Kaneki felt odd. He wasn't in any way injured by what had happened with Amon in the park, but he felt incredibly deflated and cold, like he was immersed in a deep tank of opaque jelly. He couldn't see properly. He couldn't hear properly. He couldn't seem to feel or breath or think.

Kaneki had hurried home quickly after being in Gyoen Park. He opened the latch softly and slipped into the quiet house.

He had definitely stayed in worse. It was boarded up and disused, with only a few patches of mould in one corner of the hallway. Since escaping from Kanou's lab, Kaneki had ran away, found this place, and had been staying here all alone ever since.

He wanted to keep it that way, at least for now. Part of him wanted to speak to Banjo-San and Hinami-chan and even Tsukiyama, but not right now. Now he just wanted to not exist, and failing that be on his own.

'On your own?' said a flirtatious voice from the shadows. A shiny head of purple hair emerged and Rize's eyes looked at him with unfiltered amusement. 'Darling Kaneki, you can't mean that.'

Kaneki didn't speak. He grabbed his disguise coat that he'd left by the door and put it on to protect against the cold of the house. He had left a pack of matches balanced on the radiator the previous night. He picked them up and began to light the candles in the living room. It was the only room that he really used. The house was a comfortable size, and Kaneki knew he should have chosen one of the bedrooms to sleep in, but he for some reason felt safer curled up under blankets on the sofa. The kitchen didn't have any of the amenities you'd associate with one, barring a fresh water supply, and being a ghoul he didn't need cooking appliances. It didn't have a freezer, or any electricity at all, which was a long-term problem, but Kaneki didn't have any meat he needed to store anyway. He hadn't even eaten since being trapped with Amon, and he knew it was taking its toll on his body. He felt very tired all the time, but he had a feeling a lot of that was down to his emotional and mental state rather than any wounds inflicted on his body.

He finished lighting the candles and put the matches back in their place. It was not even four o'clock in the afternoon, but he felt a bodily tiredness consume him, and suddenly wanted nothing more than to bury down on the sofa under the covers. He did just that, and Rize sat down by his feet and began stroking his legs lovingly over the blanket.

'That investigator, he knows everything doesn't he? You've really opened up to him.'

'Not everything,' Kaneki said, watching the candle flame nearest to him hovering above its wax. 'He doesn't know I used to be human.'

'What does that matter?'

A rumble came from Kaneki's stomach, making his torso yet again feel like it was imploding. He clutched a hand to it and tried to push the sensation out of existence.

'It's important.'

Rize sighed and flicked her hair away from her face. 'Kaneki-chan, our planet used to be nothing more than dust molecules floating about in space, but then they melded together and became the Earth.'

Kaneki raised his head and looked at her. 'So you're equating a human becoming a ghoul with dust becoming a planet.'

'Hummm,' she said with a sly grin. 'I suppose the metaphor doesn't really do it justice, does it?'

Kaneki slumped back down on the sofa cushion. He couldn't be bothered with her tricks tonight.

'All kinds of creatures have evolved to live on Earth,' Rize continued, 'But do you think, if the Earth reverted back to dust particles, that those creatures would continue to call it their home?'

Kaneki shifted and looked down at the floor, but Rize swooped down to kneel beside him, and cupped his chin in her hand.

'If you went back to being human, Kaneki-chan, then you would lose everything you've gained since. The powerful creatures that have grown within you would recognise you no more, because what you were has no relevance to what you are today.'

'And what am I today?!' Kaneki asked, sitting up properly this time and pulling away from her. 'What creatures do I have? The phantom of a ghoul who won't leave me alone and who's organs are nestled within me. A centipede that scuttles into my ear every night, and a beast that has a burning need to rip the throat out of every human I see and guzzle on their flesh.'

'What you are today, Kaneki, is beautiful.'

'When you spend your life sitting in the dark then aesthetics hold no importance.'

Rize exhaled indignantly and stood up. 'You are useless. I don't know why I even bother to try and cheer you up.'

'Cheer me up? You're just filling my head with your twisted thoughts of superiority.'

'I'm leaving you to it then, Kaneki-chan. Who knows, tonight the phantom of Yamori might come knocking, and I wouldn't want to get in the way of that.'

Kaneki woke in the middle of the night, covered in goose bumps.

So often were his dreams filled with the shadow of Yamori falling across him. So often did a set of cold metal pliers transfigure his toes into bleeding stumps, but this night, there was no one there at all. Not a shadow or a sound. Nothing close to Hide's friendly smile, and not even Rize's mocking laughter in the dark.

There was nothing. Even the flickering candles had burnt to the ground or been blown out by a draft of wind.

Kaneki was alone.

In his dreams he had shouted and hit out and thrashed and cried. He had released his kagune, but when he had tried to move the limbs before his face they had just dissolved into the black. He had been surrounded by darkness that stole his sight and his feeling, and upon waking he wished more than anything that there was someone there who could hug him or hold his hand or just touch him, just so he could be sure of his own existence.

And, he thought bitterly, the last adult who had properly touched him had been Amon, when he kicked Kaneki into the ground.

It was Yamori all over again. Kaneki was being naive and idiotic, trusting this person and then being constantly met with unjustified violence and hate.

Or… was it unjustified? Did he deserve it? With Yamori it had been mindless and sadistic, he had done it purely for his own amusement, playing with Kaneki like he was his very own personal toy…

Kaneki jumped up from the sofa, grabbed the matches from the radiator, and began hurriedly lighting the candles again.

He slumped back onto the sofa and tried to calm himself down. He wasn't there anymore. He had escaped. He had left Yamori for dead! He had beaten him.

Physically perhaps, said a small voice in his mind. But he's still stuck in your head. You haven't vanquished him completely.

It was true. And now he was letting Amon treat him the exact same way.

But, a part of Kaneki, the part that was still mild and kind-hearted, couldn't help but think that this was an unmissable opportuniy. Yes, Amon disliked him, but he was a chance. A chance for Kaneki to show a human, a member of the CCG, than he wasn't evil. Amon kept meeting up with him, he had even taken Kaneki's phone number. He wanted to understand.

Another rumble in his stomach interrupted Kaneki's thoughts. He was so hungry. He felt his eyes close with exhaustion, as he hoped to leave one nightmare for another.

Hope you're all still enjoying and thanks for the reviews! They honestly mean so much to me :) And there should be plenty more to come... I keep going back and forth between writing bits, rather than just writing it from start to finish, so I have to make sure everything makes sense and that I've filled in all the gaps before I can post chapters... if ya get me haha.