with the Lazlo/Edward "problem".) Yes, yes, Slinkman had been young once, and WOULD have given the boys their privacy if only because of that...except for the fact that he remembered being young once. And, if memory served, a wide-open public-access state-property community-maintained can't-take-a-leak-without-someone-showing-up-with-a-geiger-counter forest was the exact wrong place to "be young" in.
At the very least it was Slinkman's duty as an Assistant Scoutmaster to warn the boys of the potential consequences of their actions, and to shoo them back towards the party as soon as possible. But if he caught them in the middle of something...
...
...Well, m-maybe he could be their lookout instead.
"LOOK OUT! LOOK OUT!"
With a series of hideously loud crashes, Nina tripped over two decoratively-arranged bowling balls, tumbled into a group of leapfrogging Squirrel Scouts and collided head-on with the Lemmings, scattering the boys like turquoise bowling pins. She staggered, lost her balance, fell one way, started another, got back up, then started sprinting through the crowd like her life depended on it.
Which it just might well have.
"GRETCHEN! GRETCHEN!"
A moment later Nina caught sight of a tuft of curly blonde hair and pounced for it, but because of her horribly flawed depth perception she instead crashed straight into the ground, skidding to a halt with her chin just before Gretchen's outstretched legs.
Gretchen glowered dully at her from her seat in the grass. "...What?"
Nina gasped loudly, then sprang back to her feet, huffing and panting and in a wild panic. "GRETCHEN! GRETCHEN, GRETCHEN, EDWARD AND VERONICA JUST WENT INTO THE WOODS TOGETHER AND IT'S REALLY BAD, I THINK THEY'RE HEADED FOR THE BLUSHING ROCK AND SHE'S GONNA TRY TO MAKE HIM HER BOYFRIEND AND THE MAGIC'S IRREVERSIBLE AND IT'S SO TERRIBLE, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO, I THOUGHT I SHOULD TELL YOU AND—"
Suddenly the giraffe became incredibly aware of the fact that she suddenly had just about every Bean and Squirrel left at the party hanging onto her every word. "...Eeeeeeeeeep!"
Although they'd been dying to know just what in the world Nina had had to tell Gretchen, with this little "eeeeeeeeeep!" the members of the crowd hurriedly decided that maybe they weren't prepared to actually die for it just yet, and hurriedly took a large step back. Dave and Pingpong rattled at the knees. Almondine gulped so hard that you could see the lump traveling down her throat.
But, amazingly, Gretchen didn't even make a sound. She just rose to her feet, eyes fixed on nothing and everything all at once. Then she slammed one fist into the other, so hard that everyone could hear her leathery skin crack with the force.
Without a word, she turned on her heel and walked away.
Understandably, this left the crowd frozen where they stood—or where they cowered, in some cases. This was big. This was REALLY BIG. Even though few of them really knew what was going on, with the exception of Nina, this was definitely something REALLY AMAZINGLY BIG.
So, by some unuttered but universal consent, the whole three-dozen-or-so of them just scampered off towards the woods as fast as their stubby little legs could carry them. The Squirrels in the crowd knew exactly where the Blushing Rock was, and the Beans were apt enough to follow them.
And even though by that time more than 7/8ths of the party had already left, none of the remaining six guests took any notice. They were all off in their own little worlds, whether in joy or misery, and had no need of any sort of confusion.
Edward was confused.
Yes, yes, yes, that was a state of mind he'd come to tolerate over the course of the previous three monstrously confusing days. But this time he was confused for a different reason. This time he was confused as to why Veronica had led him all across the forest and back in no set pattern, and, if they were just going to keep passing that same purple gooseberry bush that they'd passed five times already, why they didn't just sit down and have a discussion there.
"It's just a little bit farther," Veronica called faintly over her shoulder at him, pushing past that godforsaken bush again. "...I think. I've never really been...oh, I wish I'd looked harder at that map..."
Edward didn't answer. He was having a hard enough time keeping his hat on.
Finally Veronica let out a little gasp of delight, and crashed through a pair of trees into a little grove that they hadn't gone through already—probably the only one in the whole forest that they hadn't gone through. But for some reason this grove seemed especially important to Veronica, as she kept hopping up and down and letting out little breaths of air, and all Edward could gather was that it had something to do with the rather large rock right in the middle of the clearing.
"Isn't it beautiful, Edward?" she squeaked dreamily, bouncing over and staring at the rock from every possible angle she could get to. It was even more magnificent than she'd dreamed, all cool and smooth, just the right height for a couple to lean against, exuding a wondrous aura of love—and to top it all off, it was HEART-SHAPED!
Edward just blinked incredulously at her. What's so excitin' about a rock that looks like a couch?
But what he said was, "Um...yeah, Veronica, it's...a real pretty rock..."
Even just saying that name made his palms start to feel clammy again, and it was all he could do to avoid having to wipe them on his shirt. It was almost time. If he didn't say it soon—
His thoughts were abruptly cut off by a sudden crashing noise, and for the slightest moment Edward thought he saw...orange monkey fur? His mouth opened, he blinked, and suddenly it was gone, so his mouth slid shut again. Well, yes, the leaves on that tree overhead did seem to be trembling, but it couldn't POSSIBLY be for any reason other than the wind. He was just paranoid. It was nothing.
"Veronica—" he started again, just as she whipped back around from the rock and exclaimed "Edward!—"
And something else rustled. Although he turned like a shot, Edward missed the curious yellow eye stalks retracting into the depths of a bush, and so, more reluctantly this time, the platypus had to put it all down to a bad case of the spooks. It's nothin', it's nothin', nothin's there, it's all fine...
Just for the sake of his peace of mind, Edward cast a long stare all around the clearing, watching every detail as carefully as he could. There was nowhere that ANYONE could hide without his knowing it—just that big tree that was rustling slightly orange and that bush with the yellowish tint behind it and that treestump that seemed to have gotten a couple of deep alligatorlike teeth gashes in it since last he'd looked. But that was nothing. That was absolutely nothing. NOBODY was hiding anywhere.
Against his will, Edward had to let out a small, snorting chuckle. Besides those three spots—which were NOT concealing ANYBODY—then there were no hiding places where someone could remain hidden and still see and hear exactly what was going on. Someone would have to be either pretty stupid or pretty desperate to hide there!
(...Unfortunately for Edward, the Beans were pretty stupid and the Squirrels were pretty desperate, so every one of them was concealed amongst those less-than-ideal vantage points. Even Samson, who could've sat right on top of the Blushing Rock without anyone noticing that he was there.)
Forcing himself to forget about it, he took in a deep breath, turned back to Veronica—and stopped.
"...S-s-so," he began awkwardly in an effort to break the silence.
She blushed a little, grinning hesitantly. "...So."
"Um."
"W-well..."
"...Yeah."
"Uh-huh."
Edward could've sworn he'd heard someone hiss "Get on with it!", but it most definitely had to have been his imagination.
Still feeling a bit nervous, he shuffled a few more steps forwards, hoping against hope that decreasing the gap between himself and the girl would make it easier to talk. Soon enough, they were both merely feet apart, the Blushing Rock almost a tangible presence just behind them.
"V-Veronica—" Edward tried again, but was stopped by the sudden and unexpected feeling of her hands grasping his own, and her eyes suddenly locked with his.
"I love you, Edward."
And then she leaned upwards.
...It had been the last thing he'd expected, and there was the smallest pause before Edward realized what had happened. And then he was paralyzed, unmoving, unsure how to move or even whether he should. It was the first time he'd ever been kissed intentionally, and it felt so different...softer, less abrupt...safer, more innocent...
When she hesitantly pulled away, removing herself the gentlest way possible and falling a few steps backwards, he still remained stationary, eyes slightly unfocused, taking it all in. And everything in that grove was holding its breath for him.
"...Veronica."
Veronica let out that breath first, but it was choppy, and done out of surprise more than anything else. "D-did you say something?" she asked in a squeak, flushed fully crimson.
He did it not because it made things easier—truth be told, it actually made the whole thing even harder—but, out of respect for her if nothing else, Edward raised his eyes to hers, steadying himself, and pronounced that crucial sentence with every ounce of compassion he had in his body.
"The one I love isn't you, Veronica. I'm sorry."
...For a moment, nothing in the universe fit together.
"Wh—what?" Her face, her eternally radiant, happy face, was contorted with...with...shock, confusion, horror, and a mix of other things that she clearly wasn't used to, as they kept slipping and sliding across her visage in alien mutations. Her hands were shaking, her knees knocked against each other, barely supporting her weight, her tail twitched, her bill was quivering up and down—
And then she stopped, brushed herself down, and smiled (almost) pleasantly at him. And she laughed.
"Oh, that's so funny, Edward!" She giggled and chuckled and chortled and guffawed, no more than a tinge of hysteria beneath her tones. "Oh, oh, Edward, that's—that's—that's way too much, I..."
"It's not a joke." Edward stood rigidly, fists slightly clenched, and kept his eyes on hers, even when the pleading horror in her expression made it almost painful to do so. "I'm sorry."
"But—but—"
It was too much for the girl's system. This was impossible. She put a hand—both hands on the surface of the Blushing Rock, gripping the stone tightly, as though she was not merely steadying herself against it but was also trying to draw strength from it, to steal some of its magical aura to fix this horrible flaw in reality.
"—But the rock!" Veronica finally erupted, voice cracking as it raised in volume, panicky and desperate. "The rock, the Blushing Rock—it's here, it's HERE, it's SUPPOSED TO WORK—" Suddenly she flew at him, grasping his shoulders, jittering him back and forth even as tears leaked out of the corners of her eyes, even as Edward remained as stoic and unmoving as he had been. "I LOVE YOU, EDWARD! WE'RE SUPPOSED TO BE TOGETHER FOREVER!"
"...But we will be..."
Before Veronica could process this statement, he'd gently removed her hands from his shoulders and lifted his cap from his head, upending it tenderly into his palm. And Veronica tumbled out.
"...For a while, I thought it was you," Edward began quietly, holding the doll out to her namesake once again, his eyes latched on the girl the whole time. She, meanwhile, was staring rigidly at the doll, her breaths slowing and her countenance pale. "But...every time I was happier, or more embarrassed, or anythin' around you, it wasn't 'cus of YOU...it was 'cus of her." Suddenly a bit more aware of what he was saying, Edward twitched a little, but his gaze never wavered. "I've loved her longer'n I've known you, even longer'n I've been comin' ta' camp. But as much as you look like her, you c'n never be the same person...an' that's why we can't be together. Not like you want."
Suddenly, the girl hiccuped—then her shoulders began to shake, her eyes began to overflow, and she burst out in loud, wracking sobs, her face buried in the doll's dress, wailing and sobbing and coughing and moaning, and finally she sank to her knees, letting out the most powerful negative emotions that she'd ever had in her life...and even some that she'd kept hidden for all those ten years without ever knowing that they'd existed. And she cried, and cried, mindless of her surroundings, mindless of anything except the overwhelming pain in her chest that was spreading throughout her entire being.
Now at last Edward began to feel seriously awkward, watching this pitiful wreck of a girl feeling her world shatter to pieces around her and knowing that, at least to some degree, it had been his fault. Even though he'd inflicted headier physical pain on others at various points in his life, because this matter was emotional, somehow that seemed to make it that much worse. And besides, she had loved him—or, at the very least, had liked him very much—and, in the end, that was what brought him down on his own knees and placed his hand hesitantly but comfortingly on her shoulder.
"I still...I still think you're an okay sort of kid, though," he said in a low voice—not quite soft, because that was something he wasn't used to yet, but reassuring all the same. The sound and the touch of his hand coaxed her face back out of her palms, and the pure unadulterated grief on Veronica Webbs's tearstricken face was almost enough to send him reeling backwards. But he held his position, tones becoming firmer, and when next he spoke he was absolutely sure of his words. "I'm real sorry I broke your heart, an' I don't expect you ta' ever forgive me for that. But, if you do someday...I'd like to try bein' your friend."
She hiccuped again, eyes widening slightly through the rainbows of moisture...but then her hands felt the doll in her grip again, and her gaze lowered sadly again. "Oh..." she sighed, starting to tremble again. "Because of—"
With an unexpected, swift movement, Edward snatched the doll from her and put it on the ground, not even looking at it for an instant. "Not because a' the doll. Because a' you."
When had he gotten so soft? So compassionate? So...sure? Two seconds ago? Two weeks ago? It was impossible to tell. Maybe he'd grown up, just a little.
Somehow, unspokenly, knowing that there was nothing more he could do, and that there was nothing more he should do, the platypus boy rose to his feet again, quietly stuffing the doll back into his cap and striding away. He didn't notice the way that the bushes rustled in alarm as he approached, nor did he seem to see the clumsily-hidden children trying very hard not to make any sudden movements.
He had done what he'd had to, and regardless of any eventual outcomes, for the first time Edward could truly hold his head high and consider himself a man.
Slowly, very slowly so as not to make a sound, Lazlo lowered himself from the tree, touching down on the bottommost limb for only an instant before landing noiselessly on the forest floor. For a moment he thought he saw Slinkman hurriedly back out of a bush, as well as some Beans and Squirrels, but he didn't look long enough to make sure. He just took his time tiptoeing away from the grove, careful not to disturb anything as he departed the scene.
"See now?"
Lazlo nearly jumped out of his skin in fright when the rough whisper drifted up from beside his elbow, but his instincts kept him silent until he'd affirmed that it was indeed Clam, glancing up at him with a glimmer in his eye.
"What're you doing here?" Lazlo demanded in a low voice—but stopped when he realized that, having been spying on Edward and Veronica himself, he was the last one to be asking that question. So instead he resumed tiptoeing towards the edge of the forest, Clam mirroring his steps just behind him.
"See now?" Clam repeated at length.
Even without any given context, after a moment's contemplation, Lazlo felt that he had an answer. "Yeah...I guess I do see. Well, about the whole 'Edward's in Love' thing, sure, and maybe..." Finding no words to accurately convey his thoughts, Lazlo instead let out a breath of air, stepping cautiously over a protruding tree root. "Maybe about Edward himself, kinda, or 'love' itself...I dunno what it is, exactly, but I understand." He stopped short, blinking down at Clam. "Does that sound weird?"
The little rhinoceros shook his head firmly. "Nuh-uh."
They stood there a moment longer, then Lazlo's gaze drifted back the way they'd come, and his eyes suddenly softened. "Is she...is she gonna be..."
"Girl gonna be fine," Clam assured him, patting Lazlo consolingly on the shoulder. After all, even though the monkey was a little clumsy about it, all he'd ever wanted to do was help. "Clam know lots more 'bout broken hearts than people think. If Lazlo go back, just make worse—'specially since Lazlo not s'posed listen anyway."
Lazlo reddened slightly at that, though it was hard to tell under his orange fur. Still, it was tough for him not to immediately turn and rush back to the grove, seeing as his mission in life was to spread joy to others, not leave them sobbing in the middle of the woods...but, for some unknown, unspoken reason, he trusted Clam's judgment, and let Veronica be.
"...By the way," he asked as they finally stepped out of the forest and began heading back to the picnic ground, "where's—"
The sentence trailed off as his gaze reached the edge of the still somewhat barren picnic grounds, where a small Indian elephant, blushing furiously, was laughing and chatting and carrying on with none other than Patsy Smiles, both of them utterly at ease like two old friends.
A soft smile spread over Lazlo's face, and he clasped his hands together behind his back. "Never mind."
As slowly as the spying Scouts had returned from the woods, afraid of attracting undue attention if they came back all at once, there were still enough back in the picnic area by the time Edward arrived that he wasn't the least bit suspicious—in fact, this sight caused him to fully dismiss the lingering idea that his private conversation might have been overheard, simply because it seemed as though nobody had ever left the party. Though that didn't explain why Beans kept thumping him on the back and praising his "courage", or why Squirrels came up to him gushing about his "magic-cancelling powers"—none of them had seen the doll, but just the fact that he'd been able to do what he had was enough for them. Even Dave and Pingpong were pleased with the results, to the point that they were actually scrapping their idea of blowing the whole thing up as a tabloid drama. Not that Edward knew anything about the latter.
It was also a total mystery as to why, nearly the same second that he'd sat down on an abandoned blanket near the tennis court, Assistant Scoutmaster Slinkman had rushed up to him and grasped his hand, pumping it up and down and babbling about how sorry he was for "pegging him wrong", and that it was something that could happen to anyone, didn't'cha know. Then, which had really freaked Edward out, the slug had given a light but jovial pat to the top of Edward's hat, and he'd had to struggle to keep it from upending and revealing his secret to the world. But Slinkman had simply chuckled and hopped merrily away, leaving behind a flustered Edward...who'd been promptly tackled by an overenthusiastic Lazlo.
But, when he'd finally managed to peel the monkey off of him and send him scampering back to his real friends, Edward suddenly came face-to-face with one of the last people he wanted to see right then.
"Gretchen," he grumbled as fiercely as he could, raising himself into a half-crouch in preparation to defend himself—or run like crazy—if need be. "Whaddayou want?"
Then, with a start, he noticed something: she was smiling.
It was more of a "leer" than a "smile", actually, but still... As oddly friendly as it looked, it was still rather threatening, as, once again, her sharp white teeth were rather conspicuous.
"That was a good choice you made," Gretchen remarked suddenly, leaving Edward totally bewildered. Then she brought the smile-leer closer down to his own face, squinting her eyes a little. "But I'm going to do better." Her gaze flickered almost imperceptibly, and for an instant Edward got the impression that she'd been focusing on his bulging hat. "I won't lose."
Then, just as Edward was about to demand an explanation, she pulled her fist back and socked him a good one, right between the eyes. And, with that, she walked calmly away.
Groaning and tenderly rubbing his aching face, Edward somehow managed to heave himself back into a sitting position, from which he observed the alligator girl, not even twenty feet away, giggling into her palms with her giraffe friend. And with that he promptly gave up. Girls are SO weird.
...And then, his gaze was drawn to the refreshment table, where a small, redheaded platypus girl was leaning over Commander Hoo-Ha's elbow in search of a slice of ice cream cake, finally managing to grab, to the bison's dismay, the final sugar-frosted piece. When she turned away from the table with her prize, it was hard to miss the fact that the edges of her eyes were red and puffy, or that she sniffled twice before she was able to stick her plastic fork in the cake.
As she raised her head, slowly making eye contact with Edward, her first reaction was to quickly look away, busying herself with the powder blue tablecloth. Obligingly, he lowered his gaze as well...but, from the corner of his eye, he saw her look his way again with a wan, trembling, almost-genuine, almost-not-heartbroken smile. And he smirked softly in response, and that was the end of that.
Sure, girls were weird. But that didn't mean that they were all bad.