CHAPTER TEN

Quinn had debated waiting till school the next day to talk to Rachel, but she realized it was just too easy for Rachel to avoid her there. Plus, Quinn had been sitting at home for a few hours now and no matter what she did she couldn't stop thinking about Rachel. So when her impatience finally reached it's peak Quinn jumped into her car and sped off to Rachel's house. She wasn't sure what she was going to say, she wasn't even sure how she was suppose to be feeling. Should she be angry? Hurt? Sympathetic? Quinn figured she'd know how to feel once she was face to face with Rachel.

Quinn pulled up to Rachel's house. She noticed that there was no car in the driveway and hoped that Rachel wasn't out with her dads. Quinn hopped out of the car and made her way to the door. As she raised her hand to ring the door bell the door swung open. Quinn was shocked to find Finn standing in the doorway, Finn seemed just as shocked to find Quinn on the other side.

"Hey, Finn. What are you doing here?" Quinn asked.

"I just came to see if Rachel was okay," Finn responded, he suddenly seemed to have trouble meeting her eyes.

"Oh, and how is she feeling?"

"Fine, I guess," Finn said. It didn't sound like he seemed too sure.

"What aren't you telling me, Finn?"

Finn, started to look around, as if looking for an escape route. Quinn lifted her hand in front of his face and snapped her fingers.

"Focus, please!" Quinn said, annoyed, "Tell me what's going on."

Finn looked back at her, "I can't tell you. It's private."

Quinn prepared to start yelling, but she stopped herself. He was right, whatever it was it was between Rachel and Finn and was none of her business, "I'm sorry, Finn. I shouldn't be angry with you. It's just...I'm worried about Rachel. You must have notice how out of it she's been the last few weeks."

"I have noticed. I've asked her about it but she wont tell me a thing," Finn said, shaking his head.

"Wait, if she wont tell you then why are you acting like you know something?" Quinn asked.

Finn stepped out of the doorway, past Quinn. He faced away from her, obviously struggling with himself over something. Finally, he seemed to come to a decision.

"We had sex," Finn said quietly.

"You had sex? When?" Quinn asked, suddenly feeling really awkward about the conversation.

"Right now. Well, before you got here," Finn said, blushing slightly.

Quinn cleared her throat, "Why are you telling me this? You were right before, that's very private."

"Normally I wouldn't tell anyone. Well, I might tell a few guys on the football team, but not you," Finn said.

"Then why are you telling me?"

"Because...I thought that afterward I would be feeling amazing. And happy. But all I feel is ashamed"

"Ashamed? Why?" Quinn asked, now more concerned than embarrassed.

"It just didn't feel right. I mean, it was good, don't get me wrong, but she seemed so different. It just wasn't like her."

"What do you mean?"

"I don't think she wanted to do it. I don't know why she did, she's always talked about waiting for the right time. But now it seemed like she was doing it just for the sake of doing it. And when we were done she just asked me to leave. As if I had served my purpose," Finn finished in a rush, tears building in his eyes.

"I'm sorry, Finn," Quinn said, reaching out her hand to pat him on the shoulder.

Before her hand was halfway there Finn started backing away, "Look, I have to go. Maybe we'll talk another time." Finn turned around and headed up the sidewalk.

Quinn, turned back towards the door to Rachel's house, it still stood ajar. Quinn wasn't sure if she should go in or not, now may not be the best time. But before Quinn could talk herself out of it an overwhelming feeling of concern for Rachel hit her. She walked through the door and closed it behind her. She slowly worked her way up the stairs to Rachel's room. Quinn thought about just walking in, but stopped herself when she realized that there was a very real possibility of Rachel being naked on the other side. That might make the conversation kind of awkward.

So Quinn knocked on the door. She waited a few moments, but there was no response, so she knocked again. Again, the door didn't open. Quinn was about to knock a third time when the door swung open.

"Finn! I told you..." Rachel's voice trailed off as she realized she wasn't talking to Finn. She seemed at a lose, unable to say anything. Tears started to slowly stream down her face before she finally broke down completely, falling to the floor.

Quinn was quick to be at her side. At first she attempted to lift Rachel back to her feet, but only for a moment before she decided just to lay on the floor with her, wrapping her arms around her as she sobbed. They laid there for awhile, until Rachel's sobs turned to whimpers and then finally she stopped crying altogether. At this point Quinn lifted her onto her feet and helped her to the bed, laying her down. Quinn sat next to her on the edge of the bed, holding her hand. Rachel stared at her for a long while, and Quinn just stared back.

Finally, after a long few minutes, Rachel spoke, "I don't deserve you...as a friend."

Quinn, frowned at her, "That's ridiculous, only I get to make that decision and in this case I don't."

"But, the things I did today, they're not what friends do."

"Perhaps not normally, but one might if they were going through something bad. Something that made them act differently then what they normally would," Quinn smiled, "I know deep down you're not a bad person, and whatever reason you had for acting the way you did I'm sure it was something I would easily forgive you for."

Rachel turned away from Quinn. "Finn and I had sex," She said flatly

"I know."

Rachel spun back towards her, "You know? How?"

"Finn was the one who let me in. He told me."

"How could he? That was private," Rachel said, angrily.

"But, you just told me."

"That's different."

"How?"

Rachel's face went through several different expressions before it settled on guilt, "I guess it's not any different."

Quinn squeezed Rachel's hand even tighter, "Rachel, he didn't tell me because he was showing off. He told me because he was afraid that you had sex with him for the wrong reasons and that he may of taken advantage of you."

Rachel looked as if she were about to break out into more tears.

"Is it true Rachel? Did you do it for the wrong reason?"

Rachel pulled her hand away from Quinn's and covered her eyes, as if to try and block out the whole world. "Quinn," Rachel said, softly, "I need to tell you something."

"You can tell me anything, Rachel."

"Finn was right, I didn't have sex with him because I wanted to."

"Then why?"

Rachel took a deep breath before speaking, "Because, I wanted to convince myself that I loved him."

"You don't?"

"No. I mean, I like him, but it isn't love."

"That doesn't seem like a very good reason. Not everyone falls in love at first sight. It takes time. There's nothing wrong with just liking him."

"I know," Rachel said, "And I would have been fine with just liking him if it wasn't for..." Rachel trailed off.

"For what?" Quinn asked.

"If it wasn't for the fact that I loved someone else."

Quinn was taken aback a moment, "Really? Who?"

Rachel just stared at Quinn. Quinn waited, somewhat eagerly, to find out who this guy was. Suddenly Rachel reached out her hand and placed it over Quinn's hand.

"I love you," Rachel said simply.

Quinn felt like she had been hit in the chest with a sledgehammer. She couldn't speak at first, even if she could she had no idea what to say. This was impossible, how could Rachel love her? They had only been friends a few days and, besides that, she was a girl!

"Quinn? Are you alright," Rachel asked, concerned.

"Yeah," Quinn managed to get out.

"Look, I know you don't feel the same way, I can accept that. I just needed to tell you."

Quinn took a few more moments to steady herself before speaking, "You're right, I don't feel the same way. But it's not because you're not a great person. I'm just not gay."

"I didn't think I was either, I still don't think I am, as weird as that sounds" Rachel stared at the ceiling, "I don't think it's a matter of being gay, I just love you, regardless of your gender."

It seemed like now that Rachel had told her a great weight had been lifted from her...and transferred over to Quinn. Quinn knew she wasn't gay, it's not that she had anything against gays. Despite her Cristian upbringing she was pretty okay with gay people, she was friends with Kurt after all. It was just a simple matter of her not being gay.

Rachel broke Quinn out of her thoughts, "So, I guess we can't really be friends anymore."

"What? Why not!" Quinn demanded.

"Well, it would be awkward."

"Perhaps, but just because I don't have romantic feelings for you doesn't mean I don't want to be friends."

"It'll be hard to suppress my feelings."

"I know, but I want to make it work. Can't we just try?"

Rachel seemed thrilled that Quinn was so vehement about staying friends. "Of course we can try," She said with a big smile, the first one Quinn had seen from her all day. Quinn smiled back.

"Good," Quinn said with a firm nod, "Now I say we go down stairs, cook up something to eat, and watch a movie."

Rachel jumped up, "I agree!"

As Quinn and Rachel made their way down stairs, Quinn continued to think about the situation. She hoped that over time maybe Rachel's feeling would fade away, that maybe she was just mistaken about her feelings. But whatever the case may be Quinn was set on being friends with her. She had made a connection with Rachel and she wasn't going to let it slip away over a silly thing like her being in love with Quinn.