Blanco: Chapter 9 – Now You're Crying

I had a dream, about the end of the world,
Mother's sealed heart, iron fall.
Now you are crying, for me to be there.
I'm holding your hand,
and you are pale.

Look into my eyes,
see that it's true.
I need you.

Yamamoto Takeshi was currently lying on his side on the bed. He was looking at his precious sword that had been returned to him by Squalo himself not long after he and Gokudera were brought back from the Millefiore base. 'Here. I carried it all the way back so take it now before I throw it away.' the long haired Varia said harshly as he let the sword fall into the guardian's lap. He hadn't seen him since.

It's been an hour since Gokudera carried him to the bed but instead of crying himself to sleep, he let the other's soft breathing calm him down. Even though it seemed there was no problem for Gokudera to fall asleep this early, Yamamoto just didn't feel tired at all. He still kept the comfortable position though, he had already accepted the fact that it made him feel protected and safe to be embraced like this.

He kept his eyes open, not once did his gaze leave the form changing sword that was left unmoving by the wall days ago. The thoughts did not stop passing through his mind, over and over. Thoughts of the scene that took place earlier at the dining room were the most bothering. Thoughts about Hibari and Mukuro, about what they said. About the rest of their friends who didn't seem to notice the debate at all and just kept eating without a single word to oppose what was said.

These times, the times when everything is quiet other than the soft breathing of the guardian beside him. The times when there were no distractions. These were the times that he felt the most hopeless yet the most clear in his mind and true to himself ever. When it was only him and his thoughts alone in the peaceful silence. These were the times of conflicting emotions and thoughts, self convincing and encouraging. These were the times for arranging his thoughts and making peace with his emotions, convincing himself that as long as he had just one person who cared he would be fine and encouraging himself to keep going just one more step, one more day.

Thoughts about whether or not everybody else see the situation like Hibari and Mukuro do were going through his mind, even though he knew it was stupid to think that way. After all, their lack of reaction did not necessarily mean that they didn't care. Perhaps they were used to it and he would have reacted the same had the words not hit a sensitive point. So, if he was being truthful with himself, and he was, he would say that he was only taking it hard because of the words and not because of the way anyone else had acted.

The thoughts about Gamma and what happened at the room were always there, at the back of the rain guardian's mind, during every waking moment and through every hour of the night. He learned to simply push them as far as he could and distance himself for as much as he could. Because he had enough of these memories surfacing at night, when he couldn't deal with them and just tuck them away. He didn't think he could cope if he had to face them when his eyes were open, too.

Now that his thoughts were on the right direction or, maybe, as much as possible heading there, he had to think about his emotions. Not what they were or going to be, that would be insane, but how much of his emotions he should really display. Should he show the others his real emotions just the way they are and on the exact moment they come out or should he only continue with what he used to do before everything changed. When he just put on that same steady mask of the carefree character he aimed and hoped to be like.

When the doubt that people might actually see through his effortlessly made mask appeared in his mind, he didn't need much time to convince himself that the chances was of this happening were slim. It was not really a good thing that he was so sure in the fact that no one around him would look close enough to figure the act and expose him, but it was fair enough since now he had someone who knew. Someone, Gokudera, who was aware of everything that he was. Past, present and, surprising yet acceptable, part of his future. Someone who accepted and understood him more than anyone else. Someone he couldn't put on a mask with because he would see through it the minute it came out.

With this knowledge, these thoughts, hopes and dreams for the future it was much easier than ever to try encouraging himself to keep going. Not giving up on life like he did before. Not even coming close to it. There were people who cared, people who understood, and he managed to find someone like this. This, more than anything else made it possible for him to even look forward for a future. This way he allowed himself to hope for a better future without any second thoughts about what might happen or what could go wrong.

Appealing thoughts of letting go and falling asleep came to dwell in his mind as his thoughts stopped for one blissful moment. It was like the other's breathing served as a lullaby that pulled him closer and closer to sleep. And he would have done just that, had a knock on the door not interrupted him.

Yamamoto sighted softly and with slow movements turned around to face the peaceful Storm guardian. He had to resist the sudden urge to touch that perfectly shaped face and tried to still himself for the moment the other resident of the bed would open those amazing green eyes of him.

"Hayato." he called softly, feeling partially guilty that he was trying to wake him up after he got only one hour of sleep at most.. "Wake up, there is someone that's knocking on the door."

He turned his head to look at the door and half hoped that whoever was out there gave up on waiting and they could stay right where they were. The voices coming from the other side of the door told him that this was not going to happen. The hand that suddenly left it's resting place on his waist indicated the same thing.

The Italian was waking up and Yamamoto, as unwilling as he was, got up from the bed, turned on the lights and went to open the door.

Gokudera managed to sit up on the bed and look at the door sleepily in curiosity for who might it be. He tried, and failed to stifle a yawn as it landed on him and made him close his eyes with it's force. The next time he opened his eyes, he saw Tsuna, Ryohei and behind them the girls, Haru and Kyoko who each held a tray filled with food. It seemed like Yamamoto invited them in, because they made their way across the infirmary floor to the waiting couch as the rain guardian closed the door and followed them and signed for the storm guardian to do the same.

As he made his way to the opposite sofa and sat down next to Yamamoto, he listened to the reason for the other's arrival.

Tsuna was talking. "We noticed you didn't get to eat anything at dinner and we got a bit worried that you would be hungry by the time the kitchen closed." he shyly looked between his two friends and gestured at the trays that were now resting on the small coffee table that stood between the two couches. "So we brought you some food you might want to eat."

There was an unnerving silence that the young Vongola boss seemed used to as he waited for some sort of comment.

Gokudera was the one who finally responded to his boss' words. "Thank you tenth, for being so considerate." he said enthusiastically. "We just didn't feel comfortable to eat with so many people around us, right Takeshi?" he asked even though he already knew how Yamamoto's mind worked in terms of comfort around anyone, including himself. He had to know because then it wouldn't have been possible to live with the other boy, locked in a cell for almost a month.

"True." the boy agreed cheerfully. "For weeks I have only seen just one person in front of me, so I guess it's a natural reaction to feel strange when being surrounded by many people all at once, most of whom I don't even know."

'so he decided to put the mask on?' the storm guardian mused to himself. Of course, he himself couldn't judge the other's choice because he, as well, planned to reveal as little amount of information about their capture as he could. He didn't want to make the tenth worried or, dare say, guilty. He wasn't even there when they were taken and it's all already behind them. 'No need to dwell on the past', he justified in his mind.

"I guess it makes sense." Ryohei said, the others nodded in agreement ant consent over the approving statement.

'Yes. They bought it.' the silver haired thought calmly in his head. He didn't like to think of it as if he was hiding stuff from his boss whom he was supposed to tell anything, but the complete opposite. He was protecting him from the knowledge of the extent of their injuries. Protecting the boss was one of the right hand's man after all. And not all protecting had to mean the physical kind.

"Um, Gokudera, Yamamoto, there is one more thing we were worried about." the shy boy started. "You see, this... there was this thing, that we were worried about. When you were, um, weren't here, what could, what?"

At that moment, Gokudera was wondering whether or not Tsuna could understand his own words. He looked at Yamamoto for some sort of translation, since the other boy seemed like he got the meaning of the question and was now contemplating how to answer.

"Don't think too much about it, Tsuna." the rain guardian begun. "We only saw Gamma for less than a week before we were left alone as the battle at the base started. We didn't know it at the moment, but Dino and the Varia were the ones that kept our captors busy."

After this answer, the storm guardian could piece the tenth's words to form that sort of question and decided to add a part of his own before the other's may feel the need to ask more about the subject.

"Don't worry tenth, twice they took me for interrogation and twice they gave up after realizing that I'm too loyal to you to tell them anything." he said with a convincing, proud tone. "We made them believe that Takeshi didn't have any information and they left him alone after they figured this."

"We are fine. Really, tenth, don't worry." he said with consideration after he was met with his boss' concerned look. He was relieved at the sight that the other released because it meant there would be no more discussion on this particular topic. He hoped that no questions would be asked about the whole matter of the first names.

Tsuna either understood or wanted to change the direction the conversation went to himself after his worries had been, not completely, put to rest. Because the question he used to break the silence had no connection whatsoever to the previous part of the discussion.

"So, uh, I heard that the Varia is also staying here." the brown haired boy said. The others who sat on that couch, Ryohei, Haru and Kyoko kept their silence but, at the same time, sent amused glances at the tenth Vongola boss, whose cheeks turned a bit bright. He still asked his question though. "Is that true?"

'There must be something there.' the silver haired guardian mused as he observed the unusual behavior of the teens in front of him. It was a good thing Yamamoto chose to answer the question, because Gokudera was too intrigued at the hushed words that were being passed between the four to process the words that started it all.

"From what we know, then yes, they are staying here." the rain guardian said slowly. He, as well, noticed the suspicious exchange. "But we haven't seen them much these two weeks because the only times we were allowed to leave the infirmary were so we could go to meals and they had never been at the dining room at the same time we were. Right, Hayato?" he said, and smiled a bit at the confusion the other was showing before he managed to get the words through his occupied mind.

"Well, yes." the referred to guardian agreed, feeling joy light inside him as he looked at the other and saw the small smile. "Probably following a different schedule or something. Why, did something happen with them?"

"You could say that." Kyoko said as she and Haru giggled while sneaking glances at the reddening boy.

"Tenth?" he asked, trying to make sense of the strange reactions the four had to each other.

"It's nothing, Gokudera, just nothing." the boy murmured at the curious query. "Wow, look at the time." the young boss exclaimed, even though there was no apparent watch anywhere. He got up and motioned frantically for the other's to follow. This, accompanied by the ever present blush seemed to make them laugh even more.

"We need to get going, there was this, uh, something. Yes! Something that, that called us to do him!" he said as he rushed the now almost hysteric trio out of the infirmary room. This action, together with the sound of the door shutting, left the two remaining guardians in confused silence, looking at the door.

"What." Yamamoto said, and noticed that in his confusion he had not completes the question. "What just happened here?"

Gokudera could only look at him with a dumb expression that practically said, 'I have no idea.' as he shook his head with slow, unbelieving motions.

The two were still seated on the comfortable couch as the shock wore from them, leaving only one question.

"Do you think we will ever find out?" the storm guardian asked his partner.

The rain guardian looked at the other and said with all honesty. "I don't know about you, but I don't think I want to find out."

The room was quiet, and all it took was a few minutes of silence and thoughts about what the rest have been doing while they were locked away to bring the mood down. Yamamoto's face fell and Gokudera couldn't help the thought that it's times like these exactly that make him wonder whether he could bring that silly yet cute and definitely contagious smile back the his friend's face.

It made him doubt that he would ever see that same carefree attitude that Yamamoto always used to display. He had many doubts that came and went through his mind constantly, but there was one thing he knew for sure. He knew that he had to keep on trying. If he gave up just because the effort seemed futile to begin with, but there was still a possibility it would work, he would never forgive himself. He knew that he would forever blame himself if he just left the situation the way it was without doing all that can manage to change it.

"I know what you are worried about." the storm guardian said into the silence. "It's weird that it comes from me, since I always used to have self esteem issues, but you really should give yourself more credit."

The other boy looked up at him and then let his face fall down once more, as if confirming the statement.

Seeing that the other was listening but keeping quiet, the silver haired continued, "No one really blames us, or you for that matter, for not being able to fight." he said. "You saw how they acted just now. Nothing about their opinion on us had changed during all this time we haven't seen them."

A bit of broken sentences and a forced smiles later, Yamamoto raised his hand to stop Gokudera from continuing his persuading. "Stop." he said as the storm guardian stopped and looked at him. "Whatever you're trying, just stop it. You don't need to cheer me up."

Gokudera wouldn't have it. His friend was falling into depression and he was still trying to act it out. Did he not realize this kind of act wouldn't work on him? Somewhere inside, the storm guardian felt a bit hurt at the attempt.

"You are hurt, and you might not notice it, but now you are crying and it hurts even more that you try to hide it from me." the black haired guardian lifted a fragile hand to his own face and passed his thumb across the soft cheek. He really was crying. "I know that you are suffering, yet you still try to act as if nothing is wrong." the other guardian finished.

Gokudera laid his palm on the other's lap and with his other hand wiped a second tear that fell down during his speech. He knew that now he definitely got to the other boy

"Let me help you."

He only got a short, hesitant nod in return, but it was enough. It was a start. They both spent the next four hours talking about all the messed up thoughts, all the confusing emotions and all the different subjects that just came up during the conversation.

By the time they looked at the watch that stood on the bedside table, the only thought the two had in mind was a shared thought.

'Doctor Shamal is going to kill us if he found out we stayed up this late.'

Do you remember?
I had a dream, that you are pale.
I'm holding your hand,
and you are free.

It was the afternoon and Gokudera was still trying to take Yamamoto's mind off the matter. It was difficult because whenever they would begin talking, the issues would just keep on coming and the various thoughts would begin swarming in both Yamamoto's and his mind. Now they were talking about the most relevant issue that seemed to disturb the taller boy immensely.

"Are you still thinking about it? About what Hibari said last night?" the storm guardian asked. He felt like some sort of a counselor and he truly doubted he would do this for anyone else. Maybe the tenth though.

"It's just that I can't get it off my mind, why would he say such things?" the Japanese asked in honest confusion.

"This is Hibari we are talking about. Really, there is no reason." Gokudera answered, sure of himself at that one. Hibari was just cold like that.

"Do you think everybody feels the same way?" Yamamoto asked with a small voice that tore through the Italian's heart as he heard it once more that day. The storm guardian had already accepted the fact that the other needed to ask the same question many times for reassurance. So he answered without thinking too much into the repeated question.

"Not really" he, as well as the other, really held on to each word. "You saw how it was earlier."

"But." Yamamoto began, and Gokudera had just one thought in his head.

'Hours have passed, hopefully we would come to an understanding soon.'

About half an hour of convincing later, Gokudera decided that he needed a break. Trying to persuade Yamamoto that people actually care enough to take their situation into consideration while he, himself, had his own doubts to handle was taking it's toll on him. The more the discussion went on, the harder it was to make the words coming out of his mouth sound convincing. The harder it was to find more excuses for everyone else's thoughtlessness. The harder it was to look at the depressed eyes and say that everything is just fine. The other boy would have surely noticed it had he not stopped his arguments.

"I think we need a break, we seem to have really long discussions these days and it would not do us any good to make ourselves tired by talking constantly." he said. "I'm going to make some tea. Would you like me to make some for you, as well?"

Yamamoto, who only then realized just how tired he felt, nodded with a short, muttered 'Thanks' at Gokudera.

Gokudera sent a look towards Yamamoto that said he heard him and opened the door so he could head to the kitchen. The moment he closed the door he was met with the sight of the one person he especially wanted to take his frustrations on the entire day.

"Hibari Kyoya." he snarled, furious with the other simply over the fact that he was the main cause to Yamamoto's depression. After all, he was doing just fine until Hibari opened his mouth and he chose the ignore the small voice in his head that said it was just a matter of time.

The only thoughts that went through the storm guardians head were about how unfair it was that Yamamoto was now suffering because of the storm guardian's idiocy. And now that he met Hibari standing conveniently outside the infirmary door, he did not want to let him go as easily as yesterday. He would at least make the other see that he was clearly wrong this time.

The Italian didn't know it, but the cloud guardian was already aware of his mistake. That was why he had trouble sleeping the night before and the cause of his tiredness today. That was why he was now irritated as he went to a walk to clear his mind of the matter so he could sleep but then found himself straight in front of the infirmary door, much like yesterday.

"Do you have any idea what you did yesterday?" the silver haired boy asked dangerously.

"I do not know what you are talking about." Hibari said. He knew exactly what the other was referring to, but he would not degrade himself to be lectured by the person who stood in front of him. "And I do not believe I have the obligation to answer to the likes of you."

"I will tell you what you did." Gokudera said angrily, his seemingly long lost anger coming back tenfold to him in the wake of the other's somewhat irking words and arrogant attitude. "You-"

"-did nothing wrong. Everything is fine, don't mind him, please." said the rain guardian who passed through the door out of the room, since he heard the raised voice. "He is just confused, that's all." Yamamoto finished, his face emotionless and his voice distant. It was probably something like his defense mechanism kicking in, but as Gokudera shut his mouth he still looked at his friend with sadness in his eyes at the cold display the other could manage to put on in a moment.

It was clear that a lot has changed for the two guardians who stood in front of him, and for just one single moment he wondered how come nobody else had noticed. That moment died the minute the thought made it's way through his mind. Those idiots would never see what's plain ahead of them, they are too focused in seeing what they want and need in a person to see the truth about that person. Herbivores. It's a good thing he is not one of them.

"So will you just continue to stand here or do you have something you need?" Gokudera said impatiently, his question pointed, quite obviously, at Hibari. He, for one, didn't want to continue wasting time in purposeless silence. "Well? Just go away if you don't."

The deadly cloud guardian sent a glare in the storm guardian's direction that, had it been possible, would have torn Gokudera to bloody pieces that would then be scattered across the floor so everyone could step on them. Basically, the glare clearly stated Hibari didn't want him to be there during that particular moment. Or any other, actually. His glare shifted to Yamamoto, who in turn looked at him quizzically.

"I'm only going to say this once, herbivore, so listen." Hibari said, and swallowed his pride for the single moment needed to get the next part out of his mouth. "I apologize for the words I said yesterday. They were tasteless and voiced with no thought."

That was it. Now that he said it, he didn't have that idiotic, nagging feeling that he had to make it up to the stupid one. He wouldn't have said any of those words had he not seen the other guardian's drastic change in character. Even though it would probably kill him to admit it, the way the tall herbivore had acted was irritating because it just didn't seem right. This one should be all happy and irritating for no apparent reason and not at all have that cold expression on his face.

The cloud guardian, now satisfied he would be left alone, started making his way back to his room without saying another word but stopped abruptly and turned back as he heard one sentence. Just one sentence that would mean the life of a certain rain guardian should he not be stopped in time.

"Oh, come on Kyoya." Yamamoto called the sentence loudly and continued after the other stopped in his tracks. "Why leave so early? You just arrived, stay for tea." This earned him a sharp glare that could possibly petrify Tsuna to death yet the rain guardian seemed magically immune to it.

The storm guardian saw the beginning of another meaningless fight between the two other guardians yet instead of feeling worried that Yamamoto was messing with Hibari's nerves, he was relaxed to see how lively the other was. It seemed like most of the tension he had piled up during these two weeks was drained the night before.

So Gokudera watched, amused, as the two guardians stood in front of each other and Yamamoto just kept on taunting the other boy. Hibari looked really tired though, so he guessed it was probably better to put a stop to the quarrel before it gets too out of hand. Unless the reason he was tired was because he couldn't sleep due to the guilt of the words he said. Nope. Probably just stayed up all night while terrorizing all the people who left their room for the many possible reasons. Now that would be like Hibari. He laughed silently at the mental image of Hibari chasing people all night through the many hallways the base had.

Gokudera was just trying to figure out how to stop the fight and avoid any injuries as Tsuna, who passed through the corridor caught two of is guardians in a position that made him experience a strong feeling of deja vu while a third guardian stood by the side and didn't do a thing. Hibari was standing with his tonfas out and Yamamoto was taking slow steps back while his hands were half raised, chuckling at the other's immediate reaction to his words. Gokudera was standing with his back to the wall and his arms behind his back, as if he was enjoying a show instead of really trying to find a way to separate the two. He caught sight of his young boss that stood on the other side ot the spontaneous battlefield and tried to explain so the other would not worry.

"Tenth. It's fine, they are just tired."

At that, Yamamoto looked at him suddenly with a wicked smile smacked on his face. "It's Hayato's fault I didn't get any sleep, he kept me up almost all night." he said. Then he turned to face Hibari once more. "What's your excuse?"

The random question actually made the cloud guardian's expression to be filled with amusement as he smirked at the storm guardian who didn't know what this was all about. The evil smile that Yamamoto kept on his face as he looked at Gokudera's face made the pieces in the boy's head connect and his pale face became a dark crimson shade in an instant as he choked on air in disbelief and shock.

"I... You, what? No! I wasn't!"

Tsuna looked at his gibbering friend with worried eyes, he couldn't help the thought that this should also bring some deja vu to his mind.

"What? Its true." the rain guardian pretended to sulk. "We did stay up talking the entire night." he said, looking at the others' shocked expressions as he gave a taunting smile that said it all.

"What did you think I meant?"

Hi everyone :]

I'm reallllyyy tired so I'll just say a few words and then I can go to sleep. -oh, my so very comfortable looking bed, why are you calling me to you all night long?-

Okay, while my eyes are still open...

Just wanted to tell you that the Tsuna-secret-thing is going to appear in the short side story. It's going to be a X27. (he he he... wanna find out what big, bad Xanxus did to poor, shy Tsuna in the future while you were occupied? Well, I'm writing simultaneously so chapters of both the main and the side stories are going to be uploaded without any delays :]) And if we are already on it then the Gamma80 one shot is already halfway done.

I thank all the reviewers for taking their time to review and want you to know It's appreciated ;p

Have a good night\nice day wherever you live...

Bye bye.