"The companions of our childhood always possess a certain power over our minds which hardly any later friend can obtain."
― Mary Shelley, Frankenstein
Chapter Ten
The seven year old bit his lip, while liquid threatened to spill from his eyes. This was not a reaction he hoped for, but maybe he was a fool to ever hope for anything else. The child quickly took a breath, and voiced with as much volume as his hoarse throat let him: ''I'm sorry!''
The child did not wait for an answer, as he turned on his heel and fled toward the delusional safety of his own room. He did not even bother to close the door of the bedroom. Instead, the seven year old locked himself in the bathroom connected with shaky shoulders. He was an absolute idiot! Here he had a dream in which he had angered Potter enough to restore to physical punishment, and what does he do: disobey again in the middle of the dark night!
In panic, Severus missed the moment Harry must have walked into the bedroom. This knowledge only draw on him when the handle to the bathroom moved, making the seven year old yelp. After that noise, it was a matter of seconds before the doors were opened, most likely by a simple 'alahorma'. Regardless, the eighteen year old rushed inside the bathroom and knelled at the seven year old's eye level with alarm.
''Sev!'' Harry put his hands on the child's tense shoulders, scanning the boy for injuries. ''What happened? Why did you scream? What's wrong?''
The dark eyes gazed at the emerald eyes. The seven year old threw himself into the eighteen year olds arms, and rapped his hands around his neck: ''I'm sorry.'' Repeated the child.
Harry hugged the boy back, proving that he too was upset by the entire ordeal. He slowly took the child arms and made his way toward the bedroom. Harry examined his tear strained face before exhaling tiredly: ''No running, we already had this discussion.''
The child responded by hiding his face more into the teens shirt. You did not need to be an expert to see how awful the boy felt. Rather than letting the little Potion Master repeat his apologies, Harry spoke gently: ''Could you tell me what happened?''
''It's stupid.'' Replied Severus bitterly.
''I don't think so.'' The emerald eyed teen encouraged. He took a blanket from the cream bed. Then, the eighteen year old put it around the child who still did not let go of him. ''I need to put warming charms on this room. Why didn't you tell me it got so cold here during the night?''
The boy shuggered, enjoying the heat from both sides: ''I do not usually wake up in the middle of the night.''
''And let me guess, dreamless sleep had something to do with that?'' deduced Harry.
Severus just nodded in his chest: ''I'm so sorry to wake you up. I didn't think clearly…'' Or not at all, the child chided himself harshly.
''Did you have a nightmare tonight?'' The emerald eyed wizard continued his interrogation, while Severus saw no point in denial, therefore he affirmed in a barely audible voice. Potter squeezed him more at the news, and continued in a soft tone: ''Do you want to talk about it?''
The seven year old rubbed the tears out of his eyes with his fist. The child then traced the patterns on his pyjamas absent mildly. Severus raised his eyes to look at the eighteen year old. He swallowed as he tried to gather his thoughts: ''Imagine if you were exceedingly furious at me.''
Harry's rose his eyebrows at such a request.
''Just, think how you would feel while being really really angry.'' The boy tried again with a simpler vocabulary.
''I understood you the first time Sev.'' Harry assured, with a small smirk which quickly turned solemn. ''And I am still waiting for you to continue.''
''What would you do to me… if you were furious with me?'' The child question just above a whisper, his wet lashes moving as he blinked.
The eighteen year old stared at the child in lack of comprehension, until an idea shined through the emerald gaze. Harry spoke as he hugged the child: ''I would do nothing else then I did yesterday.'' The Boy-Who-Lived paused for a moment. ''Is that what happened in your nightmare? I was angry with you and you got scared?''
''In my nightmare, I disobeyed you somehow, I don't remember what it was, and you… wiped me with a belt.'' Severus felt completely embarrassed when his voice broke towards the end.
Soon, he felt a finger slide under his chin and force his head to move upwards. He looked into the serious emerald gaze: ''I would never lay a hand on you… nor use anything else to do it. And I am not going to let anyone cause you harm. You have nothing to fear from me.''
The seven year old nodded, and hid his face in the cook of Harry's neck. His silent plea for physical comfort was granted as the wizard used one hand to hold him, and another to gently rub circles on his back.
''Is it because of this nightmare that you started to take Dreamless Sleep so much?'' Harry questioned after a quiet moment.
''Kind of.'' The boy sniffled. ''Before… it wouldn't be you to actually hit me, but someone else… you would just stand on the side or disappear after a certain moment...'' Severus explained in far too much detail, not sure why. Yet, once the words were starting to fall from his lips, there seemed no stop.
''Why didn't you tell me?'' The scared face wizard asked as the child finally let the steam off his chest.
Severus felt relieved once he told of what his unconscious tortured him with, yet the last question was difficult for the child to answer: ''I didn't know if you wouldn't laugh at me.'' He finally whispered, admitting his weakness. He sighted as he continued quickly with a resigned voice: ''And I'm sorry to disappoint you.''
''I'm not disappointed.'' Harry countered quickly.
''You are.'' The raven haired boy insisted with a shattered breath. ''You want me to trust you, and every time I doubt you, you look at me as if saying: not again. You did say: we already had this conversation and I don't know what will convince you.'' Severus took a deep breath, not ready to look at the eighteen year old. ''I do trust you. And I really try to trust you to the level you wish, but I do not know how… I'm sorry to be obnoxious, and cause all this drama. This was not my intention.''
The emerald eyed wizard stared at his little charge with tired eyes before breaking the silence: ''Severus, we have been living together for barely two weeks. It is alright for you to still have doubts. It is alright that you are hesitant sometimes. There is nothing abnormal about it. However, it is also my job to remind you that you are safe. Okay?''
The words of reassurance washed over the seven year old like a warm breeze. Soon the seven year old found himself under the covers again, while the emerald eyed wizard arranged his pillows next to him. The eighteen year old took a chair from the desk in the corner of the room, and sat down next to the bed. Severus blinked as lights were turned off, wondering if he would be able to go back to sleep. He had slept through the day. However it was true that it was barely after two in the morning. Should he get up now, he would get his day and night cycle reversed. Due to the medication Poppy planned to give him, he could not consume Dreamless Sleep either. His small consolation was that in three days he would be able again to consume the desired potion- if they let him.
Therefore the child laid in the obscured bedchamber, although some light did enter from the staircase down the hallway. Severus turned on his side to better see the teenager who was waiting for him to fall asleep. The boy was torn, for he desired to find himself an occupation; such as reading for example, rather than lie pointlessly and be bored. However, Severus suspected that Harry would leave upstairs to retire to his own bedchamber. It was fair for the emerald eyed wizard to do so, and less then considerate for Severus to simply keep the tired wizard here on a wimp. Yet, the raven haired boy wished to stay with someone. The seven year old chided himself that he knew better then to act like a spoiled brat. Finally, after long minutes passed, Severus decided that he would not be selfish.
''I don't think I'll fall asleep anytime soon… you don't have to stay here.'' He couldn't bring himself to tell Harry to go away directly. The smallest, most childlike part of Severus wished that Harry would stay here to sleep.
The eighteen year old rose an eyebrow at that, though Severus observed that he did not need much persuading to retire to his own bed. Harry assured his little charge that he could come up to him at any time during the night. To Severus distaste, he informed him that Poppy would visit them every single day at ten in the morning until she deemed him healthy enough.
After Harry left, Severus took out a book from a shelf and started to explore it. There was nothing to attire the Little Potion Master's curiosity to the story, therefore he soon left the book on the bedside table. He would never complain, but his toys did slowly become rather boring. This did not mean he ever considered giving them back, especially the bear, however the boy wondered that he should have- may be- taken two more toys when he had the occasion. Of course, deep down, Severus knew he would have never done that at the time.
An idea slowly grew in the seven year old's mind. If he could go upstairs to Harry's bedroom, then logically it should not make a difference if he visited the library just down the same hallway. He simply wished for new material to read.
Taking a blanket with him, the child quietly walked upstairs, hoping that enough time had passed for the eighteen year old to go back to sleep. He opened the door to the grand library carefully, and finally found himself in the room without unpredicted situations on his way. Severus briefly wondered where Kreacher was, but then he remembered with some degree of guilt; that the elf was suspended in his duties as a house elf.
The lights turned on automatically, illuminating the high room. Severus left the blanket on one of the green couches in the sitting area. He walked around thousands of books, slightly taken by the unfamiliar atmosphere the night had created in this chamber. He reached the very familiar Potion section, yet passed it with slight distaste as he knew tempting himself with want he could not do was not the most pleasant of experiences. The biographies were nether a topic which the child wished to endeavour at such a late hour.
Severus walked to a far corner of the library, and noticed a section of more poorly kept books on the higher shelves. His curiosity peeking, the child took a chair to climb upon and examine those previously unnoticed novels. He traced his figure on the book cover, and took it easily. The title was in Latin, but this did not discourage him in the slightest. Severus opened the book to be surprised by horrific drawings and scribbled text. The Little Potion Master sat down on the chair, and with an concentrated grimace, read the scripts in the novels. With his fluency in the language, the seven year old knew this book was about Dark Arts.
Severus left the book lie on his lap as he wondered why Potters kept such scripts. All pure-blooded families he had known had those at home, yet it was also true that the purebloods he tend to visit had less then noble intentions in their daily lives. It should not be a surprise to find a small collection of books full of Dark Magic Teachings in such a large library. Moreover, Hogwarts too had an restricted area full of Darker topics. The fact that it was Harry Potter: the vanquisher of the most Dangerous Dark Lord of all time, made the concept surprising. Severus soon scolded his own childish logic. Those text were not prohibited, and if Potter found them already in the Manor, it was to be expected he would keep them. After all, they did belong to The Potters.
Severus slowly realized that he was not bothered that Harry had the books, but rather that James Potter- he who damned everyone associated with Dark Magic- even by reading it- had those scripts at his family house. Somehow, Severus could not imagine that Potter had never had a look at any of those books. Though the prat had been enough foolish to probably never step inside the magnificent library.
Regardless, the seven year old decided that in the present, messing with books on Dark Arts was not the best of way to get back on Harry's good side. He wanted to be re-given his right to continue his potion experiments. The raven haired boy put the book back. Reading briefly the other covers- just out of professional curiosity- when he noticed a shimmer behind the books. He took a random journal to see what it was, when he almost fell off the chair as the bookcase moved, and revealing hidden stairs.
Severus started wide eyed, not expecting this predicament. He repositioned his chair to put the book back to its place, and had to jump off as the shelves moved to their original placement, pushing the chair forcefully out of the way in the process.
The Little Potion Master took a calming breath. He looked up. He was directly placed under the lower part of the ceiling. The same which he had mused many days ago could contain an additional room. Now, this possibility was confirmed.
The seven year old opened the passage again. He took one of the magical candles and used the fire to illuminate the obscure narrow stair case. The stone steps lead to a red door. Its handle was made of gold. The raven haired boy wondered if Harry knew of this place. The shine of the handle, together with a somewhat clean surrounding, with a few weeks layer of dust, strongly suggested that this passaged had been discovered recently before him. Besides, it was childishly easy to notice that there should be another floor above. As the owner of the Manor, Harry must already know.
The boy was strangely anxious by his discovery. The eighteen year old must not want him anywhere near this room. Taking into account the Dark Arts book which hid the opening to the passage, Severus decided that he would not admit he had been messing with such vile scripts- even if briefly. For Harry to grow suspicious of him was the last the child wanted. Even if this meant keeping the fact that he had discovered a room which spiked his curiosity past sky scrapers. He would not become obnoxious though, and if Harry did not trust him with the room above, he would not push his luck unnecessarily.