Title: Walking After Midnight
Author: rekkidbraka
Rating: T
Pairings: Tony D. and Ziva D.
Category: Romance; Humor
Disclaimer: No infringement intended.
Spoilers: None
Summary: Tony and Ziva are stranded late one night when the 'Stang breaks down.

-------------------- Walking After Midnight ---------------------

"OK, let's go down the list one more time: Formula... bottles... blanky... paci... diapers... wipes... Butt Paste..."

"Tony! I got it! All present and accounted for, Sir!"

"... diaper BAG ... fold-up baby bed ... emergency phone numbers ... EXTRA formula - she eats like a champ ... extra jammies ... "

"Tony! Dude! You're wigging, man!"

" EXTRA blanky ... Tony the Tiger ... Now listen, Abs, this is important: She will NOT go to sleep without Tony the Tiger. Gotta have him right next to her in the bed. Sarah's crazy about him. Next to Ziva and me, she loves Tiger Tony more than anything. Got that?"

"GRRRRR! Yes, DAD. Now will you get out of here? You're already late to pick up Ziva. Plus, you're totally horning in on my girl time with Sarah. Sister Mary Ignatius is coming by later to visit and take our pictures for the nuns' "Abby" album. Oh! Oh! Oh! And the Sisters want to know if I can bring her bowling for one of our Saturday afternoon practices. You know, sorta as our mascot-slash-good-luck-charm? Will you ask Ziva if it's cool? We bowl at a no-smoking alley. Super-healthy and baby-approved!"

"Would you like that, Sarahcakes? Go bowling with Aunt Abby and the Sisters of the Immaculate Three-Hundred Game? Yeeeeeahhhh... you know you would. As long as Ole Mister Stripeypants here can come, too, I think the Princess is good to go."

"Awesome! Tony, you're the best dad who isn't really a dad yet EVER! Now fork over the Snugglepumpkin! And you and Ziva have fun tonight, you hear? No rushing things at the drive-in, DiNozzo. I expect you and Ziva to NOT know what happened in that movie -- at ALL!"

"You're always lookin' out for me, Abs. Hey, can I get a smooch, SarahBunny? Awwww... Who's Papa Tony's SWEET girl? OK, OK, I'll give Tony the Tiger a kiss, too..."

"Bye, PAPA Tony! Say 'bye-bye' to PAPA Tony, Sarah..."

"Oh yeah... one last thing, Abs. You ever tell McGeek about me kissing that tiger and I'll force you into a tanning bed. I swear."

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"Aaaaahhhh... What a GREAT movie..."

"We did not watch any of it, Tony. I could not see anything from the backseat and because we were so otherwise... occupied ... I have no idea what it was about."

"Yeah... Like I said -- GREAT movie. We gotta come to the drive-in more often. Hey, you talked to Abs? Sarah doing OK?"

"Everything was fine when I called an hour ago. Abby said Sister Mary Ignatius and Sarah had a lovely visit and that she had the time of her life bouncing on McGee's knee."

"McGEE's knee? Those nuns really get around. Go Sister Mary."

"No, I was talking about SARAH. According to Abby, she is crazy about her Uncle Timmy."

"UNCLE TIMMY? Waaaaaaait a minute! Hold on there, Mother Goose! Sarah doesn't HAVE any "UNCLE TIMMY" -- she HAS her Mama Ziva and Papa Tony and Aunt Abs and Ducky-Duck and Boss-Boss and JimmyJimmy. Probie's just Probie to her. Period. End of story. *snort* Uncle Timmy... HAH!"

"You do not think McGee rates as family? To Sarah? To us?"

"He's like that weird cousin you stick in the attic when the family reunion rolls around. And trust me -- I know all about how that works because... Aw, HELL! What's THAT about? 'Check ENGINE'? I just had the 'Stang serviced last month! Dammit..."

"Perhaps a spark bug has gone bad."

"Plug -- a spark PLUG, Ziva. And that can't be it. Just checked those out in this baby myself last weekend."

"I am just saying that..."

"Yeah, yeah... Look, you hold this flashlight, OK, while I see what the hell is the matter. I'm goin' in."

-------------------------------------------

"Motor oil looks good on you, Tony, I must admit. I had thought the smell initially was a bit off-putting but now I am finding it... intoxicating."

"Everything looks good on me, Ziva. And that's the fumes talking. You don't want me to start soaking in Quaker State, believe me. DAMMIT, what the HELL is wrong? Oil's fine... Water's OK... Coolant's good... Battery's perfect... Engine looks great... C'mon, baby, TALK to me! Aw, the HECK with it -- Ziva, I'm goin' under. See if I'm missing anything. You wanna get down here, bring that flashlight so I can see?"

"Tony..."

"Unnnnhhh... Let's see what we're lookin' at here... You've got enough gas. Your tires are brand new."

"Tony..."

"Carburetor's lookin' alright... I just gave you a big drink of STP yesterday..."

"Tony..."

"Ziva, I'm trying to have a little man-to-man with 'Stang here so we can try to get home before the sun comes up, OK, and... uh... Ziva? Heh... Ummm... What are you doin', huh?" *gasp*

"I am checking under your hood."

"Mmmm... Yeeeeahhh... Ahhhh... Unnnhhh... You... uhhh... see any... mmmhh... problems?" *groan*

"Your spark plug? Seems to be in perfect working order, Tony. But I would like to test your engine."

-------------------------------------------

"You call Abs? Tell her we're gonna be late?"

"Yes. I explained the circumstances. She says Sarah is asleep and we can pick her up tomorrow. There is no rush."

"Good. 'Cause we ain't goin' nowhere anytime soon."

"Oh, I don't know about that."

"Probie? PROBIE! What the hell are you doing here? How'd you find us?"

"GPS, Tony. Also, Ziva called Abby and said you needed help getting your car started."

"ZIVA!"

"It is true! I am NOT sorry!"

"Sooo... What we got here, Tony? Engine looks OK... Oil looks fine..."

"Tell me something I DON'T know, McGreaseMonkey." *snarl*

"... annnnnd the battery's working. Did you check the spark plugs?"

"OF COURSE I CHECKED THE SPARK PLUGS! They were the FIRST THING I CHECKED, Probie Pep Boy!"

"That... is a LIE, Tony! I told you to check the spark plugs and you did NOT. In fact, you IGNORED my suggestion outright."

"Maybe I couldn't CHECK the CAR's spark plugs, ZIVA, because YOU were so busy checking MINE!"

"Oh-HO! I see! So this is MY fault? Well, it will be QUITE some time before I give your SPARK PLUG another TUNE-OUT!"

"Ah... Ziva? I think you mean 'tune-up' -- right? Tune-up?"

"WHATEVER, McGee! At the moment, I am not really so interested in anything that involves TONY, his SPARK PLUGS or his ENGINE TROUBLE!"

"FOR the RECORD, McNOSY, I've NEVER had ENGINE TROUBLE in MY LIFE! And I SURE as HELL didn't CONK OUT EARLIER when LITTLE MISS MECHANIC HERE decided to TAKE ME for a TEST DRIVE!"

"I have only TWO WORDS to describe your PERFORMANCE, Tony: SPEED RACER!"

"Um... guys? Are... Are we still talking about the car?"

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"Timmy! You're home! And you're... filthy. Ewwww... Nope, no hugging Uncle Timmy, Sarah. He's gross. I mean, YOU aren't gross, Timmy. Well, you are -- but just, like, right now. Because you've been working on Tony's car. Not because you're just gross in general or anything. Y'know?"

"Thanks, Abby. Can I use your shower?"

"Sure... You need me to wash your clothes? Oh, well, DUH. Of course you do. Just leave 'em outside the bathroom door. I've got some extra sweats of Gibbs' that you can wear."

"GIBBS?"

"Yeah. From when he came over and sanded my coffin. Geez, Tim, what'd you think happened?"

"Uhhh... nothing. Hey, did Tony say anything about he and Ziva fighting before he left tonight?"

"No! Are they arguing? Ziva didn't hurt him too bad, did she? Tony's scrappy but she kicks like a ninja."

"They were yelling at each other about spark plugs. It was... weird."

"Well, yeeee-ah, McGee. Hello? It's TONY!"

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"Get in the car, Ziva."

"No. I will walk."

"Ziva. Get in the car."

"No, thank you."

"The car, Ziva. Get in."

"I would rather not."

"GET IN THE DAMN CAR, ZIVA! NOW!"

"Have a nice drive home, Tony. Alone."

"FINE. Hope your thumb's in good shape, Sweet Cheeks. Have fun HITCHING!"

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"Ziva... baby, please. Will you just... c'mon... get in the car? So we can go home? And pick up Sarah? Please?"

"You dismissed my suggestion that the problem was the spark plug and then you blamed me for your car's trouble. I suppose I am to just forget all of that."

"YOU called me 'SPEED RACER' -- in front of PROBIE!"

"AFTER you said it was my fault that you had not checked the spark plugs, Tony! YOU did not seem quite so upset when we were making love before McGee's arrival!"

"THAT is because I was NOT... UPSET. In FACT, I was... ENJOYING the evening!"

"Yes. I could tell. Or at least it seemed that way."

"Aw, alright... I screwed up, OK? I shoulda listened to you in the first place and checked the spark plugs. Good thing McGoodwrench stopped at the all-night auto shop and got some, huh?"

"Most definitely. Otherwise, we would still be stranded."

"Y'know... I kinda liked being stuck out in the middle of nowhere with you, Ziva."

"I was not in any hurry to get home. Abby was -- is -- taking good care of Sarah."

"Yeah... Ziva, look, I'm sorry. You know I didn't mean all that stuff I said. I was just trying to not look like I didn't know what I was doing in front of McGoo, that's all. I shouldn't have taken it out on you. Forgive me? Please?"

"Oh, Tony... I will forgive you. This time."

"Glad we got that cleared up. Now, uh, there's just one more thing -- before we head home?"

"And what is that?"

"I can't find my boxers anywhere. Did Probie use them as a cleaning rag when he wiped down the engine?"

"Perhaps. You are going commander, then?"

"Commando, Sweet Cheeks. And yes. Yes, I am."

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"Honey, we're home! Abs! Abby! Yo, Abs?"

"That's AUNT Abby to you and quit yelling, Tony. You'll wake up Sarah. AND Timmy."

"McGoo's here? UNCLE Timmy? What's the story there, Abs? Big night, huh? Heh... OWWW!"

"You shut your porky mouth, Mister! Timmy slept over to help me look after Sarah and he was tired after helping YOU fix your car!"

"I know. Sorry, Abs."

"Where's Ziva?"

"Home. Sleeping. Good thing one of us is. I'm wiped out."

"And dirty, too. Come back after you've had a shower. Or six."

"OK... Hey, will you thank McGee for me, too?"

"Sure. Anything special you want me to tell him?"

"Yeeeahhh... Tell him Papa Tony said 'Thanks, Uncle Timmy.'"