A/N: Apologies for another long delay between updates. Hopefully, this chapter will make up for it!
Disclaimer: Same as the previous chapters.
In the end, Anna wound up not replying to John's email dismissing her place in his life. She drafted a response, but deleted before she could click on the 'send' button. Obviously they were not meant to be, and one date hardly allowed her to lay claim to him in any way. She wanted to be with him, but he did not want, or was not ready to be with her, and she would just need to accept that fact. And from the wording of John's email, there was a hint that he had some issues he needed to work out before he could give himself to any woman, let alone Anna. She did feel guilty in her anger over the whole situation. She couldn't understand why a man like John would make himself available on a dating website if he was not open and available to the idea of dating and possibly a relationship. She was able to temper her disappointment somewhat by realizing she knew nothing of his circumstances and had no right to judge him for his decisions. So instead, Anna packed her bags and mentally steeled herself for a weekend at her mother's house and the garden party that would follow.
The frosty relationship between mother and daughter was finally thawing after years of tension as a result of her mother's marriage to Anna's stepfather. Thankfully the marriage ended in divorce just after Anna moved away to London, but not before the damage was already done. Anna didn't want to reveal her suspicions to her mother that her stepfather only stuck around to be near Anna. Her mother was observant enough to sense Anna did not care for her stepfather, but never knew the reasons why, and didn't particularly care to do anything about it. Even though he was no longer in the picture, Anna's enthusiasm for visiting her childhood home never recovered after he left. The safe home she knew before her mother's remarriage after her father passed away was now uncomfortable. Now, she only tended to return for holidays, and of course her mother's annual garden party that brought out only the finest of Downton's residents.
Anna arrived in Downton early in the evening after putting off her departure from London as long as she could. She dropped her bag in the guest bedroom and returned to the sitting room to spend the requisite amount of time catching up on the latest village gossip with her mother. Anna desperately needed out of the house for some normal conversation that didn't revolve around Marjorie at the bakery taking up with the local postmaster, and was thankful she had her plans for a drink and a catch-up with her best friend, Gwen as an excuse to leave. If there was one thing Anna didn't miss about being at Downton, it was the constant busybody tendencies of everyone in the village. She had certainly adapted to the relative anonymity she had found in London. Well, at least until the day came when her career would finally take off. She did, however, miss spending time with her best friend, Gwen. The two had been joined at the hip since their early school days, and Anna often sought refuge from her stepfather in the relatively normal household of the Dawson's. Once Anna came of age and started thinking of where to go for University, she knew she needed to venture further away. Unfortunately, that meant leaving Gwen behind as Gwen enjoyed the village life and could never imagine herself moving further away than York. Yet every time Anna was able to make a visit to Downton, meeting up with Gwen was one of the first things she managed to do.
"Mum, I'm heading out to meet Gwen at the pub. Don't wait up!" Anna shouted up the stairs as she made her way out the front door of her mother's moderately sized cottage.
"Make sure you bring a coat, dear. It's been very cold lately after dark."
With a subtle roll of her eyes, Anna grabbed her coat and gave her mother a dismissive wave before leaving through the front door. She knew her mother meant well, but sometimes her attempts to mother her after so many years of ignoring Anna's own concerns about her mother's second husband were too little too late. She couldn't wait to catch up with her best friend that was for sure.
Anna stepped into the warmth of the pub, darting her eyes around the tables looking for the unmistakable red hair of Gwen. After a few moments, she spotted her friend in the small lounge area by the hearth of the fireplace. Anna couldn't help but feel relieved that not only did Gwen manage to stake out a spot away from the local drunkards, but also a spot where she could thaw her bones from the bitter cold. Her mother had not been over exaggerating when she said it would be cold.
Around the same time Anna spotted her friend, Gwen looked up and saw Anna approaching. She leapt out of the plush armchair and jumped up and down flailing her arms while letting out a screech entirely too loud for their current environment. Gwen's enthusiasm was infectious, and try as she might, Anna could not contain her own excitement about seeing her best friend again and let out an equally loud scream as she ran to greet Gwen, her arms wide open.
"Oh my god, Anna! It's been way too long! Sit down and tell me everything right this instant," Gwen shrieked as she wrapped Anna in a bone-crushing hug.
"It's nice to see you, too Gwen. But really, my life isn't all that exciting. I want to hear all about this new man you're seeing. Don't think I've forgotten that text message you sent me after your first night together."
Gwen's cheeks turned almost the color of her hair, "We can talk about that later. I want to hear about your fashion show. When will I find the latest Anna Smith designs at Harrod's?"
Anna had to scoff at Gwen's question. "I'm not nearly to that level, and probably never will be. But the show was successful. There were no mishaps and the crowd seemed pleased. I should know more within the next few days. I'm hoping for at least a few offers. I'd be happy with anywhere that isn't my sitting room at this point. But enough about me, tell me about your John."
"I think he might be the one, Anna."
"Oh Gwen, I'm so happy for you!" Anna gushed over her friend's newfound love, and couldn't help but think about a certain other John.
"What about your love life? Whatever happened with that online dating you got suckered into by Lady Mary?" It was if Gwen could read her mind sometimes.
"Hush you," Anna gently admonished her friend with a gentle tap on her forearm, "She's not that regal. There's no need for you to be jealous; you'll always be my bestie."
"Don't change the subject! Did you at least get some hot dates out of it?"
"Well, not really. Most of them were a bit on the creepy side. But, I did go out on one date with a very nice man. But I don't think anything will come from it."
"Well, either way, I want to hear all about it."
Anna then filled Gwen in on her date with her own John, explaining that it went well, and how she thought she'd see him again and about their encounter at the fashion show, and finally the email she received from him effectively ending any hope of a further relationship. Gwen listened intently, nodding in the right places, and gasping indignantly when needed before finally coming to her own conclusion about John.
"It just sounds like he's insecure and scared. I think he cares about you but is more worried about letting you down or hurting himself. He thinks he's being gallant by pushing you away. Did you write back to him?"
"No, I figured it wouldn't do to try to change his mind when we'd only been on one date. And besides, I didn't want to write something out of anger or hurt that I wouldn't be able to take back. Clear heads prevailing and all…"
"Well, I think you should write to him when you get back to London on Monday. It's been too long since you last showed any enthusiasm for a man after Ryan. I've never known you not to put yourself out there, even at the risk of your heart. The Anna Smith I know doesn't give up."
Anna sighed, "We'll see. I'll see how I feel at the end of the weekend. Anyway, it's getting late. I need to get back to my mum's. I know she's going to be putting me to work bright and early."
"Oh, fine then," Gwen sighed reluctantly, "I suppose I'll see you tomorrow, then. Will Lady Mary and the rest of the royal family be in attendance?"
"You know, I didn't even think to ask. I'm sure if Mary were coming she would have mentioned something to me at the fashion show. So I'll assume not. They've not been very active up here since Violet passed away. We're lucky we're still able to use the estate grounds for parties now that the Abbey is under the control of the trust."
"Well, either way, I'll see you tomorrow. Let me know if you need any help. Or need a buffer between you and your mum."
The two women exited the pub, and with hugs goodbye, they parted until the next morning.
The day of the garden party dawned sunny and relatively warm for the time of year. Anna rose far earlier than she would have liked in order to help her mother with the preparations and still find time to make herself look as glamorous as the occasion allowed. She spent the morning decorating the marquees and the tables housed beneath them, her eye for fabrics and textures seemingly helping her with the process. By the time mid-morning rolled around, the sprawling garden of the Abbey looked a picture. Fitting for the Queen herself.
Back at the cottage, Anna stood in front of the mirror, putting the finishing touches on her hair and makeup. She had decided on a sleeveless dress in neutral colors with her hair in soft waves. Not too glamorous, but enough to look the part of an up and coming fashion designer. She knew most of the party's attendees would be the crème de la crème of Yorkshire and unlikely to provide any influence toward her career, but one never knew. And the chance of encountering any eligible men at the party to impress was slim to none. With a final glance in the mirror, Anna was ready to go.
The party was in full swing by mid-afternoon, the who's who of Yorkshire society having a grand time milling amongst themselves. As for Anna, she felt moderately out of place as she stood on the periphery of the festivities with a glass of white wine, observing and waiting and wondering when Gwen would show up, hoping it would be soon.
As she gazed around the grand lawn, she spotted a familiar figure on the outskirts, watching her. Although she'd only seen the man a few times, she instantly recognized his stance. But what could he possibly be doing here? Anna decided at that moment that she needed to find out, so she began to make her way toward him.
"I didn't realize garden parties were a spectator sport."
John turned to her, startled for being caught out. "Well, what can I say, the scenery is breathtaking," John replied flirtatiously once he recovered himself. He couldn't help but smirk at Anna, any resolve he had of distancing himself from her melting away with each moment she was in his presence. He was quickly beginning to realize how foolish his original plan of ceasing all contact with her actually was.
"I should be rather upset with you, you know. With you dismissing me so completely without giving me a chance to persuade you otherwise. And in an email no less!"
John ducked his head sheepishly, focusing his attention on the ice that was slowly melting in the glass of water he held in his hand.
"I know you're tying to do something gallant by letting me go before things can even begin, but from what I've seen, you're a good man, John. Much better than you give yourself credit for. And I wish you'd just come out with whatever is holding you back."
John glanced up at Anna, his hazel eyes barely peeking out from behind the unruly lock of hair that had come loose. "Is there somewhere we could go to talk? There are things you should know about me before we go any further. Things that could very well change your opinion of me, and I don't think the lawn of Downton Abbey in the middle of a garden party is the right place for that."
Anna paused to consider his request for just a moment before an idea came to her.
"I know just the place. And John…nothing could ever change my opinion of you. Whatever you tell me, you'll still be the same John I've found myself fancying."
"Well, we'll see. Lead the way, Miss Smith."
Anna and John were able to sneak out of the garden party unnoticed, making their way stealthily to the courtyard by the old servants' entrance to the Abbey, John faithfully following Anna as she led the way. It was clear that she'd spent almost as much time at the grand estate as he had over the years with how quickly and confidently she'd decided on their destination. He had to agree that the courtyard was the best location for their conversation as it was far enough away from the festivities, but not too far that their time away would be suspicious. They would still remain within earshot of the party, yet would remain out of sight. The pair found a stack of wine crates in the corner of the yard and took a seat, near what would have been the gateway to the hustle and bustle of the servants' hall from back when Downton was a grand estate filled with servants. Now it was a destination for tourists and fancy events.
"Now," Anna began, "would you care to tell me why you're hell bent on pushing me away?"
John chuckled, caught somewhat off guard with Anna's direct approach. "Well, you're not one to beat around the bush, are you?"
"You learn quickly, Mr. Bates. Now, out with it."
"Anna, there are things you don't know about me. I'm not the man you think I am," John began hesitantly, almost giving her the opportunity to back away from her inquisition.
"I know that you are a good man. And there are things you don't know about me, so your argument there appears invalid. "
"No, Anna, I've done bad things. I'm not a good man."
"I refuse to believe that. I've told you already, nothing you say will change my opinion of you. I just want honesty. And I've known Robert Crawley for as long as I've known Mary, and I know he wouldn't spend time with, as you put it, a 'bad man'."
John picked his head up quickly at that remark. "How do you know I'm friends with Robert Crawley?"
"I saw you sitting and talking to each other in the front row at my show. And Mary confirmed it backstage afterwards. The two of you were far too chummy to have just met."
"True, we have known each other for a very long time."
"But, we're getting off track. We're supposed to be talking about why you so strangely think I'll be put off you."
John heaved out a tremendous sigh. There was no use avoiding the conversation as Anna was proving a formidable opponent. "The truth is," John began, "I've not always been Robert's personal assistant. He was kind enough to offer me the position when I fell on hard times and was unable to find suitable work elsewhere. You see, I used to be a teacher at a rather high profile academy until a series of poor decisions led to one horrible mistake that ruined my career. I was in a toxic relationship at the time and would often succumb to the drink when the two of us were together. It would start out with too many pints at the local pub, and as time wore on, the pints were replaced with whisky. One night while I was out with my companion, we each had far too much to drink than was wise and we made the mistake of getting behind the wheel of a car to drive home. She took the wheel against my better judgment. Neither of us was fit to drive, but she was even less so. I was too pissed to put up much of a fight, even though I should have known better. We were passing through the school grounds when a group of students started crossing the street. I saw them in just enough time and tried to get her to swerve out of the way. We didn't hit them, but instead hit a tree. The force of the impact meant I smashed my knee pretty good, but otherwise wasn't too seriously injured. By the time the police had shown up, my companion had fled the scene. I managed to pull myself from the wreckage, and because I was the only one at the scene, it was assumed I was the driver. I could have tried to put up a fight, but it wasn't likely they'd have believed me, and it was obvious I was too inhibited by alcohol for anyone to believe my story. I was booked for drink driving and spent some time in prison, and then spent an additional year and a half afterward on probation. And because the incident happened on the campus where I taught, I also lost my job and any further prospects of employment elsewhere."
Anna sat quietly, processing all that John said before commenting. She could tell by the way he was looking at her, or not looking at her for that matter, that he was anxious to see how she'd respond. He seemed ashamed and terrified simultaneously.
Finally, Anna spoke. "I don't see how all of this would turn me off you. Yes, you exercised poor judgment and fell into some bad habits, but that doesn't make you a terrible person. The law punished you, but the way I see it, you're still punishing yourself. And needlessly so."
"But Anna, I have a criminal record now. You're trying to make a success of yourself. Can't you see I'd just hold you back and drag you down?"
"You served your time. You seem to have learned your lesson. Answer me this, John. After your accident, did you give up the drink?"
John nodded vehemently. "I did. I haven't had a drop of alcohol in years. And I've distanced myself from the woman who drove me into those horrible habits."
"Well then, I see no issues that would keep me from pursuing a relationship with you. It's up to you. What do you want?"
Lord, how could he answer that? John knew he wanted Anna. He couldn't deny the chemistry they had together, and he'd be a fool to turn down his chance of having her as his own. But then again, he was a fool. He was a fool to ever take up with Vera, a fool for not freeing himself of her completely, and a fool for trying to push Anna away. But could he be with Anna completely with Vera still lingering in his past? John looked up toward Anna and saw her almost imploring him, her blue eyes boring into his as she bit her bottom lip. There was no way he could continue to push her away, no matter what other demons lingered in his past.
"I want you. More than anything, I want you," John responded with all the sincerity he could muster, hoping to convince Anna that although he'd originally pushed her away, he was now wholly committed to her. The issue of Vera's lingering presence in his life would need to be dealt with at a later date. No sense in unloading all of his baggage onto the petite shoulders of Anna Smith in one night.
Before he knew it, Anna had thrown herself into his arms causing his breath to expel from his chest with a gentle 'oof'.
"Now, will you quit being a silly beggar and kiss me already?" The impish look on her face was one he could not resist, and one he could see himself unable to resist for however long they remained together.
"My pleasure." John leaned in to kiss Anna, but just as their lips were about to meet, the banging of the door behind them caused them to break apart.
"Daisy, you clodhopper, get these canapés out to the party! I could have walked to London and back in the time it has taken you." The harried employee in question bustled past them, the tray of canapés held precariously in her hands.
John let out a sigh at the interruption of their intimate moment, both parts annoyed and somewhat relieved that they were interrupted. As much as he wanted to kiss Anna, he also wanted their first kiss to occur somewhere more romantic than the courtyard of a manor house where anyone could find them.
"You know, as much as I would love to kiss you, I'd rather take you out on a proper date first. I'm old-fashioned like that."
"Ah, but Mr. Bates, haven't we already been on a date?"
"I'd consider that more of a pre-date if you will. I want to plan something special…pick you up, bring you flowers, the whole nine yards. Would you allow me to do that? Will you go on a real date with me, Anna Smith?"
Anna couldn't help but smile at the thoughtfulness of this man, and could in no way refuse his most gentlemanly offer. "I'd love to go on a date with you, Mr. Bates."
"Grand, just grand! Should we head back to the party now? I'm sure one of us has to be missed by now."
"I suppose," Anna sighed, not really wanting to leave John's presence, yet knowing her mother would be looking for her soon enough.
The pair walked back to the great lawn of the Abbey and back toward the marquees closely enough that their hands would occasionally brush against the other's, but not close enough that they would arouse any questions as to their status.
"I'll leave you now, but I promise to call you as soon as I'm back in London to set up that date I promised.
"I shall look forward to hearing from you. Until then, Mr. Bates."
"Until then, Miss Smith."
And there they parted, each heading back to their respective groups, safe in the knowledge that they were now traveling on a path towards something special, together.