Chapter 10- Recurring Nightmare
Miles away from Robin, Regina was also cursing Frollo's existence.
Emma had volunteered to go and meet Esmeralda and Zephyr at the border and guide them to Regina. She set off before Robin, just as Regina had dispatched a bird to Esmeralda which detailed a description of Emma and where to meet her as well as secret code. Emma was also told the code, to memorize which would let Esmeralda know that she could trust her. If no complication arise, Esmeralda should arrive at the designated location around the same time Emma will.
The moment Robin leaves Regina knows that Roland will have a hard time with it all.
Her boy has gone through confusing and traumatic events, one after the next all in a few months. She saw how hard it was for Robin to pry Roland's fingers from his neck and hand the boy to Regina. Roland had hid his face in Regina's shoulder, peeking at his father.
"Please, take care" his voice had been so soft and his eyes so sad that Regina had felt her words get stuck in her throat.
"We will be fine. Come, back safe to us" the last part had slipped out, 'us'. But she couldn't regret it, not when Robins gaze had morphed into something else entirely, even if it had lasted for only a second.
Seeing Roland stiffen up his quavering lip and promise to help take care of the village with Regina had nearly broken Regina's heart. Yet, she knew that her boy needed to be depended on right now. Knew that Robin had created an illusion for their son, giving the small boys actions weight, meaning; It was tricky and could turn bad should anything else happen to either of them but so far, two weeks into Robin's departure the responsibility is the driving factor behind her boys happy attitude and while he is doing well, Regina knows he is still very fragile.
During these two weeks Emma has sent back one bird, she has reached the boarder and met Esmeralda and Zephyr, none of them have been made but Esme refuses to enter Sherwood any deeper than the first trade post.
Regina writes back saying she will meet them in a town closer in Sherwood and sends an old earring, one she knows Esme would recognize as proof.
The town she suggests is ten days ride away and she thinks it would be best to go alone. But ten days going and ten days back, is twenty almost a months and her son, her son won't be able to handle her absence on top of that of his fathers and she is not sure she will be able to either.
She delays her trip a day hoping the messenger from Robin would bring her news of his return, but instead the messenger only brings news of complication. And so, even though Regina dislikes taking Roland from his home, especially with mid autumn chills in the air, she asks him to go on a quest with her and Roland is beyond excited.
She is not going anywhere without Roland and she must go; so she sees no need to make a big fuss. The day she gets the message she tells Granny and Ruby of her plan, the latter will be her only other companion on the trip and neither says anything but supportive words and she is grateful.
The morning of her departure she drops by Leroy, one of Robins advisors, who is just coming out of his hut and give him an envelope. It explains her taking Roland to visit different towns, to be moral support for the families whoso loved ones are at the border with her husband. Everyday wondering if today is the day they might fight and even maybe die. A lot hangs on these treaties; she reminds the grumpy man and says when to expect them back. The man is baffled and tries to protest but a look from Regina silences him a look and she is off with her son and Ruby before the city truly awakes.
It turns out the trip is just what Roland needs
"We're off on our quest!" Roland screams as he rides with Regina, sitting in front of her on her horse. He had grumbled about having to leave his pony behind and so Regina had agreed that 'Thunder' Roland's mighty steed, a black fell pony Roland had received for his third birthday could tag along, mostly to carry their things. On the condition that in certain terrain Roland rides with Regina with no arguments, her son may have been riding for two years but Regina was not about to let him ride across rushing rivers or rocky terrain on his own.
They ride hard and while she is willing to stop multiple times a day, her son insists that they ride faster and longer. They stop by three towns in the first week, spending the night there and Regina has had the forethought to bring Robins letters to the open council, for the families they would visit.
The reaction she receives is always the same, relief. The people curse the other kings for their unwillingness but progress to them is progress even one made at snail pace.
"If it's one thing our King has patience" one village elder tells her
"why I remember him standing perch high up on tree for a whole day and night during the skirmish with that scar faced king..."
She listens attentively and comes to learn about her husband in a new way.
Roland loves these tales and wants to listen for hours and hours; he likes them best when he gets to sit on her lap and so she too sits through them, politely at first but soon fully engaged.
By the start of the second week she realizes that her journal which she writes in nightly is half full due to the amount of tails she has recorded. At first she convinces herself that the tales are for Roland but a part of her knows, knows without a doubt that in fact she writes them for herself. Her husband is an enigma, one she is drawn to as a moth would be drawn to a flame and she does not care if she gets burned.
Getting to know her husband has been like unraveling a mystery, not all she finds is heartwarming, he too it seems had a hard childhood. But, often enough she finds parts that warm her heart. Sure some of the stories are blatantly exaggerated; partly due to further enrapture her young son who truly believes his papa dug up an entire castle wall to reach to a princess.
They are two days from their true destination and Roland by now used to the routine of sitting through tales. He absorbs them like a sponge she thinks and the grander the schemes, the better he likes them. It takes a moment for Regina to realize who this princess was and as grateful as she is for these people trying to spare her feelings, something many people in her own village haven't done, she thinks Roland deserves to know. So when the tale ends she gently strokes her sons hair and asks,
"And do you know who this princess was Roland" her son looks up at her with his big brown eyes
"You?" Regina chuckles softly
"No little dragon, it was your mother" and Roland looks surprised
"Really? Papa did all that for her?" And Regina nods. The satisfaction and pride on Roland's face has him looking just like Robin on days Regina tells him about Roland's accomplishment. These two men of hers are more alike than either is aware, she thinks half amused. She will add this story to her book back home, she will add them all.
It takes her a moment to realize how the others around them are looking at the two of them, with half smiles and misty eyes and it has her baffled. She smiles back and has Roland thank them and after delivering her own gratitude they head back for the hut they have been given for the night where Ruby awaits them.
"Mama?" Roland is already half asleep his head tucked into her neck as one of his tiny fists holds on to the collar of her shirt.
"Yes dear?" Regina answers softly.
"How did you and papa meet?" The question is slurred but it throws Regina off and she is completely baffled as to what to say and so gently answers back,
"You have to ask your papa" Roland mumbles a sleepy 'ok' and is out before he is placed in his bed.
Regina wonders what they will tell him. Wonders if her versions of the story would differ from that of her husband's.
Robin saved her, it is simple to her, he did. He pulled her out of the clutches of diabolical people and gave her the world's greatest treasure, her Roland. But after what has been, what Robin revealed she suspects her husband would say he trapped her.
She doesn't see it so; sure perhaps she would have been more inclined to leave if given the chance the moment she had entered. But that would mean she would have missed out on meeting Roland. Besides, she knows her mother would have hunted her down. Even now her mother is after her, so if Regina had her own freedom she knows her mother and Leopold would both be dragging her back. Robin has not only saved her life but given it a purpose.
Roland is brilliantly happy to meet Esmeralda and Zephyr. The moment they embrace Esmeralda breaks down due to stress and relief.
"Emma told me what, what Phoebus tried to...it's not like him he-" Regina simply hold the other women and lets her weep. Emma had mentioned the luck the mother son had in getting away undetected and how close they had come to being found. She doesn't think it is the right moment to tell her friend how her husband was held and tortured for nearly two month, how Robin may never truly trust Phoebus but rather tells her of how close to reuniting with her love her friend really is,
"write a letter to him and I will send it to Granny so that Killian, one of Robins captains can hand deliver the message" Esmeralda nods and with shaking hands begins to write.
The bird is off and so are they, Visiting four more villages on their way home.
Zephyr and Roland hit it off instantly, the duo play and ride thunder together, going on imaginary quests to fight ogres. And while her son distracts Zephyr, Ruby and Regina rally around Esmeralda who has begun to worry about her reunion with her estranged husband.
"I saw him last, nearly seven years ago, I'm not the same person inside or out and surely he's changed as well. What if he has moved on what if he wants nothing to do with either one of us" it takes three days of reassurance for them to get Esmeralda's fears to quell down and Regina dares to hope for a moment that the worst of it is over for the most part.
She's wrong.
Three days before they reach home Roland learns that Zephyr has never seen his father before. At first Regina thinks that her boy has handled the news well especially since Regina promises to introduce Zephyr to his papa, but four days after their return back home Roland has a meltdown
It's once again hours before dawn when she wakes. Her instinct are on high alert, something is not right with Roland and sure enough she hears the whimpering and the muffled hiccups instantly. She doesn't think to put on a thing over her night gown as she bolts toward Roland's room.
She rushes in and her eyes do a sweep of his room but it is still empty except her boy whose form is shuddering with sobs that tear her heart to pieces.
"Roland, baby are you ok? Are you hurt?" She gently sits on the edge of her son's bed and brushes his hair trying to get him to face her so she can see what's wrong.
But Roland has buried his face into the pillow and it's a new moon which gives low visibility, so Regina grasps for a flint to light the candle in Roland's room all the while asking questions of her son hoping to get him to say something, anything. But her boy only sobs and now she is beginning to worry he is physically ill.
"Roli please, are you hurt? Does your tummy hurt?" Finally her boy shakes his head no, communicating with her just as the candle lights up.
With the low light she wants to check Roland over to be sure but it wouldn't do to panic her boy so she forces her nerves and her voice to stay calm
"Did you have bad dream dear? Did the shadows scare you?" again Roland shakes his head no and so Regina feels helpless and like a failure for her son is clearly hurting but she doesn't know how to help him.
She is about to go get Granny when suddenly she sees the dark material that shouldn't be on Roland bed, but now is. It's a man's cloak, a familiar one. Now half wet with her son's tears.
"Roland, are you missing your papa?"
And just like that her son raises his head and turns to look at her.
His eyes are puffy and red, his nose running and his body is shaking but he still clutches his father's summer cloak in his tiny fists. Regina opens her arm and instantly Roland throws himself into her embrace,
"I,I, I miss him mama" Roland wails into her shoulder and Regina holds to him tight, wrapping him in Robins cloaks and rocking him back and forth. She doesn't hush him, doesn't try to get him to quiet down instead she just holds on to him tightly and whispers a secret to her boy,
"I know, Sweetie I know. I miss him too" It's with that statement that Roland's tense form relaxes and while he continues to cry, his wails and sobs begin to calm down. The bottled in emotion spills out,
"I'm going to lose papa like Zephyr lost his" the statement hit Regina like an ox and she pulls back to cup her boy's cheek and look him in the eye.
"Oh Roland, your papa is not out fighting. He is simply making deals, talking. You heard the letter uncle Killian brought today! Your papa is moving in land toward us, he saw the pictures you drew him. I know it's been long time since we saw your papa but he will be ok and Zephyr will get to his papa soon too. You heard how much uncle Phoebus liked both your pictures and how much he is looking forward to seeing both of you"
Roland sniffles and cleans his nose with his sleeve before he begins to rub his father's cloak against his cheek. The material is not very soft and he cranes his neck to look around, but Regina has already spied and procured his stuff animal for him. The small dragon joins the bundle and Regina knows she must talk to Roland further but it's late and Roland's attention is waning and so she blows out the candle and carries her son, big bundle and all toward her own room.
Granny's advice about Roland getting used to sleeping in her bed he damned she think, for she needs her son just as much as he needs her.
Just as much as both of them need Robin.
In the morning Roland refuses to talk about the night before. But Regina notices that he hurriedly hides Robin's summer cloak under his pillow before he goes about his day. But again in the middle of the night Regina wakes to him crying and again rocks him till he calms, again it's the same sentence
"papa leaving like zephyrs papa left" It's like Roland can't grasp the concept that zephyrs papa is his own uncle Phoebus, no matter how many time anyone explains.
On the second night he calms down quicker and Regina carries him to the bed where Roland curls himself tightly around her before falling asleep.
On the third night Regina doesn't sleep, she tucks Roland in and he falls asleep just as he had done the nights before. A few hours in and Regina thinks they might be ok, just when his turning and whimpering start, he wakes from nightmares Regina realizes.
Roland wakes in a matter of second his eyes darting across in a terrified manner that actually bring tears to Regina's eyes.
She watches her boy stiffen his lip as his hands dart to clutch first the dragon and then Robins cloak. Regina enters immediately and though tears escape Roland's eyes as he clutches to her, he doesn't wail.
It scares her.
The fact that her boy is getting used to having nightmare scare her.
That night as they once again lies tightly on her side, she doesn't sleep. Questions plague her mind; How long as he been having this nightmare? What is it about? Has she been sleeping soundly while he was sobbing in the other room? What should she do? Write to Robin about it?
In the morning Granny calls her out on it;
"You've not been sleeping girl" the old woman's word brings Regina out of the trance she has been in while studying Zephyr and Roland. She had been honestly considering distracting Roland away from her godson. It may be cruel but her boy is hurting and she is becoming desperate.
"Regina?" Granny calls again "what is it?"
Regina can't help it, she hates feeling helpless but she needs help, needs advice and so she breaks and tells Granny the whole ordeal. She is happy they are secluded for she knows her emotions are on clear display, she tells her of the events and then of her worries and Granny listens and nods.
"Well, sounds like months of turmoil have finally surfaced" Granny's statement is matter of fact, not unkind.
"What do you plan to do?" Granny's question has Regina pausing for a second; for she was sure Granny would tell her exactly what to do. Now though, Regina voices the thoughts she has been going over all night, bouncing her ideas off of Granny.
"When we were traveling, Roland had no problem, even when Zephyr was there, no nightmares. When we came back he was fine for a few days but, now. . ."
She trails off; somehow Roland must have been fine for the first week or so unless she didn't hear him. But maybe its guilt or something else but Regina does not want to believe she slept through her son weeping.
"Do you think he cried during the first week? That I just didn't hear him" Granny's response is instant and firm as she shakes her head no.
"Let me ask you this girl, the first night you woke, was there anything else? An animal about, good moonlight? Anything else but him, that woke you?" And now it's Regina who shakes her head no.
"When I woke, I knew something was not right with Roland" Granny nods her head as if to confirm her thoughts.
"Your instincts are spot on with your child girl, as of the week of calm, didn't you pack Robins summer cloak away when the season changed? And didn't you make him his monkey? Your boy hunted his father's cloak and grasped at it for extra comfort" The wheels turn in Regina's head as several pieces fall into place.
"The monkey and the cloak were enough to comfort him, that's why I hadn't heard him. He wasn't crying before because the objects were enough" but with one question answered more pop up.
"If so, what caused the escalation of his nightmares? What happened three days ago?" Granny voices the most important question and Regina instantly knows the answer.
"It was Killian's message; he came back three days ago, the morning of Roland's first bad nightmare in fact. He brought back Robin message of moving inland but staying near the border, of delaying his return" Regina doesn't doubt this is what has caused her boy stress. For she too had to hide the disappointment of having Robin delay his return for a second time. She had hid it and throughout the day chastised herself for missing a man who was more than indifferent to her existence and who would avoid her even if he was her for he found her "disgusting", not to mention the news Esme gave her of the 'gifts' Leopold has been sending her husband. Her desire to still see him safely home was only for Roland, she repeated to herself. After she having found the letters Leopold had sent, she had an easier time of pretending the statement was true, though her heart still rebelled against her mind.
Now Regina feels guilty for having been too lost in her own emotions, for not pulling Roland aside and talking with him rather than watching him run off with Zephyr after they were told the news. She feels like a failure. Granny repeats that getting Roland used to sleeping in her bed will only end badly, especially when her husband returns and Regina wants to snort at the last part.
It's the older women pointing out how crippling it would be for Roland's growth if he regressed back to sleeping with a parent that has Regina sitting outside of her boy's room that night. She realizes that while Roland needs to cuddled and hugged her boy wants his independence too and to make him confident enough to speak to her about what ails him, she needs to create the illusion of power for her boy.
Roland sees something about how they have been preceding as shameful, he is going through the big boy faze, has been since he received his bow. And so when that night Regina tucks her boy in, she stands watch outside his doorway behind the curtain. She uses the time to write the story's they have gathered in the book about Marian.
Roland starts thrashing a bit past midnight and Regina is at his side instantly, her boy is panting hard and he cries but it lasts much shorter and he goes to sleep much quicker. She leaves his side and sits on a rocking chair in his room, doesn't sleep till morning rather makes sure her son sleeps undisturbed and he does.
So begins her knew routine, being close by when he wakes and Roland does wake, every night, without fail. She utilizes her time well, between dealing with state affairs, treaties and Roland's books she is quite busy and the extra hours awake put her on top of her duties. So much so that she starts doing some of Robin's diplomatic duties, but she needs questions answered and so she begins writing to Robin.
It's all business at first, but he asks after her and Roland and she finds herself retelling the stories of their son's antics alongside the news of the other villagers'. She doesn't tell him of Roland's nightmares, there nothing Robin can do from where he is but worry, but does speak of how much Roland misses him. She doesn't speak of her own heart that swells every time their messenger hawk appears in the distance. Doesn't tell him how she has read and reread all his more recent letters, the ones in which they have began to talk of more personal matters, their fears, hopes and concerns.
The new information Esme has given her cut her deeply, she had thought her husband was unlike the other kings. A foolish notion she now knows, still he is obviously discreet and clearly trusts her enough to allow her become Roland's mother. So it's enough. He is kind enough. Even miles away she can't lie to him when he asks her about her opinions. Their hawk travels the five day distance between them in a day and three weeks later, they have exchanged 15 long letters.
Regina misses Robin badly, it takes her a while to admit it but she does. Everyone does but Roland misses him the most.
Two weeks after his nightmares started, he begins to show signs of improvement, he still dreams but he settles down the moment Regina begins stroking his hair, she has began to hope. But not two days later they had received news of an illness breaking out in Robin's camp, not contagious but rather poison. Roland finds out, despite how hard Regina has tried to hide it from him and they are back to square one. But since he has heard the news Roland has began to eat less, play less and as the day marking the second month of Robins departure comes and goes, her son looks listless. She knows she has to do something.
Winter is approaching and it's time for nourishing the soil so it will be prime for planting come spring. Regina may be Queen but she rolls up her sleeves and digs in with everyone else, planting fish and eggs within the soil and bringing Roland with her. Robin has had to stay at the border and negotiate and it's nine month she's been wed and two that her husband has been absent.
Roland's suffering, he misses his papa and she knows he needs him. Father apparently misses son as well for she hears a conversation between Emma and Killian when the captain returns two weeks after the two month mark of Robin's absence.
"How goes the negotiating?" It's Emma who asks and Regina is about to turn and leave the two fools alone to steal glances at each other in peace, when Killian's sentence catches her attention
"Not good, they won't budge and Robin is getting restless; misses his family terribly, his face nearly split in two with a smile when he saw the drawings Roland sent of the three of them, it was a good idea"
"It wasn't mine" Emma's tone has an edge to it. Regina knows Emma hasn't truly forgiven Robin for the taking Roland incident, though Regina suspects Emma blames herself for not being able to protect Robin in the first place, from getting poisoned. From the tired way Killian sighs this is an old argument.
"Swan he's my brother, he saved my life and is still grieving. You know he's-"
"A good man. Yes but my friend is hurting and whatever our king may be, he is not stupid. He must see her pain-" Regina reveals herself then pretending she is just approaching, worried what Emma might let slip to Robin's confidant,
"Killian how far a ride to Robin's camp?" The two look at her with a frown, partly because they know Regina already knows the answer,
"A five days trip milady with horseback, a wagon will take longer" Regina nods
"Is Robin coming home soon?" She tries to go for flippant but her voice must give something away for the Captain looks sad and shakes his head no.
"When do you leave again?" now Killian looks perplexed, skeptical.
"In four days time, why you ask Regina?" And it's Roland's voice asking her that morning if his papa was going to join his mama that has her sure of her answer
"Because Esme, Zephyr, Roland and I are coming with you" he looks about to protest but Regina will not hear it;
"Roland need his father and is suffering without him; Emma can you come with"? Emma nods
"A carriage will take longer" Killian warns
"we are not taking a carriage" she leaves to get things in order.
Surprisingly its Granny challenges her decision; she goes to the women's hut to ask for a small aid kit for the trip, but when Granny pulls back the flap she does not let Regina in rather get in her face,
"You are being foolish girl, so the child misses his father. Get a back bone and tell him no; these forest's are dangerous for none natives" Regina does not know what she has done to warrant this greeting but she will not have it.
"Roland missed his papa at the two week mark of his absence. Now he is getting sick, not eating enough and he doesn't sleep. He's had three nightmares of his papa dying this week alone that had him shaking and crying for hours. I'm not planning to take him to a battle field but to my husband's camp near the border, a camp which is in our land. He has been an amazing boy and I will have word with anyone who says otherwise. In his father's absence he has mastered his enchanted dialect, memorized the alphabet, helped nourish the fields while most of the other children were out lazing about, he wants his father and I'll be damned if he doesn't get it. As for being native I may not be but I will have to learn these lands to rule them and sitting in hut will not make that happen. Now I am taking him with a Captain alongside a scout and if anyone has anything to say about it they can swallow their bullshit for I will not have it."
Gasps emit from behind Granny and Regina sees a congregation of women, mostly mothers sitting in a circle, a council. Regina knows they turn their nose up at her; she in turn pays them no mind.
Granny lets her in then and hands her small bundle
"Here, there is some medicine for your husband as well. Tell the king not to over work his shoulder" Regina nods confused but the women begin whispering and Regina suddenly understands. They had come to Granny asking to stop Regina, stop her from leaving with Roland. While Granny puts together another package she calls out
"Do any of you have any other comment or questions for the Queen?" and they all freeze. Some turn white while others turn bright red, until finally an older woman, closer to Granny age comes and speaks to Regina.
"we meant no disrespect your highness, but we all worry for Roland" and Regina wants to argue but Granny is starring at her, telling it's her move that will set the tone and so Regina turns and smiles at the women. Just her, not the rest of the shrews who are in the room,
"My names Regina, and Roland is lucky to have so many care for him" she forces the smile, grabs the packages with a thanks and dashes out. She needs her Roland or she will tear those larks to pieces. As she is rushing back however, Ruby pulls her to the side and gives her a warning that has Regina's world crumbling to pieces.
She doesn't actually tell her boy till the morning of their departure of their plan. She gets up early and saddles the horse and packs both their things. At the last minute she pockets a heavy gold purse she has brought in case bribes have to be handed. She slowly wakes her boy by singing his name,
"Roland, come on sweetie it's time to get up" the boys rolls over and stares at her, confused
"It's still dark out there mama" Regina's breath hitches and try's to remain calm, she lives for the moments when her son calls her mama,
"I know sweetie but I have a surprise for you" and Roland's eyes are curious
"We are going to see your papa" Regina whispers and Roland is up in a flash and hugging her tightly. His face in that moment is a picture of pure joy. Regina can't help but laugh and dresses her impatient boy and places a heavy cloak on him to ward of the chill.
They set off, Roland rides with her and they chatter together, Zephyr rides with Esme and Emma and Killian on their respective horses. Emma and Killian join the conversation often and Roland proudly demonstrates all he knows and shocks them when he starts speaking enchanted dialect fluently, though it soon turns to a competition between the two young boys on who knows the most words.
"Mama's going to teach me northern next" Roland exclaims proudly and Killian seems genuinely impressed
"To bad you never learned the Sherwood dialect your majesty" he teases and before Regina can say a word Roland answers
"Silly uncle Killi, mama knows Sherwood tongue; she taught me the aphabet" and Killian is staring at her now but Regina won't meet his eyes
"She does?" his voice is neutral but his mind is obviously turning rapidly and while Regina still won't look at the man, Roland nods
"Auntie Em taught her when Gina rescued her" Killian's head snaps toward the blond so fast a crack sounds from his neck but it's now Emma won't meet his eyes
"What did she save her from Rolly?" The sea Captain asks the boy, the only person willing to answer him
"Bad people" Roland answers as though it obvious and now Killian is starring at Emma with intense eyes that have a thousand questions and Emma is looking at him defiantly, though Regina can tell she is worried how her beau. They need a moment so Regina spurs her horse forward so the other two can have their moment alone
"Roland, have I ever told you the story of the princess and the stable boy?"
The first four days go by smoothly Killian wants them stop at other villages or inns but he is outvoted so he demands to pick the camping sites himself and grumbles that Robin will have his head for this. At nights Killian, Emma and Regina stand watch, alternatively. Regina often pulls double shifts, letting whoever is to be after her sleep rather than wake them up. Ruby's word hunt her every step. It doesn't take long for Emma to pick up on it, but Regina can't bring herself to speak a word, so much news, so little time to process them.
They've brought food and Roland and Zephyr eat and laugh, as Esme tells them a story creating shadows and shapes as they sit by the fire, its their last night camping before they are to reach Robin's camp.
Regina has not seen Roland so happy in ages and Robin's temper be damned alongside popular opinion; She is happy she is taking Roland to see his father. Though Ruby's warning echoes in her ear and she has to take deep breath and focus on Roland's laughter to not break down.
It's late when Killian goes to stand watch and Emma's at the fire, the two of them have been all smiles this afternoon since their talk. Esme sleeps besides Zephyr and both are asleep in seconds. Regina is tucking the boy to sleep by the fire, the sky is clear and the temperature is mild, when it happens. It's her son who creates such the tender moment that has her fears taking over.
"I can't wait to see papa tomorrow" Roland exclaims with a yawn and Regina nods and holds in a chuckle, it's the fifth time Roland has repeated the sentence this night alone.
"I'm sure your father will be very happy to see you as well" she strokes her boys hair gently, glad his nightmare have ebbed away since the trip has began.
"and you mama, he'll be happy to see you" Regina doesn't like to lie to the boy so instead she says
"He will be, if he likes the surprise" Roland yawns again and Regina brushes his hair from his hair and softly hums a gentle tune
"Goodnight my little dragon, I love you" Roland is smiles, already nodding off when he says "wuv you too mama"
Regina freezes and desperately tries to hold everything in, just long enough so she be at a distant enough not to wake Roland, a sharp intake of breath and a sob escapes her lips anyway before she can press a hand to her mouth. Roland stirs, and Regina bolts, she knows Emma has heard too. She can't face her friend so she stands and walks into the Forrest as far as she can go while keeping Roland in sight. Once she is there she leans to the tree and lets go of the breath slowly, trying to keep calm but fears that had bloomed when Ruby first uttered the plans of the other mothers and council men days ago now attack her full force and she loses her control.
"Regina?" Emma has follows her and is shocked to see her friend breaking down, pressing a hand over her mouth to keep her sobs quiet.
"Regina what is it?" she goes to her friend who is now shaking
"I…I thought you would be happy? I thought he has been calling you mama for some time now?" Emma is clearly confused and tries to understand her friend's discomfort,
"I - I am ..happy" Regina sobs out and Emma is more than ever confused
"Then what's wrong?" Regina tries to be quiet, but she can't stop the sobs or the tears.
"The- they- they're going to take him" Regina takes a shuddering breath as her repressed sobs begin to bubble up as hiccups; they are going to take her son, again. Take him and lock her out of his life, so he can never say goodnight as he does now, or say I love you as he does now or even remember her as he does now.
"They'll take- take Roland from me" and that is the catalyst as Regina crumbles, skidding to the ground against the tree she leans heavily on
"Why? Because he called you mama?" and All Regina can do is nod and Emma hugs her trying to calm her down but Regina can't keep the words that have been hunting her in.
"Because, I take him with me on trips without- without permission" Regina hides her face in her hands muffling her cries. She has already experienced living without her boy for a few hours, experienced the nightmare of having him ripped from her arms. Now the nightmare is on the verge of happening once more.
"Regina, Robin wouldn't do that, he's a good man you're his wife." but Regina shakes her head for as much as Robin may be fond of her, she is still the disgusting replacement, one who is unsettling his people and he loves his people just as much he loves his son.
"Replacement wife, he-he-he'll get an annulment" Emma's eyes widened at the implications,
"He won't! Regina, he won't" Regina though is utterly convinced and is now silently crying getting her sobs under control when she sees Roland turn in his sleep.
"He has told everyone he has bed you; he won't out himself as a liar" Emma tries a different side of reasoning but again Regina shakes her head, she has turned every possible outcome in her head during the past two days. During which she has only slept five hours in total.
"They'll see him as noble and see me as a failure. A women who could not entice him" she takes a shuddering breath and tells her exactly what Ruby had told her
"When we left to get Esme, the council apparently was extremely unhappy. The lack of preparation and conference with council according to them makes me unfit to raise the next King. Before we left this time, a group of women went to Granny; they wanted Granny to take Roland from me so that I wouldn't be able to take him on this trip. Take him and send him to Marian's family, so in time he would forget my influence, and me. Ruby said they plan to test Roland to see how much my enchanted influence has corrupted him." Emma looks shocked, unsure on how to digest the information,
"We won't tell Robin, we'll talk to Roland, and he's a smart boy" Regina pauses clearly thinking the suggestion over but only for a moment then she looks up into a tree nearby; Emma sees a figure jump down.
It's Killian and as he walks forward he holds up his hand in a placid gesture, his face is a mixture of sorrow and guilt,
"Regina- Emma I didn't mean to I swear, I just wanted to see if all was ok-" but Emma won't hear of it and jumps and marches toward the man,
"You said you have to be loyal to your friend and I said fine! You promised you wouldn't spy on her for him!" And now Killian is the one upset at the accusation.
"I'm not spying for him Emma." He turns to Regina who has tears streaming down her face,
"Regina, I swear to you I thought something had happened" Regina says nothing and after a while begins to rise, tears still falling. Her breakdown has now left her numb.
"It's ok Killian, I know. You heard didn't you?" Killian looks down, nodding and Regina closes her eyes as a sob escapes her, but she takes a breath.
"it's ok Emma, it not Killian's fault either; remember you told me it was his unwavering loyalty that attracted you to him" and she begins moving toward Roland once more all while her heart breaks.
Emma is beyond mad and turns to Killian, the closest target in her range,
"She doesn't deserve this" she dares him to challenge her but he is just as lost.
"What would you have me do Emma?" And Emma answers swiftly,
"Let me speak with Robin" but Killian shakes his head, knows of his beloveds temper and knows the consequences will not be favorable
"Emma..-"
"She saved me Killian; when they took me from Sherwood they were going to sell me to a whore house. She, saved me" Killian's fingers curl into a fist at the thought of another touching Emma harming her at such a young age.
"You say the king is mourning; I know he has lain with others in the past years, I know of the women Leopold has gifted to him"
Killian's mouth falls open for the news of King Leopold sending whores to Robin is something Killian had only thought to be a rumor
"How-" and he sees anger leave her and sadness take Emma as she turns to look towards the fire, where two mothers and their sons respectively slept.
"Esme told us; and after a bit of digging Regina found the letters which accompanied them" Killian is left bewildered as this women who knows everything and feels anger rise as his Swan gauges him with a calculating eye. Trying to see if he was in on this secret
"Emma, I swear to you, I had heard rumors but that is it" a pause and then Emma nods, her shoulders sagging
"I know; Regina is no stranger to pain, her own mother murdered her fiance. She doesn't deserve this" Killian steps forward and pulls her into his embrace, one which she goes to willingly.
"What would you have me do love tell me? Would you wish me to keep what happened here from him?" And Emma sighs and relaxes in his arm,
"No, they can't live like this forever but for spirits sake speak to him" and Killian nods and agrees, he had planned to do so anyhow. Emma though is not finished
"Killian?"
"Hmm?"
"If he makes her leave Ruby and I are going with her" Emma's eyes are dead set and Killian knows not even he can stay in either girls way.
Regina hides her distress well, Killian notes. However to one who pays attention, it's obvious. She barely eats two bites before giving her food to Roland who does not look completely satisfied with his own share. As they begin to get ready to set of Killian steals a moment to speak with her,
"Regina, I have to apologize for imposing last night I didn't mean to." she nods looking more tired than anything else
"I know, Killian. Just, promise me something" Killian nods readily ,
"Anything lady" he feels as though he owes her a great deal. Regina bites her lip, obviously gauging her words, but finally speaks;
"I am aware, that you know Emma had been in love once and I know you too had someone before" Killian doesn't know where she's going. He had not expected this
"Promise me, you'll be honest with her, I made her promise the same. Promise me that if there is an inkling of emotion for your past lover do not shackle her to a life that will trap her in her shadow" she shows true concern and Killian realizes that she has true fear of this for Emma, for him
"I promise you Regina, when I say Emma has become my world" he realizes it's cruel to tell Regina this, but she has asked and the lady deserves honesty. She smiles and grasps his hand and squeezes it with a half smile
"She's has always been my true sister. I'm happy she found you" Regina needed to say this and Killian can see this in her eyes. Roland bounces over and Regina lifts him onto the saddle and swings up behind him. Esme and Zephyr follow suite and as Killian swing onto his own horse he makes note to have a stern talking to Robin.
They make good time, the weathers beautiful, crisp and clear. The horses well rested and their young travelers are eager to see their fathers so they do not ask for too many rests.
For safety Killian has them put their cloaks on. Both mothers shield their sons using the loose fabric and pull their hood up to cover their faces. Killian does not want to entice the enemy with Locksley's family within their ridding distance. Roland sleeps for a while but wakes before sunset; the sun is almost gone when the first camp guard spots them. Regina and Esme both had warned Roland and Zephyr to stay hidden beneath their mothers cloaks and not to come out or say a word until they says so.
The boys think it's for the surprise. Regina doesn't want Roland to see some of the horrors of war, and fortunately the main camp is a good distance away from the army's who is camped by the border.
"Halt who goes there" the voice is booming
"A poor merman from the sea" Killian utters the gibberish words but Regina sees three men approach from the trees with painted faces and thanks the spirits that Roland is concealed from them. For she knows, that while he might admire them in a few years, now, they shall only give him nightmare.
"We were not told you would bring company" she hears a soldier say and Killian mutters back
"I wasn't aware either, where is the King?"
"At the command hut, we reached stalemate in negotiations, won't hear back from them for another four days" Killian grunts and gets off his horse and takes Regina's
"I have something that I must drop off at the Kings personal tent don't bother disturbing the King I shall see him momentarily" he begins to lead Regina's horse when the guard can be heard talking to another,
"That's the third delivery this month, how many whores does Leopold have anyway" Killian curses under his breath and Regina's back stiffens.
When they reach the tent placed farthest from others Regina lifts Roland to her arms, keeping him hidden before sliding off, while Esme does the same.
"Regina-" Killian begins but the Queen shakes her head
"I'm here for one person only and besides nothing new anyway." She walks into the hut and Emma follows;
Killian doesn't need to see Emma's face to know she's glaring, damn him, damn Robin and damn Leopold. He would throttle Robin himself; he orders two scouts to unload Regina's two packs in the Kings hut before stabling the horses and begins walking to the council hut, halfway there the land Captain, his youngest brother joins him.
"Was that the Queens horse I saw, was she carrying Roland?" He whispers and Killian grunts in affirmation, a reaction David reads incorrectly.
"I take the trip was hard with such a lady" Killian likes David but won't let the man abuse an already battered Regina
"The trip was perfect except the Queen just got the greeting of her lifetime by being mistaken for whore number three or four sent from her brother-in-law to her husband" David's eyes go wide as he lets out a long whistle
"It gets better" Killian informs as they continue on
"The first time I heard of these gifts was from Emma, who had been told by her majesty" and David shakes his head
"King or not he never knew how to deal with women" Killian can't help but snorts, but he pauses outside of the hut and turns to David
"These women he gets David, he does not-" and David shakes his head no
"Not since he got remarried, you should know this Killian" and the man nods looking relieved
"If you had seen the pain his carelessness has caused Davy, you would understand"
Killian enters and sees that the men are wrapping up what he guesses from the looks of some of the faces a third rerun of the plans. Knowing the king he will want to review two more time and sure enough Robin opens his mouth to order a review once more when Killian steps in
"A short break perhaps your majesty" and Robin nods and stands greeting Killian, no doubt eager to hear news back from home.
"I have a package waiting for you in your tent" he watches the king's face grows dark
"I do not wish for another gift, I have a wife who is mor-"
"It's from Granny" Killian interrupts, secretly pleased with Robins reaction
"Rather urgent and lengthy I'm sure three reviews of the plan will suffice for one night" the other men look hopeful and the king sees that and nods
"Very well, goodnight. We shall resume tomorrow" the other men echo his farewell and clear out fast.
"What news of my boy?" Robin asks as they make their way to his hut. Oh the things Killian has to say to this man might as well start shocking him now.
"He has perfected his enchanted dialect and Regina is going to start teaching him northern next" Robins face swells with pride
"They get along well, Roland is not misbehaving?" he asks and Killian shakes his head
"Your son follows your wife like a baby duck, where there is one the other is not too behind" Killian sees satisfaction on Robins face and thinks that he must speak seriously with him soon.
"Roland did let a secret of the Queens slip" Killian begins and Robin looks beyond intrigued
"Your wife speaks Sherwood dialect flawlessly, has since young age" This has Robin stopping in his tracks, his face suddenly ashen
"That means-"
"That every snide remark, criticism and insult muttered at her in that tongue to her face, she was very aware of? Indeed she has taught the boy the alphabet and he proudly recites its, Emma says she will have the boy reading before winter" Robin once more looks utterly proud but there is guilt there in his face as well, Killian wonders how Robin will react once he learns of the treatment the other women have put Regina through.
"How is Emma? I know you must miss her when you visit" though saying Emma's name, Robin's distant gaze clearly show he is thinking of his own lady and Killian chuckles
"Feisty as ever though she has accompanied me on this trip per request" Killian mutters as he slips into the hut as Robin who is frowning now, confused slips in.
"Whose reque-"
"SURPRISE!"
AN: My apples this chapter was long! I love you people and I combed through it twice looking for mistakes, especially looking for the word captain. I love that you all are helping me fix this, but it's so long and honestly I have a ton of projects that will keep me insanely busy till next Monday that I said you know what, here is the chapter. This story was 29 pages people and the next chapter, will probably be as long.
I know mistakes ruin stories and I am so humbled by the two people who have offered to beta my story, truly thank you to you both. Thing is I am a sporadic writer with a ton of other deadlines, (Ex: article for magazine due Friday, still not done) that I write when I can. So as great as having a beta would be, I wouldn't (unfortunately) be able to hand them a chapter till god knows when and most likely, never on a solid schedule. Considering how hard editing is (not handing things in on schedule is just downright rude) and so I can't expect someone to commit to fixing the chapter regularly when I don't write regularly so I have to decline, so sorry. So please, just keep barring with me, and keep giving hints I'm trying I swear!
Can we just talk about how afraid I am right now that Robin's memories will be wiped? Yeah, I see heartbreak a head people . . . it scares me. I put on a brave face in real life, I sob watching my guilty pleasure.
Thank you all sosososososo much for your reviews, they spur me on to write and update faster. So over all tell me what you think? I promise Robin will finally find out next chapter but now I'm kind of debating what his reaction should be? How extreme should I take him and plus do you all want to see Esme/Pheobus/Zephyr reunion or should we just brush them aside? As always let me know what you think, ONCE is not mine and thank for reading.