Chapter 10
February
I giggle as Peeta pulls into my drive way and parks his car. He has spent the entire journey back from the bakery amusing me with his various and bad impressions of the music artists on the radio. He picked a station that played a lot of that chart bullshit and he was killing me with his moody stares and silly hair flicks that seem to be a preference of the teen aged singing sensation Gloss Diamond.
We both hop out the car and Peeta immediately pulls me close into his side as we take the few steps to my door. The bitter winter air has still not broken and I enjoy the heat his body gives me. I realise that I have come to associate warmth with him; a feeling of safeness and contentment.
"Clearly I've been spending too much time with Delly. I knew all the words to that Gloss Diamond's song," Peeta says as we walk up the steps.
I turn to look up at him and give him a smile.
"You blame Delly a lot for your bad music taste. I think you are just using her to cover your real feelings," I tease.
"You got me. His hit the Star Crossed Lovers is my number one favourite tune!" Peeta declares with a grin.
I chuckle lightly as I search my purse for my keys. Just as I catch sight of the small key chain that holds Sage's picture Peeta grabs my wrist, spins me round and pulls me up for a deep kiss. My mouth opens at its own accord to allow his tongue access and he begins to worry my bottom lip with his teeth. His hands wind themselves into my hair, locking me in place as he lavishes me with hot and sensual kisses. As always my body tingles from the effect.
Eventually he releases me and smoothes back the hair that he has to carelessly tangled.
"Sorry," he states. "I just had to give you a proper kiss before we go in to Sage."
I can see all the care and longing he has for me in the look he gives me as he continues to stroke the hair off my face. I take a step closer to him and tip my head up.
"Never apologise for kissing me," I state softly before I stand up on my tip toes to give him a lingering kiss.
He is smiling again as I step back down and turn the key in the lock to pull him inside.
We find Mom and Sage in the living room as Sage enjoys filling containers with her blocks before tipping the entire contents onto the floor. Mom smiles warmly, if not a bit tiredly, as we enter and I scoop down to greet Sage.
"Did you make all this mess?" I ask Sage as I bend down to pick her up.
As if to prove my point, Sage tips the container she is holding and the multi-coloured blocks go tumbling to the ground and only narrowly miss my foot.
"You definitely get that from your Daddy," I reply wriggling her nose. "He didn't understand the purpose of drawers or cupboards either."
Sage flaps her arms at the ground desperate to pick up the container and start all over again. I shake my head at her before lowering us both to the ground so she can reach the box. Her face lights up as she grabs hold of the container and resumes her game. It's good to know blocks are more interesting than the mother she hasn't seen all day.
I sigh as I watch her eagerly clatter the blocks into the container. I suppose every parent has to come to terms with the fact their child doesn't need them every moment of the day. Sage is perfectly fine when I am not around. I wonder if she misses me as much as I miss her. On this display it would suggest not.
In a way I should be glad that she doesn't miss me when I am at work. I would hate to think of her crying and hurting because I am not there. But on the other hand part of me wants an excuse to stay home and look after her. She is growing every single day, constantly learning new things and I am terrified one day I am going to miss some of the important milestones in her life.
My mother has gotten off her chair to greet Peeta and he hands her a box of freshly baked Mellark muffins. Mom smiles gratefully at him as she takes them.
"You have made me the most popular employee at the care home. Every week the staff eagerly await to see what you have baked them," Mom says as he puts the box down next to her bag.
Ever since Peeta and I began dating he has kept us in and dated with various baked goods. Mom took some cookies into work one day and the whole staff have been raving about the Mellark's baked goods ever since. Peeta often keeps something aside so that Mom can satisfy the ravenous members of the care home staff.
"Well I can't take the credit for these. Castor made them," Peeta replies. "With all the transition involved for me taking over the business I am not getting as much time as I would like in the kitchen."
Mom nods her head sympathetically as she pulls on her coat in preparation to go to work.
"Can't believe Wheaton is retiring. He was always glued to the bakery when we were at school. It won't be the same without him," Mom states.
"Not even with a younger, better looking boss?" Peeta replies with a cheeky grin.
Mom chuckles.
"Well when you put it that way…" My mom laughs as she heaves her heavy bag up onto her shoulder.
"You'll do a great job I'm sure," Mom says more seriously. "But right now I really need to get to work. Goodnight Sage. Keep your Mommy and Peeta in line."
I scowl at my mom as she bends down to give Sage a kiss. Sage's attention is momentarily taken away from the blocks and container as she watches Mom nod a goodbye to Peeta and me and then walk out the door. She stares at the door for a few minutes after Mom has left before the pull of her game is too much and she is back banging blocks and making a mess.
Peeta smiles happily as he joins us both on the floor and watches Sage continue to amuse herself.
"So this is what you have been up to today, Little Miss," Peeta says as he hands her a yellow plastic block.
Sage eagerly grabs it off him and bangs it loudly against the box.
"No Sage. Too noisy," I scold carefully taking the block off her and demonstrating how to put it in the box gently.
No is becoming a much more frequent word in my vocabulary with her at the moment. She's just becoming a little monkey as she learns to explore the world around her.
Peeta picks up another block and carefully adds it to the container.
"Let's see how many blocks we can get in here," Peeta suggests as he begins filling the box up.
Sage watches him for a few moments before realising what he means and begins helping him add to the pile. Peeta is patient with her as she rushes to throw the blocks in and stops her if she gets a bit too enthusiastic. Eventually I join in too as I hand Sage the blocks she cannot reach.
We make quite a little team and the container is soon brimming with different brightly coloured blocks.
It makes me extremely happy at how comfortable Peeta and Sage are around each other. It shouldn't be a surprise. Even before we were dating Peeta was always good with Sage and Sage has always loved Peeta. I'm glad this has not changed.
In the seven weeks we have been dating Peeta has become an increasingly regular presence in our house. As I have Sage we often can't find a babysitter to allows us to go out and we have had to spend many of our days together in the house with her. Peeta doesn't complain though and is constantly reassuring me that he loves spending time with both of us. It is now odd if he doesn't come round 4 or 5 nights a week. He has just slotted so seamlessly into our routine.
I still can't quite believe we are here. My insecurities of not being good enough for him still plague me. With all the shit that has gone down in my life it is quite hard to believe that something good is actually happening to me.
The truth is I have never been happier. Peeta is just so good. So kind. And funny. And boy can he kiss. We've kept that part of our relationship very PG-thirteen so far. After everything that happened with Thom I don't think I am ready for that kind of relationship yet. Not that I don't think about it. His kisses are enough to spark my curiosity about what he could do to the other parts of my body.
But we are in no rush. Peeta has taught me it is okay to take our time and really get to know one another before anything else. He's become my best friend and that is more important than any sexual relationship we may have.
There is one last block left and I pick it up and hold it high above Sage's head for her to reach up to. She wiggles about impatiently as I constantly move the block close to her face before then yanking it up high in the air. Peeta watches on with an amused look.
"I don't think your mommy is playing fair," he says bending down to look at Sage.
Sage looks up at him and then her eyes widen with excitement as she spies another block that has somehow landed on the couch. She puts her pudgy hands on the edge of the couch and somewhat unsteadily pushes herself up so she is standing, braced against the couch, and reaches for the block.
Both Peeta and I look at each other with awed surprise and excitement. My little girl has just stood for the first time.
Sage picks up the block, completely oblivious to the adults delight around her and carefully plops the block in the container.
I can't hide my excitement any longer and twist her around so she is looking at me.
"You're standing Sage! You did it all yourself, you clever girl!" I exclaim picking her up and showering her with kisses.
Peeta has moved closer to us and strokes the top of Sage's head so she turns round and looks at him.
"That was amazing Sage! Mommy and I are so proud of you!" Peeta exclaims too.
I am a little taken back by his comment. The use of the phrase "Mommy and I" sounds so much like something a husband and father would say to his child. The phrase gives me warm butterflies inside. I pull Sage close and kiss the top of her head as Peeta continues to make a fuss over her.
His enthusiasm over Sage may surprise me a little, he is under no obligation to do so, but I am glad all the same. These last 9 months have been lonely as I have essentially raised Sage myself. I have been desperate to have someone to share all these amazing things she is doing. Maybe now with Peeta I have found that.
Sage looks at us both with an expression that says "So I stood? So what?" This just makes me smile more and I continue to kiss and cuddle her and tell how amazing she is. Peeta looks at me in disbelief and then with a look that says "How's she growing so fast?" I shrug my shoulders in response and Sage finally decides she has had enough of our fussing and squirms out my grip to tip over the container filled with blocks. The blocks all come crashing out, sprawling across the floor and the moment is gone.
After dinner Peeta stretches himself out on the coach with Sage in his lap as he tries to lull her to sleep. However Sage is being fussy and refusing to settle. I pick up the guitar Peeta gave me and begin strumming the chords of one of The Tributes songs. Music has always proved a successful soother for Sage in the past.
After a few cords I start singing softly the lyrics of the song. At the sound of my voice I can see Sage visibly calm and soon after her lids begin to droop. Peeta begins to rock her slightly as my voice fills the room. By the time I get to the end of the song Sage is sleeping soundly and Peeta is looking at me with a content smile.
"The Tributes are hardly the most traditional bedtime songs," he says with a smirk.
I smile back at him as I put down the guitar and make my way over to sit next to him. He moves his legs out the way so I can sit down and I gently brush the hair out of Sage's sleeping face.
"Got to start on them young. I don't want her listening to all that chart music when she is older," I say still loving stroking her hair.
Peeta smiles and nods as he continues to rock Sage gently.
"I love hearing you sing," he states softly.
I break my gaze on Sage to look at him.
"I like singing," I reply simply.
Peeta pauses, thoughtful for a moment, before speaking again.
"Do you ever think about pursuing it further?" he asks.
I let out a disbelieving laugh.
"Yeah, because that would be easy with a baby," I snort.
"I don't necessarily mean as a professional singer. It's just you're so good I can't imagine you not doing something that involved music. Whether it be a teacher, a music therapist or something," he continues. "I mean before you had Sage, what did you want to do?"
I pause before answering. The truth is before I had Sage I had not given any thought about what I wanted to do with my life. After Dad and Prim died I just didn't see the point. Jobs only got in the way of the partying. Though before that I guess I had a vague idea.
"Before Dad died, I guess I thought about becoming a music teacher. Prim had no musical talent but I was determined to teach her. Dad always said that anyone with that much patience and determination should become a teacher. I had Prim playing chopsticks on the piano by the end. I guess the idea kind of stuck," I say.
Peeta looks excited at my answer and sits up straighter on the couch still holding Sage close.
"You'd be an amazing teacher. I see how you are with Sage. You don't realise how good you have been at teaching her. I think it definitely something you should consider doing if you are still interested in it," he says excitedly.
"Aren't you forgetting I have a baby? You need a degree to teach music. How am I supposed to get that when I have Sage to look after and bills to pay?" I reply.
"You could go part time, or online, or I don't know! I'll help you figure it out. But don't use Sage as an excuse to not try. She is the exact reason you should be doing it. As much as I love you working at the bakery I know it's not what you want to do for the rest of your life. Don't you want to be a good role model for Sage and show her what a good thing it is to have a job that you really love?"
I ponder his words as I look down at my daughter snoring softly. I want what is best for her. I want her to be proud of her mom. Peeta's right. I don't want to be one of those moms that are stuck in a dead end job that they end up despising. The bakery is fine for now but I don't want to be there forever.
And now that Peeta has brought it up I realise that music teaching still appeals to me. Even though Prim frustrated me with her lack of improvement I was proud as punch the day she played that silly song. I want to have that feeling again. The pride at knowing you have imparted even a little bit of wisdom.
"I'll think about it," I eventually say and then take Sage out of Peeta's arms so I can put her to bed. Peeta nods and smiles at me before following me through to Sage's room. Could I really handle a degree, job and a baby?
That weekend I stand in front of the mirror putting the finishing touches to my hair. It's is Rue 21st birthday and she has invited Delly, Madge and I all out to celebrate. Peeta sits behind me on my bed as he performs a silly puppet show for Sage. Sage laughs and squeals as he puts on lots of different voices and waves a variety of her stuffed toys in the air.
I am leaving him with Sage for the first time tonight. He had looked after her in the bakery that one time but I was only a few feet away. I have seen how good he is with her but I still always get nervous leaving her with someone new for the first time.
"I think you have more fun with these puppet shows that Sage does," I state as I turn round to look at them both.
"Didn't I tell you I only date you so I can act silly with your daughter?" Peeta says with a grin.
I chuckle lightly and begin gathering the items for my purse.
"Did you look at those college brochures I got you?" Peeta asks next.
I sigh. Ever since he brought it up a couple of nights ago Peeta has been determined to get me into college. I'm glad he cares enough about me to support me through this but I am still struggling to get my head around it. I had a quick look at some of the brochures and realised that if I managed my time correctly I could go to community college and pick up some of the credits I would need to teach music. There are even some grants for single moms like myself that would help with the finances. I know it is the best thing for me and therefore Sage but I don't know if I am ready for school again. Things are good at the moment and I don't know if I have the motivation to add extra stress in my life.
"I flicked through them," I reply as I walk over to him and place a loving hand on his cheek. "Thank you so much for doing that for me and I am seriously considering it. Just give me time to work things out."
Peeta nods his head.
"You know I'd do anything for you. I only want the best for you," he replies.
"I know," I reply with smile and I bend down to give him a soft kiss.
Sage bangs the bed to get our attention back, impatient for Peeta's puppet show to resume.
"Just give Mommy and Peeta a minute munchkin," I say stroking her hair to calm her down. "You have all night to play puppet shows with Peeta."
Sage pouts a little but stops banging her hand about.
"Are you sure you will be fine with her this evening?" I ask Peeta twiddling the strap of my purse nervously.
Peeta stands up to get off the bed and takes my head in his hands.
"Stop worrying. I love spending time with Sage. You are only a phone call away if I really need you," he says reassuringly as he strokes the hair back behind my ears.
I look up into his serious blue eyes and realise that I trust him completely to look after my daughter. I know he cares about her a great deal.
"Okay. I will. Have fun with her tonight. And don't hesitate to call me if anything happens," I state firmly.
Peeta just smiles and leans in closer to me.
"It won't Katniss," he says and he gently presses his lips to mine.
I want to deepen the kiss but know with my daughter in the room it would be a little inappropriate.
"Go have fun," Peeta says as he releases me.
I nod my head in response, turning my attention back to my daughter and going back over to give her a kiss goodbye. I pick up my jacket and, after saying goodbye to Peeta too, go and meet the girls.
Rue managed to get me into a cosy bar in the city centre. The place is reasonably busy but not too busy so that you feel like everyone is crammed against the wall. I like that the place isn't too fancy and the drinks are reasonably priced. Both Madge and Delly had enthusiastically ordered us all a round of margarita's the moment we stepped through the door.
I haven't really drunk much since Sage was born, just a glass of wine every now and again with Peeta, so I know I have to pace myself. I can't be hung over with a baby.
"I say we make a toast!" Delly declares. Madge rolls her eyes. "We've only known you for a short while Rue but I feel like we've been friends for years…"
"Jesus Delly. Does everything you say have to be overly sentimental?" Madge cuts in.
Delly turns to scowl at her childhood friend.
"As I was saying. You've become a really good friend Rue. And we will always love you for beating Thresh at an arm wrestling competition!" Delly concludes.
"Hell yeah!" Rue shouts as she flexes her arm muscles. "It's all in the technique!"
We all burst into a round of laughter as we remember how pissed Thresh was after is unsuccessfully challenged Rue to an arm wrestle. Turns out Rue is deceptively strong.
"In all seriousness guys," Rue then adds. "Most of my friends didn't want anything to do with me when they found out I was pregnant with Chase. It really means a lot that you are here for me."
We all share smile. Rue catches my eye and gives me a grateful smile. I, more than anyone, know how she feels. Madge and Delly may be our friends but they can't fully understand what we go through every day. Life is a lot more complicated when you have a baby. I know I would go crazy if I didn't have Rue in my life.
"So Katniss. Have you slept with Peeta yet? I've heard he's pretty hot in bed," Madge states bluntly and breaking the moment we all just shared.
I blush and look away.
"Madge!" Delly exclaims. "We agreed we'd be subtle about it!"
Madge rolls her eyes.
"Delly you can't do subtlety. Might as well get the question out there," Madge replies.
Delly tries to look offended and let's out a big huff. Rue just smirks at me.
"Well?" Rue asks. "If I was dating that I would have given it up a long time ago."
I narrow my eyes at her. I know she is only joking but it still doesn't mean I like hearing her talk about my boyfriend like that.
"We're taking things slow," I reply. "I don't want to repeat the mistakes I made with Thom."
"That makes sense," Madge nods in understanding. "Just promise you will tell us all about it when you do. He has always been annoyingly coy about his sex life in the past."
I grin and nod my head. It's nice to know I have girlfriends I can talk about these things with.
Rue finishes her drink and declares that she is buying another round. She hops off her stool and we turn to talk about Delly's latest idea for a job prospect.
The night is relaxing and entertaining. No one is out to get ridiculously drunk like most other 21st birthdays and I for one am grateful for the hangover free day I will have tomorrow.
At some point in the evening Delly had spotted some hot, Abercrombie and Fitch looking model and has been begging someone to go over there with her and be her wing woman ever since.
"Please Madge!" she begs. "I'll buy you those chocolate crispy things you love so much."
"Fine," Madge concedes after 15 minutes of whining. "I'll give you 15 minutes before I am ducking out."
Delly's face breaks into a big grin and she throws her arms around Madge.
"Thank you! I'll do the same for you if you ever ask!" she squeals.
Madge sighs and reluctantly gets off her stool.
"Come on. Let's go meet your future husband," Madge replies.
Delly nods her head eagerly and the pair of them head off in the direction of the good looking guy and his friend.
Rue and I smile and shake our heads at them.
"How I miss just going up to guys and asking for their number," Rue laments.
I give her a sympathetic smile.
"They don't realise how great they have it," Rue adds tipping her head towards Delly and Madge.
I frown a little at her comment.
"Don't get me wrong. I love Chase but I miss those parts of my life. I just wished I had him a few years later," Rue explains.
I nod my head finally understanding.
"I know what you mean. Peeta has been on at me about college. I know it'd be a good thing for me but it's just so daunting to think about doing it with a baby. I saw how much you struggled with it. I don't know if I need the extra stress. Everything would be so much easier if I had done college first and then the baby. At times I feel like I am constantly fighting to just get by and prove I am a suitable enough mother for Sage."
Rue nods her head.
"You're lucky that you have got Peeta. To have that support system. I'd kill to have someone care and look out for me as much as he does," she replies.
Another nod from me.
"I'm just so worried he's going to leave me," I state. "I mean he is Mr Perfect. He was the golden child of Panem. Colleges fought to get him, star of the football team, perfect grades, excellent job. Not to mention he is kind and caring and generally good hearted. He could have the most beautiful, successful and fun girlfriend in the world and instead he is stuck with me."
Rue reaches out to give my forearm a reassuring squeeze.
"He's not stuck with you. He chose you," she states firmly. "You should see the way he looks at you when you aren't looking. He absolutely adores you. And Sage. You don't know how lucky you are. Every guy I have talked to pisses off as soon as I mention Chase. Peeta would never do that to you. He cares for you even more because of Sage."
"Really?" I ask unbelievingly.
Rue smiles and nods her head.
"He will never leave you willingly," she confirms.
I grip her hand gratefully. Her words alleviate a lot of my fears. It's always good to hear an outsider's perspective. I know Peeta is a good guy. It's just I have lost people in the past and I don't think I could handle losing another person close to me.
"Thank you," I say.
Rue smiles again before we are interrupted by Madge.
"Well Delly has got that guy suitably charmed. Too jock like for my liking but at least my job is done. His friend had to be the most boring man on the planet. All he could talk about was the different protein shakes he drinks."
Both Rue and I chuckle lightly. I turn to look over at Delly and sure enough find her giggly and flirty with the good looking guy. She lightly touches his arm after he says something particularly funny and I shake my head at her display. I'm glad I don't have to do the flirting thing any longer.
Madge looks at her cell phone and a small smile appears on her lips.
"What's got you smiling?" Rue asks raising an eyebrow.
Madge continues to smile as she tucks her phone back in her purse.
"Sorry ladies. I've got another place to be," she states coyly.
"That's all we're getting?" I demand.
Rue narrows her eyes at Madge.
"Is that your booty call you told me about? The guy with the motorbike that drove you out to the woods to fuck you against a tree?" Rue questions.
I raise my eyebrows in surprise. I am quickly realising that Madge Undersee is not the polite little Mayor's daughter that she often portrays.
"Booty call?" I question.
Madge shrugs her shoulders.
"I met him in the grocery store. He's a good fuck. What can I say? I need one at the moment," she states. "Tell Delly I left. Happy Birthday Rue. We'll speak soon."
Rue and I get up to hug her goodbye and she leaves soon after typing furiously into her cell.
"What would you know? Madge is the biggest slut out of all of us," Rue declares.
I chuckle in response and we go back to our drinks.
We leave the bar shortly before midnight. Rue needs to get back to her babysitter. The cab drops me off at my front door and I turn the keys in the lock, careful to not wake anyone sleeping inside.
I head to Sage's room first and am relieved to find her sleeping peacefully in her crib with the giraffe Peeta gave her tucked firmly in her arms. I spend a few minutes watching her lovingly as she sleeps before bending down to give her a light kiss and making my way to my own room.
Peeta is in my bed sound asleep when I enter. He too has one of Sage's stuffed toys tucked under his arm. An amused smile appears on my face as I quietly get ready for bed. I slip under the covers and wrap my arms around Peeta's warm torso. He stirs as I do so and opens his eyes sleepily to look at me.
"You're home," he states sleepily.
I nod my head and he pulls me closer to his chest.
"Did you have a good night?" he asks with a yawn.
"I did," I state softly. "But I missed you."
"I missed you too," he replies with a tired smile.
"I'm tired now though. Let's just go to sleep," I reply.
Peeta nods his head tiredly and I snuggle in closer to him. I can tell by his shallow breaths that he has already fallen back to sleep. I look up to admire his sleeping form before closing my eyes and joining him in a peaceful slumber.
A/N: This is a bit of a filler chapter before the drama returns in the next chapter. Next up we have Katniss meeting all the Mellarks.
As always thank you to everyone who follows/favourites/reviews this story. Your support is much appreciated.